The Rich Dickman Show Episode 297 - Tornado Drill Position with hosts Rem, Cody, Ray, and Randy
Opening Banter Recap: The episode begins with the hosts returning, with Rem noting that they are "back at it". Rem explains that he finally figured out a camera or account issue from a couple of years ago, realizing his wife had created a new account that bypassed security, making the old one look like a fresh reinstall. He wiped the new account, reverted to the old one, and his stuff, including old backgrounds from about two years ago, reappeared. This brought back some "blast from the past" backgrounds. They confirm the episode number is 297, correcting Randy who thought it was 296. Randy is asked to create a Brady Bunch screen using illustrations or real photos, including one of Ray. Ray mentions he can text a picture he took in front of a gas pump where the average price was $5.90 a gallon, which prompts comments on high gas prices (Rem filled up for $2.79 and was annoyed, Ray was around $2.93) and the general expense of things where Ray is located. Ray then mentions his recent weight loss. Randy asks what Ray's weight was last week, and Ray gives a number (396.8). Cody and Ray guess Ray's current weight before Ray reveals it is 393.4. Cody wins the guess. Ray clarifies he started at 436 pounds, tracking it in the show notes, indicating a loss of 21.8 pounds just on the show. This prompts praise from the others, calling it "good" and "a month's worth of work". Ray mentions building a fence so his dogs can go out without needing to be walked. They briefly discuss protecting wells from zombies like in The Walking Dead. Ohio is described as "weird" and Ray's backyard video is mentioned as everything imagined for Ohio – flat, surprisingly lacking trees initially, although Ray clarifies he has trees, and his side yard is 65 feet long by 25 feet wide with a zipline. Cody mentions his acre is half dead grass, ants, and dirt. Ray notes that living on a hill sucks. Rem talks about growing up on three acres and how fun it was as a kid, not needing to be manicured. Rem mentions dealing with his "little one" digging holes and making mud for monster trucks in his yard and getting annoyed by ants. Cody mentions chilling post-Easter with leftovers and discount candy, referring to the period as the "holy refraction". There's discussion about the Pope dying, mentioning it happened on 4/20 or 4/21, his age (88), and nationality (Argentina). They list the last four Popes they've lived through: John Paul I, John Paul II, Benedict, and Pope Francis. Ray questions why anyone not Catholic would care who the Pope is. Rem argues everyone should care who the "Holy Father" is. They discuss Catholic practices like infallibility, celibacy, and the public recognition of the Pope compared to leaders of other religions. Cody recounts being asked to be godparents for his brother-in-law's child and being told they had to be married in a Catholic church, highlighting what he sees as Catholicism focusing on the "wrong things" and being too "ceremonial" rather than practical. Rem agrees it's all ceremony. Despite critiques of the ceremony, they acknowledge that if Catholics believe Christ died and was resurrected, they can still get to heaven, and that religion in general, like the Ten Commandments, provides a good way of living. The "best atheist on the show" (Rem) states that the lack of religion in society is a big problem because people need it. They critique the commandment "Shall not take the Lord's name in vain," arguing the Constitution supersedes the Ten Commandments. They discuss Cody's religious background in Alabama, describing it as "white people Baptist type stuff". Cody mentions being baptized "like 30 times" by different denominations. He ranks his top three baptism experiences: Nazarene (clinical) is number three, Episcopalian (female officiant) is number two, and Baptist (party, dunked in a creek, held under) is number one. They discuss sourdough starter and Ray's wife's breast milk used for practical purposes like treating pink eye. Ray describes his first experience with a bidet in a fancy restaurant restroom, being scared by the air dry function. They argue about the necessity of bidets vs. manual cleaning in the shower. Rem's Steve's Lava Chicken t-shirt design being rejected by Amazon merch is mentioned. They mention starting a band called Bubblegut and the Poops. The podcast is noted for surpassing the episode count of wrestling shows Dynamite and Nitro.
We did the following segments:
Thinking with your Dickman This segment features the hosts answering listener questions.
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Question 1 (from Joanna, treated as John/Joe): "Do I poop too much? I use the restroom an average of three times a day. My boyfriend says a woman shall need to poop once per day, but I'm not convinced. Is there any science to back up this claim? Are there any methods or devices you would recommend to measure my poop volume?". Cody, who has IBS and is a "two time a day type of pooper," validates that pooping multiple times a day is possible. Ray notes his toilet time is typically at least 30 minutes. They recommend getting a bidet for cleanliness, especially with frequent use, but caution against high water pressure to avoid hemorrhoids. They also recommend a seat cushion (like a donut) for long drives.
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Question 2 (from James, a recently retired actor): "I am a recently retired actor looking for things to do. I am famously starred in a long time running television show... I would like to find some activities that would allow some privacy... suggest some in Denvers.". Cody suggests mini golf and bumper boats as fun activities that might be less conducive to mobs. Rem suggests creating a profile on Fet Life and attending meetups, arguing that people in that lifestyle community are likely to keep secrets to protect themselves. Ray jokingly suggests starting an island.
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Question 3 (anonymous): "I hate chunky spaghetti sauce. Can you please tell me the best red sauce for pasta that isn't lumpy? Preferably, this advice would come from a true Italian.". Ray, claiming to be the most Italian, suggests Tutori tomato sauce, particularly the canned version, describing it as just sauce, not lumpy. He notes that while it's good as is for the "American people," you can spice it up with garlic, onions, and oregano. Rem talks about making sauce from scratch but acknowledges it's hard to beat store-bought like Prego or Ragu. Cody shares a story of making meatballs and sauce for multiple families using Target brand sauce and pasta, adding baked Italian spicy sausage and basil, and being asked for his "recipe" later. They joke that Americans are easy to please with Italian food.
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Question 4 (from John): "I want to play hookie from school for a day and need a legitimate excuse. Do you have any ways of getting out of school, but in a way that I can't get caught?". Suggestions include hacking the school's mainframe and changing attendance, getting a contagious illness like mono or pink eye (noting pink eye isn't that bad and a remote doctor's note is easy to get now). An interesting suggestion from Cody is to use microwave beeps to fake an EKG sound during a call. Another suggestion is to get surgery, like for a lazy eye, which could provide extended time off.
Cody Reads Copy about Verilife Dispensary in Hillsboro, OH: Cody reads a descriptive piece about a dispensary called Verilife in Hillsboro, Ohio, located between cornfields and Dairy Queens. The copy highlights the "chill energy" and "tactical command" of an employee named Emily, who handles a chaos-inducing attempted robbery ("Tiger King's backup dancer" trying to "jack the stash") by leading the staff in a defensive maneuver before calmly ringing up the customer. The copy concludes that at Verilife, you get "weed," a "story," a "community," and "Emily," and encourages listeners to visit and mention Randy.
Dick of the Week: Four nominees are presented for the "Dick of the Week" title.
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Nominee 1: A 31-year-old woman arrested in Floren Park, New Jersey on April 6, 2025, for DUI and refusing a breath test after driving the wrong way on a turnpike and other roads during a rainstorm. Dash cam footage showed erratic driving, running safety zones and a red light. She showed signs of intoxication, failed field sobriety tests, and had a concealed alcoholic beverage. She faces multiple charges including DUI refusal, reckless driving, careless driving, and lane violations.
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Nominee 2: A 47-year-old former Hillsboro County, Florida Sheriff's Office deputy and current county schools employee, Brandon Scott Parker, charged after a road rage incident on April 6, 2025, where he allegedly threw a bottle at a driver who honked at him, causing injury (contusion and abrasion). He was charged with the felony of throwing a deadly missile into an occupied conveyance.
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Nominee 3: A motorcyclist with a passenger involved in a road rage incident in El Cajon, California on April 7, 2025, who fired a gun at a truck. The truck driver was unharmed but found a bullet hole. The suspects fled on the motorcycle, which was found to be stolen, and were later found hiding in a drainage tunnel.
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Nominee 4: A 24-year-old man from Wisconsin who stole a bag of food from the kitchen of a McDonald's in Elmhurst, Illinois on April 7, 2025, and resisted arrest.
Voting results in a tie between the Wrongway DUI driver (Nominee 1), supported by Randy and Rem for violating fundamental societal rules, and the Road rage bottle thrower (Nominee 2), with Cody voting against it specifically because the person was a former cop. Given the tie and the mention of Hillsboro in two different stories (Ohio and Florida), they declare the "Dick of the Week" is the "simulation".
Dickman Dilemma: Three hypothetical dilemmas are discussed.
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Dilemma 1 (from Senson): Choose between having sex with a woman you find ugly once a week for $5,000 a week, or having the hottest woman you can think of peg you for $6,000 a week. Cody chooses the $5,000 option, reasoning he can turn the lights off and find enjoyment. Ray and Rem both choose the $6,000 option, seemingly unbothered by the act of pegging and appreciating the extra money.
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Dilemma 2: Hire a zombie chef who cooks Michelin star meals, but there's a 0.5% chance he eats your brains for each dish. Do you hire him?. Cody and Rem immediately decline, citing the disgusting nature of zombies and the unacceptable risk of death for a meal, regardless of quality. Ray compares the odds to other risky activities, noting he wouldn't risk his life for a meal but might for a large sum of money, and discusses the illusion of control people feel in everyday risks like driving.
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Dilemma 3: You get 2 million for a tattoo that forces you to blurt out the truth 10 minutes daily. Do you ink it?. The discussion centers on whether the 10 minutes are predictable and if the person can control what truths are revealed. Rem and Cody both agree they would take the tattoo for $2 million, particularly if the truth-telling was controllable or if it was like the movie Liar Liar, or simply because they believe in honesty and feel they don't have secrets bad enough to lose $2 million over. They consider doing it after retiring or getting divorced to minimize potential negative consequences.
What Would Jesus Draw - Jesus at Wrestlemania 41 - Winner Ray: The hosts generate AI images based on the theme "Jesus Christ at Wrestlemania 41 in Las Vegas".
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Randy's prompt: Jesus Christ of Nazareth fighting the old Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match on top of the cage.
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Cody's prompt: Jesus Christ of Nazareth powerbomb Mussolini through the Spanish broadcast desk.
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Rem's prompt: Jesus Christ of Nazareth hosting Wrestlemania 41 in Las Vegas, yelling at a hostile crowd of internet nerds telling them they're ruining the show with a dialogue bubble saying "You're ruining wrestling for everybody".
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Ray's prompt: Jesus Christ of Nazareth at Wrestlemania being submitted by Bret Hart's sharpshooter. Ray clarifies the spelling of Hart and that sharpshooter is a submission hold.
During judging, Ray's prompt generated an image of Jesus Christ versus Bret Hart (spelled correctly by the AI), showing Jesus in agony, in robes, with the crown of thorns, being put into a submission hold (though not an exact sharpshooter). This image was seen as capturing the spirit and specific details of the prompt very well. Cody's image showed Jesus powerbombing someone who looked like "young Mussolini". Randy's image showed Jesus fighting someone resembling the Undertaker but missing key prompt elements like being on top of the cage. Rem's image showed Jesus yelling at nerds with bad hands and text issues. Ray's image of Jesus vs. Bret Hart was chosen as the winner, with Ray crediting the use of ChatGPT.
The episode concludes with hosts mentioning making the Jesus art available on their website, whatwouldjesusdraw.com, plugging their social media and projects, and thanking their listeners.
