🔥 THE RICH DICKMAN SHOW | EPISODE 296: "THAT WASN’T FUN" 🔥 Hosts: Rem, Cody, Ray, Randy 🎙️ Weekly mayhem, philosophical dilemmas, and AI Jesus fanart – all in one absurd, heartfelt episode.

This week on The Rich Dickman Show:

Randy drops a monstrous morning deuce and updates us on his weight (396.8), new teeth, and a clogged toilet. Rem immediately shuts down Randy’s ambitious new segment—the “Dickman Cinematic Universe.” Cody stays chill. Ray doesn’t care. It’s Masters week, baby.

We dive into handwritten fan letters, debate five (actually seven?) brand-new Dickman Dilemmas, and Cody reads a killer ad for the Mongoose Training Academy, courtesy of the Italian Stallion himself. Jiu-jitsu, kickboxing, and maybe a charity fight with Ray’s UFC cousin? Let’s go.

Dick of the Week brings absolute chaos:

• A New Jersey police chief turned chaotic evil

• A Michigan crack family with toddlers and guns

• Two NYPD rookies hitting up a brothel mid-shift Rem calls out Jeff for using old headlines. Robert Farley takes the crown.

This Week’s Dickman Dilemmas Include:

• Would you stalk or get stalked with invisibility?

• Bee beard for $100 million—yay or nay?

• The screaming car from hell

• Porta-potty gold: would you reach for the million?

We close with What Would Jesus Draw? – Game of Thrones Edition.

• Rem wins with “Jesus as Jon Snow” after the Battle of the Bastards

• Cody’s thorn crown line hits hard

• Randy goes full Judas/Roose Bolton

• Ray brings solemn vibes with Ned’s beheading

Plus: 🐦 Birdfeeder heists outside the dentist 💀 Randy forgets his cat’s ashes 🎮 How to get your kid addicted to Minecraft 🧠 Introducing Rem’s Antichrist alter ego: Seether Canini 🎤 Audiobooks? Wrestling? The road to Episode 301 is heating up.

📞 Leave us a voicemail, draw us a Jesus, or train at the Mongoose Academy—just make sure you’re slightly better than mediocre.

🖼️ Don’t miss the episode art. 🎧 Subscribe, comment, and join the legacy.

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The Rich Dickman Show Episode 295 - One Punch Mantis!

Get ready for another dose of unhinged hilarity with Rem, Cody, Ray, and Randy on The Rich Dickman Show Episode 295! This week's episode kicks off with some truly bizarre opening banter, including discussions about Randy's weight loss and bowel movements, the definition of "chickencock" bourbon and the alpha dynamics of various species (including the mighty mantis shrimp!), questionable sheep anatomy, and Ray’s utterly chaotic trip to the vet with his dog Charlie. Plus, hear about sleep apnea devices, tornado scares, and the ethics of being a single parent after a hypothetical tragedy.

This week, the guys dive deep into your problems with Thinking with your Dickman:

• Should a conflicted Wisconsinite choose the Green Bay Packers opening day game or the famous Cheese Curd Festival?

• What to do when your unwavering love for repeating Leonard Skynyrd's "Simple Man" drives everyone else insane?

• A listener with an out-of-this-world gambling problem seeks new and increasingly absurd things to bet on.

Cody then delivers a crucial message in Cody Reads Copy about the secure messaging app Signal.

The much-anticipated Dick of the Week segment features a rogues' gallery of questionable behavior:

• A Hawaii road rage incident that got physical.

• A terrifying incident in the UK where 50-60 youths, possibly armed with knives, disrupted a birthday party.

• A shocking hospital altercation in Malta where a nurse was stabbed.

• And the personal tragedy of a thwarted milkshake craving at The United Dairy Farmers Gas station due to a lack of bananas (or fasting rules!).

Next up, the hosts tackle some truly perplexing Dickman Dilemmas:

• The agonizing choice of a Celebrity Punch Pass – one free punch with no immediate consequences, but payback is a certainty.

• The bizarre conundrum of a Talking Foot Fungus Fiasco offering stock tips with a strange sartorial demand.

• And the ultimate moral quandary: the temptation of a Doomsday Tweet for a billion likes.

The creative sparks fly in What Would Jesus Draw, where the theme is Jesus on a farm doing a farm thing in front of someone:

• Cody envisions Jesus hilariously poking a scarecrow with a pitchfork.

• Rem takes us to a galaxy far, far away with Jesus alongside Luke Skywalker on Tatooine, fixing an evaporator.

• Randy brings the agricultural artistry with Jesus driving a combine and (potentially) making a crop circle with Fred.

• Ray delivers a truly unforgettable image of Jesus delivering a calf in front of a bewildered Sarah Palin.

Tune in to find out who takes home the coveted (or dreaded) Dick of the Week title and whose Jesus drawing reigns supreme!

Don't forget to hit up our voicemail at 513-512-5721 to join the conversation and check out the wildly good Jesus AI art at WhatWouldJesusDraw.com!

Opening Banter Recap:

The initial banter in episode 294 of the Rich Show involved some technical difficulties with an echo and microphone adjustments, before moving into more casual topics. The hosts discussed Randy's weight loss journey, noting he was down to 401 pounds from a higher weight, and his struggles with eating habits, including a Domino's pizza, and quitting weed. Ray then launched into a rant about a frustrating Chick-fil-A drive-thru experience, describing its convoluted chain system and lack of clear directions, contrasting it with his knowledge of In-N-Out Burger's efficient drive-thru. The conversation also touched on the solar phenomenon of Lahaina Noon, where shadows disappear, a found fully loaded 9mm magazine after a party, opinions on the Signal app and government technology in light of a recent "debacle", an anecdote about a persistent phone call with a collections agent, and a humorous story about a five-year-old son getting banned from Roblox for calling someone a "stupid face".

Thinking with your Dickman:

• Robot vacuum attacking fancy coffee table: Jada from Jacksonville wrote in about her robot vacuum repeatedly hitting her designer coffee table. The hosts offered sarcastic solutions, such as suspending the table from the ceiling.
• Yoga pants with bad branding: Jackson of Juno complained about a prominent logo on his designer yoga leggings turning his practice into a marketing spectacle. The hosts were critical of the verbose email and the prevalence of large logos on clothing.
• Someone has Slimy Poop: Jeremy sent a brief email stating, "Dear TRDS, my poop is slimy. Please help with love, Jeremy". The hosts reacted with immediate dismissal and moved on.

Cody Reads Copy about Golf Clubs:

Cody read an advertisement for Callaway's XR package set, humorously describing it as the "golfing equivalent of training wheels" and noting its oversized driver head and Odyssey putter. This led to a discussion about golf, including the meaning of a triple bogey, Ray's golf simulator and his impressive virtual score of 62, and Ray's anecdote about an attractive beverage cart attendant.

Dick of the Week:

• Mega Church Pastor doing bad stuff to kids: Cody reported on a former Texas mega-church pastor indicted in Oklahoma on child sexual abuse charges. The hosts discussed the serious nature of the allegations with dark humor and cynicism.
• Pringles can attack: The hosts covered a news story about a Florida woman, Shenica Sardal, accused of slicing a man's face with a Pringles can at a 7-Eleven. They made light of the unusual weapon and the circumstances.
• Lauren Boebert calls Al Greene's Pimp cane: The segment included a discussion about Representative Lauren Bobbert's controversial remark referring to Democratic Representative Al Green's cane as a "pimp cane". The hosts debated the connotations of the term and the political figures involved. Ultimately, the interns were named as the "Dick of the Week" for presenting poorly condensed listener emails.

Dickman Dilemma:

• 1 million dollars for a lobotomy: The hosts considered the scenario of receiving $1 million for a live-streamed lobotomy while retaining their personality but losing random memories. Randy and Ray expressed reluctance due to the value of their memories, especially as they've gotten older. The history and gruesome details of lobotomies were also briefly discussed.
• Steal 10 million from a Clown Mafia and get chased by them: The hosts debated whether to take $10 million knowing they would be perpetually pursued by 20 clowns in a tiny car. They discussed potential strategies for defense and escape, with violent solutions being humorously considered.
• Free buffet for life but your nose grows with each bite: The hosts considered the offer of unlimited free buffets with the consequence of their nose growing half a millimeter per bite. Cody cleverly suggested consuming food without biting, such as smoothies or swallowing whole.

What Would Jesus Draw - Doing a government cover up:

The theme for this week's "What Would Jesus Draw" was "Jesus doing a government cover up". The hosts presented their prompts for AI image generation:

• Cody: Jesus Christ of Nazareth as a government official in a black suit laughing at Waco officers getting hurt.
• Rem: Jesus Christ of Nazareth wearing a formal suit made of his traditional vestments, standing inside Area 51, pointing and laughing at a crashed unidentified flying object.
• Randy: Jesus Christ of Nazareth using a neuralizer on a group of Asian immigrants on a double-decker tour bus in England during snow.
• Ray: JCON as a Secret Service agent tucking Joe Biden into bed while a presidential speech plays on TV.

After describing the generated images, Ray's prompt was chosen as the winner. The hosts briefly discussed future themes and related ideas, such as a Jesus self-help book titled "The Passion of the Me" or "Crucifixed".

End Banter:

The hosts thanked the audience for listening and shared their social media handles. They mentioned that they were recording a second episode immediately after this one to make up for missing the previous week.

The Rich Dickman Show – Episode 293: Flushing Through Time

Strap in for another absurd and unfiltered adventure with Rem, Cody, Ray, and Randy as they dive headfirst into the chaos of modern life, internet oddities, and the age-old question: Could you take down a pelican in a fight?

We kick things off with Thinking With Your Dickman, tackling listener dilemmas like setting the perfect heated marble floor temperature, the existential horror of ultra-realistic 8K TVs terrifying pets, and the shocking fragility of artisanal sushi chopsticks. But before long, things spiral into an unexpected discussion on avian combat strategy—should you go for the beak like an alligator, or is there a better way to assert dominance over a pelican? The answers may surprise you.

Cody steps up for a dramatic reading of DXL Plus Size Clothes’ latest ad, reminding our more robust listeners to drape their glorious mass in style. Meanwhile, the prestigious Dick of the Week award is up for grabs, with contenders including a congressman shaking his cane at the President, Elon Musk blaming Ukraine for a cyberattack, and a YouTuber stirring the internet with a controversial throuple reveal. Who will claim the title? You’ll have to listen to find out.

Then, it's time for some truly ridiculous Dickman Dilemmas:

Would you survive life with an immortal, ever-growing hamster?

If your toilet could teleport you to random locations, how many flushes before you regret everything?

Could you ethically live with a ghost who pays rent?

And of course, we wrap things up with the much-anticipated What Would Jesus Draw – Hitchhiking Edition! Our AI artist gets some divine prompts, including:

Cody’s vision of Jesus and his disciples road-tripping across Route 66 on the Last Supper table.

Rem’s take on 1978 NYC Jesus, hitchhiking in short denim shorts with a sign that simply says "ass."

Randy’s dream of Jesus hitchhiking through rural Ohio… on a backhoe.

Ray’s masterpiece: Jesus hitchhiking in a minivan full of Harlem Globetrotters, snacking on Doritos.

Plus, expect the usual tangents, personal stories, and Cody’s never-ending war with his microphone. It’s another unforgettable episode of The Rich Dickman Show!

Welcome back to The Rich Dickman Show with your hosts Rem, Cody, Ray, and the ever-punctual (not!) Rem! Episode 292 is packed with the usual blend of insightful advice, questionable dilemmas, and celebrity smackdowns, all leading to a divine artistic endeavor.

Segments Covered:

• Thinking with your Dickman: The wisdom flows freely as the guys tackle listener questions:

• Snarky AI Assistant: Jade from Austin is dealing with a Jeeves who's getting a little too opinionated about her music taste. The crew dives into the meaning of "derivative", fear a "Cyberdine moment", and hilariously brainstorm ways to keep AI humble, suggesting racist remarks (towards robots, of course!) and gotcha questions like "What's the back of your dick?". They even consider coining AI slurs like "dry brain" and "natural intelligence supremacist".

• Prada vs Gucci: Jasmine in Miami is agonizing over a Gucci handbag that clashes with her comfy Prada shoes. Rem finally joins the show, initially bewildered by such concerns amidst global issues like rising egg and gas prices. Ultimately, the advice leans towards comfort, suggesting she stick with the Prada shoes. There's a brief mention of Gucci burning surplus to maintain artificial scarcity.

• Wool Suit Woes: Jonah from Chicago wonders if his "wild cut" alpaca wool suit is too bold for a stuffy law firm interview. The hosts speculate on professions that might call for such attire and Rem suggests the suit screams "Better Call Saul," advising Jonah to deliver a dramatic exit line if questioned about it.

• Cody Reads Copy: Cody lends his vocal talents to a scathing critique of McDonald's McFlation Meal, a "pathetic Big Mac" with "soggy" fries and "lukewarm" soda, leaving you "shelling out more for less". This sparks a tangent about Trump's McDonald's consumption and the hosts' personal struggles with getting their McDonald's orders correct, particularly the elusive bacon on a Double Quarter Pounder.

• Dick of the Week: The coveted (or not so coveted) award is handed out after a review of some truly dickish behavior, introduced with a brand new bumper:

• A parking lot attendant in Los Angeles harassed a wheelchair user for using a handicap spot, despite her legal right, even chasing her and mocking her. The hosts are appalled.

• In Ganj boy Kasgange, India, a plastered police inspector was caught on video grabbing his wife in public and, when confronted, slurred, "I am fake". The hosts are left speechless and try to decipher the meaning.

• Two German tourists in Mallorca climbed and wrecked a steel structure for a selfie, ignoring the rules. The hosts take issue with the interns' editorializing in the news summaries.

• The Dick of the Week award ultimately goes to the infuriating parking lot attendant for his harassment of the wheelchair user.

• Dickman Dilemma: The moral compass takes a spin with these tough choices, now introduced with the "Seware Snare Shed Decree" bumper:

• N-word vs. Harlem: Rem is faced with the choice of saying the N-word on national TV or seeing Harlem get nuked. He chooses to utter the word. Ray would rather be a pariah than see mass destruction, while Cody hopes to find a loophole. A tangent about a company name "Nickerson" ensues.

• Baby Cannon: The ethical implications of shooting a baby 200 yards into a net for $5 million are debated with surprising detail, including net size, propulsion methods, and the baby's potential for mid-air healing. Ray even jokes about his own child's chaotic nature making him a prime candidate (with a helmet, of course), while Randy suggests a baby parachute.

• CEO Body Swap: The allure of trading bodies with a Fortune 500 CEO for a week, with the risk of them trashing your own, is considered. The consensus is a firm no, fearing either bodily harm or inheriting a failing company.

• Alien Autopsy Auction: Selling a dead alien for $20 million, but risking an invasion, is the final dilemma. The hosts, recalling "Independence Day", are hesitant to provoke extraterrestrial wrath, even for a hefty sum.

• Celebrity Dick Match: The battle of the famous begins with a new intro song:

• Danny DeVito vs. MrBeast: The beef? MrBeast's 10,000 tiny charity houses encroach on DeVito's "gig," leading to a demanded ball pit brawl at Chuck-E-Cheese. The hosts humorously size up DeVito's chances in a ball pit and veer off into a passionate (and divided) discussion about the merits (or lack thereof) of Jersey Mike's "juice". Ultimately, they see DeVito as the scrappier victor.

• Gordon Ramsay vs. Post Malone: The culinary clash ignites when Ramsay calls Post Malone's hot sauce "the worst since unsliced bread". This escalates to troll restaurants and a cooking show. The hosts discuss Post Malone's musical talents, including his Nirvana performance, and David Draiman of Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" cover, as well as Five Finger Death Punch covers. Post Malone's love for "Hunt Showdown" is also highlighted. Gordon Ramsay is confidently predicted to win this fiery feud.

• What Would Jesus Draw - Brokering a Peace Deal: Brought to you by the (hopefully soon-to-be-live) whatwouldjesusdraw.com, the hosts unleash AI to interpret their divine prompts:

• The central prompt is Jesus Christ of Nazareth as a political dignitary during a diplomatic meeting.

• Randy's initial attempt envisions Jesus like Gandalf. His second try, Jesus watching a play with Abe Lincoln, yields a strange, homoerotic scene with no clear meeting or Lincoln.

• Rem imagines Jesus facilitating the peace treaty between Lee and Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse in 1865, resulting in a charcoal-style drawing with an oddly proportioned Grant.

• Cody pictures Jesus sitting down in formal attire with President Camacho from Idiocracy, producing an image with a cool vibe but a missing arm and a bizarre background.

• Ray goes wild with Jesus as a Zimbabwean diplomat negotiating penguin furs with Genghis Khan on the Great Wall of China, leading to a heartwarming (and absurd) image of Jesus touching a penguin on the Great Wall, sans Genghis Khan.

• After much deliberation and a tie-breaker coin flip, Ray's surreal penguin encounter wins the divine art contest. Listeners are encouraged to visit whatwouldjesusdraw.com to purchase these unique creations (no NFTs here!).

Outro:

The hosts share their social media handles (@Rem_Dickman, @Randall_Dickman, @CodyMcCann) and the new Rich Dickman Show voicemail number: 513-512-5721. Cody recounts his Mardi Gras adventures, Ray mentions his dog-walking routine and ongoing insurance saga, and they all look forward to the eventual launch of whatwouldjesusdraw.com. A final, humorous note reveals the Jesus art is printed in Mexico, much to Randy's mock dismay.

Don't forget to check out old episodes and get ready for the big 300! Until next time, stay rich (in spirit)!

The Rich Dickman Show Episode 291 - Whistle Blower with hosts Rem, Cody, Ray, and Randy.

Episode 291 includes the following segments:

• Thinking with your Dickman

• Advice is given to Jasper, who is having trouble with their smart fridge recommending kale recipes. The advice is to insult the fridge and find out where it was manufactured so the appropriate racial slurs can be used.

• Advice for Joshelyn of Portland, who can't decide where to go on a first date, is given. The options are a wine bar with incredible ambiance or a sommelier with an impressive mustache. The hosts suggest the sommelier.

• Advice is given to Julian from Boulder, Colorado, about what to do when their limited edition Mont Blanc Hemingway pen runs out of ink.

• Cody Reads Copy about Wegovy, a weight loss medication.

• Dick of the Week

• The Coleman County, Alabama, police department is put on leave after the police chief and four officers are arrested on multiple charges stemming from the death of a 911 dispatcher who overdosed. A room had a large hole in the wall and was frequently used by individuals to access evidence.

• A video goes viral of an unidentified woman sitting on a car at a McDonald's.

• Five police officers arrest a 10-year-old boy for public urination.

• Dickman Dilemma

• Would you take 1 million dollars, but your grandma commits crimes?

• Would you want to swap dicks with Svenson?

• Would you expose Batman's secret identity or 100 billion in IRS fraud?

• What Would Jesus Draw - Jesus at Mardi Gras

• Cody - Jesus in a clown masquerade throwing beads from a float

• Rem - Jesus shirtless on a balcony over Bourbon Street chugging beer and throwing bead necklaces to the crowd

• Randy - Jesus playing the trumpet in a parade on a pyrotechnic float

• Ray - Wins with Jesus laying Mardi Gras beads on a nutria wearing LSU garb

The hosts of the podcast episode begin by discussing recording issues and joking about the stock market. They then transition into discussing Trump's lap at NASCAR, reminiscing about the sport's history stemming from Rum Runner days and how times have changed. This is followed by humorous speculation regarding their absent co-host, Rem, and his potential misinterpretations.

Later in the episode, the hosts engage with listener questions, offer travel advice (suggesting Dollywood), and read an advertisement for the FAA. They also introduce a segment called "What Would Jesus Draw," where they use AI to generate humorous images. They also determine the "Dick of the Week". The episode concludes with a discussion about the show "Love is Blind" and some final thoughts before saying goodbye.

The podcast episode involves welcoming Ray back after he orchestrated some changes at his company that led to him sponsoring the podcast. The hosts joke about the implications of Ray's return, including comparing it to a presidential inauguration. They also touch on a variety of topics, including gambling losses, streaming services, and coffee shops. They also engage in segments such as "Thinking with Your Dickman" and "What Would Jesus Draw?".

Key moments and topics include:

• Ray's return and its impact: Ray "got everybody fired who was responsible" and took over his company to sponsor the podcast. The hosts discuss how Ray is "inaugurated again" and has become a different "number", indicating a shift in the podcast's established order.
• Gambling and anniversary plans: One of the hosts discusses using gambling winnings to take his wife out for their 20th anniversary. He describes the website as a slot machine that owes him money.
• Streaming service dilemma: The hosts respond to a question about choosing between streaming services. They suggest that cable is making a comeback with extra steps and that Netflix has enough content to get by.
• Coffee shop choices: The hosts provide advice to someone overwhelmed by artisanal coffee shop options, suggesting visiting preferred ones in the morning and others in the afternoon.
• "Thinking With Your Dickman": The hosts discuss making homemade McChickens. They also talk about a time when one of them accidentally ordered a large number of McChickens instead of McNuggets.
• "What Would Jesus Draw?": The hosts use AI to generate images based on prompts related to Jesus in unexpected situations. This includes Jesus as a muscular bouncer at a Las Vegas casino and Jesus in a coonskin cap playing blackjack at an Indian casino. Ray wins this segment.
• Daytona 500: One of the hosts mentions going to the Daytona 500 and expresses love for the other hosts in case he doesn't get a chance to say it later.
• Advertisements: The hosts read through an ad for Turo, a service that makes it easy to drive your dream.
• Dick of the Week: The hosts decide that the "dick of the week" is a Canadian man charged with 65 million hacks.
• Marty Gras: One of the hosts mentions an upcoming Marty Gras.

Hold on to your hats, folks, because Episode 288 of The Rich Dickman Show: When Time Flies is a rollercoaster of humor, hot takes, and unexpected turns!

After a fiery debate on the last episode, the trio returns with Rem leading the charge to mend fences. Of course, technical difficulties and Randy's sarcasm only add to the fun. Once they get rolling, the conversation jumps from the 2024 election and Cody's newfound conservative leanings to the woes of expensive eggs and the age-old question: seed oil or beef tallow for fries? Throw in UFO sightings in New Jersey and theories about Atlantis, and you've got yourself a classic Rich Dickman Show episode.

Sprinkled throughout are personal stories that reveal as much about the hosts as they do about society at large. Randy's stint at an Amazon warehouse, Rem's run-in with a pushy woman, and Cody's family's unique Christmas plans offer glimpses into the lives of everyday people navigating the complexities of work, culture, and family in a rapidly changing world.

And what would the show be without the "Dick of the Week" award? This time, it goes to the pushy woman from Rem's Christmas photo fiasco. The episode also features an AI art experiment (think Jesus and drones!), a spontaneous crank call to Papa John's, and an AI's hilariously inept attempt to summarize the show's history.

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Conversation Outline

Reconciliation and technical mayhem

2024 election and political shifts

Rising costs and food debates

UFOs and conspiracy theories

Personal anecdotes and societal trends

"Dick of the Week" shenanigans

AI art and its absurdities

Papa John's crank call and philosophical musings

AI's botched show summary

Holiday farewells

**The Rich Dickman Show - Episode 287: Flaccid Charlie Brown**

Join the hilarious crew of The Rich Dickman Show for episode 287, "Charlie Brown has ED." In this episode, hosts Rem, Randy, Cody, and guest Steven Dickman reunite after a month-long break to catch up on life, share side-splitting stories, and dive into an array of comedic topics. From personal anecdotes about eye doctor visits to brainstorming future inventions, this episode is packed with laughter and spontaneous humor. The hosts also touch on current events and legal issues, providing a mix of insightful commentary and hilarious banter. Don't miss out on this fun-filled episode that showcases the unique chemistry and wit of the Rich Dickman Show team.