The Self Development Podcast

This is a great, light-hearted way to profile people.  And Stephen always tells it so well it feels like it should be in a book.

Rhinos and Cattle - One is not good, and one is not bad. 

None of us are all one or the other – it’s a spectrum that can help us to understand ourselves and those around us – it can help to improve how we work with others.

• Short description below - and scroll down for the first 10 minutes of the transcript.
• Loads more from Stephen on www.coachpro.online
• Full transcript available on www.rhinoconsulting.nl/podcast
• Any thoughts or suggestions - let us know at [email protected]

The story is a little playful – you hear it and you immediately start putting yourself into one of the 2 camps – and then you start looking around you and doing the same.  Your whole family and team are suddenly full of horns and black spots.

The spectrum so colourfully described is also a useful way to characterise yourself and those around you – by labelling you and others you can start to manage the relationships around you better – you to them, and them to you. 

There are many other charts that allow you to profile people – but this one I found to be useful.  There are others too.

The second part is the learning to appreciate that a balance is needed.  Without a team that can covers all skills and viewpoints you will be weaker. By acknowledging the different type of animals around you, there is now an understanding that you should manage the different personalities better. In the future you can use this knowledge to build an optimum team.

This move from “seeing the differences and denying them” - to toleration – to appreciating them - to actively seeking out complementary skills - is a valuable skill to learn and consciously employ.

Lastly, it’s an important learning that can be applied to other spectrum and differences.  Gender, age, cognitive models, backgrounds, roles… there is a huge and important movement to diversity and inclusion.  It’s important that everyone understands and appreciates that

1. Those that are different are not be tolerated. They are to be appreciated and valued.  They are strengthening your team and improving results if you embrace the perspective they can offer.
2. Those that are different- you were brought in to be different. Fitting in is a common and normal habit – it makes sense.  Find a way to fit in by being you. Keep your unique perspective. Be authentic – that’s the real value.

Transcript (AI generated so forgive the typos)

Warren Hammond  02:13

Today, as always, interesting topic, the Rhino and Cattle model. Now, I'm going to be working really hard not to say too much in this because this is a story I have abused and abused so many times, Stephen, that it's going to be good to get it from the horse's mouth so to speak. So let's get into it. The Rhino and Cattle model? What is it?

Stephen Gribben  02:40

In essence, what it is is a Profiling framework. It'll help you to see yourself and understand others more as a process so that you can authentically connect, engage, understand and appreciate both yourself and others intelligently, rather than just see yourself or others through an emotional prism.

Warren Hammond  03:03

So I just thought it was a nice wildlife story, but already you've come up with lots and lots of four syllable words. So it's a profiling framework. So how I think about it, and you tell me which bits are right and which bits are nearly right, let's put it that way, this is a way of looking at yourself, looking at other people, and helping you to see the differences between them without it being good or bad.

Stephen Gribben  03:31

Yes it's to understand those differences, and accept those differences. Appreciate those differences, be okay with those differences and value them and expect them as opposed to seeing them and judging them on the basis of whether you like them or not, or whether you agree with them or not. So that it gets beyond either asking people to be more like you, or feeling the pressure for you to have to be more like them.

Warren Hammond  04:00

And you use the word already 'intelligent'. We talk a lot about when you're thinking intelligently it is more complex and nuanced versus emotionally which tends to be binary, black and white, good or bad, hero or zero. This is part of that. Intelligently looking at somebody and seeing the many different shades of of skills in them. They're not good or bad. They are just different. Unique.

Stephen Gribben  04:28

Yeah, if you're going to have relationships and you're going to be of influence then you first have to connect. So you need to know where people are to be able to connect.  What this allows you to do, even with this profiling we're going to use the caricatures of a rhinoceros and cattle. This isn't, then, to label people as either being Rhino or Cattle. But to understand if they are more Rhino or more Cattle, so that we can define more intelligently where they are, as we did with Trust before.  There's emotional trust, which is 100% or 0%, the 99 boxes in-between is where intelligent trust sits. Well, when we're profiling people, in terms of their characteristics, this is an objective process to see where they are on a scale, as opposed to just putting them in a box.

Warren Hammond  05:22

This makes sense. We think about workplaces at the moment, we've got so many different generations, and then there's  ages, there's genders, there's so many different spectrum at the moment in play, I can see that this is going to be useful for that. So firstly, internally, why is this important in terms of my own self development?

Stephen Gribben  05:48

In terms of your own self development, and the four pillars of that are your Self awareness, Self confidence, Self management, Self determination. Having a greater self awareness of where you are on the spectrum, from know the extreme Cattle to the extreme Rhino, where you are helps you become more self aware of where you are, what's important to you, what works for you, what matters to you, how you see the world, it reinforces that self awareness. It then also supports that self confidence that if you're more Rhino, it's okay, and it's pretty cool to be a Rhino, and if you're more Cattle, it's okay and pretty cool to be Cattle. So it's having that Self-Confidence that I know who I am, I know what I'm about, I'm okay with that.

Warren Hammond  06:37

So that profiling, that naming you talked about before, is when you name something, it's easier to manage it. Using these profiles of Rhino and Cattle help you to name and identify and acknowledge certain characteristics about yourself. And as you said, once you become aware of it, be absolutely fine about it, then, okay.

Stephen Gribben  06:56

Yeah, because it helps you get beyond the 'is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is that a strength or weakness, is it right or wrong? It's an objective Profiling. So you can see it is what it is, and that's okay. And if you've got that self awareness, of what you are and you're confident then of what you are more of, then you can move on to that self management. Which is managing then how you communicate with yourself, how you connect with yourself, how you position things with yourself, to your natural strengths, and tendencies. And then the last element is about self determination. You're then more empowered, more in control of being able to say 'what do I want to be? What is my full potential? What do I want to develop? Being successful by being you. Now knowing and understanding more about who you are on that profile allows you then to determine what success would look like for you, what happiness would look like for you, what health and fulfilment would look like for you, and being able to determine that rather than wait to hear what others think is best for you.

Warren Hammond  08:06

So in this one, we're talking rhinos and cattles, it doesn't matter where you are on it. But once you understand which you are, you can then use that to your advantage to determine what's going to happen next. You don't have to pretend to be something else, this is who you are. And that's enough. And that's good enough already.

Stephen Gribben  08:27

Yeah. And as I say, it takes you beyond the labelling of good or bad, right or wrong, strong or weak. It's just an objective, this is where you fit. In your opinion, this is where you fit and therefore, let's start from there, rather than the where am I not, who am I not, looking at the gaps all the time. It is building upon what's there. And then you take that externally to others, So if the self development is your piece in it, the external benefit of this is then it helps you build stronger relationships, authentic, genuine, sincere relationships, you being you, and them being them. It also allows you to connect. You don't have to be the same to connect. It's not about having something in common. It's about creating a connection. And therefore with that connection, you can be far more influential, you can add more value, you can make more of a difference. And the difference is it's of value to that other person. Because you have that connection. You will also have greater harmony through this, and importantly, less conflict. Because you're not forcing your way of looking at the world onto someone else who sees it differently. You will understand and expect they're going to see this differently and therefore they're going to respond to this differently. And so you can anticipate that more.

Warren Hammond  09:48

So by looking at their qualities you see they're different. You don't judge it as good or bad. You just understand it's different and knowing it's different, you know that there will be a different response. a different reaction, a better way of talking to them. And therefore, that's that, as you talk about many times, that connection is you can't influence from afar, you can't build trust from afar, you have to have that connection. So this enables you.  This is one of the basic building blocks then. This helps you get a connection with people who may be the same as you, or maybe different, but you're looking at it more clearly. Okay.

Stephen Gribben  10:30

And it helps you go beyond that tolerating people who are different than you. This helps you build credible value and appreciation for what they bring, rather than always comparing it to what you would rather they brought or what you're bringing, and therefore, that moves on to tolerance. This makes it into value and appreciation. It also helps with your communication. Because you can speak their language, you can position things in a way where they can connect and understand it better. And also, what you can do is request and advise on how best to communicate to you. This is this stuff that works for me, this is the way I'll respond best. So that you can then set clear expectations - both in the giving of expectation, and what to expect in return, which wraps up into that intelligent trust. Rather than thinking I can trust someone or I can't, you'll be able to clarify and identify specifically, what exactly can I trust. So that you can make more conscious decisions. Rather than feeling 'I should be able to, so I'm just going to', but actually, you make more conscious decisions. Wrapping all that up, you may not be happy. And therefore you might be disappointed. But it will be accurate disappointment. You might be disappointed that a Rhino is not going to respond the way you would prefer them to do if they were cattle, and vice versa. But it will be accurate disappointment, rather than the inaccurate optimism 'that I like this, therefore you should' or that inaccurate pessimism 'that you will never respond well to this but I'm going to still keep putting it to you in this way'.

Warren Hammond  12:19

There's a lot there. I like this idea that, first of all, that conflict can move to a tolerance when you've acknowledged their skills, to actually appreciating and valuing people. And that's a journey that I've gone on, but maybe not as consciously and intelligently, as you're suggesting can be done. I mean, I think we've all had those people who we just didn't understand. And then we start to think 'Oh, actually, I can see the job they do' to actually appreciating the massive value that they can bring to a team or to your life. Okay, I love that idea of being able to say to people, this is how to deal with me. I think you know, if you could have a manual around your neck, that people realise how best to get the best out of you, that would have saved me loads of hassle in the past. Yeah, okay. This is good. This is massive, this is important, it feels that this is one of our key building blocks. And this genuine connection with people, with yourself and with other people, this is going to help massively with that.

Stephen Gribben  13:32

I've used this for many, many years with people and it's almost become shorthand with some of those people will just say either Rhino or Cattle and we both know what they mean. There is a value and importance in this and there's fun involved. And this allows you to take a little bit of the intensity out of it, and allow yourself just to observe and see it through a humorous aspect. And caricature, which takes a little bit of the heat out of it, to be able to just look at it as a process. And to characterise people in two fantastic animals of Rhino and Cattle, but to see them on that basis allows you to look at it more objectively in a more relaxed and informal way. And as long as you do without judgement, then there's great clarity to be gained from it.

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Satisfaction and loyalty – the holy grails for relationships – personal, professional, internal and external.

The two are mentioned in the same sentence all the time – like a double act in comedy, foods that complement each other or a famous sporting duo – but they’re not necessarily found together all the time .

Satisfaction is an attitude – Loyalty is the behaviour.  People may be satisfied but not loyal – and loyal people may not be always satisfied

One way I considered it was pizza delivery– I’m usually satisfied with any of them and will happily order for any of the 4 nearby – I’m not particularly loyal to any one brand. 

Someone shopping for a car may start at their favourite brand – Audi – and end up buying BMW.  But in their heads, they remain a loyal Audi customer and will go back to Audi first next time.

Stephen walks us through this model that looks at different components that make up Satisfaction and Loyalty.  Once you understand them you can manage them.  And then you can decide which relationships you want to build up into ones that are full of satisfaction and loyalty.

Any comments or thoughts: email us at [email protected]

More great models at www.coachpro.online

Full transcript and blog:

The first 15 minutes of the podcast is transcripted below - 

Warren Hammond  00:56

Welcome back podcats, to another episode of our podcast. This one's a good one. I always say that, this one is a Loyalty and Satisfaction or Satisfaction and Loyalty. I'm always tempted to put in 'Customer' before that, it just seems to be one of those phrases that we always hear; Customer satisfaction and Customer loyalty, we spend ages talking about it. It's one of the key metrics for business success. That is covered and it's talked about, but also how we can take this into other areas of our lives. internal and external. So it's looking at the whole relationship. So it's good, there's a model, there's a six point guide at the end. So there's lots to take away. Any thoughts questions, give us a shout, [email protected] or find us on LinkedIn. There is a full transcript available for these so please look that up. And on www.coachpro.online itself there's loads more models and frameworks that you can use. So let's get straight into it. I’ll be back at the end with some brief comments. Here comes the cheesy music.

Warren Hammond  02:11

So here we are. Normal call signs, Edinburgh, can you hear me?

Stephen Gribben  02:16

Loud and clear

Warren Hammond  02:17

Loud and clear? It's not a surprise anymore. But when we started this a year ago, all the zoom and the video conferencing, it felt that this was almost magic, it was almost wizardry, the fact that we could hear each other, even though we were countries apart now is the most normal thing in the world. Anyway, today, we're discussing satisfaction, and loyalty. Now I know I've got in my head while I think of loyalty and satisfaction. And I'm immediately thinking of customers and NPS etc. And I also know that I always think about these things too small. So let's go to Stephen and get a formal definition that we can kick ourselves off with. So how should we think about satisfaction and loyalty? What's the definition we should be using Stephen?

Stephen Gribben  03:08

Well, satisfaction is about attitude. And loyalty is about behaviour.

Stephen Gribben  03:16

Typically in relationships, whether that is as a customer relationship, or a personal relationship, or professional relationship, satisfaction is the attitude, how you feel and how you judge; loyalty's about behaviour, which is about what you then do.

Warren Hammond  03:34

That's a good definition. Because I do you think that sometimes we use satisfaction in a broader way. But that makes sense. And so this is an attitude, this is how you're feeling about something. And loyalty is then how you're demonstrating that feeling that behaviour.

Stephen Gribben  03:51

Yeah, typically, this is used in the concept of customer and there's value in that. But you'll get customer satisfaction, which is based largely on your attitude of what's happened. But that doesn't necessarily always lead them to customer loyalty. So you'll get people who will say satisfaction versus loyalty, rather than satisfaction AND loyalty. And ideally, what you're looking for in a relationship is satisfaction and loyalty.

Warren Hammond  04:19

You're I mean, maybe it's because he's in the middle of the day. You know, we're not sitting in a pub with a beer or a glass of wine. Because if you were to talk about loyalty and satisfaction in a social setting, you do automatically think about relationships, but it seems very different when you think about customer relationships. But how you just said this is attitude and behaviour. Yeah, it's different relationships where both of these things are important.

Stephen Gribben  04:48

But if we hold on to that concept of customer, and the challenge that we've all got is how wide is your concept of customer. So, who do you consider or who could you consider to be a customer. I've used a model with clients for years, called the Client Box. I use this at home as well. In the client box, everything becomes kind of automatic for me, I know the parameters to work in. I know what I can get away with, what I cant get away with. I know what's good enough and what's not good enough. So for a client, in that client box, it becomes very clear on what professional and standard looks like. However, I can leave home in the morning and be asked what time will I be home at  tonight? And my answer could be, Well, it depends on what messages I get through what calls I have to do. What else comes in during the day. Probably sometime, it could be as early as four could be as late as eight'. Because at home, I haven't put my family in that client box. If I was to say to a client, the client said, Could you be there on Tuesday, and what time will you be here, and I say to him sometime between four or eight. And then they'll say 'well, do you want to just not bother coming along until you can tell us what time you're going to be here'. So sometimes putting things in the client box gives you absolute clarity on how you should be dealing with something in that relationship. And it's not for me to pretend my family are clients, no disrespect, they're  a lot more to than clients, but sometimes they deserve that attitude and behaviour that my clients benefit from

Warren Hammond  06:27

That firm border that you'd put around that. Even when you say the client box in my head, I've got that visual of a thick black frame, you know, around it, which you don't get through,

Stephen Gribben  06:39

We do this with family members. In business, we might do it with suppliers, we don't treat them as clients or we don't treat our colleagues the way we would treat clients. And people deserve to be treated as a client.

Warren Hammond  06:52

Okay. So this is a relationship then with way more than just intimates or customers, this is about satisfaction, as an attitude and loyalty as a behaviour, all around us. So this is a lot bigger already, as I'm getting accustomed to. So we talk a lot about personal growth, and especially about self development. So how does satisfaction and loyalty, and understanding that, fit within the whole self development philosophy?

Stephen Gribben  07:26

Well, as you know, the four pillars in self development are self awareness, self confidence, self management, and self determination. And what self development is about is focusing on your strengths and what you're really good at, and building upon those so that when you take on those gaps or areas of weakness that you want to improve, they become less challenging, and you're more authentic in it. So in terms of self awareness, what this is about is becoming more aware of the level of satisfaction and loyalty, so the attitudes and the behaviours that you want to foster or to have within relationships, both personally and professionally. So becoming more aware of what makes a relationship have satisfaction and loyalty to the level that you want.

Warren Hammond  08:15

So this is part of then understanding what the terms are the satisfaction and loyalty which we touched on which we'll go through more, but also understanding when you should be aware of satisfaction and loyalty, that's that whole self awareness thing. Okay,

Stephen Gribben  08:29

This is self awareness so you're consciously aware of what a good relationship looks like. So that you get beyond saying, we've got a great relationship or with that person I don't have such a good relationship, or you know, better relationships than others. It's having that self awareness, to be more conscious of why certain relationships are at certain stages. So you become more aware, therefore, you're already more empowered.

Warren Hammond  08:55

Love that. And that is the consciousness that we talk about as well. You're owning it. It isn't something happening to you, you've actually can see it, you're noticing it, you're acknowledging it, and therefore you've got a chance of working to make it better. Okay? So self awareness is the first plank,

Stephen Gribben  09:11

Then self confidence. And self confidence is making sure that if you're aware of what's going to drive your satisfaction and loyalty, having the confidence to making sure you're bringing that all the time. Consciously aware of what you contribute, based upon your strengths, what you're good at. What are you good at that drives satisfaction, loyalty to the level that you're wanting to either give it or receive it. You're, therefore, getting those great relationships by being you rather than trying to force the great relationships by pretending to be something or someone else.

Warren Hammond  09:49

And that confidence then, and you talk about this before is, this isn't fake confidence. It isn't a fake way of working, a crutch or something you're getting from a guru. This is you looking at yourself and connecting with those strengths, and knowing because you have those strengths you can do whatever needs to happen.

Stephen Gribben  10:06

Yeah, it's getting fantastic relationships for you being you. It's you getting the right attitude and behaviour, giving out and in return, for you being you, not by other people's perceptions or your pretence,

Warren Hammond  10:20

yeah, that self confidence is massive to get stuff done,

Stephen Gribben  10:23

Then on to self management, which is by now knowing what you consider to be of value in terms of driving satisfaction and loyalty, it is having that self management of sticking to that, that discipline, that ensuring that you keep your standards, that consistency of looking for those standards from others. So that's self management. So there's not relationships through compromise, but relationships through assertion of what's important to you and important to them in terms of driving satisfaction and loyalty.

Warren Hammond  10:57

That's massive, isn't it? We talked before about self help, and information. So the self awareness and the self confidence is a higher stage in that, knowing that you can do something, knowing what you should do. The self management then is that discipline in execution and consistency of effort to make sure that those things you know you should be doing, you are doing. Yeah, I mean, that's easier said than done.

Stephen Gribben  11:24

And then self determination. And that's that 'you deciding'. That's the 'what relationships do you want to have? With whom do you want to build those relationships? What do you want those relationships to be built upon? In terms of attitude and behaviour to drive satisfaction and loyalty? What do you want the value to be understood by. So you're determining what the fullest potential for you is going to look like to bring you fulfilment, happiness, success for being you, a genuine relationship. And that, tapping back into the self management, is not you just accepting things on anybody else's terms for the sake of it. So you taking that self determination what amazing and fantastic will look like for you.

Warren Hammond  12:11

I love that. I love when, whenever you say the self determination thing, I just get bigger and bigger inside, this is just such a strong idea. And the great thing about the self development is this gives you the steps on how to do it, because we all want to determine our future. And as you said, if you're not telling yourself, then someone else is doing it for you. Good luck with that, I think is how you say it regularly. And I love that. And then, of course, we all want to determine our own future. But there is that how do I do it? And this whole self development ladder of the awareness, of the confidence, of the self management are the steps to get there? Love this. Okay. So the satisfaction and loyalty forms part of this as well, this is going to be good. So why are we discussing this now?

Stephen Gribben  13:01

Now more than ever, when you've got so much information, so many opinions getting thrown out at you of what you should be satisfied with and loyal to. This is more than ever critical that you're making your conscious choices, conscious decisions, on what matters to you, what's worth your level of commitment to be satisfied and loyal. And then equally important for you then to be able to determine the satisfaction and loyalty that you want to receive from whom, and from where, and knowing how to get it more than ever, rather than other people telling you if you want to be successful, this is what you need to value. Well, actually, it's understanding what you really value and then saying how do I achieve the success, fulfilment and happiness that I really want through this

Warren Hammond  13:51

You did this similar trick with (trick in the nicest way) with Value is that you sometimes think that these are things that are active FROM you. But it's actually also understanding that these things happen TO you as well. These things are all around you, and pressing on you and you pressing on them.

Stephen Gribben  14:09

And to take this to its core with self development it always starts with you. And are you satisfied and loyal to yourself? You know, are you showing the right attitude to yourself and the right behaviours to yourself, that you value that relationship. And this is where self development really comes in, it is understanding yourself, knowing where your strengths are, having that discipline and rigour to be at your best, and you determining what matters to you, enables you to drive that satisfaction and loyalty internally so that you have that relationship with you rather than being in conflict with yourself.

Warren Hammond  14:51

Wow. Imagine that. Looking at all the relationships, the attitudes, the behaviours towards yourself and being totally satisfied with that. Okay, let's get going. This is good.

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What is the 3 Box Model?

Philosophies and religions both talk about the concept that we can decide how we feel about events – it’s our choice on how we react.  This model takes that concept and helps you to do precisely that.  It is a framework that allows you to consider everything that has happened, is happening and may happen and supports you in deciding how you are going to react and to use it.

Why this is important

We can spend so much time and energy trying to bury things, pretend things are different, that we are different and when we do this, all that time and energy doesn’t move us forward.  It doesn’t make us happier.  By taking control of what is in each box we get to choose what to spend our time on.  Important in that is the ‘we”. 

We take control.  Nobody else. We get to determine what we want. We choose what will take our energy, time and focus.

Will a particular situation work against you, be a constant battle to control or actually work for you?

This self determination is a key part of Self Development.

This model is a new tool in your mental tool box.  This can help you to prepare yourself for a better outcome – allow you to take more control over what is happening and what is going to happen next.  This means a more confident version of ‘You’. More authentic. A ‘You’ who is spending their energy better, leading to a more successful, happier version of you.  You get to channel issues and experiences so you get better returns and a higher self confidence

Stephen walks us through the model and the 3 boxes - Deny It - Fight it and Use it.

When Stephen first introduced me to this model there was an immediate impact - understanding the framework allowed me to make sense of some things that I was unable to nail down before.

Once we understand that there are 3 boxes with issues sitting within each it helps to make sense about some of the things that are working really well for us – and why we sometimes seem to struggle.  This understanding on its own is a confidence builder

Then there is the knowledge that the boxes remain where they are – but that issues can be moved from box to box.  And you can make that happen.  You can choose which issue is something you’re going to move up the chain and improve your own self confidence

As you get more comfortable with the model you get to think more strategically - Which situations work against you? Be a constant battle to control? Or actually work for you? Which situations is it time to move? Which do I need to acknowledge are there?

Some notes:

1 Naming – naming issues and situations is the start of objectifying them.  Once it is a a named object, it feels more controllable.  Visible. Manageable.

2 Acknowledge it – understand that it is in a box already.  Something you are already denying, fighting against or using.

3 Choose what you want to move.  There will always be something in each of the 3 boxes.  Some will remain where they are for a long time.  That’s ok – you’re choosing the order. Consciously.

4 One step at a time.  Don’t try to jump from Deny straight to Use it – ‘Fight It’ is a good staging post to get there.

5 Good things count too. Acknowledging and appreciating that good things live in the boxes too.  Don’t deny your own part in your successes.  Don’t fight against recognising your skills.  This will lead to a drop in your confidence and the Imposter syndrome.  Accept and Use what you did and let it fuel your next success.

Any thoughts or comments let us know at [email protected]

Full Transcript at

First 10 minutes transcript below

Warren Hammond  01:07

Welcome back Podcats to another conversation with me Warren, and CEO of CoachPro Stephen Gribben. Now, this is a good one. This one is about The Three Boxes. That's the best way for me to describe it, you hear me struggling to try and come up with a decent description later. But in my head is just the three box model. Very powerful. For one it's a simple model, which we all know is always useful. This can change how you look at anything that's ever happened to you and everything that's going to happen to you. So it's an important part of the optimal appraisal process, and the whole self-development. We have the choices. The choice of whether we're going to spend energy fighting these things, or denying these things, or using these things. Not going to say too much, you'll quickly see how simple this model is but how profound its influence can be. You'll enjoy this one. There's lots of good stuff in it.

Warren Hammond  02:07

As always, there'll be some notes, we're doing a full transcript now. So you can read along, if that helps. Blogs, there's the models on the different websites. So get involved, get in touch, if there's anything else you'd like us to cover, if there's any questions that you have. Email is [email protected]. Anyway, let's get going. Here comes cheesy music.

Warren Hammond  02:39

Today, as always, is a good topic. And how I think about this is the framework that it's described in. The three box model is how I think about it. And I use this and think about it in so many different ways. And I'm trying to think what is the perfect description for anyone listening to it. And the best I've come up with so far is this is a perfect model for better reframing of your past. Now, that's doesn't sound like the title of an album. But we'll go with it so far. So let's get to the expert, Stephen. Three box model. What is it? Explain to everybody who can't see into my head, what exactly is the three box model?

Stephen Gribben  03:32

The three box model is a framework where you can consciously frame what has, what is or will happen in your personal or professional life.

Warren Hammond  03:49

Okay, so this isn't just past then. So I've just said past. This is about today, what's happening today, what could happen tomorrow, this is about how you look at anything around you and think how do I put this into a better context?

Stephen Gribben  04:02

Yeah, it's a framework for empowering you to make that conscious choice and own where you place things that happen to you or things that you make happen in a way that has optimal benefit. So rather than things just happening to you or occurring, you get more of a sense of ownership, more of a self-determination of where that's going to go, how that's going to work for you, what you can use it for, how you're going to make that optimal. Whether it is labelled a good thing or bad thing or an okay thing to begin with emotionally, you making that conscious decision to then say I'm going to decide what I'm going to do with that. Whether that is a thing that's happened in the past, whether it's something that's happened to you just now or whether it's something that's on its way.

Warren Hammond  04:53

Okay. This is already bigger, as always. So this is anything that's going on around me, me, thinking in the self-development, consciously owning, this is the part this is going to play in my future outcome. This is how I decide how important or how I'm going to use this for whatever my future outcome is.

Stephen Gribben  05:21

Yeah, and look, this can be for the smallest practical things. I tend to first of all get to introduce this with clients, when they describe something as a Make or Break. And that's when I feel well, you really don’t want to leave that chance do you?

Warren Hammond  05:37

Okay. I think of this a lot when I think back, especially about past experiences, especially bad experiences. So we're talking in sales teams and stuff, then there's a way of recontextualizing, again, another awful word, about anything awful that's happened  to us. Let’s say a bad Q or a bad month, or a bad loss of a client. This is something that this model can be used to reframe it and make it better. But you're saying this is not just bad things from your past. This can be anything from today, from tomorrow, as well as from yesterday.

Stephen Gribben  06:16

I think most people would accept we naturally see, or create, rather the opportunity to learn from adversity, learn from mistakes, in order to improve things that haven't gone the way we'd wanted. I've always looked upon that and said, Well, what if we could also learn from our successes? What if we could build from a winning position? What if we could use the victory and use the great result, to learn from that also so that we can recreate and enhance that. So this is not a fix? This is a solution. This is a way of looking at the things that happen and get beyond that label of right wrong, good, bad, strong, weak, things I wanted, things that I didn't want or liked or didn't like, and saying, well,  that thing, which box is it currently in and which box do I want to start putting it in.

Warren Hammond  07:16

This is great. This goes straight to the heart, then of this whole self-development chat that we talk about is you know, the building on the strengths, that conscious ownership, there's looking at everything around you and deciding what you're going to make work for you. So where do we get started on this in the three boxes,

Stephen Gribben  07:35

First of all, as you've said this fits with self-development, and this is the 'why should you put things in boxes, first of all. There is a value in putting things in boxes because you objectify it at that stage. And therefore you can look at it more objectively, more intelligently, you can see it as a thing, rather than wrapped up into a whole mess of stuff. So what this is about in terms of self-development, this will allow you to become more self-aware that things happen and accept that things happen, good, bad, indifferent. It will give you more self-confidence and be able to say, I can take control back, I can be in charge of this, I can direct this, I can decide what box I'm going to put this in. That allows you then to develop creative self-management, so that you get things to work for you rather than you always having to work through stuff or deal with stuff. But actually your self management is putting that stuff in a way that works for you. Not always doing everything for it in the hope that it works out okay. But doing it in a way where it also then works for you. And then finally, that self-determination, where you can look at the things you have done from the past and say 'Which box am I now going to make sure I get into, you can look at the present and say okay, the box, I'm going to place this in is that box, but also for the future things that are either on their way or you want to create. This is how I'm going to use this to get to where I really want to get to, to reach my full potential and be genuinely happy and successful by being me, rather than pretending or living to other people's rules and expectations.

Warren Hammond  09:27

So the self-awareness, the self-confidence, the self-management, the self-determination, this pathway of self-development is so strong. And something you said right at the beginning, which I never thought about before in this three box model even though it's there, right in the heart of it, is the box. It's the fact that you are putting it in the box means you've labelled it, you've objectified it in some way, which then automatically means maybe you've removed some of the vagueness, emotion out of it, you've intelligently considered it. And the moment you label it, you can then put it into the box. And then suddenly, it's manageable, isn't it because you put it in a box, you've contained it in some way or another, and then your self-confidence, your self management and self-determination can kick in. So first bit of that process then is just as important. I never thought about it before is, the moment you put it in a box, that's an important part of being up in a way at the races.

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What is Value?  We sometimes define value by what it isn’t – cost, the price tag – but what is it? The definition Stephen introduces here is:  Value is how you define importance or worth.

Importantly – Value is in the eye of the beholder. It’s what the other person thinks that determines the value. Not you or your effort, time and money.

So think about everything you are doing.  Should it be valued? Is it considered by others as valuable?  And importantly - And everything happening to you.  Do you appreciate and recognise its value?

In this conversation we discuss the value of being aware of what is valuable that you do for others and for yourself; and what others do for you.  And once that is appreciated, we discuss the Value Creation Model - Stephen walks us through some steps that we sometimes use but should always use to ensure our Value lands with maximum impact.

If there is a disconnect between the assessment of value one of the parties will end up feeling undervalued, commoditised, taken for granted.  Disappointed.  And they will leave – taking their importance and value with them – which is why it is so important that you acknowledge the value from those around you.  If you are blind to the value that others are bringing all around you – they’ll soon pack up and go. And the value goes with them. 

What this model does is makes sure your Value lands with maximum impact.  This model works to ensure that the other party is clear in the importance and worth of your product, service, relationship, time, advice… everything.  So you feel valued, important, worthy.  An important note to add here – the other party can be ‘you’.  This can be an internal exercise.  

What the VCM does is allow your value to land with impact.  It’ll help you to light up the eye of the beholder.  It helps you to demonstrate your value in such a way that the other party is no doubt that your service, product, relationship, activity is of importance and of worth to them.  Which is great for sales, for commitment, for partnerships.

Once this model is understood it can be used to help build more value for everything you do.  If you cannot identify the value in the things you do – then stop.  If you can – use the model to ensure that the value is felt.  By you, by your friends, your family, colleagues and partners.

Full transcript available on rhinoconsulting.nl.  More models and frameworks can be found on CoachPro.online. Any thoughts, questions, suggestions - let us know on LinkedIn or email us at [email protected].

Thanks for sharing and your support - it is helping.

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This podcast episode features a key tool in the Self Development toolbox - Questions. Questions allow you to take control and give guidance on where you are going to end up. Better Questions, bigger questions generate better thinking.  That thinking leads to better results and bigger outcomes.  Choose to be the one asking the questions and choose which questions are asked.

Welcome to this episode on Questions. This is a little bit bigger, as usual, than I thought it was going to be. I'll give you a clue. When I asked Stephen for the definition of a Question, he said, It is to elicit a challenge or to inspire a response.  Immediately that helped me to move into a higher gear. We get taught at a young age, we see it in the classroom and we see it in our careers that the person who's asking the Question is controlling the conversation, is controlling the room. So don't you want to be the one asking the Questions? To the room and to yourself. So there is that element of control.

Also this idea that Questions determine the thinking, which determines the results. So if you're not getting the results you want, dont question the thinking. Go back to your original Question. And this also takes us on to the idea that the bigger Question, gets you bigger results, bigger outcomes, more powerful. The basic idea to first of all, be aware of this, and how can you do this better? How can you manage this? And how can you use this to your benefit? How can you help this knowledge of how questions can work and their impact, they can have, how can you use this and turn it to your advantage? We spend a lot of time on this. Stephen goes through lots of different examples of questions, type of questions you can ask. And the sort of impact they can have.

Questions are at the heart of so many of the different conversations we've had and so you'll see so many things that we touched on before coming back. I've genuinely had this one resonating my head ever since we did it. I hope you enjoy this one too. Any thoughts or questions, please get in contact [email protected]. Check out the CoachPro.online website. Loads of information on there. Please take a look at that.

Full transcript on https://rhinoconsulting.nl/podcast-entries/betterquestions

Any thoughts? Any questions, any feedback? Do let us know.

Thanks for sharing, subscribing and liking - it all helps.

Below an excerpt from the transcript:

So today, as always, is a great topic: Questions. Now Questions is something we talked about pretty regularly, it came up a lot in the solution focused one, we spoke a lot about it there. And even in our tagline is we talk about the importance of questions. So this one's probably way overdue. So as always, let's get started. You always make the subject a lot more interesting than it sounds when we start. If we say to people, we're going to talk about questions, people aren't going to understand how deep and wide and important this is going to be. So let's start with the first question. What is a question? Lets start there. What is a question? What's the definition of a question, Stephen?

Stephen Gribben  04:34

Technically a question is a method to elicit challenge or inspire a response.

Warren Hammond  04:42

elicit a challenge or inspire a response. Okay. So you've already made it bigger. Just not just to get an answer. It's to elicit a challenge or inspire a response. Okay.

Stephen Gribben  04:56

It could be to get an answer, but it's a powerful method to elicit challenge or to inspire a response. So it's a method of communication. It's a strategy of influence. It's a demonstration of your value. And it can be a catalyst for greater impact and outcomes. So a question is to get an answer. But it can be used to communicate, to influence to demonstrate, and also to make things happen.

Warren Hammond  05:27

But even just using words like challenge and inspire in the definition, this is a weapon. This is a useful tool. And I don't think of questions as necessarily always being a part of my armory. But I should be.

Stephen Gribben  05:44

Questions are one of the most important things to have, to connect and to have impact, is having the questions.  You will have more influence from the questions you ask, than the answers that you give. One of the most important things about questions is that long after the answer has become redundant or irrelevant. The question is still standing. The answer may change. But really good questions stand the test of time, even though the answer to that same question in a year's time may be different.

Warren Hammond  06:20

That makes sense. So we talked about in these difficult times, for example, as a leader, what your team want to hear is that you're asking the right questions, even if the answers aren't available yet, or as you said, things will change. How people get confidence is knowing that you're asking the right questions. So as always, now I start to understand that I should be taking my questions more seriously, or how I use questions more seriously. Where do I start in building out my awareness of my questioning technique? Or is it about how many questions I ask? Or is it how I ask the questions or to whom I ask the questions? What's the first things I should be thinking about when it comes to my questioning approach?

Stephen Gribben  07:07

Well, the first thing is, once you're starting to understand the value, and the potential of having the questions, and it's one of the most common requests that I get is, can you just write down all those questions and give me them? And I have done that a couple of times, but finding your own questions is the most effective way of doing this. But there's the why you're asking this, the types of questions you're going to ask, there's the when to ask, there's the whom to ask. There's a whole number of areas and aspects of questioning that will determine how effective it is, and we're going to cover them all. So we're going to look at why questions are so important. And then we're going to look at the different types of questions to ask, we're going to look at how you're best to ask them. And then so we are fulfilling that popular request is we're going to give you some good questions at the end of this, in particular categories, that are going to help experience the value of those questions.

Warren Hammond  08:02

That's great. It's good. We're getting the list at the end as well. But I think as we go through this, it's just understanding that questions can take you into so many important places, isn't it? This is what you've explained and taught me before, is about this importance of better questions. But as you said, it isn't just the question itself is, when you're asking it, how you're asking it to whom you're asking it, because there's a lot of different things isn't it isn't just going to be, as you said, rattling off your list is understanding the importance of a questioning strategy. Okay, so what are the important things that I need to be thinking about when I'm asking questions? Where do I start? What's my starting point,

Stephen Gribben  08:43

Important to be first of all motivated to ask questions and so understanding the reasons why you ask questions, and particularly now,  why you need to be more aware and more conscious of the questions that you're asking not just to yourselves. But the questions you're then asking others. Questions are hugely, hugely powerful. And they can have a massive impact, positively or negatively. And so it's really important.  You and I are big exponents of self development, about taking ownership of your growth and fulfilling your own potential. So being more consciously aware of the quality of questions that you're asking. There's a fundamental to that, that you're asking positive questions. Otherwise, you can start asking negative questions, or questions that are neither positive or negative, and just get you to stand still. And this isn't about saying they're right or wrong. It's about being more conscious of making a choice. Am I asking the question I really need to be asking at this stage.

Warren Hammond  09:49

And this is asking yourself is pretty much what you're starting with here. And this is really powerful. So we talked a little bit about this in Affirmations, about the importance of those powerful statements to yourself to help, not drown out, but at least balance out all of the noise around you.

Stephen Gribben  10:07

Yeah, well taking ownership is really important Warren and it starts with you. You will never ask better questions of other people with any credibility than you're asking of yourself. So that personal leadership of you going first. If you're not asking great questions of yourself, you'll not know the great questions to go and ask other people. So it starts with you. And we are all the sum and substance of the question that we ask. And we've touched on this in a number of the sessions is that the quality of the question you ask, is the cause of the quality of thinking that you then have, which then we'll culminate in the quality of the result you produce. So the question is the cause the thinking is the symptom, the result is the consequence. So big questions, you'll have bigger thoughts, you'll have bigger outcomes; smaller questions, smaller thinking, smaller outcomes.

Warren Hammond  11:06

This is great. I love the idea of practicing on yourself as well. I mean, one, because then practice asking yourself bigger questions, and you'll get bigger results. But yeah, of course, you should start with you that makes total sense, doesn't it? Starting with you?

Stephen Gribben  11:22

Even more so now Warren because if you're not asking the question, then who's questions are you listening to? And we are consistently bombarded with other people telling us the questions that we should be asking. And the person who's asking the questions is the person who is in control. So if you're not asking yourself questions, then who's controlling your thinking and your results? So it's about taking ownership and being aware that the question you ask is what's driving your thinking and leading to the result. If you want the result to change, rather than criticising or beating yourself up for the quality of thinking, go to the cause which was the quality of the question, you want a better result? Ask a better question, the thinking will follow.

Warren Hammond  12:12

This is good, isn't it? Because when I was thinking of questioning, I wasn't thinking of the internal questioning as well and so it's good to get that straight out. This is your starting point. Get used to asking better questions to get better results for yourself, which feeds into the purpose, their habits, their confidence, self confidence, so many of these things. Being able to ask yourself, the right questions, is a key tool in this sort of toolbox that you refer to regularly. This is important.

Stephen Gribben  12:44

However, like everybody else, and particularly if you're doing something you run as a business, the first time I sit down with some really important people. And for me, everybody I sit down with is really important. My emotions can kick in.  I'm from a broken home from Linwood just outside Glasgow, and I'm sitting in the 72nd floor of a high rise with some global CEO in New York, and I'm selling the thinking, I'm from a broken home and wondered, What am I doing here? That question comes in, what am I doing here? Now, if I gather myself together, my question might not necessarily be how can I help this person? My emotions come in and the question could be, how do I impress this person? How can I justify myself to this person? How can I show this person that I'm good at what I do? How can I win some work? Those questions now they're all kind of positive questions. And then global CEO might not notice the difference. But I know it's slightly off, and I can tell that it's slightly off because if the question I'm asking is how can I help this person I'll really listen. But if the question my emotions are asking is how can I impress this person? I tend to jump in too quickly. I tend to give too many answers, end up saying too much, because I'm trying to impress. Now the result is I might have impressed them, but not necessarily have helped them. And so having that conscious awareness of your question means that you can move to the questions that work best for you to get your best thinking, and therefore your best result. But what I've got to do is try and grab on to that core success question. Before I step into the room before going to the call, before I stand on a stage before I sit down across from somebody, otherwise, my emotions can sometimes choose other questions, which aren't quite as optimal And its having that conscious awareness. Otherwise, you get the situation where all your emotions are determining the question. So as an example, I've been doing one to one, group and team sessions and conference sessions. for 23 years, it's always live TV, You don't always know what you're going into. And I've got a belief that we've all got within us a 'Core Success Question'. So there's a question, we start from there, we tend to have the best quality thinking and produce the best available result. You tend to discover that most when you're going through a real crisis or trauma situation, where all the kind of preferential questions go away and you get to the core question. So my core question in the work I do is, how can I help this person? And I know if I'm connected to that question, how can I help this person? My thinking becomes a bit like Google search, and it starts connecting with things. And the result, is I'll have been of help. Because the results been designed by the question.  The QTR that you talked about before with the question, the thinking and the result. If your thinking is not right, it's deal with your question first. You're saying I wasn't connected to my normal core question, which is why my thinking was off, which is why the result wasn't there. And I love that idea, again, of you being the one asking the question to yourself, not somebody else asking it, because we see it in all the TV detective movies, it's the person asking the question, who's controlling the room? And you see people try and deflect questions and ask the questions themselves. And then that guy says, Hey, I'm the one who asked the questions, not you. And you're right, the moment that person is asking the questions, they're in control. So in terms of yourself, why wouldn't you want to be that person who's asking that question? And then secondly, as you said, why wouldn't you ask yourself the best possible question you could ask yourself to get the best possible thinking? Yeah, and look I've been coaching for a long time, as you know, and two of the fundamental things that was told to you at the beginning was, as a coach, you're not supposed to ask why. (I was always kind of confused by that). Never stuck to that rule, by the way. But I was told you're not supposed to ask why. And the second thing was you never give an answer. And so if someone asks you a question, you answer it with a question. And I get the gist of that. But if you're asking the question of yourself, and if that question is, in my instance, how to help this person, if just giving them a question back isnt helpful, I'll give them an answer that is because what I'm there to do is to help the person, not just stick to a process.

Warren Hammond  17:38

This isn't how do I stick to the coaching protocol? It's how do I help this person? I like that.

Stephen Gribben  17:44

That's a bigger question. So when you first start out on these things, which, it's about learning to drive or learning to do anything, your question is how to make sure I don't get this wrong. And sometimes you're just so focused on not getting it wrong, you never get it right. But as you start to progress and ask better questions, then you'll get better thinking, you'll get better results. And my job, in its simplest form, is to invite people to ask better questions than they currently asking. Not to jump to the ultimate question, but to give them a handrail of what the next best question might be. Because I can normally tell when you look at the results someone's producing, you can take a really good guess at the question that they currently asking.

Warren Hammond  18:29

I mean, why is it then that we don't ask questions? What you've just said, as always with these things which is why it's so powerful, when it's put in front of your face of course that makes total sense. We should all be doing that. But why don't we then automatically, when we think about questions, think about the questions we're asking ourselves. I was thinking immediately about the quality of questions I asked in my family setup, with colleagues and with people I work with. But what is it that stops us thinking more about the questions we ask ourselves. Why isn't this part of our normal set, get up? Or is not part of mine?

Stephen Gribben  19:09

Well, asking questions is a logical and obvious thing to be doing until your emotions get in the way. And then your emotions create barriers to asking questions. And the emotions are all wrapped around the answer. So the main reasons why we don't ask questions. We don't ask questions, because we don't know what the answer is. Or we don't ask questions because we think we know what the answer might be but we don't like it. We don't ask the question because we think everybody else already knows the answer and so it's going to look kind of stupid to ask a question. We don't think the other person has an answer. So we don't want them to feel foolish by not having an answer. So we don't ask the question. We don't ask the question because we don't want to let people know that we don't know the answer. And we don't ask the question, because we're still working off the answer that we've always had.

Warren Hammond  20:06

We think we've already got the answer, you mean, so we don't need to ask again. Okay?

Stephen Gribben  20:13

And questions are a great way to communicate and connect. So 23 years worth of traveling all over. And, Tracey and I have been married for all those years. And we could be literally at opposite ends of the planet. But be connected, because we send a text or make a phone call, or we go on a zoom or FaceTime. And we say 'how are things?' Now, to be absolutely honest, neither of us really want to know how things are because we the opposite ends of the earth, there's nothing we can really do about it. But what we're wanting to do is to connect. Yet there are times when the two of us can be sitting on the same sofa. And Tracy will be sitting there thinking, do I ask him that question? And she'll think, no, because he's gonna say yes. And I'm sitting at the opposite end of that sofa, saying, I'm not going to ask because I know she's gonna say no. So we all know the answer to get in the way of that connection. Because asking questions, is not because of the answer. Asking questions. The value of asking the question is what you communicate by asking. If anybody can remember the kind of first date they went on. And if it was a good date, they asked each other a lot of questions. But if it was one of those dates, where neither was asking each other questions, they knew this wasn't  going to go far.

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So what's interesting about this episode, from the start, is the difference between Solution and Problem. So it's easy to think they're 2 sides of the same coin - if you're solution minded, you're a problem fixer. But right from the start, Stephen explains that fixing a problem is taking something, let's say from a minus three back to zero.  Whereas Solution Focus is taking a situation which is a minus three, but building something better. A sort of a 'don't waste a good crisis' approach. When there's a problem going on, when there's something that needs to be fixed, you can just repair it, patch it up, take it all back to base level, or you can use this as an opportunity to make something better.

As with all these things, it's so simple when it's been pointed out to you.  With all of these Self Development podcasts that we're doing, the first thing is just being aware about the difference between them. And there will be times that you've done this and that I've done it, and there'll be times that maybe you should have done it. But it's good to understand the difference between it. And as always, there's a simple four point checklist on how to set yourself up so that you can go into as many situations as possible, focus on the solution.

This is about choosing to do it consciously, making the decision that this is the time and the place for the solution focus tool to come out of the toolbox. And using the checklist, just makes it easier for you to do better and better every time. Solution focus is a key leadership trait. This is something they're going to impress and motivate your team. I enjoyed this and I hope you enjoy this one too.

Anything you want to add, let us know, [email protected]. I'm working on some transcripts as well at the moment which will be online. And we're writing blogs around this to do check out the different websites, Coachpro.online. There's lots of good videos and all the models are explained there. And I've got Rhinoconsulting.nl. So check us out, see the transcripts, see different blogs around the subjects that we discuss. Look at the different models on coachpro.online.

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This episode, we're talking about Motivation. We all know what motivation is. We all know when we feel it as well. Some days you just can't wait to get going, can't wait to make things happen. You’re full of buzz and energy and it’s catching and contagious.  It feels great. Whatever it is you're doing, when you have that sense of motivation, it can be the most boring task ever. But when you're motivated to do it, it just flies by. So the trick to this, then, is how can you create an environment where you make yourself motivated, where you can create that level of motivation you need.

In this conversation, we discuss understanding what and where motivation comes from and then how to take ownership of it. As usual, there's a simple model that Stephen talks us through: We have got Dangers, Opportunities, we've got the Comfort Zone, and how we move ourselves out of the comfort zone.

One of the things I think is important about this model is The Motivation to Move. Basically, this is creating the tension that makes you move, that allows you to move, but you're choosing the direction, you're owning it, you decide it. instead of letting motivation be something that happens to us. Sometimes we wake up, we don't really get why it is that this is the thing that we're really excited about, or looking forward to.

What's simple about this model is we get a choice. We can decide where is it we really want to move to. That's great. That's a superpower we talked about during the self development talk. So there's understanding it. First of all, how the motivation works, how the comfort zone works, how the danger and the opportunities work, and we get to manipulate it and make it work for us. It's so simple, when it's spelled out to us. It always makes me feel that that's where the power is. You know, that joyous surprise when you realize, aha, I get this. In fact, sometimes I already do this. Sometimes I have made this work for me in the past. This is just a way of getting there more often, more quickly, more powerfully.

A theme of self development is owning and determining for yourself what is going to happen.  Self development.  Self Ownership. Self Determination.  I think is a really important thing. 

If you've got anything to add or any comments email us at [email protected]. or find us on LinkedIn.

We're going to publish more transcripts and detailed notes to go along with the episodes - we know some people like to read as well as listen.  Below are some notes - full transcripts will be available online as well.

Transcript Notes

So today, Stephen, we are talking about motivation. Now, you framed it particularly as motivation to move. And I'm really curious about this topic, or interested. It's not just these times, but sometimes it can feel pretty flat, boring and dull, stuck in lockdown and under curfew. So I think this is going to be a good topic. So, motivation to move? Should we start with that? Why motivation to move?

Yeah, well, this is a big topic, whether it's in the situation we’re in just now or forever. the motivation to move is understanding basically, why you do and why you don’t . So it's understanding the motivation that you have to do something and also the the level of motivation to not do something. So it's about understanding where that motivation comes from, how that process works. So that you can take more ownership on the things that you really want to do. And the things that you then make more conscious decisions not to do. So is owning that motivation to move.

So that's basically isn't it, we understand that motivation. It's a word that we use, and we hear lots of times it's the underlying reasons we get out of bed to do something, or we spend time or energy on it. And I guessing what we're going to cover today then is a little better understanding of what it is, but then also how we can control it or how we can build it or how we can maintain it or how we can turn it on and turn it off. Is that the win we'll get from today?

Yeah, it's understanding that this is a process by which you make all your decisions and choices. And it's an ongoing process by which you then decide to see things through or not, so that we get beyond the ‘Why am I still saying that I want to do that and haven't gotten around to it. Or why is it I start things off, but I never really see them through. it’s to give us that more control and empowerment on it to make those decisions consciously. Rather than saying I’ll leave it to how motivated I am to make that decision for me it’s actually making the decision and then driving that motivation to see it through. So rather than your emotions making that decision, which is your your energy of motivation, you're consciously making that I'm self determining that this is going to happen, this is what I'm going to do, and knowing how to then create a level of motivation, and continue to recreate that level of motivation, not just to start, but to see it through.

Like that, you're right, because sometimes you, it does feel it's outside of your control, you know, you sometimes you somehow feel motivated to do something and, and other times you don't, sometimes I've got particular ways, which will motivate me to, you know, hit an exercise goal or something. But other times, I'll try the same thing, and it doesn't work. You know, there's good habits I've created, there's bad ones I can't kick and I've tried to use different methods, but they don't always work. So yeah, that makes sense. So this is going to help me with understand this better, okay, I like this. So literally, then this is about owning and controlling what I want to do what I want to spend my time on or and what I don't want to do,

yeah, and if you really want to do it, then knowing how to make sure you've got the motivation to do it and see it through. And not just saying it's another thing on the list that I just never get to.  And equally also for the things that are taking up your current levels of motivation, are those the things you really want to be doing? Or are those just the things you've always done. You know, if there's things you continually do, without a great deal of motivation, all they're doing is draining. But there's also some things that you keep saying, I keep saying I'm going to do, I'm definitely going to do that at some point. It's understanding that unless you have that level of motivation, you're not going to do it. And that's okay. If it's not okay that you don't do it, it's then creating the motivation so that it's done. So it gives you that level of self awareness gives you your self confidence, because you're determining it, it's about self management, so that you're getting the best out of yourself and, and investing that motivation into the things that matter most to you, you'll generate greater results, you'll be successful by being you, and you'll be happier with your decisions.

This is great, okay, because some of the things we talked about before such as imagining better future selves, whether in terms of habits, even vision and purpose. And that's great to have that picture. But then this is going to help us get there. This is going to be creating an engine to get from today's place to that place that you've already decided you wouldn't mind getting to this is going to build those extra levels of motivation to help you get there.

And it's understanding how your engine works. And your engine may work differently to mine.  Your motivations might be different from mine. Because if you don't take control, and this is all self development is about is that conscious self determination of you being the best version of you. It's finding out where your motivations are. Otherwise, you're trading off what other people are telling you, you should be motivated by. And nowadays, there's no shortage of other people, particularly social media, situations or circumstances or your past telling you what you should be motivated by. And therefore you're not in control of that. And therefore it's a variable. sometimes you're beating yourself up saying why is I'm just not finding the motivation to do that. And so this gives you that empowerment to take control of that self determine that. And make sure therefore, that you're putting the motivation into the things that matter most to you.

you’re right because that's it, we are all being told this should be important to you, therefore, do this, or this should be your motivation. But this is a personal thing. And so we've talked about before, about personal ownership, this isn't something people don't give you, their motivation to you and you, you swallow it and move on. This is about you figuring out what is, as you said, your own personal engine, okay.

And importantly on that, you're able to define your motivation, rather than it just being a thing. So one of the best examples of this is people in sales jobs, it’s always assumed that there's going to be motivated by money. And that is a quite one dimensional motivation for most people, unless you've defined what you're going to do with the money. And that's by being able to define actually what that money means to you and makes possible and the difference it makes, then you start becoming more motivated that the money becomes a means towards an end that means something to you, rather than it being an end in itself. Therefore this allows you to take things that are the sort of formal motivator, but being able to expand and amplify that level of motivation by what you’d really want to do with it. So it's by understanding that we can then create a level of motivation, find that level of motivation that works for us, what pushes our buttons, rather than being told you should be motivated by this. And sometimes that's not a boss, that's telling us sometimes that us saying to ourselves well, I always said, I would want the house the car, the money, therefore, that’s what I should keep going for. And there becomes a time, maybe that doesn't motivate you as much as it used to, unless you then understand how to find and create more motivation, you're going to have less motivation , it's going to dwindle away, as you continually chase things that no longer excite you.

This comes back to what we've talked about in the past about relationships, how relationships change, how these things will have a natural deterioration or evolution. The same is exactly the same for motivation. And that emotional management piece we talked about as well, in previous episodes, where we layering up of different reasons, that why to the power of seven, all these things, I can hear the echo of these back in this, which is great, because then it feels to me, it is part of this wealth of work that we're building, okay? This is good. So this motivation, this owning this motivation, the strength of the motivation, this is going to help move us to where we choose to go. And that that self determination. I mean, we all want that, we all want to be able to choose what you know where we are going to, and lovely to be feeling we can move there. Okay, this is good. So what should we consider first?

Well, that this is a fantastic model. And it's one model that we can then go into in depth. So we're not sort of moving around from one to another. If you can imagine a timeline because we're all on a timeline. And at one end of the timeline, there's dangers. And at the other end of that timeline, there's opportunity. And where we tend to sit is in a circle right in the middle, halfway between the dangers and the opportunities, and that's our current comfort zone. And we tend to sit in that comfort zone, weighing up the opportunities against the dangers, or weighing up the pros and the cons.

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Welcome to this conversation on Vision. Vision sometimes gets a bad rap. It's either one of those things which is just painted onto a wall somewhere and ignored. But at other times we think of Vision as being the be all and end all. We all admire those able to articulate Big Visions and position themselves as Visionaries.

What I like about the session that we do on Vision, is that every time I've done this, I've done it a few times now, it always excites me again, I suddenly realize how big Vision can be and I realize that it isn't something that only certain people have. And it definitely isn't something that should be relegated to a handbook somewhere. This is something that we should all be conscious of, develop, have front and centre in our lives. The key thing is that it isn't about imagining what you are or want to be, it's about thinking about the impact that you want to have, that you want your company to have.

It seems strange when we were talking about this before because in some ways, Vision is almost the starting point for a lot of the conversations we’ve had in the past.  You should enjoy this - a simple model, definitions for Vision, Mission, Goals and objectives and how to create your own vision without spending millions on consultancy.

Any comments let us know at [email protected].  Thanks for subscribing, sharing and your support.

Some notes from the transcript below:

Stephen, Vision is a word bandied around a lot in companies and business plans. And but what is the definition we're going to use for Vision today?

A Vision, whether it's a company Vision, or a personal Vision, is your ability to imagine something that hasn't yet happened. In a way that has the impact. It has passion. it's energizing. And it makes the kind of difference you really want something to make, it's being able to see in your mind something that hasn't yet happened and being able to articulate, and start to shape that, based upon the impact you want it to have. So a Vision for something is not necessarily about what you do, it's about the impact that you want it to have.

Vision is about the impact - not about I want to be this is.  It’s I want to make this happen. Is that the difference?

If your company has the ambition to be number one, in the world or in a market or in an industry. A Vision for that would be what would we want that impact then to be? What difference would we want to make then as the number one? In a personal Vision it's not about what you want to have, be or do. It's the impact that you then want to have by having, being or doing.

So an ambition is, 'we want to be number one'.  Vision is we want to change the world in a certain way, or make people's lives better and if we could achieve this impact, it's not about whether we're number one, two or three.  That's massively different from what you'd see on most companies walls. Their Vision would be what you would call an ambition.

Often BHAGs are dressed up as a Vision, just because they're beyond what they can see at that moment and that's a good place to start. If you then move on to a Vision, and that’s what impact do I  want to have with that, you can be number one in the world and hold an industry back. Or you can be number one in the world and redefine what the industry does,

Vision is about the impact and this is such a big difference, As you're talking. I‘m thinking of all the different Vision statements that people have are they are just big, hairy, audacious goals. These are goal statements then that I'm guilty of myself so many times.

Having big ambitious goals is fantastic. And there's an awful lot of people and businesses who do extremely well, because their goals are bigger than other people's goals. But there is a level above that, and that's Vision. And that is what can become really, really compelling. Because people might not necessarily agree with what you're aiming for. But they can really engage with the impact that, you want to have, the difference that you want to make, the cause, the purpose, something to be proud of,

There’s an immediate connection to purpose which we know really motivates people and gets everyone going. And we talked about it before about finding your purpose, finding your own purpose. If you've got a Vision, then which is about impact. It's kind of easier to hitch your own personal purpose wagon to this, the bigger story cool.

It really demonstrates and illustrates what your belief system is, because it's the real big reason why you're trying to achieve things. It's not just to beat everybody else,

There are some people & businesses who struggle to get beyond Goals to Vision, and there are other people who have really good at Vision, but don't necessarily connect it with goals. So it's about understanding what Vision is, and where it sits in the rest of that process to make sure that if our Vision is a light bulb, that you've got all the cable that goes all the way to the socket in the wall.  So that when you switch it on your bulb lights up.  Just having a Vision, is sitting with a light bulb and no connection.  Not having a Vision is just having cable with nothing at the end of it

What do you want to make negotiable and non negotiable.  If the non negotiable as a parent or a family member, is that your brothers, sisters or your kids, your parents continue to be happy, healthy and confident. If it doesn't work out exactly the way you thought it was going to be but the impact was there, the outcome was everything you wanted it to be, you’d be happy. 

If you really want to change the world, or redefine something, and it doesn't end up looking the way you imagined it might, but it still changes the world and makes that difference. That's when you're making the Vision more important.  You're going to have the impact you really want to have, even if it doesn't actually look the way you thought it may.

We’ve got the three components in the model; a socket in the wall, cable, and then a light bulb.  And you need to make sure that they're all connected up.  Any breaks in the cable and that light bulb isn't going to light up. If the light bulb was not connected to the socket in the wall with cable, all you've got is a light bulb. And if all you've got is a socket in the wall and cable with nothing at the end of it. It's not going anywhere, nothing's happening.

People will ask if we really need Vision.  And in essence, you don't really need it up to a level. But if you have Vision it takes you over the line in terms of direction and momentum because it helps drive energy, passion. And when you start to look at the impact and the difference that you can make. It gives you something to align to. It can start to improve decision making of what we do and what we don't do. And importantly, how we do it and how we don't do it anymore. And because there’s a sense of purpose, which is a key component to your resilience, you'll be amazed at what you can get through, when you have a Vision.  It leads to high performing habits. And importantly, fits in with self-development. Vision is about you self-determining the impact and the difference that you want to make. It's not just you doing something and seeing how it pans out. It's not waiting for what other people tell you it is, or for luck, or fate, or nice or other consequences. It's use self-determining, this is the difference I want to make. This is the impact I want to have. These are my reasons why I do what I do. The way I do.

We've talked in the past a lot about the importance of understanding and having that clear identity that enables you to make better decisions, clearer decisions, more confident decisions to be happier. Vision then is part of that being clear about my impact. And the difference I want to make to the world and being clear about that. That's a really strong identity statement. If I'm really clear about Vision as you said I’ll put up with lots of issues & obstacles because my Vision is going to be so big and sexy that I'm only interested in driving towards it.

Sometimes you find in conversations with people on this that they've dedicated their whole life, whole career or all their time, energy, money into things and then ask ‘What was it all for?’ What difference did I make?’ What impact did I have? Did I move the dial at all? That wasn't actually what I wanted to be kind of known for within my industry. What is this all for? And this is about setting a Vision to determine what it's all going to be for, to give you that sense of direction where you can still affect the game.

The bigger the size of the Vision, the more compelling so that you can then do even the smallest things, even the stuff you hate do, the things you get fed up doing, the stuff you're bored doing, you've got a million reasons why you're doing it, because it's connected to that Vision. Otherwise, you're going through the motions, and you're trying progressively to to a little bit better, a little bit more. But that's where the momentum stops, and you have to dig deep every day to keep going, when you have that connection to that Vision, then you've got a real purpose in what you do, even for the smallest thing, there's a massive reason for it.

Should you be working on Visions for all the different areas of your life?

If you've got an overall Vision, that's something to align to and what you want everything to add up to and the difference you want that to make.  Then it's about alignment. And there may be some things as a business, or as a company, or a team, or even your personal life that you're doing, that might sort of drive some passion and energy, might have impact. But if it's not going through this cable connected to a light bulb, it's just activity. Need that sense of alignment to something, then you make better choices, you have better perspective, you have more reason for doing what you're doing. And that's why it's important.

It's sometimes challenging because people think is for someone else to do, or someone else to give you. That's about having someone else telling you what you really should be motivated and passionate about. You can do that and try and find some connection to it. But you can still have your own Vision. And they can then be aligned, then it's a strategic Vision because it's aligned to something bigger. But it's something that we should all have within ourselves. I believe that most people have got it, they've got the light bulb, and it might just not be connected to the socket in the wall with good cable. There's breaks in the cable. For some, they're going to have lots of cable, but nothing at the end of it.

Everyone's got a Vision, they may not know it, it'll be one of the things I know that from the past then is that this is one of the things is understanding that you do have a reason there is something which you're excited about and believe in. And maybe you just haven't recognized it as a light bulb.

Passion is Energy times Emotion. Not Plus. Energy times Emotion. They amplify each other into Passion.

In the model, you've got a vertical and a horizontal axis. The vertical one is about impact. Then you get the horizontal one is about passion, which is energy times emotion. It's not just energizing. It's not just emotional. When you combine the two of those, you get a real passion. Impact up and down. Passion across. You then have a diagonal line that goes from bottom left corner to top right hand corner. It cuts from bottom left hand corner that's up to the top right hand corner and this is your cable. Now at the bottom left hand corner is where the socket in the wall is and the top right hand corner is where your light bulb is going to go. This is where Vision sits.

So the Vision is maximum impact, maximum passion.  And the socket in the wall is where it all starts.

This is the momentum model. Because when you have optimal impact and optimal passion, you have optimal momentum, because momentum is a measure of how much impact and how much passion is involved. So it makes things move faster, move more powerfully, create velocity, great direction, all the things that are key to momentum of things happening, things moving optimally is at  that top right hand corner,  and that's where vision sits, When you come down that cable a little bit further towards the socket in the wall, you moved from Vision to Goals, because goals do have impact and passion, but not as much as Vision. So the momentum is a little bit less.

So BHAGs work. But there is even better.  Less momentum comes from goals, there's a lot but less, then if you continue further down towards that socket in the wall between the socket and goals, you've got objectives. So again, objectives do give you a certain amount of momentum, because they're about impact and passion but at a lower level than goals, which is at a lower level than Vision. So, the top right hand corner is Vision, and you follow that diagonal down to the left hand corner, you've got Vision, then coming down, you've got goals, then coming down, you've got objectives, and then down in the bottom left hand corner is your starting point.

And then what's the difference between an objective and a goal?

Well, I respect all the other definitions that people have. And all definitions have their limitations. But the most effective definitions, and particularly in self development, the most relevant definitions are the ones that are relative. It's not just saying what is a goal, what's an objective, it's what the relationship between goals and objectives, what's the relationship between goals and Vision. This then helps you to  understand when a Vision becomes a goal, when a goal becomes an objective, and then an objective becomes a starting point. So if you know the relationship between these four things, you will know where the line is and when that line is crossed.

Relative definitions in most things lets you see when something stops and starts becoming something else, then you're able to see the continuum, so that you can define what something really is. The continuum of self awareness, through self help through to self improvement, and then ultimately through to self development, we can then define what self development is relative to self improvement, so that you know the difference. And that helps clarify what something is, otherwise, an isolated definition is just like a bubble out there that you've defined. Unless you see where it's what sits before and what comes after you really don't understand it yet.

Lets start with Vision, and there's a bit of irony. A Vision is something that you don't exactly know what it looks like.  Your definition of it is how it is being measured by its impact but you don't yet know what it is you're building, You've got a real sense of the direction where you want to get to. But it's a sense, rather than a defined picture of what it looks like. It's not restricted. And the second element of that is, you do not have a clue how you're going to get there. And that's why it brings big impact and a great deal of passion, because it's open ended in terms of what it could look like. And it's open ended in what you might need to do to get there. So, it's exciting, it's energizing. And it's all encompassing, you can see this, then everyone's view and purpose and ideas and skill sets. Everyone feels that they can contribute to this....

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For most of us, the challenge these days is not our capability. It’s our capacity. Challenge is not how well we're actually doing things.  Our challenge is can we make the space to do as much as we can. Which is why this episode is so valuable because this will help you to increase your capacity. This is about taking ownership of your capacity; self-determination of your day, self-determination of your time, to ensure that you're getting the optimal value of what you're putting your time into.

I had a hard time trying to name this one, because it touches on so many vital things. I found it impossible to pick one out, but have gone for capacity in the end, but I guarantee that you will take at least one other thing from this and make it your own. There's an entrepreneurial way of looking at time management; there's managing your week for value and impact. There's increasing your motivation and energy levels. There’s successful delegation. There’s how to increase your overall capacity and that of your team, creativity, confidence, and much, much more. I know, it sounds amazing. It was. I really enjoyed this one. This is something I wanted to talk about for a while. So let's not wait. Your time is important. Drop me a line and tell me what you think I should have called it you know the email address [email protected] or send me a note on LinkedIn.

Below is a transcript of the introduction which introduces this week's model:

So today is a good topic. One I know that lots of people ask about in different ways. Capacity, efficiency or efficacy but lots of people ask how can I do more with my time. We discussed some of this before in Overwhelm that it isn't about simple time management and to do lists.

Well, this is really about realising the value and maximising the value of time, not just the quantity of time that we have for things, or the quality of time in terms of what we choose to prioritise. But making sure that we're getting the optimal value of time.  We've all got the same 24 hours in the day to do stuff. So why does certain people seem to achieve more, get more out of that time. Whereas other times we feel we're just sort of grinding it out and getting through.

Some of these like time management systems is about how to steal an extra five minutes by improving your email system. This is way more than that, then this isn't about trying to steal minutes from your lunch break.

Time management is a really, really good thing. And Time management is about how do you fit 24 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour a day that's most efficient. Beyond time management, people then move into priority management. And that's how do you take 124 hours of stuff in a day and make sure that the most important 24 hours worth of stuff is focused on and the 100 worth of hours is not getting done isn’t a distraction. This is the level above that because this is about the value and impact that what you spend your time on does. So this is more of an entrepreneurial type system.  You're not measured by activity. You're measured by value and impact.

The starting point is to make sure we understand what the benefits we’re expecting to get out of this. And what you will get out of this is a greater sense of energy, control, self awareness, focus, allocation of your time, your effort into things. This is about taking ownership of that self determination of your day self determination of your time, to ensure that you're getting the optimal value of what you're putting your time into.

It gives you back energy and control. Because so many different systems, it seems to be how to get every last drop of energy from yourself to get the job done, so you go to bed exhausted and finished and you know how to survive on five hours of better quality sleep. But this isn't about squeezing every single last drop of energy out of you, if you do this, well, you'll actually it will feed you with energy.

You can generate your own energy on this. And what you're going to get on this is an understanding of those days where you're buzzing with energy. And those days, when you're just flying, you just feel everything's going in flow with you and you just have bags of energy, enthusiasm, focus and concentration. And yet, there's other times when you're just flat and dull, in a fog. You’re waking up in the morning and gradually pouring the water out of your glass over the day. And trying to time it so that's a little bit left. But this is actually about taking more ownership of that.  Of where you expend your energy, where you invest it so you get something back.  Managing that better, more consciously. So that you get to determine your energy, you get more influence on your capacity to do things really well.

We've all had those days where you've been as busy as you like, and you seem to have more energy at the end of the week than you did at the beginning of the week. And then there's other times where every morning seems to have lasted a week. And this is about understanding why you felt like there's some weeks and why you didn't other weeks. And as soon as you understand that, then you can start to manage it this way.

So there is a four-box model. And this is the four boxes of where your work is put into your time. So you get two boxes above the line and two boxes below the line. So in the bottom right-hand box, which is below the line is labelled Incompetent. The box in the bottom left, still below the line, but on the left-hand side is labelled Competent.  And then both below an energy line above that line in the top left-hand corner is labelled Excellence and the top right box, it's labelled Unique Ability.

So below that line is negative and above that line is positive. So to define first of all what each of these boxes means. So if we take incompetence - the bottom right-hand box and competence. This is not the things that you're incompetent at. These are the things that are an incompetent use of your time. It's the things that an incompetent use of your time rather than incompetent at. So these are going to be things that you probably know how to do pretty comfortably, you've probably been doing these things for quite some time, you can almost do it without thinking with your eyes closed, one hand behind your back, you've been doing it for so long. It's just something that needs to be done. It takes up your time, it takes up headspace, it takes up energy and resource. The reason why it's incompetent as it gives you nothing back.

The bottom left box is the Competent box. And this is not something that you're competent are. This is what is a competent use of your time to do. So again, these things are likely to be things you've been doing for a while, things you know how to do. You're not looking to do them any better, quicker, faster, differently . It takes up time headspace, resource and energy. But rather than it giving you nothing back, it gives you something back. And there's something that it gives you back is satisfaction, just satisfaction that it's done.  So Incompetent gives you nothing back, Competence, at least gives you satisfaction. But it's still below that energy line, because it's still taking more from you than it gives you back. Although it’s giving you back something, you're just kind of glad to see the back of it. Satisfied that it's done, at least until next month.

An example of an incompetent use of someone's time then is what something which just gives you no pleasure. So I do it. I know it needs to be done. I do it grudgingly. But I don't when I finished it. I don't go Woohoo, that's done.

You can move them from box to box, depending on how you do them, or why you're doing them. So what I don't want to do is label a chore or a task as always sitting in Incompetence. It will sit in your incompetence box if you're getting nothing back from it.  It will sit in your competent box if at least it's giving you a degree of satisfaction.

An excellent use of your time may or may not be something you've done before. It may be something you know how to do and you've been doing it for a while, but you're still looking to do better, quicker, faster. It may be something that you’re actually learning how to do it, something new and fresh. It still takes up your time, your energy, headspace but what it does is it gives you back a sense of achievement. And that sense of achievement means that it's giving you more than it's taking out of you. And that's why it sets above the line.

There's a feeling of achievement then that's that of course that automatically there's all the physiological and psychological benefits; there's confidence & dopamine. All these great things. A sense of achievement.  I’ve achieved something that might be because I’ve learned something or done it differently or better. But you get that sense of achievement, not just satisfaction that it’s done but achievement in doing something

Then we move on to Unique Ability. Excellence is wrapped around the result; the outcome is when you get that sense of achievement.  Unique Ability is the time when you get the energy and the excitement, not just in the outcome, but actually on the journey. It's something you actually just love doing. It's something that you love. You love the experience of it. It has your passion; it has an interest.  It has something that even in the working through it, there is an energy that comes from it. The energy isn't all just wrapped up in the outcome.  This is a real passion, then is that passion for it all. We've all had something like that. This isn't only about achieving results, this is just enjoying being as part of this whole story, this whole process, whatever it is.  It’s more than just achievement, you actually get a thrill doing it.

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This conversation will open your eyes to how we all learn - and might even change the way you read books forever.

Stephen explains the difference between Self Help, Self improvement and Self Development and the impact that choosing Self Development can have on your learning - but also on your confidence, resilience, energy, behaviours, decision making and that important part of self identity.  We walk through the differences between them and some good examples of how to make this work for you.

Stephen introduces it as:

Self-Development is optimal in terms of personal growth and ownership of your own personal development. It's ensuring that you're taking ownership of the learning that you're doing and the information that you're taking on board.  It’s about action - you're going to do something with it - you're not just going to gather it - you're actually going to do something with it. By taking ownership, you build up greater self-awareness, self-confidence, self-management, more influence, better results. You enjoy success by being you, as opposed to thinking 'I followed the manual and it worked out well.’  You actually start to define a more authentic, sincere and concrete level of performance in terms of your own thinking, your own habits, your own emotions because this is you being you. This is the highest level of personal development, because you're going through personal growth by taking ownership.

I've added some detailed transcription notes below to help follow along with the conversation - let us know what you think at [email protected].

Thank you for your support - it is appreciated.  Please keep subscribing and sharing.  Thanks

TRANSCRIPTION NOTES:There's a personal development continuum. It's important that we understand that a there is a continuum, and where we are on that continuum. And by understanding where we are and what we're trying to achieve, and we can maximize our results and our time, make sure we get what we want. Now, this is valuable, because every day, all of us, we're all trying to progress, improve, learn something brand new, learn to adapt, get slightly better at something. So, understanding how we can best do this will ensure that we get the best possible results.

There is going to be some work involved. But it's worth it. You taking ownership. You build on your strengths, it builds your confidence, makes you more authentic, helps you take control.

Personal development is a huge industry, and it’s something that we all do - consciously or otherwise.

It's always been there. And it's come so much more to the fore recently because people are more aware of what they don't have, what they don't do. And they're being bombarded a lot with information as to who they should be, what they should be doing, what they should be good at, what they're going to need to succeed, what they're going to need to be happy. 

We’re being consistently told we could be happier, we could be doing more, could be more efficient, we could be better looking richer, taller, better dressed.  There's also the pressure to succeed.  To be a good parent, to be a good employee, to be a good neighbour, to be a leader.  It used to be, if you really want to get on, you're going to have to develop.  Now it’s if you want to remain where you are, you're still going to have to develop with the pace of change and the challenges. So personal development is a massive industry, extremely aggressively sold, and pushed to people. And it's something that we're doing every day, not necessarily consciously, but we are in a world of personal development.

We do need to constantly learn.  In the old days we used to learn everything you used to need at school. And that was kind of it. But nowadays, the half-life of knowledge keeps getting shorter and shorter. So, we need to improve. So, we need to personally develop, that's the key thing. And then so let's look at the different ways then. Or let's look at the different options that we have.

Imagine a continuum.  At one end it is very much about information. It's just building awareness. It's what you read, it's what you watch, the news channels, the gossip magazines, it's anything that's stimulating your thinking and presenting the world to you, That’s a level of personal development.  You will be informed of something that you weren't informed about before; you’re now informed about it so there is that low level of personal development, which is just getting that information. If all we needed was knowledge, then you know, we'd all be billionaires with six packs. If it was just information that we needed, then we'd all have achieved our dreams already. That's kind of what you're saying is the information isn't enough to help you get to where you need to get to.

The next level on the continuum, which is slightly higher in terms of personal development is when you go into Self-help. This is the fitness videos, books and publications and many of the different media and channels that you have from now. Self-help is mainly information, and it's general information. But it's considered to be helpful information on a general basis.  it's a kind of wide fishing net that gets thrown out there. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to be happy? Sleep better? Eat better? Do you want to feel younger or have better skin? Do you have you know want better career? It’s a very general approach; non-specific & not personalized. Some of it is fantastic. It can really inspire your thinking and ideas. But it's not about you. It's in general terms. Surely everybody wants this - why wouldn't you?

So simple guides to productivity, efficiency, how to sell more, how to be better at sports, anything. It’s general. I could pick it up, the person next to me can pick it up, and they'll be getting exactly the same information given to them.

The next level, Self-improvement, is moving more towards being about you. There's a higher level of personal development but it is still external.  If you decide that there’s something you want to get better at, maybe because you've realized there's a gap there, or there's something holding you back. Or you've pinpointed that if you can just solve this situation, everything else is going to be better.  Maybe it's your New Year's resolution, or it's going to be your project on yourself, or you’re seeing your neighbour, your colleague or your friend benefit from this, and you think ‘I want some of that’. You're going to add a language, a skill, one more qualification or complete another course.  These are all about Self-improvement.  I don't have something - something that's a perceived weakness - and I want to improve. And that's where you move into Self-improvement.  It's a weakness, it’s a hole you're trying to fill.

Many clients will say ‘I'm not a completer finisher’, or ‘I'm not a good presenter’, or ‘I'm just not good in a crisis’. They’ll then go and sign up to a crisis management course, or a presentation course a complete a finisher course. Because they think: ’I want to know what I'm missing, because I’ll then fill those gaps. And they want me to help.  Because one of the big things about Self-improvement is you're handing it over to someone else.  You want their secrets of success, someone else's methods, someone else's process, someone else's story of success, that you think ‘I could do that myself’

It's obviously more powerful than Self-help, because there is a level of involvement from the person as well, but it is still external and it's more about completing gaps.

It's still a lot of information.  It’s if I know that information, then I'm going to be better. But it's someone else's information. So, I have questions that I want someone else to give me the answer to.

Self-Development is at the end of the continuum where it's optimal in terms of personal growth and ownership of your own personal development. It's ensuring that you're taking ownership of the learning that you're going and the information that you're taking on board.  It’s about action - you're going to do something with it, you're not just going to gather it, you're actually going to do something with it. By taking ownership, you build up greater self-awareness, self-confidence, self-management, more influence, better results. You enjoy success by being you, as opposed to’ I followed the manual and it worked out well.’. You actually start to define a more authentic, sincere and concrete level of performance in terms of your own thinking, your own habits, your own emotions because this is you being you. This is the highest level of personal development, because you're going through personal growth by taking ownership.

So, it's clear from your tone that you're a big fan of this one.

I've seen it work. I've always believed that the success, the growth, and the real value with the people I've worked with, is what they then go on and do with the things we work on, rather than creating a dependency that they need me to be there all the time with them. As soon as they think the answer is in me more than the answer is within them, then I know I've got the balance of this wrong. I've always had an approach where I believed in the person, and I wanted that person to believe in themselves.  And that's why I have relationships with people that are lifelong and ongoing, as opposed to transactional, for one area of improvement. I've always believed in this approach.

When I've sat down with people it's quite common that they will say, ‘I want to know where the gaps are, I want to know what I'm missing.’ I will turn that round, and say, but I want to know what you're good at. Because if I can understand what you're really good at. And if you can connect with what you're really good at, we can then apply that to the areas that you want to improve and be better in, and it will be more sincere, more authentic, you'll find your way of doing this better, as opposed to trying someone else's thing on for size.

So, this is building on understanding and appreciating your own strengths, building on them. Is this about plugging the gaps. This is about improving only what you're already good at?

Self-development will still want you to put some focus and improve in those gaps. But where Self-improvement will only focus on the gaps. Self-development, first of all looks at your strengths. And from that position, then looks at your weaknesses, gaps or things are missing.  But we approach it by starting where you're naturally good at and where your key strengths are. You'll come up with an authentic solution that will make that gap or that weakness a lot less challenging.  And that's when it becomes more sustainable, more consistent. It's not people acting and pretending to be someone or something else or trying to pretend to be something else. They're being genuine.

One of the most obvious examples of that for me is when I'm working with some people, we will engage with both their professional life and the private life.  At times, they'll be struggling with some things personally or at home and you ask if this was at work how would you deal with it? And they can immediately come up with an answer. They've got immediate clarity because they know they're good at that in their work. So then I ask, ‘so how would you apply that at home?’. And equally the other way around, where people really, really struggle sometimes with relationships at work. But they're really solid at home, and you say well if this was at home, how would you deal with this if it was your son or daughter or your partner? And they've got an answer in an instant. And asking if you could, could you apply that into that other situation. So sometimes, that clarity and objectivity by looking at something that you're really good at, can give you some real instant, magical at times, solutions for the bit that you're too concerned about, too worried about or don't have the confidence with.

If you apply Presenting skills along this continuum. first of all, Awareness.  I look at someone, I think they are a really good presenter, and I think: they do that a lot better than I could. And then Self-help. I watch them again and I think, what are they doing that makes them good at what they do?

Then I might move into Self-improvement and think, Okay, so what did they do that I don't do? And ‘how can I add their stuff to mine?’ Self-development is looking and thinking, I really want to be a better presenter. I can see what works for others. What am I good at in terms of communication, presentation, my knowledge of the product or knowledge of the service? what am I really good at?  when do I communicate really well? when do I present really well? How could I apply that to this situation?

There isn't only one good way of presenting. Genuine presenters shine. It isn’t a trick, it’s authentic, something real.

Two common situations: you go in and the previous CEO was a larger-than-life character. I meet the new CEO, who's following in that person's footsteps. They’ll will bow their head and say I'll never be like that person. And it's almost like an admission of defeat. Whereas for me. That's good. We’re at already the starting line then. We’ve got nothing hold us back. Because you know you're never going to be like that person. Thank goodness for that. That saves us about six sessions. So - who you are? what are your strengths? What are you really like? How do we make this authentic? I also get the other extreme where I meet another CEO who's saying the previous CEO was very composed very quiet, very precise and I've got bags of energy. I'm going to have to cage all that because everybody liked them. And that's where you have to have those initial session saying. This is about you being you. Because you looked up to that person don’t try to then follow in their footsteps.

Self-development is an ongoing process of conscious improvement and personal growth.

Nowadays the amount of cookery shows and chefs out there are just unbelievable. So you become aware that cooking resonates with you, I like to cook. So then you connect with it.  At the Self-help level of it you look and say, ‘Okay, they're really good.  I really admire them, they do good stuff, or they've got a lovely personality, or they present really well or they’re funny or creative or whatever. And so you go into the Self-help journey and buy the book to look at the recipes. And there are an awful lot of cookery books that have never picked up the scent of food. Because they have just sat there looking good on a bookshelf.

If your cookbook isn’t in the kitchen that’s a clear signal it's not yet Self-development. Self-development isn't difficult. It's not easy, but it's not difficult. It's about taking ownership and doing something with it. And if you then take that recipe, or you take that cookbook, and you give it a go.  You start and you think the more I do this, the better I'm going to get.  It’s an ongoing conscious journey towards realizing your full potential and not just comparing yourself to someone else.  That’s you moving through that continuum from taking a bit of awareness, all the way through Self-help and Self-improvement to Self-development. And that's when you make it your own. That's when you become something.  That's when you realize your fullest potential.  Your confidence will grow, your influence and passion will grow. Your belief in yourself will grow. Because you're doing it and not just copying something else.

When you're talking about the recipe, it takes me back in a number of years, to my first sales job selling phone book space.  We would do sales scripts and my first sales trainer was amazing.  She said we don't do sales scripts. In a sales scripts, you say the same thing every time.  We do a recipe. So the first couple of times, you're going to pretty much do what I've said, but then you're going to make it your own, and then you’ll sound better, and you'll get authentic. in a way there's the Self-help, there was the Self-improvement. And then there was the Self-development

Self-development is where you develop a set of skills for yourself. Your personality is there, then it makes sense. It would stick it makes sense. It becomes part of your life and your routine and that authentic and confidence. Those are two really strong words for learning something new, isn't it that confidence to take it on and it to be real to you?

Coaching is a process of, first of all, having awareness, connecting that awareness with experience. So you're aware of something & you connect with the experience, because it's actually happened. Then the next stage is that you then know, and that is what I would term Coaching for Success. Because I'm aware of something, I've experienced it and therefore know that it's happened. So that that's coaching for success. What adds depth is the moving from knowing something to understanding something. And that requires you to do something with it.  For years I've been creating models, concepts and frameworks and sharing them with clients, all over the world, and, what gives me the biggest reward is when I've got people playing back their version of something, particularly when it's not word for word because then I know they’re making it their own; then I know they’re actually taking ownership over this. And they’re growing as a person. Sometimes when a client can recite something word for word, I have that little niggle in my mind of saying ‘is this still a Self-improvement thing for them.  Have they really understood it’?

There's greater happiness for you through Self-development, because you get to be successful by being you. In some difficult situations you will have used Self-improvement, and it's worked. And then you think ‘that wasn't me’. And you feel like a bit of an imposter. So even when it goes well, you think, oh, my goodness it only goes well, and I'm not being me. So, what am I doing here?

There are these fantastically compelling and harrowing TV shows that were started I remember in the UK, a guy called Gok Wan. But anywhere you go in the world, there's other variations of these themes where they take some poor soul who wants to look better, feel better, have a better image, better fashion sense, better set of clothes, nicer hair, and better makeup and all this kind of stuff,

then we'll get through this sort of 30 minutes show that leads to this reveal, rather than put in front of a mirror that the matter is uncovered. And then you see this person. And you can always tell by that eyes. It's like someone who has too much plastic surgery, but you get a 70-year-old guy, but he’s in the body now of a 25-year-old, and you just look at his eyes. And there's that fear. of looking in the mirror and going, who's that? they look great, but who is that. And these reveal programs were always on that basis, then they used to wheel them out in front of family and friends who all of a sudden clapped and cheered and loved them. Because they looked different. Personal Development at its optimal is when you go through personal growth that matches those changes externally. So personal development, your Self-development matches the level that you are learning then it's authentic, then it's you being you, that's where your real happiness is because there's nothing as trapped, or leads to unhappiness than actually being told You're doing well by pretending to be something or someone else. That that's a difficult place to find yourself in.

So when I’m buying a book is that Self-help Self-improvement or Self-development? Or can it be all three?

Well, it depends on what your mindset is, and what the question is that you're asking and the quality of the question you ask yourself will determine the quality of the thinking that you have, which will then determine the result. So if you're asking yourself a Self-help question, you will read that book on the basis of why is this person good and I'm not. And your thinking will identify all the things that they did that you don't. And the result is you'll be an expert on what they can do really well.

If you read that same book, and your question is a Self-improvement one, so how do I identify what this person does that I don’t, you will then identify all the things that they do that you don’t , and the result, is you'll understand why they're as good at what they do. And you'll be looking to imitate, pretend or copy and paste that.  Maybe if I did that I'd get to the same.

But if your mindset is of Self-development, then the question you're going to be asking is, what can I take from this that I can learn, that I can own, that I can put into action. So I can then find my own way of doing what the story is telling me and your thinking will be attuned to interpreting while you're reading, how you can make that your own. And the result is that it’s a book you're going to take notes on, its’ a book you're going to go back to, it's a book you're going to refer to, because you're going to be interpreting that book in a mindset of Self-development. I'm going to do something with this, I'm going to take ownership of what I'm going to take from this book, and I'm going to apply it. And I'm going to find my way of doing that.

I've approached books in each of those three different ways, different books at different times. So, it's your approach in all of these different situations which decides then whether this is going to be just simply awareness, Self-help, Self-improvement, or the ultimate Self-development.

Self-development isn’t everything you do; it is everything you consciously choose to grow through.

Some books are great awareness books.  Some books I’m just happy to read, it's kind of downtime.  Sometimes it's great to read a book and marvel at what someone else does without having that confidence dwindling approach of why are they successful and I’m not? Sometimes it's just great to read about someone else's success and be pleased for them. What a story!

You can also open up to reading some books that you don't have tan instant connection with. I can remember a book that I read the first time I didn’t have a connection with. The first time I read it, I thought that guy's not me. I don't think like that guy. It was based in the 70s in California. I was trying to look for something to connect with and I just couldn't find it. By the end of the book, however, I then realized that if I should read it with a different mindset, the Self-development mindset of saying, what can I take from that book to make my own? I’ve now read it at least seven times and every time I read that book, I find something.

We talked about ‘ask better questions, get better answers’. You’re reading the book anyway, the value you're going to get out of reading that book changes with the right question. It's got to be conscious that's the thing.

The operational level then is knowing about this continuum, knowing that you have the option of having these questions, and sometimes you'll stumble into it, so we've all learned, we've all developed sometimes we've done it, almost by mistake or unconsciously, but this is now being aware that there is a choice on it on an operational level.

Management is about understanding. There are times when you're actually going through it, you're doing stuff, and sometimes just have why do I still have to do this all the time. Well, that’s you going through Self-development. You're increasing your personal growth. It's managing your situations you're going through. At an operational level it’s being aware of these different four levels of personal development. Management is about saying is this a situation when I can self-develop. So, managing those choices, and saying, I'm going to choose to approach this situation from Self-development perspective. So how can I do this in a way that's authentic from me? what can I take out of this that I'm willing to go and commit to greater personal growth, greater self-confidence by doing this? How do I take that cookbook from the lounge to the kitchen and actually say now this is an opportunity for me to learn, an opportunity for me to grow, to enhance skills, to develop my talents, to improve my thinking.

Also, the management level of Self-development is starting from what you're good at. So that the situations that you're going to deal with, start from what I'm good at, not trying to build on the gaps.  It’s actually putting the foundations in then saying What am I good at? Reminding myself what I'm good at. particularly for the things that you having to face that you might not have done before.  What are you bringing to the table that’s good? You can't build on what you don't have.

Strategically it’s you deciding in advance to go and look for things that you want to self-develop, and then creating the situations.  How do I create an environment or an opportunity for me really to enhance my personal growth? How do I decide I'm going to have a Self-development approach to this situation that I'm going to create? I’m going to use this to become, rather than something I'm just going to develop more awareness of.  It’s an active choice of putting yourself into that situation, rather than managing the situation that is put in front of you. I'm going to go look for things that are going to be good for me, in terms of that personal growth in terms of ownership, that really helps me build upon my strengths.

I was speaking with a very high level, woman who globally heads up coaching and leadership development. And yet, not something that she has confidence in doing for herself.  She does it for literally 1000s of people to a level that's fantastic. And yet, doesn't do it for herself. And this is what happens to a lot of us at times where you know, cobblers’ shoes used to be the old example of he used to be able to tell the cobbler in a village because it was the person with the worse shoes, because they were fixing everyone else’s but never their own. In this situation her opportunity of Self-development is now taking everything that she knows, taking all that understanding, taking what she's also very good as an individual, and applying it to situations that she hasn't yet thought to apply it.

You want a portfolio of strategies, or a box of approaches that you're most comfortable with or confident in.  Those approaches with certain people in certain situations which tend to get you fantastic results, or results that you're really happy with. However, those same approaches with other people, in other situations can sometimes fall short. So rather than saying as these approaches work with these people in these situations, I just need to spend my life only dealing with these people and these situations and avoiding the others. What Self-development is about is building out that authentic portfolio strategies of you being you so that you can broaden that base enough that you can start to look at the outcome you want and say, Well, I want that outcome. Now, given that it's these people or these situations, I’ve got three or four genuine, sincere, authentic ways of dealing with us to get to where I want to get to.  I don’t need to steal anything from somebody else. I can develop three or four strategies using my own characteristics and strengths.

If you are genuine, authentic and sincere, the law of attraction states you will attract genuine, sincere, authentic people and situations into your life. But if you're pretending to be something or someone else, you're also going to attract those types of people and situations in your life.

We've talked before about the difference in self-confidence and confidence, and how confidence is all externally driven. your self-confidence is your internal and your base for everything. The way that you build and develop your self-confidence is through Self-development. You knowing you, Being authentic with that base. Helps you to make self-confident decisions and to build relationships based upon self-confidence.  Self-development as your strategy will ensure that you've got a level of self confidence in which the lows will not take you down. And you'll experience greater highs. If you've stolen or borrowed something from someone else, then that isn't going to feed your own confidence.  You get the outcome you want which is great, but you worry whether someone's going to tap you on the shoulder and say we know you've been doing an impression of somebody else come out of there. But when this comes from something that you are and you do, then you don't have the imposter syndrome, you don't think you're lucky. So therefore, that will help build confidence

Are you ready for Self-development, there's that there's a model on control focus, it's based upon the locus of control that was designed in the 60s. And this is about how you draw the line between what you take control over and what else you hand over to fate, or luck, or external circumstance. And it depends where you want that line to go. And if you are okay waiting for fate, or luck, or other people to decide your future, then Self-development isn’t a level you need to get to.  Self-help and Self-improvement will be fine. That will give you an awareness of all the things that you don't really do. If you're looking to move that control, wanting to self-determine your future, self-determine what's good enough for you, self-determine what your potential that can be, self-determine the difference and impact you can have for others, then as long as you're willing to commit to the level of ownership and personal growth that you're going to go through. Self-development isn't just right for you, it's best for you. But it does take that commitment,

Self-determination. It's up to you. Ask yourself the right question and then commit to determining your own future. So, then this is situational. So, there may be some situations where I don't have that locus of control with me. And there are other times when I decide and that comes back to that strategic point. Actually, I'm going to decide that this is something I'm going to take ownership of.

Self-development is an ongoing journey for people. That's where the personal growth, the confidence, that’s where everything comes from. It's knowing that I am successful because of me. In the future you can determine everything that you read, everything you get involved with, can be upgraded into Self-development as soon as you decide.

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