Disclaimer: In this episode, we talk about the loss of a spouse or child.  You may want to distract little ears with this episode.

5 Ways to Love Your Spouse After a Deep Loss

Alicia Searl Contributing Writer   crosswalk.com

As I write this, I look up into a beautiful, picturesque landscape. My heart needed this. My soul needed this. I needed a space to breathe, to absorb all that had taken place over the last five years and, more recently, the last couple of months. I am thankful my husband recognized I needed to sit in my grief. To let it seep in since I have been pushing all my feelings down for quite some time now, especially since April when my mom departed this world and entered the arms of her Savior.

If I were being honest, our family has been through quite a bit of trial as of late, and I guess it all began to all catch up with me. As I sat down to relive some of the pain with my husband one evening, we realized we had lost seven family members and a close childhood friend all in the last five years. People who were pillars for our family or loved ones that deeply impacted our lives. As parents, we have tried to offer love and support to one another and our grieving children, but life has a way of pushing us forward in this season, begging for us to continue. Life doesn't slow down between sporting events, school activities, play dates, and church functions because we are stuck in the past.

After the loss of my mother, grief began to bubble up in ways I wasn't quite sure how to handle. This mix of emotions kept sneaking in and stealing my joy. It made life look hazy and disoriented. I felt lost and alone. Wave after wave of grief kept knocking me down, and at one point, I wasn't sure I wanted to get back up. Life kept going, but my world felt stuck as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. Not to mention I just wanted space to breathe, to be still and quiet, but there was nowhere to escape. No place to sit in solitude to let the tidal wave of grief wash over me so I could process all that had happened.

So, I ended up bottling it all up until I eventually broke. After a whirlwind of a summer with no space to seek peace, I decided to tackle this grief head-on. I booked a small cottage a few towns away for the weekend to gain a sense of clarity. To sit with a cup of coffee and gaze out into an open pasture just to hear nothing but the sound of my Savior seeking my wounded heart, reminding me He was still with me.

My husband hugged me and told me to go and seek rest. As I write this, he is currently taking care of the children for the weekend. He is handling all the housework, the chores, and the responsibilities. And he is essentially taking care of me. For that, I am ever so thankful.

If you or your spouse is enduring a profound loss, let me start by giving you my sincere condolences. While I don't understand what you are going through, I can relate to the heavy weight that a loss like that brings. The mixed feelings. The unexpected highs and lows. The need to be alone yet surrounded by the ones you love. The need to be reassured that while a piece of you is missing, you are still somehow going to be able to live again. While it can feel like the world has stopped spinning, there are ways you can seek support as well as offer it to your spouse while they experience all the various stages of grief.

1. Be Patient

Grief takes time. You can best show your spouse support by giving them time to grieve and be patient with the process. While it can be difficult to watch your spouse suffer and endure a roller coaster ride of emotions, remember that what they need most is for someone to lean on and offer compassion without judgment.

Realize that each person exper

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.