The Session / Love Month / Feb. 6 Release

Matthew 7:3-5

Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye.

Examples of a log in my eye and a speck in yours: Vertical

• Emphasizing the importance of being on time and I am consistently late to record.
• My dad was highly critical of us about backing our cars up carefully. He never lived it down when he backed into my sisters BRICK mailbox and flattened it
• Having coffee with one of our sons and emphasizing the importance of being careful and I spill my coffee 

Vertical, Horizontal Expectations and The Emotional Boundary

• Vertical expectations, otherwise known as internal expectations, are expectations where we ask God in heaven to help us grow in specific ways that will make us better spouses.
• Horizontal Expectations, otherwise known as external expectations, are when one spouse has expectations of their spouse to grow in ways that makes them feel better. Marital success happens when their spouse improves that area.
• The Emotional Boundary is how emotionally close a couple is. Expectations have a direct impact on the emotional boundary. When both spouses are working on their vertical expectations, it causes growth. The horizontal expectations cause distance because the spouse hearing the horizontal expectations is often hurt or focused on the log in their spouse’s eye which creates distance in the emotional boundary.

Examples:

Recently Kathy went to Europe with our daughter and I stayed home. For a number of days prior to her going there was an unspoken feeling of close and real bonding love between us.

The Power Of Vertical Expectations

Expectations and The Communication Highway 

• A very successful process to grow your marriage using vertical expectations is very similar to Paul’s teaching in I Corinthians 11:28 where he is talking and praying about communion. He is encouraging the people to “retreat” and examine themselves before taking communion. It is the examining of ourselves followed by reading scripture and praying that will help you to grow.
• The impact of vertical expectations is that growth happens quicker and in general are more powerful. It is quicker because we can decide to immediately work on what God is saying to us that will help us. They in general are more powerful because we can focus on the change with intensity and ownership.

Examples: 

I wanted to make sure I did my part for keeping the romance in our marriage. The 24-48 hour getaway.  (Produced importance to Kathy)

The Quaker Square getaway Weekly date night. 

The Nintendo WEI Bowling night WINNER TAKES ALL GAME

Devotions 

We made a pre marriage decision to start each day with prayer.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.