Frustrated And Exhausted

The Shadow Side of Leadership


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Today, we’re diving deep into the lesser-talked-about “shadowy side” of leadership. While leadership is often framed around positivity, strength, and values, there’s a whole set of unseen influences—the parts of ourselves we’d rather not acknowledge—that shape the way we lead. Drawing on ideas from Freud, Carl Jung, and practical leadership coaching, we explore how ignoring our shadows can come back to bite us, why avoidance doesn’t make our flaws disappear, and how self-awareness and ownership are crucial to sustainable, authentic leadership.

[00:01:06] – The Concept of the Shadow in Leadership

  • Explanation that every leader has a “shadow”—the unseen, often uncomfortable parts of ourselves.
  • Emphasis on being kind to oneself when exploring these difficult aspects.

[00:02:01] – The Importance of Self-awareness

  • Why it’s easier to focus on strengths rather than shadows.
  • References to psychological theories (Freud, Jung) and the idea of “unknown unknowns.”

[00:03:07] – How Shadows Show Up

  • Examples of how shadow traits manifest (avoiding conflict, craving approval, perfectionism).
  • Emphasizing that these are not “bad,” but very human responses.

[00:04:56] – Shadow Becomes Destructive When Ignored

  • The dangers of blind spots and repressed traits.
  • Examples from coaching practice: leaders are often rewarded for the “light” side and overlook the shadow.
  • The impact of stress—how strengths can morph into their shadow side.

[00:07:56] – Consequences of Denying the Shadow

  • How the shadow “leaks” out in behaviors like micromanagement, frustration, passive aggression, or withdrawal.
  • Analogy: the shadow is like an invisible draft.

[00:08:32] – Recognizing and Owning Our Shadow

  • Importance of self-ownership—acknowledging both positive and negative sides.
  • With self-awareness comes choice and the ability to change or set boundaries.

[00:10:33] – Reflection Questions for Listeners

  • Prompts to consider where their shadow might be impacting their leadership.
  • Overusing strengths, avoiding issues, or emotionally outsourcing.

Bringing your shadow side into awareness is about embracing your whole self. This self-ownership helps you make conscious choices, identify and fulfill your needs, and show up more authentically—at work and in life.

If you’re showing up in spaces not made for you—keep going. You’re seen, and you’re not alone.

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Frustrated And ExhaustedBy Ruth Wood