In this episode, I take a slower, more reflective approach as she dives into the often-overlooked power of quiet seasons—those stretches when the emails dwindle, meetings fade away, and the pace of work noticeably softens.

[00:01:54]

• The benefit of embracing stillness: greater clarity, realization of exhaustion, and focusing on what truly matters. The myth that speed equals competence is challenged.

[00:02:51]

• Shares that the best and biggest decisions often come out of stillness, not constant activity. Highlights a coaching example where silence led to deep insight.

[00:04:01]

• Reflections on how our culture equates activity with value, and how quietness allows us to rediscover our priorities and sense of self.

[00:05:20]

• The discomfort of leaving silence, but the richness that comes from it—ideas grow, leadership voice strengthens, and we reconnect with real priorities.

[00:06:05]

• Importance of quietness as both mental and physiological space—being outdoors, present in the body, and how this impacts health and leadership presence.

Have thoughts or stories to share? I would love to hear from you. Connect via LinkedIn or visit resonateleadership.co.uk for more resources and support.

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In this episode, I dive deep into the media reaction and double standards surrounding British Chancellor Rachel Reeves showing emotion during a high-profile parliamentary session. I explore the gender biases at play, the different standards applied to male and female leaders, and the larger implications for women in leadership.

(00:02:05 – 00:04:08) The Gender Double Standard:

• Ruth unpacks how tears from women are often interpreted as incompetence or weakness, while similar emotional displays from male leaders (e.g., Gordon Brown, Philip Hammond) are either empathized with or ignored.

(00:04:08 – 00:08:00) Emotional Expression in Leadership:

• A discussion about how Reeves’ credentials are questioned after displaying emotion, despite male predecessors not facing the same scrutiny. References to research on emotional displays and workplace perceptions.

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In this episode, I dive into a subtle but persistent form of gendered undermining in leadership—the “little girling” of women. Think of those times when a woman delivers a strategic, thoughtful point, but the response is “you’re so passionate!” or “I love your energy!” I break down how these words are used in place of truly acknowledging women’s expertise and authority, explores why language like this is damaging, and offers strategies for reframing, redirecting, and challenging such comments. I encourage listeners to recognise and resist this reductive behavior, and to find supportive allies and spaces where the issue can be openly discussed.

• 00:01:52 — How these words replace descriptors of expertise and authority, casting women as cheerleaders rather than leaders.
• 00:02:59 — The real-world consequences: erosion of credibility and trust.
• 00:03:21 — How early messages and repeated framing make women internalize being “the keen girl,” leading to exhaustion and overthinking.
• 00:04:08 — The emotional labor of being both passionate and visionary, and always fighting to be seen as more than just “energetic.”
• 00:05:21 — Practical options: calling out the behavior, reframing, redirecting, or challenging; why context matters.
• 00:06:31 — Bias is often unconscious and comes from all genders; tips to redirect or challenge skillfully.
• 00:07:22 — The importance of circles of support where these dynamics can be named and understood.
• 00:07:54 — There’s no “right” way to respond—awareness is the first step, and any response you choose is valid.
• 00:08:54 — Emphasizing that women can be both passionate and expert—rejecting reductive labels.
• 00:09:57 — Final thoughts: how to reclaim your narrative and respond on your own terms.

Want to share your story or thoughts? I would love to hear from you—reach out and be part of the conversation!

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In this deeply thought-provoking episode, Ruth welcomes psychodynamics expert Julia Rogers to unpack the loaded concept of "hysteria" and its fraught historical connection with women and femininity. From ancient Greek medicine to Freud's consulting room and all the way through to the modern workplace, they explore how women's emotional expression has been pathologized and turned into a tool for control and dismissal.

• Hysteria has always been gendered: Rooted in control and dismissiveness, it offered a "diagnosis" for women whose voices or pain disrupted the status quo.
• System vs. Self: The label served to protect social structures, but also paradoxically gave women a (constrained) way to signal distress when their words were ignored.
• Still Resonant Today: Even now, women’s emotions can be pathologized—think about conversations around menopause or women "overreacting" at work.
• Emotions are Data: Feelings like anger or frustration shouldn’t be dismissed or shamed. They're valid responses that often point to deeper issues.
• You Are Not Too Much: If you’re made to feel "hysterical,” you might simply be in the wrong room. Seek spaces that value your whole self.
• Channel Your Inner Dora: If a situation or environment refuses to hear or respect your truth, it’s okay to walk away.

00:02:11

What is Hysteria? (Origin and Meaning)

• Julia explains the etymology of "hysteria" (Greek for "uterus") and discusses its historical use as a catch-all diagnosis for unexplained symptoms in women.

00:03:33

How Hysteria Became Negative

• The term’s pejorative use to invalidate women’s emotions and opinions, and its connection to restrictive gender norms in the late 1800s and early 1900s

00:05:04

Psychodynamics: The Unspoken Message Behind Hysteria

• Julia delves into how physical symptoms often communicated what women could not say out loud
• Freud's case study of "Dora" is discussed as an example.00:10:04

The Systemic Function of Hysteria

• How the label benefited patriarchal systems and provided both an outlet for women’s frustration and an easy method for dismissal.

00:13:12

Gendered Diagnosis and Societal Segregation

• Why hysteria became so strongly gendered, the role of male medical professionals, and the broader context of social segregation.

00:23:18

Unlearning Shame & Reclaiming Emotional Expression

• Why women often internalize dismissal of their own emotions.
• Coaching insights: Emotions as data, the power of reframing anger.

00:31:13

Final Insights: Reclaiming Power & Emotional Authority

• Julia’s advice: “If anyone calls you hysterical, own it—there’s likely a very good reason for your emotion.”

• Learn more about Julia Rogers and her work on psychodynamics and everyday life.
• Ruth's leadership coaching and community at resonateleadership.co.uk.

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In this episode I dive into the concept of assertiveness for women in leadership. Explore common misconceptions around assertiveness, the societal conditioning that shapes how women express power, and offers practical tips on how to reclaim your voice authentically—without feeling the need to adopt an "alpha" persona or "bark to be heard." Assertiveness, is about clarity, boundaries, and self-respect, not aggression or dominance. I share personal stories and actionable strategies to help you show up with calm, grounded confidence—no barking required.

00:02:03

Social Conditioning & Dichotomy for Women  

• Most women taught to be either small and agreeable or dominating—little space for in-between.
• The double bind: labeled “not serious” if too soft, “aggressive” if too strong.

00:03:21

Assertiveness Misconceptions

• How we’re conditioned to soften language to be heard.
• Assertiveness is not aggression or dominance; it's not about being the loudest.

00:05:10 

What Assertiveness Truly Is 

• Assertiveness = clarity, boundaries, self-respect.
• Example of reframing language to sound more confident.

00:06:41  

Practical Strategies for Reclaiming Assertiveness*  

• Drop qualifiers (“just,” “sorry,” “I’m no expert, but...”).
• Start with “I” statements.
• Use the power of pausing.
• The impact of body language and alignment.

00:09:29  

Low-Intensity Directness & Emotional Regulation

• Assertiveness doesn’t require sharpness or aggression.
• Calm, steady tone can be more impactful.

00:11:42  

Practicing Aligned Assertiveness  

• Invitation to reflect: how can you practice assertiveness this week?
• Assertiveness as alignment, not performance.

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In this episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted," I dive into the concept of the "achievement hangover"—that letdown or slump in energy and mood after reaching a major professional milestone. They explore why, after striving hard for a goal and achieving it, you might not feel the sense of fulfillment you expected. The discussion also covers societal and organizational expectations, particularly for women, and offers practical advice for processing these feelings and navigating the aftermath of achievement.

Timestamps & Topics

00:00:22 –

What Is the Achievement Hangover?

• Description of the phenomenon: achieving a goal but feeling let down afterward.
• Personal experiences with intense goal focus.

00:02:12

External Success vs. Internal Fulfillment

• The discrepancy between what success looks like from the outside versus how it feels inside.
• The neuroscience behind the short-lived dopamine hits from achievement.

00:03:54

Conforming to External Expectations

• How working towards goals set by others—especially in hierarchical or traditional environmentscan mean sidelining personal values and creativity.
• The impact of performance mode versus genuine embodiment of leadership roles.

00:07:03

Advice: Pausing and Reflecting

• Encouragement to sit with feelings after achieving a goal rather than jumping to the next one.
• Suggestions to reflect on expectations versus reality, reconnect with personal values, and envision success on your own terms.

00:08:40

Processing the Gap Between Expectation and Reality

• Permission to grieve the disappointment and recognize it's a common experience. 
• Framing the experience as a turning point, not a failure.

If you’ve got stories, questions, or thoughts about the achievement hangover, don’t hesitate to reach out!

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In this episode, I’m calling out the confidence hype. We’ve all been told that if we just had more confidence, we’d get the job, the pay rise, the recognition. The truth is confidence is not the magic fix it’s made out to be.

It’s often a cover for deeper stuff like privilege, practice, or just being loud. And when we buy into the idea that we’re not doing well because we’re not confident enough, it becomes yet another reason to beat ourselves up.

What if the real game changers are things like clarity, courage, and trust in yourself? What if you stopped waiting to feel confident and just started? Let’s talk about why confidence might be overrated, and what actually matters instead!

Here are the highlights

Confidence vs. Competence and Courage (2:29)

Alternatives to Confidence (5:17)

Credibility and Connection in Leadership (7:13)

Reframing Leadership and Final Thoughts (9:14)

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We’re told to “just be authentic” as leaders. But let’s be honest, actually doing that can feel like ripping your chest open in front of a room full of people.

In this episode, I’m diving into why being authentic sounds great in theory, but often feels uncomfortable in practice.

I share a real story from a client who finally spoke up in a tough environment… and then spent the next 24 hours spiralling with doubt. Sound familiar?

We explore the very real tension between showing up as yourself and the anxiety that comes with that. Especially for women, and even more so for women of colour, neurodivergent women, or anyone from a marginalised background, authenticity doesn’t always feel safe. It can trigger fears of judgement, rejection, or simply not belonging.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “How much of me is too much at work?” this one’s for you.

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What if the traditional idea of leadership, the way we’re told it should look, just doesn’t suit you?

I’m unpacking why so much leadership advice feels awkward or just plain exhausting for some women.

Maybe you don’t want to be the loudest in the room. Maybe being “always on” isn’t your thing. And maybe, just maybe, there’s another way to lead that actually feels like you.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re playing a role instead of showing up as yourself, this episode is for you. Let’s talk about what leadership could look like when we stop squeezing ourselves into boxes that were never meant for us.

Here are the highlights

Challenges of Traditional Leadership Models (1:40)

Defining Leadership on Your Own Terms (3:57)

Practical Steps for Leading on Your Own Terms (8:07)

Centering Yourself and Values in Leadership (8:58)

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Ever walked into a room and thought, “Oh... it’s just me then”?

In this episode, I’m talking about what it’s really like to be the only woman in the room.

The awkwardness.

The invisible load.

The way we manage, rather than just show up as we are. I’m sharing how those old patterns sneak back in, and how we can notice them, challenge them, and show up fully as ourselves anyway!

Here are the highlights

Performance Pressure and Hypervisibility (1:34)

Structural Issues and Cultural Norms (3:53)

Emotional Survival and Leading Without Shrinking (6:49)

Peer Support and Challenging Assumptions (10:07)

Final Thoughts (12:38)

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