I am consistently updating and adding resources to The Program. Here’s the latest installment for Lesson 41: Your Capacity, which appears as part of the Metal Phase during Principle #2: Addiction is a Cycle.
This one is all about feeling. And just like the feelings that drove us during active addiction, the ones that arise from digging into the roots of investigative recovery can be overwhelming.
Because when a feeling overtakes us and we follow like a lemming, it can lead us right off the cliff.
The flip side also has drawbacks because when we control the feeling following a path of logical structure and/or medicative numbness, we can end up in a suspended state of safety that turns into a life of flatness.
How do we reconcile this?
Before we look for an answer, let’s make things even more complicated…
“Randy, why am I on more drugs coming out of treatment than when I went in?”
When I led groups in treatment centers, I asked people to raise their hands and keep them up if they answered, “Yes,” to any of the following:
Since entering treatment, have you been diagnosed with and prescribed medication for:
* Depression?
* Anxiety?
* ADHD?
* Other?
Every single person had at least one hand raised, and the majority had both up—along with raising a foot or two.
That’s a lot of feelings, a lot of diagnosing, and a whole lot of treatment. So, it’s common for someone to ask, “How am I going to learn to deal with my feelings if I’m loaded up with prescription drugs?"
That’s a darn good question. One that requires answers from professional and ethical standpoints, and which are delivered by those legally and ethically allowed to do so.
So, for our purposes here, I’m investigating this question from a spiritual standpoint and providing this perspective to the only other person who’s legally, ethically, and morally allowed to change their prescription: the client.
To simplify things and give us a place to begin our conversation, here’s what I call The Graph of Expression:
Key:
#1 - Black Zone: The socially acceptable and proper range of expression
#2 - Blue Zone: Depression
#3 - Red Zone: Anxiety
#4 - Brown Zone: Apathy
Here’s some detail:
The Black Zone is what greases the wheels of polite society and says:
* Thank you.
* Excuse me.
* Yes, please.
* No, thank you.
* My fault.
* No worries.
The Red Zone is where the fast feelings live, which can be described as:
* Up
* Riding the lightning
* Downloading inspiration
* In the flow
* “I wanna go fast!” ~Ricky Bobby
* Yes! Woohoo!
Heading down into the Blue Zone, we find the slow feelings, which can be described as:
* Bummed
* “I ain’t got no motivation.”
* Depressed
* I’m moving slow today.
* Why should I go? What’s the point?
* No. I just don’t feel like it.
Staying in the Brown Zone, which is a compressed version of the Black Zone’s social norms, can look like:
* “Oh well, I never really liked that cat anyway.”
* “Which restaurant? I don’t care.”
* “Oh yeah. I guess I just forgot.”
* “Whatever.”
* “I don’t know…”
* “I don’t feel strongly either way…”
The Graph of Expression is a simple, visual map of the range of human feelings and provides a place to begin our exploration about where we’re at and where we’d like to go.
Once we’ve identified which zone is ours, what happens if we don’t like where we’re at and want to go about changing things?
Generally speaking, there are two ways to answer this question:
* From the the inside: “I will find and develop the necessary skills and tools to deal with my feelings in healthy ways.”
Or…
* From the outside: “I can’t do this, so I’ll just take a pill and eliminate the problem.”
Boom! Now, we’re staring straight down the point offered by the title for this post because:
You can’t reclaim your power from spirit and relinquish your power to an expert at the same time.
Here’s what it looks like when someone uses a pill to hand over their power. To be clear, I’m not saying that using a pill automatically hands over your power. More on this a little later.
“Randy, if there’s a pill to fix my feelings-situation, I don’t understand why using a pill to do it relinquishes my power?”
Because if you do “find the answer” by way of the pill, the problem is that you’re:
* Handing your power over to the pill
* Handing your power over to the expert
* Handing your power over to your limiting core belief
Let’s look at each of these, investigating how using a pill hands over your power.
Problem 1: Using the pill relinquishes your power to the pill.
You’re dependent on an outside agent, the pill, which decreases or eliminates incentive for internal development.
When this happens, it removes your ability to find, develop, and maintain what it takes to deal with, or in some cases even visit, a feeling.
This ability is a foundational requirement of most personal and spiritual practices. So, in this case, a pill replaces practice.
The medicine from a pill cannot deliver the rewards that the medicine from a practice does.
The medicine of practice bestows rewards that cannot be given and cannot be taken away. They can only be earned.
This kind of spiritual practice is one step along the path to reclaiming your power. It is a path of internal development, healthy improvements, and eventual mastery.
Problem 2: Using the pill relinquishes your power to the expert.
“Fix me,” whether spoken or implied, is the phrase that relinquishes your power to the expert.
“I’m here to fix you,” whether spoken or implied, is the phrase that your expert imposes on you to validate that relinquishment of power.
The “fix me” intention is a spell that you and your expert both believe in. It is what keeps your power flowing to the expert.
This flow of power happens only in one direction: from you to your chosen expert.
Right relationship with your prescribing physician is an equal partnership that is built upon mutual respect, input, and scientific curiosity.
When you have this, it breaks any previous spells of disempowerment and dependence, which had you believing in the expert’s castings of how you would be fixed by them.
Problem 3: Using the pill relinquishes your power to your limiting core beliefs.
From a spiritual perspective, limiting core beliefs are the doorway you send your power through to the receiving ”spirit of inability.”
Whether you view this receiving agent as a spirit, or an archetype, or even a bank account of energy, the point is that the Universe has a repository where you power is placed. As is the Yin Yang nature of things, your power is then sent back in equal measure and as validation for your belief lying at the core of addiction.
This limiting core belief, which forms itself into some kind of “I am” statement, fills in the blank with your particular brand of not-enough-ness.
For example, “I am weak, so I need the pill.”
The pill reinforces the belief at the core of your addiction that right here, right now, you’re not good enough as is. You need something to deal with the feeling.
Handing over your power to the belief that you’re not enough and need something is an act of substitution. You’ve swapped out your drug or action of choice for the legally prescribed medication.
Unfortunately, this validates your need for an outside agent that disempowers you and empowers the limiting core belief.
Your power is redirected to feed the spirit of inability, which then perpetuates the Cycle of Addiction.
Breaking this cycle begins by recognizing and acknowledging the power that your limiting core belief holds. Then, the next step is to stop feeding it with even more power. “If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.”
Empowered or disempowered?
Look, I don’t believe that medications are bad. They hold potential to be a useful tool in recovery.
I am not “anti-medication.” But I am “anti-disempowerment.”
The people I work with want to reclaim their power, passion, and purpose. But, again, right relationship with your prescribing physician is an equal partnership built upon mutual respect, input, and scientific curiosity.
There should be a clear plan that answers all of the, “What if” questions, and this holds true whether one is exploring going on or coming off medication.
Nothing replaces the power of professional support when you feel like you are truly heard, seen, and understood. From this place, successful and spiritually empowered recovery has a firm foundation upon which to build.
You can listen to this episode on the podcast here…
…or watch it from the video at the top of the page.
As always, please feel free to reach out with any questions you have and leave a comment below.
Blessings,Randal
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit randallyons.substack.com
