The Soccer Sidelines

I don't think I could have anticipated in 2017, that three years later, you and I would be celebrating our third holiday season together. Whatever your favorite way to celebrate the holidays are, I'm hoping that for you it's full of family, good health, giving, and gratitude. There are a lot of ways to celebrate the holiday season, but I think they all serve to recharge our batteries for the Winter season ahead. Let's come together with our loved ones, bask in the warmth of a fire, warm food, good company, and memories I hope are positive for you. If you have memories that are not so good, let's do something to make one good memory this year we can build on next year. Parents doing piggyback to their children in countrysideFor me, I'm grateful for all the stories, tweets, emails, phone calls, and sponsorships that bring us together around the stuff that really matters for our kids and our families. As a listener of this show , you reaffirm your commitment and inspire me every week to spend the 5-8 hours it takes to produce a show and deliver it to your mobile phone, home listening device, or computer. I'm in this more than 110 episodes now. I'm finally starting to get comfortable. I'm making more and more contacts with you, and I'm starting to see some momentum build up around the things that we talk about every week. I'm not alone. There are great people trying to make a difference all around. Just check out my followers on Twitter. I've seen some really great stuff there, and I never thought I would be on Twitter or or like the kind of interactions I see among my Twitter followers. We're going to take a break for now and spend time with family. I'm hoping that you're doing the same. Please enjoy the holidays! This is the stuff that really matters! Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageTalk with you again when we return!

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Support the Show: https://thesoccersidelines.com/go/Connect with me: https://thesoccersidelines.com/connect/I grew up participating in many different youth sports. Each has it own culture. Now, as a parent of two kids who also do multiple sports, a soccer coach, and a Club President, I get to revisit the cultures of various youth sports and see things with slightly different (more seasoned) eyes - as well as a different seat. What I've noticed is worthy of an episode. Assuming culture really matters and assuming we are capable of being great in each of them, then what I've seen these last few years is worth talking about. If we can behave one way in one sport and a different way in a different sport, then maybe we can bring the best of ourselves to each and make the whole experience better. Support for Struggling CompetitorsManaging kids who are struggling is the feature I want to talk about in this episode. All kids struggle. All parents, players, and coaches have a choice how to support struggling players. I see kids supported one way in swimming and a whole different way in soccer.  Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageIndividual SportsIn the sound clips I play in this episode, you will hear first hand what a crowd of parents, players, and athletes sound like when a competitor is struggling. The noise, the clapping, the yelling... all for the player who is in last place is full of positive energy. As an individual sport athlete, I can attest to the fact that struggle is real. The fact that everyone in the environment is so willing to support the struggling athlete means that athletes are free to play in whatever manner fits them best. They know, they are still loved and supported. They also know what they need to do if they want to beat their own times or to place in a meet to put points on the board for their team.Team SportsIn the team sport context, the environment is more like a battle. Team A vs Team B. Parents, players, and athletes yell support for their own team, but not their opponent. Noticing kids who are struggling is harder in a group setting. Parents and many coaches are much more likely to notice the score board than they are individual development objectives. Without clarity around who is struggling and how we can best support individual players, how do we do that? Our community has come up with some good ideas. Contact Me!First NameEmail AddressMessageSend messageBe Specific About Individual Development ObjectivesAndy FoxAll of the Stoke City Potters youth Academy says in a development environment "every kid has their own key outcomes (KO), if they reach their KO’s then (they earn a) reward. One kid I know, his KO was to encourage team mates more, it had a big impact on the whole team outcome."Andy shares some wisdom here. Getting specific about development objectives and key outcomes with each player, allows both the coach and the player to understand what they are striving for on an individual basis. I asked Andy how we then bring parents into the discussion as well. Ideally, we want parents to know what their kid is working on - AND the fact that other kids are all working on similar key outcomes. Andy FoxAll, Stoke City AcademyHis answer was again pretty simple: regular reviews with the players + the parents of key objectives. This simple act of creating key objectives and reviewing them with parents and players gives everyone a clear signal what is ...

Imagine youth sports as a buffet as opposed to a take-it-leave-it proposition. Here's the situation today: our pricing is our pricing. The experience is the one we decide we will deliver. I believe we can make a dent in the pay-to-play environment if we do a little bit extra and tailor the youth soccer experiences we offer to the kids who want them. 

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Imagine gathering a groups of your friends together and deciding you just want to knock the ball around in low-pressure games close to home, but hit the road a couple of times per year for tournaments just to make life exciting. Can you find that in the market today? Can you select the experience you want? Most likely, you can't. Most people are overpaying in my experience - with much of the cost going to things we have no visibility over.  Changing this paradigm requires some creative thinking, but we love creative thinking, don't we? Let's do some now. There are roughly eight (8) options that need to be configured in order to construct a youth soccer experience for kids. The market surrounding a club or organization sets some of the cost parameters, but to a large degree, many of these parameters are adjustable. * Practice fields: quantity and type* Referees 1, 2, or 3-person system* How much time do we want to invest? 2x per week, 3x per week? more?* What kind of game fields do we want to play on?* Do we want tournament play? If so, how many and at what levels?* How much are we willing to pay for uniforms?* What is our optimal price per player and how can we adjust that up or down to accommodate different families? Fundraising?* What level of competition do our players want or need? We might add extras in there like whether or not we want or need specialty trainers, but there is no "perfect" environment for all players. Some players don't need the full treatment. Some just want to kick a ball with friends. Families at all levels of need have a right to find (or create) the experience that works for them. So What?Here's the inspiration behind this: I can't understand why a game that's played barefoot on dirt in some places needs to cost my families thousands of dollars. Yo might say we need turf fields and expensive coaches, but I'd argue that professionalization of youth sports is fed by lights, turf fields, expensive uniforms,  snack stands, and food trucks. So we really need all this stuff for most youth games? If we really had a national system of advancement and relegation that allowed teams (preferably over the age of 14) to play up through state, regional, and national rankings; I could see nice fields and sponsored uniforms waiting at the end of the journey. For the 98.6% of regular kids in the United States who just want to play soccer and have fun with their friends, I think maybe not so much. We played on regular grass fields when we were young. Did Mia Hamm start playing on turf fields as a kid? Nope. She played on regular grass just like the rest of us. Even through her time on the Women's National Team, she played on grass. It was nice grass, but it still turned brown and got kicked up when cleats pounded on it. Mia Hamm takes a corner kick, 1995 Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageWere Kids Worse Off?I think kids sweat just as hard, experience just as many emotions, get the same benefits from teamwork, and have to master sportsmanship just as well at $100 as they do at $10,000 (yes, I've recently heard reference to $10,000+ annual cost for some travel programs - though around where I live,

How do you get from wherever you are in the youth soccer ecosystem to the Olympics, a National team, or a professional team? How do you make the most of your experience and come away happy that you participated? As simple as this question should be to answer, it is anything but simple. The array of options and thousands of spin offs that exist today are confusing even to those in the business of youth soccer full time. In this episode, I am going to confuse you temporarily while I lay out the scope of the Alphabet Soup problem, then Im going to try to simplify some things so you can sleep tonight. I apologize in advance for the spaghetti network of nonsense I'm going to throw at you, but if you can tough it out, my hope is that you'll have a better picture of the US soccer landscape and maybe make some more informed decisions about the future for your kids as they(and you) explore this awesome sport. Let's Back Up and Take it From the TopAt the top of the soccer pyramid is the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA). Under the Umbrella of FIFA, 3.6 Billion fans from 200 countries participate in one of six "Confederations." It was founded in 1904; headquartered in Zurich, Switzerland; and is governed by an elected president, a senior vice president, a secretary general, and 7 vice presidents. They are elected by the FIFA Congress which consists of a member from each of the associations that are part of the organization. The total number of participants is 25. They make the top strategic decisions like which nation will host the World Cup - which is held every four years. The Congress also has committees like the finance committee, fair play committee, ethics, rules, and referees. The six confederations include:* Confederación Sudamericana de Fútbol (CONMEBOL) - the South American confederation with 10 members and founded in 1916 in Argentina.  * The Union Des Association Europeenes de Football (UEFA) - mostly the European region with 55 members and founded in 1954 in Switzerland* The Asian Football Confederation (AFC) with 47 members and founded in 1954 in Manilla* The African Confederation (CAF) with 56 members, founded in 1957 in Sudan* Oceania Football Confederation  (OFC) - the Pacific Island confederation with 1966 after Australia and New Zealand were rejected by the AFC. Australia left to join the AFC in 2006. * And the Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football (CONCACAF) with 41 members including the US, Canada, Mexico, and others, founded in 1961 in Mexico City Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageInside the United StatesSince this is a US-based podcast and I am part of a leadership team that runs an affiliate member of US Youth Soccer, I'm going to deep dive into the US system. Just know that the US is one of 41 members of CONCACAF - though it could be argued we're one of the biggest players in this confederation.  The US became an original member of CONCACAF on September 18, 1961. A bit of background you should know about is 1. the US didn't always follow FIFA 100%. That changed in 2010 and we now follow FIFA. 2. Canada, Mexico, and the United States are hosting the World Cup 2026. The last time we hosted a World Cup, the MLS was born, so many in the US are expecting positive disruption in the US Soccer Landscape in the next 5-6 years. United States Soccer Federation (USSF)At the top of the United States soccer pyramid is a 501(c)3 nonprofit governing body; headquartered in Chicago, Illinois; referred to as the United States Soccer Federation or USSF. It was founded on April 5th, 1913,

Flame out or burn on for a lifetime of passion for movement, teamwork, and healthy living? This seems to be an essential question facing young families today - even though most hardly think about it. Personally, I think sports (and support of sport) has a place in our lives from early age on through geriatrics. Let's be real... It's more fun at any age to do something physical in the context of games or group fun than it is to grind away at the treadmill day after day. Given what we know today about the statistics of youth sports, it seems we can do better at keeping kids interest in sport. Let's talk about some numbers, some conclusions, and some recommendations that you can put into play today. Photo by: Jarek Tuszyński / CC-BY-SA-3.0 [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)]The Youth PictureThere are a lot of sports to choose from. Cheerleading is up 18.2% from 2008 with 775,000 kids playing. Track and Field is down 10% from 2008 with 307,000 kids participating. Soccer is down 3.3% from 2008 with 2,200,000 kids playing. While many sports are down from 2008 participation levels, many others are up - with a huge exception: kids are leaving at earlier ages. The average age of last regular participation for the game of soccer is 9.1 years old. 9.1 years old!! Kids turning 9 are just starting to get introduced to the real game. Why are these kids leaving before they ever really get started?!Across all sports, kids are leaving by average age of 11. Just a few years ago, it was reported that 70% of kids in the US were leaving youth sports by age 14. Now it's 11?! What the heck is going on? Are these kids not having fun anymore? According to the latest Aspen Institute's Utah parent survey - reportedly not.  Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageWhat is Going On?!The top reasons cited in the reading I've done include the following:* Specialization too early. Kids just want to play and have fun. Even if they're good at a sport, most kids want a chance to play other games. Multi-sport kids last longer in youth sports than single sport kids. Something to think about as we pull another few thousand bucks out of our pockets for super clubs and sexy uniforms. * Too expensive. Cost is a factor. When mom and dad are always talking about how much youth sports costs (cause it costs a lot!), it puts pressure on kids. Youth sports becomes a job with expectations. They get plenty of that from schools. They don't want more from their play activities. * Pressure from the sidelines. Speaking of pressure, let's face it... our sidelines are becoming a nightmare. Parents and coaches yelling like they're going to have a stroke if their kid doesn't win, or pass, or stop the ball, or make perfect set plays, or get's knocked down in the run of play. We all want our kids to be successful, but making mistakes and learning is a huge part of the youth game. Unforgiving sidelines make that impossible. Kid's don't want that. * Professionalization of youth sports. When youth sports become more about winning games and entertaining the sidelines, well... you've heard me talk about this a lot in the past. The game ceases to be about the kids. This is their time. Sidelines need to leave them alone to enjoy their time. And It's Not Just the KidsI'm a coach, an administrator, a 501(c)3 board chairman, a parent, a business owner, and a podcaster. I can speak from experience. Sometimes, I've had enough and need a break. Everything except for my business revolves around youth sports - from January to December. I'm sure you can relate! When we're running every weekend to get kids to games and swim meets. When we're working in the off season to secure perm...

In this episode, we continue the dialog about bad apple officials, introduce some practical ways we can be intentional about coaching character, and share a warning story about a lawsuit against a JV baseball coach that dragged on for 7 years and cost $75,000 for telling a player to slide into third base.More Bad ApplesA continuation fro last week's discussion, a listener writes in about his experience as a coach with a bad referee, an assistant coach's bad behavior, and parents that ultimately threatened the refs in the parking lot. This story serves to highlight the need for higher quality communication between parents, coaches, and players. When communication breaks down, assumptions get made, and feelings get hurt. Let's keep the dialog going! Share these shows with your community and help the rest of us keep the dialog going.  Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageRewarding DevelopmentHere are a couple of ideas you can use to help make coaching character intentional: * 3x5 cards with development goals written on them. In this case, we pass out cards to parents on the sidelines and ask them to help us track stuff that actually matters (beyond the scoreboard). Listen to the show to see where I got the idea from and how we might use it. Ages 3-18* Have-a-Ball. In this idea, we purchase game balls for every game in the season. We segment the season into weekly themes. Each week, we publish the theme of the week to coaches and parents. At the end of each game, we bring coaches and players together and give the game ball to the player(s) who best represent the character subject for the week: respect week, sportsmanship week, teamwork week, empathy week, etc. Ages 9 and above. Suing Coaches for CoachingThe article in the resources section below is a must read. Imagine coaching as every other coach does. A player gets hurt during a game, and you spend the next 5 years + $75,000 in legal fees to ultimately secure an innocent verdict. Your crime? As a 3rd-base coach, you told a player to slide into 3rd base. The player took a bad slide and broke their ankle. That break turned bad so parents sued. What might this mean for youth sports in general? What might it have meant if the coach was found guilty? How manny more lawsuits would end up in court - tying up coaches and clubs for years - simply for making a call as a coach that parents didn't agree with? What can we do to improve communication and discourse around youth sports? Resources* Politi, Steve. “He Told a Kid to Slide. Then He Got Sued.” He Told a Kid to Slide. Then He Got Sued., 12 Nov. 2019, https://www.nj.com/slide-trial/.

We have good eggs in every community and bad apples that ruin it for everyone. In this episode, we talk about listener-provided examples - one of each.We have stories like this going on all over the world. I would love it if you sent me one or two that I can use on the show. This stories inspire people or serve as warnings, and they keep the focus on the stuff that really matters in youth sports!A positive example of a coach strengthening 5-year-old players with encouragement Bad ApplesOur first story came from a tweet earlier this week. A listener of this show wrote me:"I’d love your thoughts on this. Today, I experienced a broken child because a referee was saying negative things about him during the game; one statement in particular that he was trash. What would be your response? How should this be handled?Dr. Timeka Cline​​ - Principal of an Elementary School in GeorgiaHow ridiculous is it for a referee to call a player "trash" in a game.  I know many referees who would find this a violation of trust and respect. I can't imagine any adult considering this acceptable behavior. This referee need to be reported to their Assignor and to league officials. In the episode, I describe my full advice to Dr. Cline.  Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageGood EggsEvery community is full of good eggs. There are many more good eggs than bad apples. In this case, a soccer parent from my own club wrote me with the following:"David,A few weeks ago, our 5-year-old son Christian, had a rough game day. He felt like he couldn’t get to the ball, thought nobody wanted to play with him, he kept saying “I can’t do this”. My husband, Christian’s older sister, and I kept cheering him on, asking him to keep trying, to help his teammates because they needed him, to no result. He looked really sad, he cried, it was just a bad day. His coach was incredibly patient and observed, tried to engage him as much as he could. Christian wasn’t responding to it. That coach never gave up on him even for a second. He showed compassion, encouragement and understanding, and finished that day still showing Christian that he was an important person there. It just wasn’t a good day after all, but we thanked him so much for trying so hard to help.We know kids are resilient, but nobody wants to see their kid having a sad day. The following weekend, it looked like that same coach was ready for Christian. We noticed he put some strategies into practice that were really engaging. He had Christian (and all other players) doing designated tasks such as kick starting a few different times. He was fun, funny and also addressed the players by their names. They loved their goal celebrations, and there was Christian, at this time running, passing, and scoring, with a smile on his face. He looked confident, happy, and all because that coach, that volunteer coach, put a lot of energy into helping him, and was able to bring him out of his little limbo. We naturally thanked him again, to which he responded “See? Much better, right? I knew he would”.I wanted to bring to your attention how much our family appreciates that volunteer coach. Each family has their our stories, the behind the scenes, the challenges, and having that one person, a volunteer, who legitimately believes in your child, will always have a major impact. Not only on a Saturday 5-year-old soccer game, but as he grows and builds his character based on the impression that coaches like his coach left that day. (See attached picture - the coach with the team - Christian is on the far right) (See photo above)With gratitude,Ty"

This episode is about winning more youth soccer games. Everybody wants to win, right? So how specifically do Clubs, coaches, and teams ensure the wins? Continue on with me as we explore several ways in which you can win more games. These are tips and techniques that I have personally witnessed and are widely in use, but rarely talked about for the gotta-win club, gotta-win coach, and gotta-win youth soccer parent. Go Team!What is Winning? Winning youth sports games and in life is top of a lot of American agendas. And why wouldn't it be? If we have to spend all of the crazy money we spend to get on a youth sports team, to pay for our coach, on all the gear - and let's not forget about all the time we've invested in driving to practices and games, team parties, and sometimes messing up the car with other people's sweaty, dirty kids when it's our turn to car pool. The investment we make better pay off. Do you agree? We better see some wins on the scoreboard or we as well have saved our money and played in some Rec program or not played at all.In this episode, I'm going to share a number of ways that you can win - starting next season or even next game. If winning is your thing, then this episode is for you. These are practical tips. This is not pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking. Let's jump into the stuff we need to know and do right now.  Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon pageFirst Things FirstThe first thing we need to do to win more games is to set our sights firmly on winning. Having a bigger number on the scoreboard than our opponent needs to be front and center. There are multiple ways to accomplish that larger number, so we have to forget about this Kumbaya campfire marshmallow development nonsense. It's a numbers game. We have only so many kids in our community. We need to find the best ones, get them on the field, teach them how to win, and take our show on the road to bring some butt kicking to anyone who tries to stand in our way.Go the extra mile.  Games are good to win. In fact, we MUST win, but winning games is not enough. We have to remember the big picture. It's about winning consistently. We need to string wins together to make our winning track record. We need to climb over the corpses of any other team in our way as we climb the standings ladder. At the end of the season, our names will be on the trophy. If Johnny, Sam, or Jane can't cut it, bench them. Let's face it, I don't drive the kind of car that I drive to the parking lot every Saturday so we can go home a loser. We come from a winning family. We drive a winner's car. We pay winner's prices to play.  We play on winner's fields. Have you see our uniforms? Those are winner's uniforms, baby. Race car stripes down the sleeve because we're fast like race cars. If you don't know me and have never heard this show before, then hopefully, you're shaking your head, getting ready to turn off this bonehead, and go listen to something else. But you know this story is real. It's happening every day across America in youth sports. And if I want to attract parents to pay obscene amounts of money, I'm going to dangle the golden carrot in front of you. I'm going to convince you that your kid is a winner when he or she is on one of my teams. We're awesome together - especially when you pay a few thousand dollars to buy awesome stickers for the back of your car. Yeah, I may be acting out the worst among us, but there is truth between my sarcasm. The truth is: if we want to win games, we need to put winning over development. As a coach, there are plenty of games I could have won. I know how to win games. It's not hard. I don't even have to have good players. I just have to play against teams that have players who are worse than mine.

Twice this week, I was asked by parents - each from opposite sides of the country - about how to improve the competitive mindset of their children. One dad is father and coach of a 7-year old in California. The other is a mother of a 9-year-old in Maryland. In this episode, I will share the questions and their context and do my best - with the help of a couple of friends of mine - to address these listener questions. 

There is a lot of stuff in this episode, so make yourself comfortable while we explore the question of aggression, confidence,and the competitive mindset. 

Self Confidence word cloud hand sphere concept on white background.

Setting the Stage with The Questions

First of all, shout out to listeners of this show! You always inspire the best episodes with your questions and comments, so thank you for sharing! Don't sleep on the SpeakPipe integration I have with my Website at https://thesoccersidelines.com/connect/. SpeakPipe a cool tool that I pay for that gives you a simple press-to-talk button on your mobile device or computer where you can leave me voice feedback, ask questions, etc. I can't think of an easier way to communicate. 

My first question came last Sunday at 10:30 PM Eastern from Paras. Paras writes from California:

Hi,I am a dad of soccer kid who will be 7(born Nov 2012) years old next month.. I played lot of soccer and other sports in Asia during my school days. I today train my son and is also in U8 academy at local club in California.. My son skills, strength and pace is good for his age.. Besides U8 ,I enrolled him for a rec program for 2011/2012 , which was for two months at local club just to get games exposure . I noticed in these games that he was not aggressive (positive aggression) which may be because his cognitive is in developing phase ... He has a feeling that older kids will be hard on him and do something negative.. The club should have conducted the games for U8 only rather than 2011/2012..  His games with U8 kids are good.. Can you please share your experience on how can kids develop the mindset to overcome this? I am using strategy like watching with him European soccer leagues and talking /discussing with him about how players are being strong with the ball, soccer drills, motivation.

Paras Tiwari

 The Soccer Sidelines Listener Community

My second question came to me in person during one of my Culture Walks this weekend. Culture Walks, you may recall from very early episodes back in 2017, is what I do as Club Officer to walk the sidelines of my games every weekend, evaluate coaches, connect with parents, and in general support and maintain our club culture. Conversations from my Culture Walks inspired this show. 

This soccer mom in this case is wife to one of our assistant coaches, very involved with multiple sports with her kids, and generally active in the youth sports community. She asked about her 9-year-old & was wondering what she or her husband can do to improve their child's "aggression" on the pitch. 

Her child plays in a recreation league, in an age band that included 9 and 10-year olds, and has played for a few years in our Academy program for younger players, ages 3-8. 

Please: support the show and join our community as a Patron through my Patreon page

Unpacking the Issues

Paras' question is actually several great questions, relevant statements and assumptions rolled up. They deserve some unpacking as we dig into what's going on here. First for context, we're talking about a 6-year-old player.

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