The Soccer Sidelines

It's time to take our youth sports character successes home! Moms and Dads are invited to come off the bench with me for this episode!Connect with me at [email protected] or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/TheSoccerSidelines/Real Wins Happen in Real Life!It's important to win. We should never be satisfied with losing. The drive to win pushes us. Being on a winning team helps us gel and feel good about ourselves (or maybe we win because we gel and feel good about ourselves - but that's a different discussion). But there is more to life than winning soccer games or topping the standings chart. Carrying a force of character we developed in the crucible of youth sports is maybe more important than winning a game against the city orange or red team. Real wins for a youth sports program happen when kids absorb the lessons that youth sports are meant to teach. When a kid grows into an adult that strives to build a team and win at the game of life, youth coaches and parents can smile. We've achieved our goal. That's a win!Resources* “7 Qualities Of A Good Employee and Candidate (According to Research).” Jibe, www.jibe.com/ddr/7-qualities-of-a-good-employee-and-candidate-according-to-research/.* Sundheim, Ken. “15 Traits Of The Ideal Employee.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 26 Feb. 2016, www.forbes.com/sites/kensundheim/2013/04/02/15-traits-of-the-ideal-employee/.* “20 Top Qualities That Determine a Great Employee.” Cleverism, 20 Feb. 2018, www.cleverism.com/20-top-qualities-determine-great-employee/.* Simonovich, Joe. “Qualities of a Good Employee: The Top 50 Signs To Look For.” Corporate Essentials, 16 Aug. 2018, www.drinkcoffee.com/qualities-good-employee/.* “14 Admirable Attributes of a Great Employee.” The 6Q Blog, 7 Dec. 2018, inside.6q.io/attributes-of-a-great-employee/.* Ducoff, Neil. “Twelve Characteristics of a Great Employee.” Strategies, 8 July 2013, strategies.com/twelve-characteristics-of-a-great-employee/.* SEEK Limited. “7 Traits of Great Employees That Prospective Employers Look for - SEEK Career Advice.” Seek Career Advice AU, SEEK Limited, 26 Oct. 2018, www.seek.com.au/career-advice/7-traits-of-great-employees.* Coleman, Erin. “The Top 6 Qualities of a Good Employee.” Benefits Bridge, 27 July 2018, benefitsbridge.unitedconcordia.com/the-top-6-qualities-of-a-good-employee/.* “How to Be a Great Employee: Top 25 Traits and Characteristics.” WiseStep, 11 June 2018, content.wisestep.com/great-employee-top-traits-characteristics/.* Emerson, Melinda, and Melinda EmersonMelinda F. Emerson. “8 Habits to Become a Successful Young Entrepreneur » Succeed As Your Own Boss.” Succeed As Your Own Boss, 13 Nov. 2017, succeedasyourownboss.com/8-habits-become-successful-young-entrepreneur/.* “Walt at the Bat: Watch This Video About Disney's Baseball Legacy.” D23, 27 Mar. 2018, d23.com/walt-disney-studios-baseball/.* “Steve Jobs Biography.” Encyclopedia of World Biography, Advameg, Inc., www.notablebiographies.com/Ho-Jo/Jobs-Steve.html.* Graham, Bryan Armen. “Abraham Lincoln Was A Skilled Wrestler And World-Class Trash Talker.” SI.com, www.si.com/extra-mustard/2013/02/12/abraham-lincoln-was-a-skilled-wrestler-and-world-class-trash-talker.* Brooke-Marciniak, Global Vice Chair of Public Policy at Ernst & Young Beth Brooke-Marciniak, Beth. “Here's Why Women Who Play Sports Are More Successful.” Fortune, Fortune, fortune.com/2016/02/04/women-sports-successful/.* “Making the Connection: Women, Sport and Leadership.” EY Women Athletes Business Network, 2014. http://carleyuden.weebly.com/uploads/4/1/4/1/41411035/women_in_sports_infographic.pdf* Neighmond, Patti. “Benefits Of Sports To A Child's Mind And Heart All Part Of The Game.” NPR, NPR, 1 July 2015, www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/07/01/418899249/benefits-of-sports-to-a-childs-mind-and-heart-all-part-of-the-game.* Sports and Health in America. NPR, 2015,

Pay for play is unequal. It’s unfair. And it’s hurting youth sports more than it’s helping. Pay to play in youth sports has been a thing for at least 10 years. It’s a bad thing. And it’s something you should be aware of no matter what sport your kids are playing. Listen to the show for details about what's wrong with pay to play in youth sports and how we might fix it. What is Pay to Play in Youth Sports?Pay to play shares one characteristic no matter what context it’s being used in. Pay to play in youth sports =  limited access. Essentially, what this amounts to is those who have money can play. Those who don’t have money can’t afford to play. Talent takes a back seat in this discussion. The pay-to-play system as a system that is overpriced, creates a dysfunctional commitment, prohibits some real talent from participating, and is a driving force behind declining interest in youth sports in America. I would add that it’s causing irreparable damage to the character of our country.Costs of Playing Sports Per Child Per YearClick on the sport you want to see average and maximum costs for. Lacrosse* Average: $7,956 per year* Maximum: $17,500 per yearHockey* Average: $7,013 per year* Maximum: $19,000 per yearBaseball* Average: $4,044 per year* Maximum: $9,900 per yearSoccer* Average: $1,472 per year* Maximum: $5,500 per yearAmerican Football* Average: $2,739 per year* Maximum: $9,500 per yearBasketball* Average: $1,143 per year* Maximum: $5,150 per yearSource: Barone, Emily. “The Astronomical Cost of Kids' Sports.” Time, Time, 24 Aug. 2017, time.com/4913284/kids-sports-cost/.Three Things Wrong with Pay to Play in Youth Sports* Pay for Play in youth sports Means Youth Sports is Overpriced* Pay for Play in youth sports creates Dysfunctional Commitment* Pay for Play in youth sports is a driving force behind the decline in participation in youth sports in AmericaPaying thousands of dollars for a sport that requires open space and a ball is crazy. Even if one makes an argument based on the cost of superior coaching, standards don't really exist to judge the quality of a coach. Just because a coach has a certain credential does not mean that they are good. Bad coaches (or coaches that aren't in the game) take teams out for practice every day in America. With maximum costs for some sports coming in at almost $20,000 per year, something is wrong. I've done the math for my region. There are lots of opportunities to reduce costs in the system!When we put a dollar into an investment, we become much more emotionally invested in the outcome of that investment. This is human nature. When families are spending upwards of 10% of their total income to pay for youth sports for their kids, the emotional investment in the outcome (usually as it pertains to the score board, often becomes dysfunctional. Seeing fully grown adults yelling, stomping, cheating, and acting like fools is now part of the youth sports experience. Are they too emotionally invested? Might this have anything to do with the fact that they just skipped a mortgage payment to be there? The increased pressure and decreased access to youth sports is driving a decline in participation. When sports were free, every public open space was filled with kids running around doing fun stuff. Kids naturally want to run, throw, chase, yell, and giggle. They work on their core, their coordination, their problem solving, and they keep off the body fat. Today, we don't see many kids playing outside. They're on couches playing video games. This has to change. Three Solutions to Minimize Pay to Play in Youth Sports* Solution #1 - Bring the focus back on what really matters* Solution #2 - Sharpen our pencils* Solution #3 - Increase Access to youth sports - including free play opportunitiesBringing the focus back on what r...

The bottom line up front: it's normal for kids and parents to experience conflict during the process of letting go. Kids are genetically wired to create conflict - no matter what you do or how you do it - so that they can achieve a more grown-up state of autonomy, independence, responsibility... all the things we want them to have as grown ups. If you know what's coming, when it's coming, and maybe a few strategies for managing yourself through the process, you may have an easier time. 

A Detachment Theory

See the resources section below for links to the original articles. There is a lot of good material there. Dr. Carl Pickhardt is a psychologist who talks a lot about parents working their way through the adolescent process. He answers the question about what is adolescence for? His one word answer: Detachment. 

The Five Psychological Engines the Drive Adolescent Detachment

Separation for the sake of independence

Here the adolescent desire is for more social independence of parents as the young person begins to build a social family of their own. Now there are more conflicts with parents over time spent with peers and time spent with family. “No, you cannot spend the day with friends when your grandparents are here for a visit.”

Differentiation for the sake of individuality

Here the adolescent desire is to establish a new and unique Identity. Now there are more conflicts over which expressions of individuality are okay and which are not. “No, I don’t care what ‘everyone is wearing,’ you cannot go to school dressed that way.”

Expansion for the sake of growth

Here the adolescent desire is to explore new worldly experience and assert a larger older presence in the family. Now there are more conflicts over what one is old enough or not old enough to do. “No, you cannot stay up as late as you want.”

Opposition for the sake of autonomy

Here the adolescent desire is to operate more on one’s own authority. Now there are increasing disagreements and conflicts over living on parental terms or living on adolescent terms. “No, you cannot elect to stop doing chores.”

Responsibility for the sake of maturity

Here the adolescent desire is to freely make decisions and take the consequences. Now there are more conflicts over what decisions one should be held accountable or not accountable for. “No, we will not give you an excuse for delaying and having to turn your project in late.”

From Dr Carl E Pickhardt, Ph.D. See Resources below for links to his articles and where you can find his book. 

What we can learn from information above is that there is a very natural process at work when kids separate. Often the conflict we experience with our kids is not rooted in a lack of love or in whatever the surface conflict appears to be about, but in the natural action of kids learning to be independent, autonomous, mature, individual, adults. Viewed from this lens, some of the conflicts we experience with our kids can be seen as both useful and healthy. 

Easier Said Than Done

As an intellectual argument, it can be pretty straightforward to acknowledge that separation behaviors exist, that they are healthy, and that we support them; but when we are on the receiving end of a comment like "I don't want you to care!" our feelings can be hurt. Knowing what's going on by itself doesn't relieve the pain we feel as parents who love our children more than anything else on earth. 

Some Ways to Practice

Dr Pickhardt and many of the other authors I reference below can offer better recommendations than I can about how we might overcome the negative feelings that inevitably come to the surface as our kids separate from us. We're not going to get it right every time. We will make mistakes, say things we don't mean,

Before you know it, your young athlete will be walking out the door for their first year of college. This comes fast! It’s important to realize that our kids are only on loan to us for a short period of time. Here is one way to make the best of it!Know Your Child's Development WindowThere are clear development windows for all sorts of things from walking and talking to understanding how to navigate mixed gender social situations. A youth athletic coach is focused somewhere within the period of time between 3 years old and 18 years old. Each age grouping has it’s own development focus that is determined by a mixture of factors including physical maturity, emotional maturity, and mental maturity. Tables have been drawn up by development experts to show coaches what activities, intensities, time duration, communication styles, rules, safety factors, and equipment are appropriate.Since every individual is different, coaches for a given age group will often review the development tables for 1-2 years on either side of the age group they will be coaching. Programs differ in the range of players they serve as well. So for example, a travel program has a tryout and sorting function before a given season, and therefore has less variability per team. Recreation programs, by contrast, are open to everyone of all abilities, so they tend to program a wider range of variability and flexibility into their development plans.As a parent or a coach, knowing that we only have 15 years to work with, and that each years has a specific developmental focus, should put the youth sports window of opportunity into clearer perspective.US Youth Soccer Player Development PyramidNot To WorrySome concerned parents have become aware of this development window and the fact that there is a specific focus for each age group and wondered out loud to me whether their child has already missed some important developmental windows and therefore will never be great at the sport they are exploring. I’ve taken players on at 14 years old who have barely touched a soccer ball. There was a learning curve, of course, but they didn’t have any less fun.One thing to remember: those guidelines are just that: guidelines. It’s important for a coach to know when kids are parallel playing, for example, so she doesn’t frustrate herself trying to get 4 year olds to understand game strategy. It’s important for the coach of a 15 year old team to understand that hormonally driven social dynamics are at play so he doesn’t embarrass a player in front of his friends and turn him that player away from the game.While it is true that players who play more and play longer are generally more competitive players, we mustn’t chose NOT to play soccer because we fear the other kids are too far ahead. Work ethic and nature will both take their course and in the end, can have a really excellent effect on a young person’s life.Being in Tune With Your Child's Development CycleIt’s one thing to be aware that there is a development window, another to be aware of what each stage of development is focused on, yet another thing all together to be proactively supportive at each stage. If your coach is trained to know these stages, he or she may be able to share some information with you as to how you might best support your player. If he or she is not trained in the various stages, you can send me an email at [email protected], tell me the age of your player, and I’ll send you a copy of a development table so you can look it up for yourself.I would first advise any parent to open a dialog with the coach and find out what the development plan is. On my teams, I look at 1-2 years on either side of the age group I’m coaching.

The crucial difference between an elite performer and one who is good is often not visible to the casual observer. Having a good Mind Game can make all the difference!

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

Mark Twain

Author

It Doesn't Matter the Setting

It really doesn't matter what sport your child wants to play. It doesn't even matter if they want to play sports at all. Athletic competition is just one way kids work on their mind game. Athletics to academics... even hobby and job performance are all influenced by our attitude.  The approach we take to practice, to games, to winning, to losing, and to making mistakes isn't entirely extrinsic - influenced by what happens to us. It is influenced more so by how we see the world.

Two people can see exactly the same situation. One will see adversity and impossibility. Another will see opportunity and excitement. Nothing about the environment may be different - other than the way these two people either naturally perceive the world - or choose to perceive the world. Perception makes all the difference.

As a Swimmer

When I was a kid, my primary sport was swimming. I had a coach who pushed pretty hard. Day one tryouts included swimming for one mile. Anyone who failed to swim the mile, who touched the bottom or who touched the side in any way other than for a flip turn was cut. As the season unfolded, he threw all manner of physical and mental challenges at us.

I remember practices where he would stand himself in front of us in a pool area that was well over 80 degrees, tell us that it was cold in there and raise goose bumps on his skin. He played mental games with us: "You're not a man," he used to yell, "until you've puked in the scuppers and kept swimming!"  He would challenge us to races, then change the rules as the race kicked off. He would fill the air with the smell of warm fat pretzels - hot from the bakery, set us against one another and tell us whomever out lasted everyone else in suicides (a never ending string of overlapping sprints across the pool) who earn a hot reward.

The point of his games were not lost on us. We knew he was breeding us to not only be competitive, but to win - and to like the feeling of winning.

I remember having to sit next to my team mates on the benches with my eyes closed. He would hold a stop watch, run us through a starter sequence, and tell us to raise our hand when we were done with our mental race. It was remarkable to all of us how close our mental "imaginary" race was to our actual race times. He sent us home with homework to run our races over and over again in our minds while trimming time off our best time.

"If you can see it in your mind," he used to say "you will do it in the pool." Our coach was big on improving the mental game.

Later in life, I discovered that swimming - the act of putting one arm in front of the other over and over again for 4,400-8,000 k yards twice per day, six days per week, would be perfect mental training for things later in life. We literally learned how to tuck our heads, settle in behind another swimmer, and push our bodies with our minds. There were no distractions in the pool. Just bubbles and surges of power coursing through our muscles - for hours.

In the Military

The military has had more than 200 years to perfect the mental game. Sure, basic training will strengthen the body physically, but being a sailor, a soldier, and airman, or a Marine is a way of thinking. It's being able to to the right thing when your body is too tired to do much of anything. It's about being "all-in" to the point of death when the situation calls for it. It's about being able to overcome basic human instinct, to not sleep, to be capable of things most people have been taught to avoid.

Stand OutsSometimes, a really good referee just stands out in the crowd. It's more than the calls. There is a comfort and synergy on the field, a connection with players and coaches, a message that carries on the wind that says to everyone: "we're in good hands." I met a set of referees this weekend that I take great pride in introducing. This team earned a "reffie" from me this weekend & reminded me how important it is for us to see and recognize referees when we meet them on the field. They really do make a difference. Meet Debbie O'Connor, Zemery Dennis (HS Student), and Joan Suarez, our awesome referee team this weekend!What's a Reffie?A "Reffie" is a selfie taken with referees. The term was first coined, to my knowledge, by Brian Barlow of Offside. You can find his Brian on his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/youreoffside/.Brian started a campaign to bring awareness to bad sideline behavior, obnoxious parents and coaches, and the plight of referees. Having reffed as a guest Assistant Referee (AR) on a few occasions and having coached hundreds of games, I agree with Brian on this point: We owe our referees some love and respect. For me, this weekend was an excellent example of why. Why the Reffie?This weekend, we took our 03 travel boys into Virginia for the Mid-County Fall Classic Tournament hosted by the Northern Virginia Soccer Club. The tournament was fun. The teams were pretty evenly matched. And we did pretty well - finishing second overall in a 1:0 loss in the final match this afternoon. Of course, our boys were superstars and players and parents both went home feeling pretty good. Everybody is going to be sore on Monday after 4 games this weekend, but I think I'm safe in saying we all had fun. Travel tournament situations bring teams together from all over the country. We co-own two tournaments ourselves and we see teams form up and down the East Coast from Canada to Florida. Imagine seeing all the different license plates int he parking lots. Hearing the Northern and Southern accents as you walk to the field. There is a sense of excitement at these tournaments that you just have to experience to understand. There is also a tendency for some parents to act out. People are a long way from home. They can yell and be noisy & they know they'll go home the next day and possibly never see whomever they yelled at today. I heard some whoppers this weekend. Parents ripping into referees. Yelling coaching instructions - most of it nonsense - on the field. People just acting like they didn't care very much about how they looked to the rest of us. I know some of the referees this weekend took beating. But every so often, you see something really special. I did not know the referees who's photos I posted above. I had no reason to believe the game they were about to officiate was going to any different than any other game I've seen. I zipped up my jacket against the 30 degree temperatures, checked my stopwatch, and settled in for 2 35 minute halves - fully expecting to to be annoyed by yelling parents and hoping that our players would find their rhythm and have a good game. Enter Debbie O'Connor - the Center Ref. The AR's, Juan Suarez, and Zemery Dennis had already put their stuff down, had their huddle, and taken up their positions on either end of the field. I heard Debbie's voice for the first time. I didn't catch every word she said, but there was no mistake that every player on the field and the parents along the sideline could hear her. "Boys... this is a playoff tournament game and I expect to start and stop this game on time." She began. It wasn't so much what she said. It was the fact that she said anything at all. She had clearly communicated to everyone on that field that she was in charge, that she would clearly communicate expectations, and that this game was in good hands.

I'm literally typing with hunt and peck, and getting ready to head out to the Emergency Room (ER) as I produce this episode. Lot's of good information here about soccer injuries, but I don't have a lot of time to chat this week. I'm taking my own soccer injury to the doctor this AM. I should have been seen last week when the injury first happened, but I fell victim to what many of us do: I had a game to coach. My team "needed me." And I put my injury aside - hoping it would go away. My injury didn't go away. My hand grew fetter and uglier with bruising all week. Pain hung on and I continued to "tough it out." What a goof!Yes! I know it takes an average of five hours to get through the Emergency Room. No, I don't like using the emergency room if I can help it. Two kinds of people use the Emergency Room, I've told myself over and over again: those who really need it - in which case, GREAT! And those who don't need it, like to whine about little things, or are trying to get around the regular scheduling system.I committed long ago to not being one of the latter types of people. As a former emergency medical technician and Navy Corpsman, I saw many of each kind of person, and I thought the latter type was a strain on the system and frankly a pain in the butt. My pendulum swung wide the other way, and today, I need to be dying or getting ready to lose a limb to go to the ER. I became a really bad patient. Taking a Preventative ApproachI'm still not a fan of using the Emergency Room as an outpatient clinic, but I do think its usefulness extends beyond life threatening crisis. There are times when we're just not sure about something. An injury could be minor - and hopefully it is, but it could be something else. If the something else could turn into something that needs much more aggressive treatments (like surgery or hard core antibiotics), and if the clock is ticking - in other words, things could get worse if we put them off -  then the prudent thing to do may be to get checked out. My own visit to the ER fell into the latter category. At first, I thought my thumb injury was something simple like a strain. A splint and some TLC over time would give me a full recovery. As the swelling went down and I saw anatomical structures in places where they should not be, It dawned on me... maybe I dislocated my knuckle or broke something. If I let this go and it heals in that position, I will lose mobility permanently unless I get surgery to correct it. The next ortho appointment I can get will be in 2-3 weeks... I better get checked out. Many injuries we see on a soccer field are like this. It often makes good sense to treat an injury with first aid, monitor it for a while, and seek medical attention if something doesn't look right as it heals. Other injuries, like potential concussions, need to be seen by medical professionals right away - even if we don't see any obvious evidence of injury when it happens. Obviously, there is a wide spectrum of circumstances that have to be taken into account with each injury, but my point is this: consider a preventative approach in your thinking. Sometimes, "ruling out" something more serious and preventing an injury from getting worse is worth the effort of going to see your doctor - even if it turns out the injury was minor and will heal itself. Resources* Advanced Solutions International, Inc. “Preventing Soccer Injuries.” Statistics, www.stopsportsinjuries.org/STOP/STOP/Prevent_Injuries/Soccer_Injury_Prevention.aspx.* Quinn, Elizabeth. “The Most Common Soccer Injuries.” Verywell Fit, Verywellfit, www.verywellfit.com/common-soccer-injuries-3120651.* Drdavidgeier. “Soccer Injury: Six of the Most Common Injuries Soccer Players Suffer.” Dr. David Geier - Sports Medicine Simplified, Dr David Geier, 3 Nov. 2018, www.drdavidgeier.com/common-soccer-injuries/.* Ready, Game. “Game Ready Blog.” Top Physical Therapy Trends of the New Year,

How Would You Deal With a Bad Referee?I had occasion to find out how I would deal with a bad referee this weekend. It didn't go as well as I would have liked What would you do if you were faced with a bad referee situation?  What is a Bad Referee?If you've been following this show for any real time, you know I usually side with the referee. They've got a really tough job and I think as a general rule, we put way too much pressure on yellow or green shirt-wearing officials. However, there are times and circumstances that call for our action. In this article, we will explore one that happened to me this past weekend. I think it's wise to start by defining "bad referee" a little. Being unclear about this point can get us into trouble. When I say "bad referee," I don't mean a referee who makes a call I don't agree with. I'm not a referee. I'm not qualified to judge the abilities of another referee. What little bit I've walked in the shoes of referees (mostly as an assistant referee running the sidelines or as an unofficial referee of a scrimmage game in my in-house league), I've learned I don't want the job. It's HARD!The number of things a real referee needs to keep track of is amazing to me. They not only follow the rules, have to anticipate, position themselves at the correct angles, have to read a confluence of actions - but they have to do it all in seconds and make a call. Believe it or not, a lot of a referee's call is not merely about fairness, but also about safety. An event that might not draw a yellow in one context, might draw repeated yellows in another. When a ref senses that he or she needs cooler heads to prevail - or to slow a game's momentum, or to nip a growing problem in the bud before it blossoms into an injury later in a game - he or she uses judgement and experience to guide them and interpret the game in a way that results in not only a fair outcome, but a safe one. Safety on the field for a referee is a priority.I suppose when I use the words "bad referee," I'm referring more to a bad set of circumstances that leads to ineffective referees. The calls they make are less important to me than the fact that they are making calls and keeping the game clean, within generally acceptable rule boundaries, and with good margin of safety for my players. As a coach and soccer parent, a string of injuries is a good indication that something is not working with the referee "system." A "referee system" in the context of this past weekend, refers to three referees in an 11v11 full sided HS aged game. What Happened to Inspire this Episode?Injuries, as I mentioned earlier are my first and best clue that something is not working with the referee system. We left the field on Saturday with 4 player injuries. Most of them were from cleats leaving cuts and bruises on my players legs and, in one case, his mid-section. Injuries like the one you see to the right are pretty common in the game of soccer. They can be accidental (most of these are) or deliberate - this one likely was. You can see the marks from cleats showing where the offending players stomped the injured player's ankle. This one left a nice bruise. The difference between accidental and deliberate is one judgement a referee is called upon to make. When injuries like this end up on a player's mid section, there should be greater suspicion that deliberate aggression is going on. The next clue for me is bad behavior. Physically benign, but offensive behavior like cursing in a way that is hurtful or disrespectful to other players or officials raises my eyebrow. When I see cursing and injuries stacking up, my hair begins to bristle. This is stuff I expect referees to be on top of - and coaches to be on top of for their respective teams. Let's Add a Few More IngredientsMy team was playing in a High School band age group. This means kids can be anywhere from 14 to 18 years old. In this particular game,

What Makes a Winner? Can you lose a game and walk away as a winner? There is ZERO question that a youth player can be a winner when the scoreboard reads in favor of the other team. Let's talk about how player can leave the field as winners - even when the score board says otherwise. A Sample GameLast weekend, we played against a team and walked away with a scoreboard win. In our case, the scoreboard win was also a morale booster because we've been playing numbers down against some pretty strong team this season. The win was just what we needed to restore some confidence and remind us that we know how to play. The other team was pretty discouraged though. I could see it on their faces as they left the field. I asked the other coach if I could address this team. Just so you coaches out there know, this isn't something I usually do, but I had a good chat with the other coach during the game and given the time and place, it felt like the right thing to do that day. I shared an observation with the other team's players. A few of them never gave up. To them, the score didn't seem to matter. They kept giving it 100% the entire game. As a coach, I am so impressed when my own players do this that i thought it might be a good learning moment for the other team. "You guys gave my team a good run today." I said "Thank you for giving us a good fight." "I saw some of you guys not giving up throughout the entire game." I continued. "You guys kept going 100% all the way through. As a coach, that really impresses the heck out of me. It doesn't matter what the score board says. Today, you guys who stayed strong and kept going until the end are walking off this field as winners. I appreciate when I see a winner's spirit on the field. You guys who kept at it have that winner's spirit!" I thanked the coach for an opportunity to speak to his team and left. The Winner's SpiritI've seen this winner's spirit on the field on both winning and losing teams for years. It doesn't look like kids dancing around after the scoreboard shows a higher number. In fact, it often looks like grit and determination, a smile and a genuine handshake from a player (or a coach) on the side of  a team that just lost. As a coach, I'm looking for the winning spirit at practice. It shows itself in how well our players commit to being there. Are they pushing through the beep test? Are they engaging 100%. Are they making mistakes and allowing themselves to move past them? I personally think what I see in practice is important. It's the first chance I get to see what kind of spirit each of my players has, and how hard they work in practice is usually a good indicator of how hard they will work in games. I believe the winning spirit comes out best when the score is stacked against us. I'm looking for players who don't quit. The ones who push even harder when the scoreboard is stacked against us. When I hear players calling a "new game" or a "Zero/Zero" when the second half starts and they take on the game with renewed energy - those players are lions! It's easy to dance around and be happy when you're winning. But to pick yourself up and go all in when you're down... that's NOT easy. When players pick each other up instead of beat one another down, they are showing leadership. When players start verbally abusing one another, by contrast, pointing fingers, or blaming the referee, they are losing in more way than just on the scoreboard. Taming the LionI suspect that if a lion tamer were to tell his or her story about taming lions, they would probably talk about how each lion has their own personality. Ideally, we want there to be the heart of a lion in every player. As coaches, we want players to be able to draw on their own strengths and spirit on the field and use that energy when it counts. It's a delicate thing to connect and draw out the best form each player. Some require a stick. Others require a carrot.