In this episode, resilience survivor Kirsten Johansen shares her journey of overcoming addiction, trauma, and disordered eating. Kirsten emphasizes the importance of developing unconditional positive regard for oneself to address thought, feeling, and behavior patterns that hinder personal growth. The conversation explores the toxic nature of resentment and provides strategies for overcoming it, including disrupting negative thought patterns and practicing compassionate honesty. By embracing self-acceptance and cultivating self-love, listeners can break free from resentment and find healing and peace. Join us on this transformative journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

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Kelly visits with the cool, progressive and beautiful Rev. Caren Teichmann to discuss the tools you can use to get unstuck and how to get there. They both share a love of travel, especially the healing nature of solo travel.

And Caren's dissertation about dream work is a topic Kelly was excited to dive into. What is the subconcious telling us and how do we see the signs more clearly by interpretation of dreams.

Caren likens the transformation following divorce as the transformation of a butterfly.

"One of the symbols I talk about a lot with people is the butterfly, and the way the caterpillar transforms into the butterfly. And actually what happens when the caterpillar spins that cocoon. The caterpillar completely dissolves into goo, absolute and total goo. And that that's the best metaphor I have for describing that feeling (following infidelity and divorce). Goo. Yeah. And you don't know that you're gonna fly when you're the goo. That the other butterflies know, like, Oh, this is this is what's happening. And it's going to be painful. It's going to hurt, but it's not going to last forever."

Kelly met Caren through an intensive bible study in the early 2000s and they have supported each other through many of lifes changes. 

You can find Caren at:
Facebook: Caren Teichmann
Instagram: @ConstantlyCaren

There's no way to love without risk, so to care about someone is to risk being hurt, and that's not only reality but there's a healthy vulnerability in accepting that risk.," says Dr. Ramon Presson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist from Tennessee. 

The premise of our talk with Ramon is that dating relationships, particularly post-divorce or just later in life,  often accelerate quickly and then end quickly.  They go up like a rocket and fall down like a rock.   It's a challenge for two newly dating adults excited about each other and the relationship to pace the development of the relationship instead of jamming on the accelerator. 

There are four main ways a couple accelerates and fast-tracks a new relationship. To explain and describe this I use the acrostic DATE

Disclosure -- Deep and personal self-disclosure quite early in the relationship

Affection -- The level of physical affection and sexual intimacy ramps up quickly, perhaps even immediately

Time together -- Early, the couple may see each other daily, spend most of the weekends together if possible, go on trips together early in the relationship

Expression of feelings-- One or both say "I love you" or "I think I'm falling in love with you" or "I think I could spend the rest of my life with you" too soon in the relationship.

The notion that "If we're meant to be together we will be" is a flawed belief.   Couples can force a square peg into a round hole if they're determined to do so, not only fast-tracking the relationship but ignoring red flags "because we love each other."   Likewise, a couple has the capacity to sabotage what could be a healthy and wonderful relationship by unwise decision making, including rushing the relationship toward a commitment.  

Rushing a relationship to commitment is particularly an issue for divorce adults because statistically they tend to have shorter courtships and brief (if any) engagement period.  Their reasoning tends to be, "Because I've been married before and divorced, I'm older and wiser, and I know what I'm looking for, and I also know what to look out for, so it doesn't take as long for me to know if someone is Mr/Miss Right."  Well, that logic is certainly not being supported by the divorce stats for 2nd and 3rd marriages.  

Ramon wants divorced adults to find love again and to remarry if they wish.  He just wants to help them be smart and not unnecessarily hurt themselves and/or someone else by accelerating new relationships, losing control, and crashing into a wall.  

But can people be in love and also be wise? Yes, Ramon believes so.  He believes that knowing how to pace a relationship helps a person confirm that there is lasting attraction & spark, compatibility, emotional health, character & integrity, and healthy communication.  

So, let's see what the good doctor has to say.....

C.K. Collins, aka Kelly, gives a quick introduction into the vision and mission of The Swipe Right Effect: The Power to Get Unstuck podcast.