Hi.

👋🏼

My hope is, as you open this email at some point on your day today, that you've given yourself rest this weekend.

If not, that's okay.

In this moment, hold the self-judgment.

In this moment, suspend the self-inflicting narratives.

In this moment, pause. Simply take a breath and pause.

Be present with this time you are giving yourself to read these words and let it be.

...

As we enter the last month of the year, I am noticing that my body wants to wind down. The wind down is not a sudden hitting of the brakes to a full stop. It's a nice and easy downshift. If my body and nervous system was a stick shift car; I am slowly, in the next couple weeks, down shifting from gear 6, down to 5...

Down to 4...

3...

2...

1...

Nice and easy.

Into rest.

I find myself beginning to be in reflection mode of this past year. And the year before that. We've been on quite a ride haven't we?

In my reflection, I want to offer some insights about success.

I have been extremely fortunate to work with and coach some high caliber talent this year. Humans who have achieved and will go on to continue to reach new heights that I could only hope to also experience one day. After spending time with them, I have a high sense of hope for the future. It's easy to feel lost and afraid as we engage the news. But these people represent the vast majority of us who want to move the world forward. They want to create meaning in their work. They want to bring about their full selves. They want to contribute their talents to things that matter.

What I'm learning through my work with them are two major themes.

A. Success is a moving target. It needs constant redefinition.

B. The game changer is when we root our sense of wellbeing from lagging indicators of success to leading indicators of success.

Success is a moving target

Photo by 30daysreplay Germany on Unsplash

Our nature is to make success a finite end. We believe it's a static thing to achieve. Reaching success means we win. It's a finish line we cross. But I find that this mindset produces all sorts of unnecessary stress and internal pressure that is detrimental to our wellbeing. Our strategies become too rigid and one-dimensional. With this mindset, we become less playful and less aligned with our purpose. We create attachments that constrict our bodies.

We must make it a habit to reexamine and redefine success. Once we do, our relationship to it becomes more dynamic and less pressure-filled.

How?

One way is by noticing our attachments.

What unconscious attachments have we made synonymous to this imaginary finish line of success?

Validation?Exoneration?Recognition?Freedom?Dare I say, Love?

Once we notice these attachments, we'll realize that success won't bring us the thing that we're making up will be there once we cross the finish line. Quite naturally, it's this insight that will cause the mindset shift of success into a moving target.

Let's say success was a revenue goal. Or a promotion. And let's say that along the way, there was a deep realization that our reason for pursuing this success was because we'd feel significant.

Ok, so we're pursuing and reaching and traveling and we reach said goal. We get our dopamine hit of significance.Thirty seconds later, it disappears.

At this stage, we've got two choices. The first is we could create a new mountain of success and see if we can find a deeper sense of significance there. My bet? Probably not. It'll likely be the same short-term dopamine hit.

The second is we consider that success is a moving target by nature. It's a moving target because success isn't the actual end goal. Our definition of success must evolve. It must get deeper and wider and more expansive.

In actuality, we must see success not as the end goal. We must see it as only part of the path.

We will never find everything we want where success lies. Paradoxically, the path, our unique path, is where we will find all that we want.

That brings me to my next theme...

Leading vs Lagging indicators.

A common problem high performers have is rooting their sense of worth when lagging indicators happen. Examples of these are income, a signed contract, revenue, promotions, raising a Series A (or B, or C or D), an IPO, a 100x return on your investment, the list goes on...

This is a trap. It falls into the mindset of seeing success as static.

If we accept success is in fact a moving target, then we must attach ourselves somewhere else. I'd invite you to consider that somewhere else to be a set of daily leading indicators. If we focus on these leading indicators, then success just becomes a part of the deal. It's just a part of the path. Again, paradoxically, by virtue of being on the path is the actual sense of fulfillment itself.

What could leading indicators look like that would involve success?

Well, it's different for everybody but I'll share 3 common indicators that have worked for me and the folks I work with.

GratitudeIf gratitude is an everyday practice, everything we do will have a deeper meaning and purpose. Whether we're writing an important email or changing diapers, our gratitude practice helps us be present to our daily challenges with minimal complaint. The mundane can be beautiful. Try it on for size, at least for 3 months. Focus on making gratitude a leading indicator on your daily dashboard and I promise success will come. In fact, success is already in motion for you; but with this practice in your daily leading indicator, success will feel sweeter. I recommend using this journal>

JoyYou are as much a creator of joy as one who experiences it. Joy isn't something that exists only from the external. Joy is actually, first and foremost, something that comes from within. Joy isn't just happiness. Joy envelopes everything in the human experience, including sadness, grief and sorrow. If you lean into joy as an everyday practice, you'll find that you're a better colleague, a better partner, a better parent, a better and more present You. Create and bring joy into even just one part of your day, perhaps the morning, and success will be present immediately. It's right here, available to all of us in the moment.

RestRest is a rhythm. It's not something that happens only on vacation, on the weekends or when you go to bed. Rest is how you take breaks. Rest is how you wind down before you go to bed. Rest is the silent little moments in your daily lives that you anchor into. If you focus on making rest a daily leading indicator, success will happen. And it will feel fuller.

Imagine you had a daily dashboard of leading indicators. We already have technology that tracks our physical activity and sleep.

Well, what if you created a dashboard for yourself of the leading indicators I've suggested?

What would happen if you leaned into gratitude, joy and rest everyday?How would success evolve?

My friends, may you give yourself permission to wind down these next few weeks.

Look back and celebrate.Look for tiny miracles. The things that seemingly happened without you forcing them to. That's where your magic is.

If you practice gratitude, joy and rest, I can guarantee that those tiny miracles will become an everyday occurrence. They already are, it just takes slowing down and noticing.

I wish you greater peace and connection as we begin to close 2021.

Happy searching…

Fiercely loving and rooting for you,

Jomar

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