The Tinder Trap – Public Humiliation of Men

I was recently made aware of a video called The Tinder Trap in which an Instagram model supposedly tricked hundreds of men on Tinder into meeting her at union square in New York. She and her crew did this by using cheap foreign labor to ‘flirt with the men.’  That means that many virtual assistants (presumably both men and women) were misleading the men into thinking they were actually engaging with the woman in the pictures. Once she arrived (in a stretch limo) she got up on a stage set up with microphones, speakers and bodyguards.  She immediately began to belittle the men and then went on to filter through them by publicly humiliating them for their height, how they dressed, and even their first name.  Those left then were told to compete by doing things like push ups and sprints. The creators of the Tinder Trap video say that it was a social experiment to bring to light how people are treated on dating sites.  It is clear if you watch all four minutes and thirty one seconds of this video that it is not only not a social experiment but in no way does it bring light to the treatment.

The host of the event – the girl who set up all the men – has what seems to be obvious and mean spirited delight and humiliating the men. In the end she chooses a model like, very handsome man.  Whether he is a plant, a fellow ‘actor’ or her current boyfriend is not clear. A social experiment – though not necessarily required to have a moral or a positive outcome – typically does.  We like to see experiments that show the intrinsic good in people, that people do the right thing, that given a chance humanity comes through.  Sure there are surprises and some of them aren’t so pleasant.

Bringing light to something –  raising awareness – is not done this way.  You do not raise awareness of animal abuse by bringing a bunch of dogs on stage and kicking them.  I was co chair of an event to raise awareness of people in abusive relationships, and we did not raise the awareness by punching people or degrading them.

The creators of this video are also quoted as saying “Tinder is bad.”

What this was not

This was not a “social experiment” at least in the way that we have come to expect them.  Yes expectations are not definitions.  If this was a social experiment it would have played out like this:

* Attractive woman who really values a fairly invisible status item (like intelligence, integrity, how someone is an awesome dad, someone who is extremely selfless, etc) interacts with a man who is someone that the general public thinks is not a physical match.  (See “Gold Diggers, Sugar Daddies, Cougars, Oh My” in The Status Game II on how that actually works in real life)

* A bunch of arrogant, really attractive men are located (“See Confidence, Arrogance, Douchebaggery and Status” in The Status Game II) and also interacted with.

* All parties are summoned to the same spot –  a restaurant, or bar.

* The attractive woman asks a series of questions that show the intelligence, kind heartedness, selflessness and attitude of the man she actually likes, while bringing to life the destructive “Playa” (see “Playa” in the “Glossary of terms” in The Status Game II) attitudes of the other men.

* She chooses the non-douchebag and everyone cheers for The Everyman.

Except that this still wouldn’t be a great video because you have still publicly humiliated human beings, even if they are playas. Or, they could have used the same format, and then segregated the men based on the preferences of various wome...