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Dear listener, you've come to the end of series 1! It's sad but it's true, this episode is the last episode of the first season, and despite the fact Christmas was months ago, here is a lovely Christmas special hosted by Paddy, the Tinned ‘Eat sound engineer! 

In this jam-packed, Christmas abomination, sound engineer Paddy narrowly avoids a nervous breakdown which honestly, for all those present in the studio that day (I was there), was quite amusing to watch (none of us like him very much). There's an episode of The Lost Plays! It’s got carols and fireworks! It’s got Maureen Lerner! It’s got Grandma Moose and Buck! It’s got a performance from Australia’s leading Bing Crosby impersonator! It’s even got an interview with “A” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson! Our lawyers insist we emphasize that it’s “A” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson rather than “The” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!

Merry Christmas, Mum!! Thanks for giving me another chance! I really, really, really, really do love you... and your oodles of cash....

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She's back! After 2 blissful weeks on strike, Maureen Lerner has returned and she's brought with her, her very own episode!

In this episode...

Ships in the Night - an erotic short story about a young woman’s affair with a sexy older pizza delivery man.

The Mayor, The Nephew, His Wife & Her Busker - A gripping political thriller that features more projectile vomiting than The Exorcist!

In other wonderful news... Rejoice! Rejoice! Mother is talking to me again and says I’m back in the will… Just don’t tell her I still work for Tinned ‘Eat!.. I sort of… you know… lied about that...

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Maureen is still off getting drunk somewhere so once again we bring you something different!

In this episode...

Royal expert and biographer Danny Miller (Author of Norman Hartnell: The Royal Dressmaker and Rodney Boon: Disgraced Dentist of the Queen Mother) takes us on an exciting journey that celebrates our Habsburg-jawed superiors, The British Royal Family. This is a very special episode of Tinned ‘Eat indeed! I miss you, mum... Well, I miss your vast wealth... Please get in touch…

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Maureen Lerner is on strike which means no episode of Tinned ‘Eat this week. Instead, we bring you an episode of Psychrap, a new program that features psychoanalysts in conversation. In this episode, Dr. Cornelius Eton-Koch and Dr. Johan Gotfried-Gruber discuss the importance of healthy grandmother/grandchild relationships.

The stakes are high in this action-packed episode of Psychrap! Will Dr. Gotfried-Gruber finally find peace? Will young Buck successfully retrieve the olives that Granda Moose so desperately wants? Will my mother ever talk to me again?

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Maureen Lerner loses her cool in a far greater way than she has previously. The staff here at Tinned ‘Eat are ever so frightened, particularly Paddy the sound engineer.

In this episode...

The Lost Plays: Chaucer - a POORformance of a lost work by Chaucer that my mother said she would have enjoyed a lot more had she not actually heard it. 

Introducing Politics to Children - children’s author Monserrat Sinclair shares a short story from his new anthology that aims to get children interested in politics. As far as I know my mother has no opinion about this piece as she’s stopped talking to me again.

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Maureen Lerner shares some of her observations about the world while Paddy the sound engineer gently weeps. 

In this episode...

If Dust Could Talk - The story of a working-class man’s lavish afterlife! My mother quite enjoyed this one though she has been acting strange lately.

The Lost Plays: Interview - a very special episode of The Lost Plays that features an interview with two of Australia’s most famous theatre critics. My darling mother wasn't exactly chuffed about this one.

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Maureen Lerner gives the briefest of introductions before fleeing the studio to get boozed up at Young & Jackson’s in Naarm. 

In this episode...

A Ritzy Hotel Just Outside Vatican City - Follows the adventures of three groups of Australians in a flashy hotel just outside Vatican City. 

On the 5th floor, 3 catholic missionaries are getting ready to take to the streets.

On the 10th floor, a very important meeting is taking place.

On the 6th floor, a group of party animals struggle with their worst hangover ever.

On the phone again today was my mother, pleading with me to stop this madness…

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Rather than introducing the stories this week, Maureen Lerner rambles on and on about god knows what.

In this episode...

The Lost Plays: Oure Barry - a lost work by William Shakespeare set in the hushed, drab corridors and backrooms of the Corsican Royal Court in the late fourteenth century. When I asked my mother her opinion on this one she just rolled her eyes. 

Levon’s Shame - 16-year-old Levon Hall’s cushy life is turned upside down when he develops a strange new perversion. My mother listened to the opening 5 minutes of this piece before calling to inform me that I was no longer in her will. 

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Tinned ‘Eat editor Maureen Lerner introduces two exciting stories with such indifference that it makes Paddy, the sound engineer here at Tinned ‘Eat wish he picked a different line of work.

In this episode...

Timothy Eckles' Diary of a Pauper - A piece of groundbreaking investigative journalism that’s so powerful it made my mother weep.

Lambert & Sutcliffe Menthol Cigarettes Presents: A Modern Dating Guide - a helpful dating guide that includes questions one can ask on a first date to ensure it goes really, really well! It’s the sort of thing Buzzfeed might do only slightly less nauseating.

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