You're Allowed to Want More

Most of us learned early that asking for more is greedy. Ungrateful. Selfish. So we soften every statement about what we actually want. We apologise for our own lives. We compare ourselves down to people who have it worse, and we use that as a reason to stay small.

The result: we spend years in situations we hate, we don't ask for what we need, and we feel disconnected from our own lives.

In this episode, Keegan challenges the idea that gratitude and wanting more are opposites. He talks through why comparison is a device people use to silence themselves, where the belief that you shouldn't want anything comes from, and what it costs you to keep pushing that beach ball under the water. He also gives you three things to do this week that will show you exactly that you can be grateful and want things.

What's covered:

• Why "someone else has it worse" is not evidence that you're okay
• The difference between comfort zones and familiarity
• Where you learned that asking for more is a bad thing
• Who benefits from you staying small
• The cost of not speaking what you want (and where it comes out instead)
• An audit to notice how often you soften your own truth
• Two lists that prove gratitude and desire aren't opposites

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My pick is the first. It follows the same "concept: why it matters" shape as the Achievement vs Success episode, and it tells the listener exactly what they'll walk away with. The second is the stronger line for a clip.

Description

Nobody Keegan speaks to has room on their plate. Work, relationships, family, the news, a phone that never stops. On top of that, most of us are carrying situations that have dragged on for years because putting up with them feels easier than dealing with the discomfort of changing them.

In this episode Keegan shares the filter he uses himself and passes on to clients whenever they're stuck. Any situation, problem or frustration comes down to three options: change it, accept it, or leave it. There's a fourth that most people default to without realising, which is doing nothing, and Keegan makes the case that it's never a neutral choice. He talks through a client who spent five years on the fence about his job without ever asking to reduce his hours, why gay men so often fear getting it wrong, and why clever, articulate men are usually the best at talking themselves out of action.

What's covered:

• The three choices you have in any situation, and the false fourth one
• Why doing nothing sends a message to other people and to yourself
• "Better the devil you know" as a red flag
• Best little boy in the world syndrome and the fear of being seen to fail
• Why smart people struggle to get out of their own way
• Acceptance as an active choice rather than giving up
• Why nobody needs more information, they need implementation

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:
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For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Keegan breaks down the difference between achievement and success, and why so many men who look like they've made it still feel stuck.

He explains the jackpot problem: hitting every marker you were told would make you happy (the job, the house, the body, the partner) and still waiting to feel it. Achievement is external and tickable. Success is internal, and it's the thing nobody can hand you or take away.

Keegan shares his own experience of lurching from goal to goal, plus what changed after his heart diagnosis. He sets a challenge for listeners: write down everything you've achieved in the last ten years, then everything you've actually enjoyed, and look at how little the two lists overlap.

If you've ever answered "how are you doing?" with a list of accomplishments instead of how you actually feel, this one's for you.

Find and connect with Keegan: 

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Keegan Hirst opens the podcast by defining the thing it's named after. Being unapologetic isn't about never saying sorry, and it isn't about being rude. It's about the man you are behind closed doors being the same man you present to the world.

In this first episode Keegan walks through the five arenas where men apologise for themselves: the body, the voice, the want, the no, and the mask. Then he lays out the path out of it, starting with an honest audit of where you actually are and ending with visibility.

He also makes the case that none of this gets solved by thinking harder. Most of the men Keegan works with are business owners, C-suite leaders, people with real intelligence and a real work ethic. Being smart has never once fixed a doing problem. Identity shifts through action, not analysis.

Your action step this week: subscribe, and block out the time you're going to listen. Car journey, dog walk, wherever it fits.

Find and connect with Keegan: 

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Anthony Dunford has been with Keegan for six years, since before GMC was called GMC and back when the weekly call sometimes had two people on it. He's one of three clients still standing from that first cohort.

In 2019 Anthony was 47, a teacher who had been in the same school for over twenty years, still closeted, with a career that had stalled and a mum who had just started with dementia. Then he paid off his mortgage. He talks here about opening the letter on a grey October afternoon and feeling nothing at all, no glitter, nobody in the house, just a line from Death of a Salesman going round his head about spending twenty five years paying for a place with nobody left to live in it. That was the moment he thought the rest of his life was going to be spent on the sofa.

He's 53 now. New job after three decades in the same building, a promotion to senior teacher at a sixth form college, a Pride badge on his lapel and a beach holiday booked for August. The thing he wouldn't have booked before.

Keegan and Anthony go back through how that actually happened, and Anthony is honest that most of it came down to two things: deciding to be deliberate rather than passive, and eventually working out that a room full of GMC members is not a room he needs to escape from. He describes scanning the first London event for a seat by the window so he could flip the chair and be out through it before anyone noticed.

What's covered:

• The moment paying off a mortgage felt like an ending rather than an achievement
• Why being deliberate matters more than being motivated
• The interview Anthony talked himself into by saying "you deserve this" in a bathroom mirror
• Why the ceiling you think you've hit is usually just the highest point you've reached so far
• What Anthony would say to guys who don't think they're a community person
• Taking what you need from GMC and leaving the rest, the room of requirements approach
• What he's still working on at 53

The Cornwall retreat is coming up in August and there are still a small number of spots. Three nights, breathwork, yoga, training outdoors, a private chef and twenty other men doing similar work on themselves. If you've been sat on the fence about it, this episode is a decent argument for getting off it. Email [email protected]

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community: 

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For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

This week Keegan draws a line most people never think to draw: the difference between building a life and running from yourself.

He's honest that this isn't an anti-optimisation episode. He tracks his macros, he trains, he loves a system, and he'll defend all of that. But there's a tipping point most high performers miss, the moment optimising your life quietly turns into optimising your worth. That's when a day off stops feeling like recovery and starts feeling like falling behind.

Keegan connects this directly to gay men specifically: growing up needing to earn love, respect and acceptance builds an armour where achievement becomes currency and being exceptional feels like the only route to being acceptable. He unpacks why that drive so often gets mistaken for ambition, and why chasing it without rest just keeps you proving you're enough rather than actually living.

What's covered:

• The difference between optimising your life and optimising your self-worth
• Why standards matter, and why your quality of life is tied to the standards you actually live by
• Why gay men in particular fall into the overachiever trap, and where that pattern usually starts
• Why you get stronger in recovery, not in the session
• Why achieving the thing rarely feels like enough, and what that cycle actually costs you
• Permission to rest without earning it first

One spot left on the Cornwall retreat this August. Three nights, twenty other men on a similar journey, breathwork, good food, real conversation. If you've been thinking about it, now's the time. If you'd like to join us, email [email protected]

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community: 

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For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

This week's episode is personal. Keegan paid tribute to John, a rugby league coach who shaped not just his career but who he became as a person. John passed away recently, and rather than let those lessons die with him, Keegan's sharing three principles that have fundamentally changed how he coaches, how he built GMC, and how you can approach your own transformation.

The three lessons are simple. Delusional belief in where you're going. Boring, disciplined execution on the basics. And the understanding that there's always another game - so fear of failure doesn't have to paralyse you.

Keegan walks through real stories from his rugby days that show exactly how these work in practice, and connects them back to what he's seeing with GMC members right now. The common thread: champion people aren't built from doing extraordinary things ordinarily well. They're built from doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.

What's covered:

• Belief before evidence: why you need to feel delusional about your destination
• The power of showing up when nobody believes yet (including yourself)
• Playing the percentages: why the sexy plays lose to boring consistency
• There's always another game: how to stop fearing failure
• The story of Sheffield beating Wigan, and why John stayed calm
• What "head in the fridge, heart in the oven" actually means
• How these lessons directly shaped GMC and who Keegan is today

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community: 

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Peadar Hughes is one of our success coaches, and he's exceptional at something most people struggle with: staying consistent when life gets messy.

Here's the thing: most people know what to do. Train, eat well, get steps in. The problem isn't knowledge. It's staying consistent when work gets mad, when perfectionism creeps in, when one bad day becomes a reason to give up entirely.

Peadar specialises in helping clients navigate that gap. In this episode, he and Keegan dig into the patterns he's seeing with over 40 clients - the ones that keep people stuck, the ones that set them free, and the surprisingly small habits that create big ripples of change.

What's covered:

• Why people won't celebrate their wins
• Perfection paralysis: the "100 club" trap
• How 80% consistency over time beats 100% for a sprint
• Identity shifts and becoming the person who gets it done
• Nice coaching vs. letting people off the hook
• Small habits with massive impact (journaling, the 30-minute delay)
• Why your coach needs to live what they teach
• Building confidence through follow-through
• Three rules to live by for the next seven days

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community: 

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A lot of gay coaching is built around healing shame. Keegan isn't here to say that's wrong.

Shame is real. The stuff that gets wired into us growing up as gay men in a straight world, learning to hide, learning we're different, that's not invented. It matters. It needs acknowledging and working through.

But there's a version of gay personal development that becomes a waiting room. You sit in it processing your childhood, doing the inner work, and you wait until you're fixed enough to actually live your life. This episode is about why that waiting room is a comfortable trap.

The argument Keegan makes is a simple one: you don't heal your way into a good life. You build your way into one. Confidence isn't buried in your past waiting to be dug up. You earn it by doing hard things, building a body you're proud of, doing work that means something, being in relationships that actually challenge you. As you build those things, the old shame quietly loses its grip.

Inner work has a place. But it earns that place when you pair it with specific action. Otherwise it's just rumination with a fancy word.

What's covered:

• The difference between processing shame and hiding behind it
• Why healing becomes an identity with no finish line for a lot of gay men
• Confidence as something you build, not something you unearth
• Why you can't think your way out of a doing problem
• How to out-build shame rather than just sit with it
• What this looks like inside GMC

Also in this episode: a look ahead to the Unapologetic Man Live event in London this Saturday (20th June), the Cornwall retreat, and the Montreal MAD deposit deadline at the end of June. Wnat to join us at one of our upcoming events? Email Keegan on [email protected]

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community: 

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Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Greg is a senior tech leader who spent 30 years climbing the ladder. Good salary, senior position, stability - all the external markers of success. At 50, approaching what he thought would be his peak, he had one major problem: he didn't actually like his life.

He joined GMC thinking he needed to sort his body out - get fit before it was too late. What he discovered was that the physical stuff was never the real problem. It was a symptom. The real issue ran deeper: limiting beliefs about who he was, what he deserved, and what was possible for him. A lifetime of staying small, masking, and convincing himself that this was just how things had to be.

In this episode, Greg and Keegan dig into how one journey (fitness) unlocked another (career purpose and identity), why community is often what high-achieving men are actually missing, and what happens when you stop asking "what's expected of me?" and start asking "what do I actually want?"

What's covered:

• Why success can feel hollow if it's built on shame and masking
• How limiting beliefs keep smart, accomplished people trapped for decades
• The connection between physical transformation and identity work
• What it takes to pivot your career after 30 years
• Legacy thinking and why giving back changes everything
• Building confidence from 1/10 to 7/10 in 18 months

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community: 

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For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube