Chào các bạn, Hello Friends,
Last month, I stood in a room full of friends who threw me a surprise farewell party. No agenda, no business cards, just people who genuinely cared for each other.
And it hit me, these relationships weren’t built overnight. They grew from small, intentional moments over time.
This week, I talked to 30 founders; small business owners, SaaS and tech entrepreneurs, engineers - friends - people figuring things out, just like you and me.
And the same truth kept coming up: 80% of startup success comes from your network, not just your product. Pareto principle at play.
We crave real connections, the kind that help you hire the right people, land investors who truly believe in you, and build partnerships that actually last.
Those don’t come from forced networking. They come from small, intentional actions.
In this piece, I’ll share 5 simple ways to build meaningful relationships that actually work.
5 Simple Ways to Build Better Relationships (That Actually Work)
Confidence doesn’t come from isolation, it grows through the right connections. Surrounding yourself with people who energize and uplift you makes all the difference. Who in your life gives you energy rather than drains it?
Here are five lessons I’ve learned from my interactions this week that I’ve seen work in my life:
1. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation
People crave recognition. Think about someone who helped or inspired you this week. Have you told them? A quick thank-you goes a long way. Who’s someone you could appreciate today?
Be Specific – Instead of a generic "Great job!", mention exactly what you appreciated.
* Example: “I loved how you structured your presentation, it made everything so clear and engaging.”
* Why? It shows you actually paid attention.
Acknowledge Effort, Not Just Results – People appreciate recognition for their hard work, not just wins. Carol Dweck's research shows that praising effort over talent builds resilience - recognizing hard work, not just wins, helps people grow stronger.
* Example: “I saw how much time you put into this project. Even if the outcome wasn’t perfect, your dedication really stood out.”
* Why? It encourages continuous growth.
Make It Personal and Unexpected – Appreciation feels most genuine when it’s not transactional.
* Example: A random voice note or handwritten note saying, “Hey, just wanted to say thanks for always bringing good energy to our calls.”
* Why? It makes people feel valued outside of big milestones.
This week, someone told me:
Thank you for the call, I absolutely love your positive mindset and constructive feedback.
A simple comment like this made my day and reminded me why appreciating others matters so much.
2. Be Genuinely Interested in Others
Confidence in social settings isn’t about always knowing what to say—it’s about being genuinely curious.
People don’t remember what you say - they remember how you make them feel. A lesson I truly feel.
What’s the last conversation where you truly listened without waiting for your turn to speak?
Use the “Spotlight Effect” to Your AdvantageA Harvard study found that people who focus the conversation on the other person are perceived as more charismatic and likable.
Instead of sharing your own story immediately, ask “What’s your take on that?” or “How did that experience shape you?” This shifts the focus, making the other person feel valued and understood.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
* Example: Instead of “How was your weekend?” try, “What was the highlight of your weekend?”
* Why? This invites deeper conversations and makes people feel heard.
Practice Active Listening - simply nodding and maintaining eye contact increases trust
* Next time you’re in a conversation, put your phone away, lean in slightly, and reflect on what’s being said before responding.
This week, I was reminded of how different cultures shape communication. In Vietnam, interactions are more high-context, relying on unspoken cues.
In Germany, people are direct. Learning to navigate these differences has helped me build stronger, more meaningful relationships.
3. Find the Right Energy: Talk in Terms of the Other Person’s Interests
Conversations get better when you focus on what excites the other person. Over the years, I’ve curated a huge range of interests - that helps me connect with people from all walks of life.
I used to beat myself up for not having one big passion, but today, I realize variety is my spice of life.
Use the "Ford Method" (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams)If you’re unsure what someone is passionate about, ask about one of these four areas. Meaningful conversations, rather than small talk, strengthen connections.
Try this: next time you meet someone new, ask, “What’s something exciting you’re working on outside of work?” and see where the conversation flows.
My Friend and former coach Tamas built whocards, a collection of questions to really get to know the other person! Use this as a starting point.
I’ve discussed cultural differences with a close friend here in Vietnam, and I really suprised him with the fact that Germans favorite pastime is actually complaining.
4. Smile and Use People’s Names
Sounds simple, but it’s powerful. Using someone’s name makes them feel seen.
I should know, my name is Trung, good luck teaching this to the majority of the people I’ve met in Germany - don’t get me started on how to write it.
My favorite interaction this week? Just smiling at an auntie while out on my morning run, she high-fived me out of nowhere. It might not mean much in the context of business, but that small moment gave me energy for the whole day.
When was the last time you did this and noticed the shift in energy?
5. Make the Other Person Feel Important And Mean It
Confidence comes from feeling valued, and the best way to receive that is by giving it first. Maybe you introduced someone to a great opportunity, acknowledged their hard work, or simply reminded them they matter. Who’s someone you uplifted this week?
Use "The Franklin Effect" - Ask for Their AdviceStudies show that people feel more valued and connected when you seek their guidance. The Benjamin Franklin Effect suggests that asking someone for a small favor, like their opinion on a topic they care about, makes them like you more.
Next time you meet someone, instead of just complimenting them, ask, "I really admire how you did X—what’s your approach?" It makes them feel important in a genuine way.
Relationships Don’t Just Happen - You Build Them
Most of us don’t actively build relationships; we just collect them by association. In school, at work, through mutual friend circles.
But as we get older, that passive approach stops working. If you don’t deliberately build your network, it won’t be there when you need it.
Think of relationships like a garden.
* You plant seeds, you nurture them, and over time, they grow into something meaningful.
* Some flourish, some don’t.
* Sometimes, you have to prune to protect the health of your garden.
But when you tend to them consistently, your network becomes a thriving ecosystem that supports you; helping you hire, grow, fundraise, and create opportunities you never saw coming.
A quarter of my interactions this week were inbound. I didn’t plan on them. But talking about my work and exposing myself, something I feared for so long, turned out to be a game changer.
What You Can Do Today
Start small. Forget the pressure to “network.” Just focus on one meaningful connection today.
Try this:
* Start where you are. Reach out to someone you already know, a coworker, an old friend, or even a local barista you always see. Relationships grow from everyday moments, not just business meetings.
* Think about a person who shaped you, who believed in you when you didn’t. Send them a message.
* Let go of one draining connection and focus on people who give you energy.
I challenge you: Send one message today. No agenda, no expectations, just appreciation. Then, hit reply and tell me how it felt. My DMs are open: https://trung.berlin
But here’s the thing—tactics will only get you so far. What really sets great relationship-builders apart?
In Part 2, I’ll share 5 more powerful lessons—the uncomfortable truths about building relationships that no one talks about. If you’re ready to go beyond the basics, stay tuned.
* Avoid Criticism, Condemnation or Complaints
* Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves
* Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly and Emphatically
* Dramatize Your Ideas to Make Them Memorable
* Throw Down a Challenge, People rise to challenges when they feel inspired.
Part 2 drops next week. Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss it:
Last but not least, I want to thank my amazing readers and friends who keep supporting me, by giving me valuable feedback so I can in turn create value for you and we can share and learn together. Please don’t hesitate to reach out me, I would love to hear your story!
I truly appreciate it!
Keep it simple, keep it fresh, smile and let it go!
Yours truly, Trung
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theuncomfortzone.substack.com
