What happens when everything you've believed for forty years suddenly feels like a prison? Melody's powerful story of religious deconstruction takes us on a journey from the sheltered world of evangelical Christianity to the expansive freedom of authentic spiritual connection.

Growing up as a pastor's daughter, Melody's life revolved around church, Bible study, and Christian education. Unlike many who question their faith in adolescence, she remained deeply committed well into adulthood—teaching women's Bible studies, participating in church leadership, and raising her children within the faith tradition. That steadfast belief system began to unravel after her father's death from leukemia, when she witnessed his fear of dying despite his lifelong preaching about the glories of heaven.

"I have something and it has nothing to do with Christianity," Melody realized in her moment of deconversion. "It's grown up around the trellis that Christianity has for me and it's not that." This botanical metaphor beautifully captures her experience—the religious structure that once supported her spiritual growth had become restrictive, preventing her authentic connection with spirit from flourishing.

What makes Melody's story particularly compelling is that she didn't abandon spirituality when leaving Christianity. Instead, she discovered new languages for understanding her spiritual experiences, particularly through astrology, which she describes not as a belief system but as a framework for understanding archetypal patterns. Her journey illuminates how religious deconstruction can lead not to emptiness but to expanded possibilities for authentic connection.

The path wasn't without obstacles. Fears of family rejection, loss of community, and identity crisis created profound challenges. Melody describes the process as feeling like "crawling on your knees through the jungle"—an escape that required companions for survival. Yet through these difficulties, she found deeper authenticity and a more honest relationship with herself.

If you're questioning inherited beliefs or navigating your own spiritual transformation, Melody's story offers validation and hope. Connect with her work at melodycarol.com, where she's developing educational materials around astrology and offering listening services for others on similar journeys.

This is a spoken word poem type episode. 

After a lifetime of seeking external validation and love, I experienced a profound awakening where I met my authentic self and fell in love with who I truly am.

• Discovering that the part of me that was loved by my ex-wife had died after our divorce, leaving me feeling loveless
• Finding that family love helped heal me, but ultimately discovering that love exists within myself
• No longer needing to chase external love or validation from others
• Committing to strengthen spiritual growth and tune my body to its highest potential
• Stopping the fight to heal or become something different—simply living as myself
• Finding devotion to myself rather than external goals or success metrics
• Treating myself with the same loyalty, love and devotion I would give to a beloved partner
• Protecting my inner love and rooting in presence to bloom from within

Thomas and Abi explore personal transformation through the lens of trust, authenticity, and spiritual awakening, discussing how our deepest beliefs get tested during periods of change.

• The "trust muscle" and how belief becomes strongest right before it gets challenged
• How numbing behaviors like alcohol and partying can mask deeper issues during transformation
• The power of radical honesty with yourself and others as the foundation for authentic living
• What happens when people fall away as you become more authentic with yourself
• The hidden complexity beneath seemingly simple human experiences
• Creating personal ceremonies to process grief, especially after relationship endings
• Faith as a reciprocal relationship that requires nurturing and communication
• The metaphor of "dark portals" that we must cross through during transformation
• How facing your darkness actually expands your capacity for joy and growth
• The cyclical nature of spiritual development rather than linear progress

Have you ever felt the subtle pressure to be "fixed," "healed," or to present yourself as having all the answers? That pressure isn't just uncomfortable—it might be preventing your most profound transformation.

In this deeply reflective exploration, I challenge the fundamental notion that security and fixed identity represent human strength. The truth is quite the opposite: our natural state involves constant evolution, shedding masks when they no longer serve us, just as trees naturally release branches. When we grip these identities too tightly, we strangle our own becoming.

The conversation takes us through the concept of the liminal stage—that uncomfortable, ambiguous space between who we were and who we're becoming. This space appears across cultures and throughout history as a necessary phase of transformation, symbolized in everything from ancient initiation rites to Dante's dark wood. What's fascinating is how consistently these traditions incorporate voluntary discomfort as the pathway through liminality.

I share my personal journey through a profound becoming and how others have misinterpreted my openness about this process as brokenness. This misunderstanding reveals society's discomfort with authentic transformation and our collective avoidance of three essential elements: discomfort, ambiguity, and honesty what I call the "perfect trifecta" preventing transformation.

Whether you're questioning your identity, feeling lost in transition, or sensing the stirrings of personal evolution, remember: you're not broken. You're becoming. What if this moment you feel lost in is actually your next beautiful beginning? Join me in embracing the uncertain, uncomfortable magic of transformation.

What does it mean to be authentic when there is no fixed version of yourself to discover? The Unfixed Self Podcast launches with a profound exploration of human identity that challenges conventional wisdom about who we are and how we show up in the world.

Through personal reflection and philosophical inquiry, I unpack the liberating truth that we were never meant to be static beings. Our greatest strength as humans lies in our adaptability, our flexibility, and our capacity to wear different masks in different contexts. While social media and modern culture push us toward defining ourselves through rigid "personal brands," true authenticity emerges when we embrace the complex, paradoxical nature of our consciousness.

Drawing from Taoist philosophy, psychological theories like Jung's archetypes, and systems like astrology and Human Design, I propose that authenticity isn't a destination but a practice rooted in honest self-observation. Just as twelve musical notes can create endless melodies, our fundamental human elements combine to form infinitely varied expressions of self. The unfixed self doesn't reject personas (even "having no mask" is itself a mask) but develops awareness of them, understanding when and why we wear different aspects of ourselves.

This episode also tackles the fascinating intersection between individual development and collective liberation. When we recognize that the external world reflects our inner landscape, we understand that personal growth and social transformation are interdependent journeys. True authenticity cannot exist in isolation—our mirrors in others only reflect accurately when they too are on paths toward freedom and authentic expression.

Subscribe to join me on this journey of exploration and transformation. Together, we'll unravel questions of identity, authenticity, and personal development not to arrive at fixed answers, but to reimagine what it means to be human in a complex, ever-changing world.