In this edition of The Update Journal, we begin with a man who quietly built a media empire while the rest of us were still trying to figure out how to program the VCR. Byron Allen has more channels, production credits, and executive producer tags than a CVS receipt, and if you blink during the credits you might miss the part where he basically owns the entire network.

Then we move to one of those late-night TV moments that only happens when you’re awake at 2 A.M. watching American Greed, wondering where your life choices went wrong. The episode features a mayor who apparently believed that holding public office meant never having to pay for dinner. Because nothing says “public servant” quite like walking out of a restaurant and sticking the taxpayers—or the waiter—with the bill.

And finally, we discuss the Monday after Spring Daylight Saving Time, the one day of the year where the entire country collectively wakes up angry. We lose an hour of sleep, gain an attitude, and suddenly every minor inconvenience feels like a federal offense. Coffee isn’t strong enough, alarms feel like personal attacks, and everyone at work looks like they’re operating on about three percent battery life.

In other words: media empires, midnight scandals, and a nation running on one less hour of sleep. What could possibly go wrong?

In the headlines on #TheUpdate this Monday, a device thrown by a counterprotester at an anti-Islam demonstration in New York City on Saturday was confirmed to be an improvised explosive, according to a preliminary police analysis. As the investigation continued, the NYPD said they were looking into a second suspicious device found in the same area of Manhattan’s Upper East Side.

Four people were shot during a Brooklyn bar brawl, as an eyewitness said one of the victims had his foot blown off.

And overseas, Mojtaba Khamenei, a son of Iran’s late supreme leader, has been named as the Islamic Republic’s next ruler, authorities announced, as Tehran widened its attacks across the Mideast to strike oil and water facilities crucial to its desert sheikdoms.