The Upgraded Man

Sexless marriage is not really about sex. Ralph B., founder of Help For Men and author of The Dead Bedroom Fix, tells Chris Anderson on The Upgraded Man that the bedroom is the last thing to go cold, and by the time it does, something else has been dead for years.

Ralph B. is known online as Dad Starting Over. He rebuilt his life after a divorce that blindsided him, then wrote the book that hundreds of thousands of men in dead marriages have picked up. He talks to men who have gone twenty and thirty years without touching their wife, and he knows exactly what type of man ends up there.

This one is for the married guy who is doing everything right, and she is still on the other side of the couch.

In this episode:

• Why a sexless marriage is the last symptom, not the problem, and what died first
• The anxiously attached husband who needs her reassurance to feel okay, and why the bedroom becomes his whole scoreboard
• "Moving the goalposts." She says she is exhausted, he takes over every chore, and she ends up on the couch on her phone while he scrubs toilets asking "do you notice me now"
• Why stay at home dads have a worse record with dead bedrooms, and what that proves about chores
• The anxious avoidant trap. Why the man who wants to talk keeps marrying the woman who wants to be left alone
• What a man actually does. Back off, work on himself, and stop going to her for approval
• The hard part. When you get better, she might leave, and why that is not a condemnation of getting better
• Chris reads the Esther Perel line: fire needs air, desire needs space
• Why couples who work together 24/7 lose the spark, and why a man needs a mission outside the marriage
• Where all of this comes from. Look at her mom and dad. Look at yours.
• The car that pulls to one side, and why you never get to take your hand off the wheel

Questions this episode answers

Why did my wife stop wanting sex? Ralph B. says the sex was the last thing to die, not the first. Something in the connection has been broken for a while, and the man usually did not notice until the bedroom went quiet.

Will doing more around the house fix a sexless marriage? No. Ralph B. says the anxious husband takes over everything, the goalposts keep moving, and it does not work. The problem is deeper than chores.

What do I do if my wife pulls away? Give her space and work on yourself, Ralph B. says. Stop going to her for approval and build a life with a mission in it. Chris Anderson adds the Esther Perel line: fire needs air, desire needs space.

Find Ralph at helpformen.com. His book is The Dead Bedroom Fix. On social media, search Dad Starting Over on any platform.

The Upgraded Man is hosted by Chris Anderson. Follow the show, and send this one to a married guy who thinks the chores are the problem.

#theupgradedman #sexlessmarriage #marriageadviceformen

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

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⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Chris Anderson sits down with Steve Barton, a high performance coach, creator of The Game of Ten, and co-author with his son Spencer of The Father, the Son, and the Aha Moment. Steve spent about thirty years running the floral business he took over from his father in Maine. He got certified through the Gestalt International Study Center in 2015 and trained in Miracle Minded Coaching with Marianne Williamson in 2021. He turned seventy the day before this record.

This one is for the man who is harder on himself than anyone else has ever been, and calls it high standards. Steve says most of us were trained to think our way out of every problem, and that is why the voice never stops. Then he does something most coaches will not do on a podcast. He hands Chris the actual rep, makes him do it on air, and it works.

In this episode:

• Why 80 percent of what your mind says is junk from the past, and why fighting it makes it louder
• Respond versus react, and why the only control you have is inside you
• The six phrases Steve uses to quiet the mind in thirty seconds, done live with Chris
• The first seven years, and how the voice got installed before you could argue with it
• Chris on three kids under five and the fear of passing it down
• Love with healthy boundaries. Sometimes love says yes, no, stay, or go.
• Why Steve told his son they are not best friends
• Chris's ribbon story, and the one question to ask a kid after he loses
• You can get to nine by positive thinking. You cannot get to ten by thinking at all.
• Is "it is what it is" wisdom or a cop-out
• Forgive the thought, not the person
• The man who did not know he had emotions until he was 36
• Stop chasing shiny objects. You are the shiny object.
• The Upgraded Man Journal, answering Dr. Tommy Rhee and leaving a line for the next guest

Find Steve at stevebartoncoaching.com. Download The Father, the Son, and the Aha Moment free at thegameof10.com. He posts every week on LinkedIn at Coach Steve Barton.

If you have never once questioned the voice that beats you up, this one is for you. Follow the show, and send this to a man who cannot shut his brain off.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

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⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Work smarter not harder is easy to say and hard to live, and stage 4 colorectal cancer survivor Tim McDonald had to get sick to learn it. In this Journal entry he reads what the last guest left him, agrees with half of it, and tells you plainly why the other half almost broke him.

At the end of every episode of The Upgraded Man there is a physical journal. The guest reads what the last guest wrote, sits with it, and writes something for the man who comes next. Same book every time, passed hand to hand. No prep. No script.

This week it is Tim McDonald. Six years ago an oncologist gave him three years to live. He is still here, and he hosts the Advocacy at Work podcast.

The entry he read was left by Nate Spangle, founder of Get Indiana: "Dream so big it makes others uncomfortable and be the hardest worker in every room."

Tim is all in on the first half. The second half he does not buy anymore, and he says so.

Here is what is in this one:

• Why Tim McDonald says dream so big it makes others uncomfortable is right, and worth writing down
• Why being the hardest worker in every room is the wrong goal, from a man who used to live it
• First in and last out of the office, and what all that effort actually got him
• Why working smarter is not doing less, it is getting more done
• The question Tim wrote for the next guest, and why he thinks men in particular need to sit with it
• Why most men never call the hard things they got through surviving

Questions this episode answers

Should I be the hardest worker in the room? Tim McDonald says no. He was first in and last out for years, and all it did was burn him out and stress him out. Working smarter let him do more.

What does work smarter not harder actually look like? Tim McDonald stopped measuring by hours in the office and started measuring by what got done. Smarter is more, without the burnout.

What is a good journal prompt for men? Tim McDonald left this one: What is something you survived that you never called surviving? He says men do not like to admit they survived a lot, and that is exactly why the question matters.

Find Tim at advocacyatwork.com and on LinkedIn at Tim A. McDonald.

The entry Tim read was left by Nate Spangle of Get Indiana, getindiana.com, @natespangle.

The Upgraded Man is hosted by Chris Anderson. Follow the show, and send this one to the man who is proud of being the first one in the office every morning.

#theupgradedman #worksmarternotharder #mensmentalhealth

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

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⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This is a Best Moment episode. One section pulled from a longer conversation because it stands completely on its own.

Ask a man how he feels and you will usually get one of two answers. Fine, or nothing. Then something small happens and the anger shows up out of nowhere. Thomas Edwards Jr says that is not a character problem. It is a skill nobody taught him.

Thomas is the author of The One Up Effect and spent over a decade as The Professional Wingman, the coach the media called the real life Hitch. In this stretch of his conversation with Chris Anderson, he lays out the ladder most men never climb, and then he does the part almost nobody does. He hands you the actual sentence to say out loud.

What Chris and Thomas get into:

• The three levels: emotional awareness, emotional literacy, and emotional intelligence, and why most men stall out on the first one
• Why a man who cannot put words to a feeling defaults to anger every single time
• What is usually underneath the anger, and why you can be sad without being diagnosed with something
• King David as the model. A warrior who wrote songs, danced in the street, and cried out loud
• Are you playing your own game, or still running a program somebody handed you years ago
• Why you should not share every single thing with your wife, and where the line actually sits
• The exact words to use when you are processing something and not ready to talk about it yet
• Why he calls it authenticity instead of vulnerability, and why that word matters
• Having emotions is not weak. Letting your behavior get run by them is
• Why most of what you react to has almost nothing to do with what just happened
• What changes at home when your wife can hold space for it, and what to do if she cannot yet

If this section hits, go listen to the full conversation with Thomas Edwards Jr. Get his book at theoneupeffect.com. To reach him directly or work with him, go to ThomasEdwardsJr.com.

Share this with a man who has been told he is always angry. Follow the show so we can keep making them.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

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⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Chris Anderson sits down with Dr. Tommy Rhee, a sports chiropractor who has spent nearly twenty years working on some of the most abused bodies in professional sport. Olympians, NFL, NBA, NHL and MLB players, PGA and LPGA golfers, UFC fighters and pro wrestlers. He is the founder and CEO of RheeGen and the author of The Future of Regenerative Medicine.

This one is for the man who is doing everything he was told to do. He trains. He eats decent. He is proud of the effort. And he still feels worse today than he did five years ago, and he cannot work out why. Tommy gives the honest answer, and then he gives the fix, in plain language, with a workout you can run in fifteen minutes.

Important: this episode is not medical advice. Talk to your own doctor before you change anything about your training, your recovery, or your health.

In this episode:

• Why you can still keep up with 25 year olds, and why you cannot do it day after day
• The one thing most men skip that would solve half their problems on its own
• What heart rate variability actually measures, and what a tracker is really telling you
• The 100 air squat test you can run tonight, no gym and no gear
• What DOMS is, why you hurt two days later, and how to make it go away faster
• The exact workout pairing for a man in his 30s and 40s, heavy squat straight into a box jump
• Why fifteen honest minutes beats an hour of going through the motions
• What stem cells and peptides actually are, explained like you are a fifth grader
• What happens to your muscle when you cut food hard and do not train
• The two biggest drivers of inflammation, and why one of them is not food
• What fight or flight does to blood flow in your arms and legs when the stress never turns off
• What a hyperbaric chamber actually does, and what it did to his resting heart rate
• The science fiction that is already sitting in a clinic today
   

Dr. Tommy Rhee is a Doctor of Chiropractic, not a physician. Find him at rheegen.com and physicalchiro.com, on Instagram at @dr.rheetommy, and on LinkedIn at Dr. Tommy Rhee.

Follow the show so you do not miss an episode, and send this one to a guy who has started blaming his age.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

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⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

At the end of every episode of The Upgraded Man there is a physical journal. The guest reads what the last guest wrote, sits with it, and then writes something down for the man who comes next. Same book every time, passed hand to hand. No prep. No script.

This week it is Nate Spangle, founder of Get Indiana and host of the Get IN. podcast. He built a media company out of a three thousand dollar truck he did not own when he announced the idea, and he is the first guest to write in the journal in person.

The entry he read was left by Larry Hagner, founder of The Dad Edge: "The definition of hell is being on your deathbed and meeting the man you could have become."

He sits with it before he says a word. Then he goes somewhere honest.

Here is what comes out of it:

If you have been telling yourself you are too late, too old, or not smart enough, this one is about four minutes and it takes that excuse away from you.

Find Nate:

getindiana.com @natespangle on every platform His show: Get IN. with Nate Spangle

The entry Nate read was left by Larry Hagner of The Dad Edge, thedadedge.com.

New episodes of The Upgraded Man drop three times a week. Full guest episodes on Monday, the best moment from a past guest on Wednesday, and the Journal on Friday.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

===========================

⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In 2020 a doctor told Tim McDonald he had cancer and that it had already spread to his liver. A few months later an oncologist told him something worse. She said she was going to put him on a chemo that gave him the highest quality of life, because he only had three years left to live.

Tim did not say anything out loud. In his head he said four words. That's your story, not mine.

Six years later he is still here.

This is the Best Moment from Tim McDonald's episode of The Upgraded Man. Eleven minutes, and it is the part of the conversation worth hearing if you only have time for one thing.

Tim McDonald is a stage 4 colorectal cancer survivor, a Research Advocate with Fight Colorectal Cancer, and the Florida Chapter Leader for Man Up To Cancer. He spent 17 years building online communities for major brands before he turned that same work toward patients.

Here is what is in this one:

If you have been putting something off until later, this is the eleven minutes to give it.

Find Tim at advocacyatwork.com and on LinkedIn at Tim A. McDonald.

The Upgraded Man is for men who refuse to stay complacent. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Subscribe, and if this one hits, send it to someone who needs it.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

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⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Florian Kemmerich spent 15 years climbing the corporate ladder in the medical device world, running companies across Germany, Mexico, and the United States. From the outside, he had won. Then a coaching session put him in a chair across from his five year old self, and that kid told him he was wasting his life. He calls what he found the absent subject of his own education. School gave him every tool to make a living and nothing that told him who he was.

Florian is the co-founder of Human Planet, the author of On Vocation, and the founder of Vocating.ai. He has mobilized close to a billion dollars of impact capital and chairs TIGER 21 in Switzerland. He is also a father of five, a former paratrooper, and a national level judoka who walked away from a run at the 1992 Olympics because it was not his why. His philosophy is four words. Impact Lives, Share Profits.

This is not a finance lecture. It is the quiet question a lot of successful men carry and will not say out loud.

Here is some of what Chris and Florian get into:

If you are winning on paper and quietly asking is this it, start here.

Find Florian:

The Upgraded Man is for men who refuse to stay complacent. Follow the show and send this one to a man trying to figure out what he is for.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

===========================

⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

At the end of every episode of The Upgraded Man there is a physical journal. The guest reads what the last guest wrote, sits with it, and then writes something down for the next guest. Same book every time, passed from man to man.

Larry Hagner reads the entry Phillip Lanier left behind: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war." Larry takes it into what it means to be a warrior outside your castle instead of inside it, where the people you love live.

Then he writes his own, and he does not soften it. "The definition of hell is being on your deathbed and meeting the man that you could have become."

He explains why that line and not another one. His oldest was about to leave for college. His wife had asked him if he regretted anything about how he raised that kid. He could look at her and say no. He had done the work, he had made the connection, and if he died tomorrow there would be nothing left on the table between him and his son.

That is the whole test, and it is a hard one. Not whether you loved your kids. Whether you would have anything to regret if the clock ran out today.

In this episode:

Larry Hagner is the founder of The Dad Edge and author of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood. Find him at thedadedge.com and at The Dad Edge on Instagram and YouTube.

The Upgraded Man is for men who refuse to stay complacent. Full episode with Larry is available now.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

===========================

⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This is the most valuable part of our conversation with Nate Spangle, founder of Get Indiana, pulled out as its own episode.

Nate is known across Indiana as a hype man. Big stunts, small towns, a truck, a camera. But none of that is where the story starts. It starts in 2017, when his mom died of cancer while he was in college. He admits he was a self-absorbed 20 year old who talked mostly to hear his own voice. He gave his mom a blank notebook when she got diagnosed and asked her to write down her story. After she was gone, he opened it and it was empty. That moment is where he stopped blaming her and started blaming the questions he never asked.

Then his grandmother stepped in. On the surface she was a farmer's wife who cooked and did laundry. Once he started asking real questions, he found a woman who took a class in bookkeeping, ran his grandfather's businesses, took a cross country train trip alone, and built radio tubes for airplanes during World War Two. Same woman. Different questions.

In this episode:

If you have a parent still living, a grandparent you have never really talked to, or kids who will one day try to remember who you were, this one is worth thirteen minutes.

Nate Spangle is the founder of Get Indiana and host of Get IN. with Nate Spangle. Find him at getindiana.com and at @natespangle everywhere.

The Upgraded Man is for men who refuse to stay complacent. Full episode with Nate is available now.

This episode may or may not be sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.

===========================

⚡️ PODCAST: Subscribe and listen on all major platforms

⚡️ Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Apply here ➡ https://upgraded-man.com/guest

⚡️ For support or business inquiries, email us ➡ [email protected]

Our mission at The Upgraded Man is simple — help men upgrade every area of their life through real conversations, honest stories, and actionable insight from men who have done the work.

Want to be a guest on The Upgraded Man? Send Chris Anderson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/upgradedmanpodcast

The content on The Upgraded Man is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute professional legal, financial, medical, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified professional before making decisions based on information discussed on this podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.