What do your earliest childhood experiences of attachment have to do with the way you interact with and relate to your spouse?  A whole lot, turns out.  In this episode we'll cover the 3 different types of attachment styles and how yours affects your marriage, as well as 3 common types of parental dynamics I've observed in my practice that can have an outsized impact on the way kids relate to their future spouses, communicate, and cope with relational tension.

If anything in this episode strikes a chord for you and you're interested in finding an EMDR therapist who can help you work through past trauma, so you can show up more as the person you want to be in your current marriage, you can learn more about what EMDR therapy is or find a certified EMDR therapist in your area at emdria.org.

Maintaining a sense of playfulness in marriage is so important, and the skillful use of humor can be a superpower that helps keep your relationship healthy and vibrant.  In this episode, Rachel talks about three kinds of humor that can pop up in marriage, what function they each have, and how to incorporate more of the the right kinds of humor that bring you closer and keep your friendship going strong.

The World Cup is coming — and if one of you is a die-hard fan and the other is just trying to get through the month, this episode is for you.

Rachel brought in her husband Stephen (a former college soccer coach and certified soccer obsessive) to talk through what it actually looks like to navigate a big sports season — or any major time commitment — without resentment building up on either side.

Whether you're the one counting down the days until kickoff or the one quietly wondering how long this whole thing lasts, you'll walk away with practical tools, honest conversation starters, and a game plan you can both feel good about.

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You didn't expect to find it. And now you can't stop thinking about it.

If you've just discovered your husband is using porn, you're probably feeling betrayed, confused, and unsure what to do next. In this episode, I sit down with Cori Page, licensed Independent Marriage and Family Therapist (IMFT) and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), to bring you the clarity and compassion you need right now.

We talk about why this hits so hard, how to tell the difference between occasional use and something compulsive or addictive, what you actually need to know, and the next steps for rebuilding trust. We also cover something important: this is not your fault — and his porn use may not even be about what you think it's about.

If you're trying to find your footing after a painful discovery, this episode is for you.

Some marriage problems aren't fixed by better communication skills or a good therapist — they require something else entirely first. In this episode, Rachel gets honest about the five situations where couples therapy either won't work or isn't the right first step: domestic violence, unresolved infidelity, active addiction, personality disorders, and complex trauma. You'll learn why jumping straight into couples work in these situations can actually make things worse — and what needs to happen instead. Whether you're in the thick of one of these situations yourself or watching someone you love struggle, this episode will help you name what you're dealing with and find the right kind of help.

Resources and hotlines mentioned in this episode are listed at vibrantmarriage.co/podcast - look for Episode 18.

Have you ever wondered why marriage is so much harder than you expected — even when you love your person? In Episode 17, Rachel puts on her armchair theologian hat to explore the real reason marriage is hard: not compatibility issues or unmet expectations, but the comprehensive brokenness that touches every corner of life and every human relationship.

She walks through the four key themes of the biblical story — Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Consummation — and unpacks what they mean for the day-to-day realities of married life. Why did intimacy become so scary? Why do we wound the people we love most? Why does marriage feel lonely when it was supposed to feel like home?

But this episode doesn't stop at the hard stuff. Rachel also shares the hopeful, redemptive vision for what marriage can be — drawing on Paul David Tripp's What Did You Expect? and a stunning passage from Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage that just might give you goosebumps.

Books mentioned: The True Story of the Whole World (Bartholomew & Goheen), What Did You Expect? (Paul David Tripp), The Meaning of Marriage (Tim Keller).

Does your marriage feel more like a roommate situation than a real friendship lately? You're not alone — and it doesn't have to stay that way.

In Episode 16, therapist and relationship coach Rachel Engels unpacks the four most common reasons couples drift toward the "roommate dynamic," including the neuroscience behind why the butterflies fade, the survival-mode trap, the imbalance of who's actually doing the relationship work, and the fear of being real with your spouse.

But here's the good news: you don't have to overhaul everything at once. Rachel shares four simple, practical ways to start putting some fun and friendship back into your relationship — starting this week.

Not sure whether to raise an issue with your spouse — or let it go? In this episode, Rachel gives you a practical framework for knowing when something is actually worth bringing up in your marriage — and when it's better to let it pass.

You'll learn the three most common reasons we avoid hard conversations, a simple test for whether something is worth addressing (it comes down to resentment), and why the goal of any hard conversation isn't winning — it's the health of your marriage. Rachel also shares results from a recent survey on the biggest stressors couples are facing right now, and closes with a journaling prompt from Dr. Sue Johnson that will help you get clear on where the real conversations need to happen.

If you've ever wondered whether you're bringing up too much — or not enough — this episode is for you.

🎙️ Find show notes and resources at vibrantmarriage.co

The news isn't just exhausting. It's affecting your marriage in ways you might not even realize.

In this episode, Rachel gets honest about what's really happening when the daily headlines feel like too much — and what it means for your relationship when you and your spouse cope with it in completely different ways. One of you wants to talk about it all. The other one is tapped out. One of you is fired up. The other has gone quiet and numb. Sound familiar?

This isn't a politics episode. It's a nervous system episode. Rachel breaks down what's actually going on in your body when you're chronically overstimulated, walks you through the difference between hyperarousal and hypoarousal, and explains why your spouse's reaction to the news (however maddening it might be) is not a character flaw — it's a survival response.

You'll also get practical tools for regulating your nervous system, tips for knowing when it's (and isn't) a good time to connect over hard topics, and a framework for giving both yourself and your spouse the grace to move in and out of different emotional states without it becoming a wedge between you.

The world is a lot right now. But it doesn't have to break your marriage.

What does it look like to actually build a future together — on purpose, as a team? Most couples aren't avoiding those conversations because they don't care. They're avoiding them because they don't know how to start. In this episode, Rachel sits down with coach Lori Quintero, who helps women start the conversations that align their life, money, and future with their partner so they can stop drifting and start building intentionally together.

Lori's passion for this work was born out of a harrowing experience — surviving the Route 91 Harvest Festival shooting in Las Vegas — and later cemented when her husband survived a widowmaker heart attack. Both events left her with the same urgent conviction: waiting to have the important conversations is the biggest risk of all.

Drawing on 20 years of experience in high-tech leadership and coaching, Lori brings a practical, concrete approach to a topic most couples find daunting. She and Rachel talk about why couples drift, how to open these conversations without triggering conflict, and what becomes possible when you get truly aligned.

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Resources mentioned: