For many high-skilled immigrant women, leadership doesn’t begin in a boardroom.It begins much earlier.
In quieter, lonelier moments.In the decisions we make long before anyone is watching.
This episode marks a shift.
What was once the WanderWomen Podcast is now the WanderWomen Leadership Series — a space for deeper conversations about identity, power, belonging, and the inner work that leadership actually demands.
To open this new chapter, I sat down with Dr. Pariya Kashfi — Iranian-born, Sweden-based, former tech founder turned life and career designer.
Her story is not one of overnight reinvention or loud rebellion.It’s about the slow, courageous act of saying no — and learning to live with what that unlocks.
When “being good” starts costing you yourself
Pariya grew up in Iran in a deeply religious, highly respected family.She was successful early: a strong academic career, social status, security.
And yet, in her early twenties, she realised something unsettling.
Saying yes — to expectations, to family norms, to prescribed ways of living — meant saying no to herself.
Not dramatically.Not all at once.But consistently.
That moment is familiar to many high-skilled immigrant women.We don’t leave because we’re unhappy in obvious ways.We leave because something inside us quietly stops fitting.
The first leadership decision Pariya ever made wasn’t about work.It was about freedom.
At 27, she moved to Sweden alone.No safety net.No guarantee.No certainty that the life she was walking away from could be rebuilt.
The guilt that follows courageous choices
One of the most honest parts of our conversation was about guilt.
The guilt of leaving ageing parents behind.The guilt of choosing yourself when women are taught to be caretakers first.The guilt of building a “better” life elsewhere while those you love remain in systems you escaped.
Pariya spoke about the moment she nearly cancelled her move — standing in her parents’ home, looking at her mother, wondering:
What if she needs me and I’m not there?
A friend said something that changed everything for her:
If you live a life that drains you, you will have less to give — not more.
This isn’t a slogan.It’s a hard truth many of us only learn after years of self-abandonment.
A leadership insight many HSWIs need to hear
One of the most valuable ideas Pariya shared was this:
Integration often asks us to dissolve.Leadership begins when we refuse to disappear.
Many high-skilled immigrant women are told — explicitly or subtly — that success comes from fitting in.Sound less emotional.Be less direct.Tone yourself down.Adapt faster.
Pariya tried that.
She learned the language.Built the network.Did everything “right”.
And still felt unfulfilled.
Her breakthrough came when she stopped treating integration as erasure and started treating her identity as an asset.
Not Iranian or Swedish.But a bridge between worlds.
That shift didn’t just change her personal life.It became her professional superpower.
Practical reflections for high-skilled immigrant women
If you’re navigating your own crossroads, here are a few grounded reflections inspired by this conversation:
1. Stop waiting to feel ready
Confidence rarely comes first.Action does.
Many HSWIs stay stuck waiting for clarity, permission, or certainty. Leadership often requires movement before reassurance.
2. Question who you’re trying to please
Ask yourself honestly:Whose approval still runs your life?And what is it costing you?
Unexamined expectations shape careers more than we realise.
3. Belonging does not require shrinking
If belonging demands you dim your values, your voice, or your energy, it isn’t belonging — it’s compliance.
4. Your difference is not a liability
The instincts you developed navigating cultures, languages, and systems are leadership skills.Stop treating them as baggage.
5. Self-trust is a muscle
You don’t need to see the full path.You need to trust that you’ll handle what comes next — because you always have.
Why this conversation matters now
So many high-skilled immigrant women are exhausted not because they lack ambition, but because they’ve been leading without alignment.
This episode isn’t about dramatic exits or radical reinvention.It’s about quieter leadership:The courage to say no.The decision to stop waiting.The refusal to disappear.
🎧 Listen to Episode 12 of the WanderWomen Leadership Series with Dr. Pariya Kashfi here:
And if you’re craving deeper connection beyond content, spaces where you don’t have to explain yourself, the WanderWomen Circles are exactly that.
→ https://thewanderwomen.org/circles
Small, intentional gatherings for women navigating identity, leadership, and belonging across borders.
You’re not alone.And you were never meant to do this quietly.
With clarity,Shivangi
Get full access to Shivangi Walke at theshivangiwalke.substack.com/subscribe