I survived deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan.

But in October 2024, I came dangerously close to losing my life in my own home.

In Episode 6 of The War After the War, I tell a story I never imagined I would tell publicly: the night I attempted suicide, the years of PTSD, TBI, anger, relationships, and untreated pain that led me to that point and what happened after I survived.

This isn't a story with a perfect ending. I talk about the consequences that followed, the impact on my children and relationships, surrendering my firearms, finally taking treatment seriously, and the work I'm still doing today.

I'm not sharing this for sympathy.

I'm sharing it because another veteran may be sitting where I once sat, convinced there's nothing left on the other side of tonight.

I couldn't see my future that night. That didn't mean I didn't have one.

If you're a veteran in crisis or worried you may act on thoughts of suicide, call or text 988, then press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line, or text 838255.

The uniform came off. The fight didn't.

Coming home didn’t mean the war was over it just changed battlefields.

In this episode of The War After the War, I talk about what PTSD actually looks like nearly 20 years after my first deployment. Not just the memories of Iraq, but what follows you into everyday life: hyper vigilance, sleepless nights, anxiety, relationships, family, work, and the exhausting process of finally admitting you need help.

I also talk openly about navigating the VA, fighting for recognition of service-connected conditions, and what it feels like to spend years hiding your struggles only to eventually have to document and explain them to strangers.

I’m not telling this story from the finish line. I’m still living it. I’m still in therapy, still working on myself, still navigating the VA, and still learning how to live with PTSD instead of pretending it isn’t there.

If you’re fighting your own war after the war or you love someone who is this episode is for you.

Operation Next Step is a veteran-founded 501(c)(3) nonprofit helping veterans, transitioning service members, and their families connect with the resources they need. Their work includes VA benefits guidance, employment, housing resources, food assistance, mental health resources, education, and other community support.

Their mission is simple: no veteran should have to fight life’s battles alone.

You can learn more by visiting www.operationnextstep.org, emailing [email protected], or following them on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at @OperationNextStep.

If you’re a veteran in crisis, or you’re concerned about a veteran, help is available.

Call or text 988 and press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line, or text 838255.

Please don’t fight it alone.

The uniform came off. The fight didn’t.

Until next time, check on your brothers and sisters. Semper Fi.

Operation Next StepVeterans Crisis Line

For years, I convinced everyone including myself that I was okay.

After my first deployment to Iraq with Combat Logistics Regiment 15 (CLR-15), I came home carrying more than just memories. I carried anxiety, hyper vigilance, nightmares, and a version of myself that learned to survive in a war zone but never truly learned how to come home.

In this episode, I share how that survival mindset became the mask I wore for years. From running convoy missions through Al Anbar Province to building a career, earning degrees, and appearing successful on the outside, I talk about what it was really like to hide the invisible wounds of war while convincing everyone including myself that everything was fine.

If you've ever felt like you had to hide your struggles behind a smile, this episode is for you.

Veteran Resources

I'd also like to recognize Operation Next Step, a veteran-founded 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to helping veterans, transitioning service members, and their families connect with the resources they need. They provide guidance with VA benefits, employment, housing, food assistance, mental health resources, education, and other community support—because no veteran should have to fight life's battles alone.

You can learn more by visiting www.operationnextstep.org, emailing [email protected], or following them on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at @OperationNextStep. I'll also have all of their contact information and links in the show description, so be sure to check those out after the episode.

If you are a veteran in crisis, or you're concerned about one, help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call or text 988, then press 1, or text 838255 to connect directly with the Veterans Crisis Line.

You are not alone.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed, carried burdens in silence, or wondered if anyone truly understands what you're going through, this episode is for you.

In this episode, I explore the hidden meaning behind the words "I'm tired" and why so many veterans struggle in silence long after their military service ends. We talk about the emotional weight of PTSD, the pressure to always appear strong, and how honest conversations can become the first step toward healing. Whether you're a veteran, a military family member, or someone who wants to better understand the challenges many service members face after coming home, I hope this episode reminds you that no one has to fight alone.

If this episode speaks to you, please follow The War After the War, leave a rating or review, and share it with another veteran or military family. Together, we can reach those who may be struggling in silence and remind them that they are never fighting alone.

After Episode 1, I realized there was an important part of my story I hadn't shared. In this episode, I talk about serving as a Marine Reservist, the unique challenges of transitioning between military and civilian life, and why so many reservists feel overlooked after coming home. This isn't about comparing service it's about sharing a perspective that thousands of reservists have lived. If you've ever felt caught between two worlds or struggled to find where you belong after service, this episode is for you.

Episode 1: When PTSD Changed My Life

In the first episode of The War After the War, I share the moment I realized PTSD wasn't something I left overseas—it had followed me home. I talk about life after the Marine Corps, building a career, the hidden struggles of service-connected PTSD, and why I'm starting this podcast. This is the beginning of my real-time journey through healing, the VA, and rebuilding my life—one episode at a time.