The Ward

Ever have one of those days? Weeks? Year and a Halfs?

Fret not, for Eight has finally smuggled out a bit of audio for your precious virgin ear-holes!

This is a quick update. And probably safe for work. Depending on your line of work. You know what? Why risk it. Probably best to play all of our episodes over the loudspeakers at your place of business. Customers can't get enough of Dessicated Mouse. (At least that is what Dessicated Mouse tells me.)

For free anole dating advice, email us at: [email protected]

Bush tentacles, potato chip security advice, and petting pretty grass! Eight continues on his perilous jog through the cold wilderness while explaining recent happenings and the consequences of having sexy hips. (Podcast may or may not involve gerbils.)

Send comments, feedback, or carrot-related recipes to: [email protected]

Eight returns! From his Surprise Extended-Stay All-Expenses-Paid Involuntary Vacation! Will you join him for a bit of fresh air? Pretty rocks, suspicious birds, hungry beasts, and psych meds... a typical American outing. (At the time of this recording, he has not been eaten by wolves. But he is still looking for that elusive group.)

Editors Note: Eight better be very grateful for the long-suffering JARED who received the audio over the phone at 4AM with no explanation other than something terrifying screaming in the background. (Screaming not included in the podcast, you're welcome). While this was probably recorded on a half-eaten potato, the sleep-deprived miracle-worker has done their very best. And will now get much needed sleep.

If you want jogging advice, a detailed description of some random rock, or just want to say hello... Contact us at: [email protected]

Eight explores magic, holy books, broccoli sobriety, and the only Irish word he knows. A must listen for any cat person who is off their meds!

Send adoration to:

[email protected]

Storytime with Eight! A slice of October fashion tips, mostly Satan-free.

(Any likeness to actual events and insane cultist dogma is possibly but not necessarily coincidental and does not necessarily reflect the actual views of your next door neighbor who has been staring at you through your window when you aren't looking.)

Tasty rocks, hatemail, and adoration can be sent to: [email protected]

Eight almost get's killed by clothes, The CIA periodically scrambles the audio (Terribly sorry about that... We'll be increasing the tinfoil budget), and Squirrels. So. Many. Squirrels. So everybody close your eyes! We're gunna leave Jesus a voicemail...

Also, hold your chakra angel blessing lightwork healing reiki Orgonite close and strap yourself in for a listener feedback rant!

If you want to be absolved of your epoxy resin sins, drop us a line at: [email protected]

If you are a sadist, we can also be reached at: [email protected] (But why would you do that to poor Eight?)

Eight comments on his first comment! Which was promptly deleted by the bean people, but in the immortal words of Jean Luc Picard: "It's too late. I saw everything!"

Speaking of beans, so many are spilled. Mind the mess.

This podcast was recorded with the help of "Technology." It almost wasn't recorded at all because of Eight's "Brain." But thanks to "Technology" you are now able to enjoy the happiest evening of your life!

To accept Eight's modest proposal, and be counted amongst the many blushing brides (or grooms, we don't judge) , email us at: [email protected]

"We're here to watch people sleep, not judge their cookbooks..."

Have you ever wondered about rocks? Well we have you covered! From rocks, to Japanese tea, to cat crispies; Eight makes sure you get a well-rounded education.

Write in to: [email protected]

Don't fall prey to the knotty liches, They'll steal your rocks and confuse your stitches! Eight deals with the worst tutorial known to man, so protect your orifices! (Except your ears, of course.)

"String is the thing in which to catch the conscience of the King!" -Shakespeare (probably)

Also, So sorry TogaGirl. You may have to wait for the Russian crime lords to overtake the undead before I can master the forbidden arts.

Until then, everyone can swear fealty at: [email protected]

Happy New Year! Do you think you deserve 2021? Do you?! DO YOU?!?! Well, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Eight is in no way an arsonist. No squirrels were harmed in the making of this video. Please direct all rodent-related inquiries to:

[email protected]

Non-rodent-related inquiries can be sent by mail to: