Welcome to another episode of The Way Back In. In this profoundly personal conversation, we explore the multifaceted landscape of grief—not just the physical loss of loved ones, but the vital, everyday process of grieving past versions of ourselves. Following the recent passing of our father, we sit down to process our differing experiences of loss, from navigating grief within an estranged relationship to mourning a standing family connection.

We dive into the unexpected ways grief surfaces and transforms us, breaking down:

• The Varied Faces of Loss: We discuss the profound sorrow of losing a beloved pet, the deep disorientation of deconstructing lifelong religious beliefs, and the quiet grief embedded in life transitions, like entering motherhood or watching our children grow into teenagers.
  
• The Power of Communal Witnessing: We examine why humans are evolutionarily wired to process pain together in a tribe, and how true healing requires the courage to share our vulnerability in safe, physical spaces rather than relying solely on the internet.
  
• Grief as a Portal: We reframe the painful ending of chapters as necessary catalysts for new beginnings, exploring how nature's cycle of death and rebirth perfectly mirrors our own emotional evolution.
  

Join us as we hold space for the sorrow, share the surprising moments of spiritual connection we've found in the aftermath, and remind each other that while we must let go of the old to embrace the new, we never have to walk through the pain alone.

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Welcome back to The Way Back In! In this episode, we dive into the second part of John's profound spiritual deconstruction and journey of self-discovery. Following his sudden termination as a church pastor over an inclusive sermon about the afterlife, we discuss the emotional fallout, navigating survival mode, and the difficult process of grieving a longstanding idea of God.

In this episode, we explore:

• The transition from a rigid religious framework to temporarily embracing atheism.

• Finding solace and growth through meditation, Eastern philosophies, and a pantheistic worldview.

• Learning to live "the questions" of the human experience rather than demanding concrete answers.

• Redefining spirituality around unconditional love and recognizing the divine connection within all of us.

Join us as we discuss putting down the crutches of our past to live a more open, balanced, and compassionate life.

The Way Back In - Episode 10: From Pulpit to Purpose

Long time no talk! In this tenth episode of The Way Back In, and John on the verge of his 39th birthday, we take a deep dive into the challenge of balancing daily responsibilities with long-term creative ambitions.

Our conversation gears into a raw, honest exploration of John's past. We unpack his journey from an indoctrinated youth group kid in a fundamentalist bubble to a full-time pastor, and ultimately, to his firing over a controversial sermon that embraced intellectual honesty. It is a story of searching for true spirituality outside the confines of religion, and the courage it takes to deconstruct an entire worldview.

Key Topics We Discuss:

• Reflections on turning 39, achieving physical and mental homeostasis, and the creative power of a 90-day reset without substances.

• The necessity of staying committed to long-term creative projects—like writing a multi-book series and building mechanical inventions—even when the financial payoff isn't immediate.

• A deep dive into John's religious deconstruction: from zealous youth camps and Christian rock bands to pastoring, and the theological questions about suffering that broke the illusion.

• Tracy's powerful closing advice on cultivating a level of self-belief that borders on the ridiculous, and John's three-step mindset for acting on our highest passions.

Tune in for Part 1 of this deep dive into faith, family, and finding our way back to ourselves.

#TheWayBackIn #Deconstruction #SelfBelief #Spirituality #ExVangelical

Welcome to the ninth episode of The Way Back In. This week, hosts Tracy and her brother John skip the toxic positivity and dive straight into the messy realities of being human.

They kick things off by validating the need to actually sit in the "not-okayness" of our hardest days instead of trying to fix everything immediately or blaming ourselves. John and Tracy discuss how the valleys of life are where we actually build human connection, share our vulnerabilities, and create our most meaningful art.

The conversation then takes a surprisingly emotional turn toward a local water treatment plant. A climate action Venn diagram Tracy discovered there prompts the duo to assess their own lives and purpose in real-time. They invite listeners to follow along as they break down three vital questions:

• What brings you joy?

• What are you good at?

• What work needs doing?

As they explore their overlapping answers, John shares a revelation that small talk isn't so small after all, recognizing it instead as a valuable exchange of energy and a necessary stepping stone to deeper vulnerability. The episode wraps up with a frank look at the collective fear holding society back from solving massive issues like climate change, and how consciously choosing human connection over fear is the ultimate, subversive work we all need to be doing.

Grab a piece of paper, draw your own Venn diagram, and join the conversation.

In this week's episode, we take a curious, open-minded wander through the mysteries of the mind and the healing power of nature. Join the conversation as we explore everything from ancient plant medicine to the animal kingdom!

What we're chatting about this week:

• Past Life Regressions: John reports back on his homework and shares an unexpectedly emotional journey as a grateful Japanese samurai, while Tracy recounts her own vivid experience as an herbal healer in the jungle.

• Plant Medicine: A thoughtful (and curious!) dive into the history, stigma, and potential healing benefits of psychedelics like DMT and psilocybin.

• Orca Matriarchs: Why the ocean's fiercest ladies make the absolute best leaders, and what human society can learn from their wisdom.

• Giving Yourself Grace: An honest, relatable check-in about the messy realities of balancing mental and physical health, navigating relationship stress, and why love—not shame—is the best motivator.

Tune in for a mix of deep thoughts, wild curiosities, and a gentle reminder that everything you need is already inside you.

Welcome back to The Way Back In with John and Tracy! We are doing a deep dive into our personal "system updates". What coping mechanisms, mindsets, and routines worked for us in our 20s, and what do we actually need now as we approach 40?

In this episode, Tracy opens up about navigating significant hormonal shifts and the empowering realization that it is okay to seek medical support when willpower alone isn't enough. John reflects on his own long-term journey with managing his mental health, the evolution of his daily wellness toolkit, and his shift toward heavily researched supplement routines to stay balanced.

We also explore the paradox of turning your passions into a paycheck. Tracy shares why she stepped back from teaching yoga to protect her personal practice , and John discusses how he is approaching his upcoming book revisions without tying his self-worth or livelihood to the final outcome.

Topics We Cover:

• Navigating major shifts in physical and mental well-being, and why you don't have to push through it alone.

• Why John reads the Tao Te Ching every single day and how its ancient wisdom grounds his mind.

• The danger of "transactional hobbies" and learning to detach your ego from the results.

• How our fitness routines must adapt to our changing cortisol levels—from the high intensity of CrossFit and hot yoga to the grounding effects of barre and calisthenics.

• The profound value of bodywork, acupuncture, and chiropractic care for releasing stored physical and energetic tension.

• Building genuine community, embracing self-love through practices like IFS, and finally letting go of what other people think.

Join us as we talk through the messy, beautiful process of learning to love ourselves, why you should "date" your therapist until you find the perfect fit, and how to stay grounded in the present moment.

Are we utterly alone, or is there a presence walking right beside us?

This week on The Way Back In, We tackle one of the biggest questions of the human experience. Diving deep into the nuances between organized religion, atheism, and the vast frontiers of modern science, this conversation explores how we make meaning in a universe that can sometimes feel overwhelmingly silent.

John shares his pendulum swing from evangelical Christianity to atheism, and how scientific data—like near-death experiences and the interconnectedness of nature—brought him to a new understanding of consciousness. Meanwhile, Tracy brings her "free-floating" perspective on the invisible string that connects all living beings, the quiet wisdom of "mother trees," and why she pictures the universe's unconditional love as a giant cotton candy pink sky.

In this episode, we explore:

• The Invisible String: How physics, nature, and our own hearts show that pulling on one thread moves everything else.

• Science vs. Religion: Why finding comfort in data might just be another way of finding the divine.

• Destiny and Agency: Do things happen for a reason, or is the universe just waiting for us to take the reins?

• Wild Coincidences: Tracy shares a mind-blowing story from a tiny restaurant in Nepal.

• The Prodigal Son Reimagined: Looking at the ancient parable not as a story of rules, but as an invitation to follow the desires of your own heart without fear of punishment.

• Past Life Regressions: Are we experiencing this human journey together across multiple lifetimes?

Whether you find your comfort in a benevolent creator, the laws of physics, or simply by looking into the eyes of the person sitting across from you, this episode is a reminder that we are here to experience this wild, beautiful life together.

Where do you land? Do you feel a presence with you, or do you take comfort in creating your own meaning? Hit Follow, and drop your thoughts in the comments or Q&A section below!

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#TheWayBackIn #SpiritualAwakening #Consciousness #Deconstruction #PhilosophyOfLife #HumanExperience

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"The Way Back In" isn’t just a title—it’s an invitation to rebel against the "robot" version of yourself.

Most of us are operating on autopilot, fueled by old survival strategies and societal "shoulds." In Episode 5, we’re breaking down the framework for awakening from that conditioning. We’re talking about the path from feeling fractured to feeling whole, and why the most revolutionary thing you can do is find your way back to your own center.

Listen now to hear why we started this journey and what it means for yours.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? In this episode, we are breaking down the anatomy of the "inner critic."

We discuss:

• The Origins: Where these judgmental voices actually come from.

• The Multiplicity: Why you don't just have one inner critic, but many.

• The Hidden Agenda: How these critical parts are actually just trying to protect you.

• The Shift: Practical steps to stop making decisions based on fear, and how to start living from a place of love and wholeness.

If you are tired of fighting with your own mind, this conversation is for you.

Most of us aren't living our own lives; we’re playing characters in a script written by our conditioning, our parents, and our past traumas—stories about who we should be, how we should work, and what we deserve. But what happens when we realize we’re allowed to edit the narrative?

In this episode of The Way Back In, my sister and I dive into the process of "unlearning." We explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) allows us to identify the parts of us that are stuck in old stories and how to step into the role of the Author.

We discuss:

• Identifying the internal parts that dictate our daily choices.

• The difference between who you were told to be and who you actually are.

• How to witness old stories without letting them drive the bus.

• Practical steps for reclaiming your agency and writing your own next chapter.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re living a life that doesn't quite fit, it might be because you’re still reading from someone else’s book. It’s time to start writing your own.