Finding a therapist can feel overwhelming. But finding the right therapist is about much more than scrolling through a directory.

In Part 2 of our BIPOC Mental Health Month series, Licensed Psychologist Dr. Jason Herndon and Licensed Clinical Social Worker Philicia Ross break down what actually matters when looking for a therapist. They discuss how to identify your needs before your first session, navigate insurance and self-pay options, understand what "fit" really means, and why shared identity alone doesn't guarantee an effective therapeutic relationship.

They also explore the ongoing conversation around culturally responsive care, therapeutic alliance, and the research behind why many Black clients seek Black therapists, not because race alone determines competence, but because safety, trust, and not having to constantly explain your lived experience matter.

Whether you've never been to therapy before or you're looking for a therapist who better fits where you are now, this episode offers a practical roadmap to help you begin.

In This Episode:

• The five steps to finding the right therapist
• How to know what you need before starting therapy
• Understanding cost, insurance, and affordable care options
• Why therapist "fit" matters more than credentials alone
• Shared identity, cultural humility, and what the research actually says
• Where to find therapists and how to evaluate directories
• How to reach out to a therapist and make the most of a consultation

Resources Mentioned:

• Inclusive Therapists
• Therapy for Black Girls
• Open Path Collective
• Loveland Foundation
• National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network
• Employee Assistance Programs (EAP)
• Graduate Training Clinic

Wonder Club Reflection:
Before you begin searching for a therapist, take a moment to reflect on what you hope will be different because of therapy, what would help you feel safe enough to be honest, and whether you're looking for comfort, challenge, or a balance of both. Consider what kind of therapeutic relationship would best support your growth. As Jason says, seek comfort and seek fit. And as Philicia reminds us, the research starts with you.

Connect With Philicia:

Instagram: @byphilicia | @villageofsoundmind

Website: villageofsoundmind.co

Substack: byphilicia.substack.com

Connect With Jason:

LinkedIn: Jason L. Herndon

Substack: somemen.substack.com

🎙️ Follow The Weight & The Wonder on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Until next time, hold the weight and find the wonder.

In the first episode of our BIPOC Mental Health Month series, Jason Herndon, PsyD, and Philicia Ross, LCSW-C., explore why conversations about mental health in BIPOC communities cannot be separated from history, culture, and systemic barriers.

Together, they unpack the legacy of drapetomania, the overdiagnosis and misdiagnosis of Black children, the differences between psychology and social work, and how access to care is shaped by insurance, representation, and community support. They also discuss John Henryism, the Strong Black Woman Schema, weathering, respectability politics, and the role faith has played in many communities' relationships with mental health care.

Rather than asking, "Why don't people just go to therapy?" this conversation asks a different question: What has happened historically that makes seeking help feel so complicated?

In This Episode:

• Why BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month matters
• Drapetomania and the historical misuse of mental health diagnoses
• The overdiagnosis and misdiagnosis of Black children
• Psychology vs. social work: understanding the difference
• Community care, insurance, and barriers to accessing therapy
• Why cultural responsiveness matters in mental health care
• John Henryism and the Strong Black Woman Schema
• Weathering and the impact of chronic stress
• Respectability politics and emotional survival
• Faith, spirituality, and therapy
• Why distrust of mental health systems didn't come out of nowhere
• What healing can look like moving forward

Follow Us:

Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast

YouTube: @TheWeightandtheWonder

Tiktok: @weightandwonder

Connect With Jason:

LinkedIn: Jason L. Herndon

Substack: somemen.substack.com

Connect With Philicia:

Instagram: @byphilicia @villageofsoundmind

Substack: byphilicia.substack.com

Website: villageofsoundmind.co

This week, we invite you to reflect on this question:

What messages did you grow up hearing about therapy, mental health, or asking for help? How have those messages shaped the way you care for yourself today?

Everyone online is debating who the villain of Love Island USA Season 8 is. Jason and Philicia think the answer is much bigger than any one Islander.

In this episode, they explore what happens when dating, attachment, emotional regulation, race, gender, and reality television collide inside a highly manufactured environment. Instead of diagnosing contestants, they examine the systems shaping their behavior—from sleep deprivation and editing choices to production incentives and public voting.

Together they unpack why emotional intelligence looks different under chronic stress, how reality TV amplifies our fundamental attribution error, and why viewers often confuse nervous system reactions with personality. They also explore the developmental realities of dating in your twenties, the pressure cooker of forming relationships on camera, and what Love Island reveals about how we think love is supposed to work.

The conversation also takes a deeper look at race, colorism, gender expectations, and intersectionality within the villa. Jason and Philicia discuss how production can create diversity without necessarily creating inclusion, and why dating shows often reproduce the same social dynamics that exist outside the villa.

Rather than asking who the "good" or "bad" Islanders are, this episode asks a different question:

What happens when a system is designed to manufacture conflict—and we mistake that conflict for character?


In This Episode:
-Production is the villain (the system)
-Emotional intelligence and nonverbal communication
-Competing for love, the triangle, and depth
-Race, colorism, ethnicity, gender


Did You Consider?
Jason reflects on whether we've become too rigid in our expectations of dating, and why ethical, honest exploration with multiple people isn't inherently unhealthy.

Philicia explores how reality dating shows externalize self-worth, arguing that helping people recognize their inherent value may be the antidote to treating love as a competition.


Follow Us:
Instagram: @weightandtwonderpodcast
Spotify: The Weight and The Wonder Podcast
Tiktok: @weightandwonder

Connect With Jason:
LinkedIn: Jason L. Herndon
Substack: somemen.substack.com
Website: integratedpsyche.net

Connect with Philicia:
Instagram: @byphilicia @villageofsoundmind
Substack: Liberation Letters byphilicia.substack.com
Website: villageofsoundmind.co

Follow the conversation and share your thoughts:
Who do you think is the real villain of Love Island?

This week on The Weight and the Wonder, therapists Jason Herndon and Philicia Ross unpack a viral video that asks why women with multiple degrees can still find themselves heartbroken over partners who don't treat them well.

Using attachment theory, family systems, relationship psychology, and their experiences as therapists, they explore why intelligence, education, beauty, and success don't protect anyone from relational pain. They discuss the difference between your "boardroom brain" and your attachment system, how familiarity can be mistaken for compatibility, and why being chosen is not the same thing as being loved well.

Together, they examine the myths surrounding "equally yoked" relationships, the scarcity narratives often directed at educated women—particularly Black women—and how unmet emotional needs can shape our relationship choices.

In This Episode:
-Why education and intelligence don't prevent heartbreak
-The viral "three degrees and a birth certificate" relationship debate
-Attachment systems vs. logical decision-making
-Why familiarity can feel like compatibility
-The role of schema chemistry in attraction
-How nervous systems influence relationship choices
-EMDR, attachment wounds, and relationship patterns
-The Just World Hypothesis and victim-blaming
-Being "equally yoked" beyond degrees and credentials
-The pressure of scarcity narratives for educated women
-IFS exiles and the hunger to be chosen
-Bowen's concept of low differentiation
-Why being desired is not the same as feeling whole

Connect With Us
Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast
Spotify: The Weight and the Wonder Podcast

Follow Philicia:
Instagram: @byphilicia | @villageofsoundmind
Substack: byphilicia.substack.com

Follow Jason:
LinkedIn: Jason L. Herndon
Substack: somemen.substack.com

In this episode of The Weight and the Wonder, Jason Herndon and Philicia Ross, discuss the Netflix documentary Should I Marry a Murderer? and the complicated story of Caroline—a doctor who became involved in a relationship with a man who confessed to participating in a fatal hit-and-run and cover-up.

But this conversation isn't really about true crime.

It's about attachment wounds, loneliness, emotional vulnerability, and the ways unresolved pain can shape our choices in relationships. Together, Jason and Philicia explore why intelligence doesn't make someone immune to unhealthy dynamics, how trauma can affect decision-making, and what happens when institutions misunderstand mental health struggles.

Together, we discuss:

• Why cognitive intelligence and emotional regulation are not the same thing
• The impact of previous abusive relationships on future decision-making
• The dangers of assuming successful people should "know better"
• How attachment crises can influence behavior and judgment
• The role of privilege in how victims are perceived and treated
• The devastating consequences of institutional failures and lack of trauma-informed care
• Love-induced mania, emotional dependence, and relationship dissonance
• The importance of accurate mirrors, healthy support systems, and community care
• Why unhealthy relationships aren't always abusive relationships
• The difference between being chosen and feeling whole

Media Referenced

• Should I Marry a Murderer? (Netflix)
• "Cranes in the Sky" — Solange
• Erika Badu's "Bag Lady"

Mental Health Resources
If this conversation brought up concerns about abuse, trauma, unhealthy relationships, or mental health struggles, please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional or a local crisis resource in your area.

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org/
• BEAM https://beam.community/get-help-now/
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) 

Connect With Us
Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast
YouTube: @theweightandthewonder

Find Our Hosts
Philicia Ross: @byphilicia | villageofsoundmind.co | LinkedIn @ Philicia Ross, LCSW-C
Jason Herndon: LinkedIn @ Jason L. Herndon | somemen.substack.com

Wonder Club, thank you for continuing to grow this cozy corner of the internet with us. We appreciate every listen, every conversation, and every moment you spend reflecting alongside us. We'll see you next time.

Jason and Philicia unpack Netflix’s Blue Therapy and explore the deeper emotional dynamics underneath the relationships featured in the show.

This episode covers masculinity and shame, provider pressure, trust after betrayal, emotional vulnerability, cultural humility in therapy, queer Black love, emotional isolation, and why love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.

They also discuss:

• Mike & Yasmin’s financial secrecy storyline
• Mons & Shay’s relational ecosystem
• Emotional safety and accountability
• Rebuilding trust after rupture
• Therapy and cultural attunement
• Loneliness and AI companionship
• Vulnerability as an ongoing practice

This conversation is nuanced, reflective, and grounded in the emotional realities many people quietly carry in relationships.

Follow us:
Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast
YouTube: @theweightandthewonder

Media Referenced:

• Blue Therapy — Netflix
• Aligned & Grounded Program 
• KevOnStage on Cam Newton's Funky Friday Podcast
• Witch Hat Atelier — Crunchyroll
• Daemons of the Shadow Realm — Crunchyroll

To our Wonder Club:

• What came up for you during this conversation?
• What did you recognize in yourself or your relationships while listening?

We always want to hear from you. Share your thoughts with us and let us know what conversations you’d like us to unpack next.

Vulnerability is often talked about as courage—but what happens when it doesn’t land well? When it’s misunderstood, interrupted, or met with defensiveness?

In this episode, Jason Herndon and Philicia Ross unpack what it really means to be seen—and what it requires from both sides of a conversation.

They explore emotional safety, attachment patterns, and the difference between transparency, vulnerability, and authenticity. Through real-life examples and viral moments, they break down why so many of us struggle to stay open—and how we can begin to practice vulnerability in more sustainable ways.

This episode also dives into the viral “Birthday Gate” story, offering a deeper lens on expectations, communication, and what happens when needs go unspoken.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

• Emotional safety and why vulnerability needs the right conditions
• Transparency vs vulnerability vs authenticity
• Attachment, fear of abandonment, and staying open
• How to receive your partner’s emotions without defensiveness
• The difference between “being quiet” and being open
• Softness, boundaries, and who earns access to you
• The impact of unspoken expectations in relationships

RESOURCES & VIDEOS MENTIONED:

Philicia’s PicksFootball / Validating Feelings:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPxaijzEYPJ/

Couples Therapy Clip:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSz0m54jZzu/

Softness Is a Privilege:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVUO-PMk9wx/

Jason’s Picks
Black Man on Emotional Safety:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7mMznBAJK1/

Dr. Raquel Martin — Transparency vs Vulnerability:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DE3CQY5PPq0/

Women, Vulnerability & Fear of Abandonment:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFNlOa3AHcg/

In the Feed
Birthday Gate Thread:
https://www.threads.net/@beckwriteshorror

JOIN THE CONVERSATION:

-Where are you mistaking transparency for vulnerability?
-What’s one thing you’ve been hinting at instead of saying directly?

FOLLOW US:

YouTube: @theweightandthewonderpodcast
Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast

In Part 2 of this conversation, we move beyond surface-level conversations about sex and get into what actually shapes intimacy: communication, capacity, feedback, and emotional connection.

This episode starts with a viral caregiving story, where one partner supported the other through serious illness, only to later feel disconnected and underappreciated. From there, we unpack the deeper layers: caregiver fatigue, shifting roles in relationships, and what happens when both people have needs that aren’t being met.

We talk about why relationships aren’t really about who’s right or wrong, and how focusing on that can actually keep couples stuck. Instead, we explore what it looks like to approach intimacy as a collaborative process, especially when life circumstances (like chronic illness, burnout, or job loss) impact what each person can give.

We also get into the realities of sexual communication—why feedback can feel like criticism, how shame (especially for men) shows up in conversations about sex, and what it takes to both give and receive feedback without defensiveness.

This conversation is honest, layered, and grounded in real-life dynamics that so many people experience but don’t always have language for.

In This Episode, We Explore:

- Caregiver fatigue and how it impacts connection- The difference between capacity vs. capability in relationships- How chronic illness can shift intimacy and expectations- Why “waiting to feel appreciated” might not be the right question- What it looks like to communicate needs without building resentment- Sex as collaboration—not performance- The difference between feedback and criticism
- How to receive feedback without shutting down
- What happens when both partners are struggling at the same time
- Why relationships require flexibility, not perfection

Reflection Question:

What messages did you learn about sex—and are they supporting your connection, or getting in the way of your pleasure?

Links & Resources:

Reddit Post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/VbcsdbbdEB

Tonight’s Conversation (Caretaking & Relationships):
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DULRd-6jgwl/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Media & References Mentioned:

Reasonable Doubt Season 3 (Hulu)
Big Mouth (Netflix)
Reality Check: Inside America’s Next Top Model (Netflix)
Paradox (punk rock band)

Concepts Referenced:

Masculine norms and men’s health
“Man Box” research on masculinity
Boundary work inspired by Terrence Real

Connect With Us:

YouTube: @theweightandthewonderpodcast
Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast

In this episode of The Weight and the Wonder, Licensed Psychologist Jason Herndon and Licensed Clinical Social Worker Philicia Ross dive into the complex world of gender socialization and sexual agency. The duo kicks off a brand-new segment, "Talk Back," by responding to a listener’s deep dive into how masculine norms—often referred to as the "Man Box"—pit genders against each other from childhood. They explore the tragic irony of patriarchy: how it grants men social power while simultaneously trapping them in roles that discourage emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and help-seeking.

The conversation then shifts to a viral Reddit story that highlights the toxic "expert/student" power dynamic often present in first-time sexual experiences. Jason and Philicia break down a troubling instance of "negging" and performance-based criticism, contrasting it with the necessity of enthusiastic consent. By weaving in concepts like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the impact of chronic illness on intimacy, the hosts move the conversation away from sexual "performance" and toward a model of discovery, communication, and mutual humanity.

In This Episode:

- Out of Session: Philicia reflects on the Netflix documentary Reality Check and the normalization of harm in 2000s media, while Jason finds a "glimmer" in his son’s T-ball joy.

- The "Man Box" & Socialization: A breakdown of how rigid masculine norms lead to emotional suppression, higher health risks for men, and the devaluation of women.

- The Fear of Accountability: Discussing the difference between physical safety and the "discomfort" of being called out for harm.

- Women’s Role in the Box: Interrogating how women and mothers can inadvertently enforce traditional gender roles and weaponize male vulnerability.

- The Reddit "Feedback" Fiasco: Analyzing a story of a 17-year-old being "graded" on her first sexual experience and why this is a form of dominance, not education.

- Enthusiastic Consent: Moving beyond "no means no" to a model of active, ongoing, and freely given communication.

- Intimacy & Chronic Illness: Redefining connection when physical capacity changes and the "third" enters the bedroom.

Resources & Important Links:

- Reddit Post: Am I wrong for thinking the guy I slept with giving me ways to improve is weird?

- Tonight's Conversation: Cancer/Caretaking Video

- Reasonable Doubt (Hulu): Season 3 – Discussion on grooming and the erasure of male victims.

- Big Mouth (Netflix): Used as a tool for teaching consent and Internal Family Systems (IFS) metaphors.

- Reality Check: Inside America's Next Top Model (Netflix): Documentary on media exploitation.

- Paradox: The first all-Black punk rock band to top the alternative charts.

- Research Citations: "Man Box" research on rigid masculinity and Terrence Real’s boundary work (the "fruit's rind" metaphor).

Connect With Us:

Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast

YouTube: @TheWeightandtheWonder

TikTok: Coming Soon

Referenced: Corbin’s comment from Episode 1

This week on The Weight and the Wonder Podcast, we’re diving into one of the messiest parts of relationships: infidelity, boundaries, and what happens after trust is broken.

Inspired by viral clips and real-life scenarios, we explore what it actually means to heal after betrayal—and why revenge often keeps people stuck instead of moving forward. We talk through the difference between reacting from hurt versus responding from your values, and how “matching energy” can quietly turn into losing yourself.

We also break down how cheating usually doesn’t happen out of nowhere, why timing matters when trying to repair a relationship, and what makes rebuilding trust possible (or not). From secrecy vs. privacy to the reality of platonic friendships, this conversation challenges a lot of popular takes online and brings nuance back into the room.

At its core, this episode asks:

Are you staying to heal—or staying to punish?

Key Takeaways

Revenge isn’t the same as healing

You can’t rebuild trust while recreating the same wound

Attraction doesn’t equal action—boundaries do

Repair requires accountability before explanation

Sometimes the healthiest choice is leaving

Join the Conversation

Have you ever been tempted to “get even” after being hurt?

What do boundaries look like in your relationships?

Can trust really be rebuilt after infidelity?

📲 Connect with us:

Instagram: @weightandwonderpodcast

Email: [email protected]

YouTube: @TheWeightandtheWonder