We examine the forces that motivate us and how we can bolster our internal motivation. You can create a "DONE" list; don't overthink it, take action within 5 seconds; create a WOOP plan; and surround yourself with supportive messages and music.

Transcript

Stuart: Hi there. It's Stuart.

Seena: And I'm Seena.

Stuart: And welcome to the Wellbeing Elixir.

Seena: In today's Aliquot & Experiment we're going to be talking about motivation.

Stuart: Now, you may be wondering, what is an aliquot? Well, an aliquot is taken from a larger hole. It's a small sample.

Seena: And we'll end with an experiment, something you can try at home.

Stuart: So, why do we do the things that we do? What motivates our behaviors?

Seena: Motivation is the emotion that drives people's actions, the willingness or desire to do something. Motivation pushes us to strive for goals. We use motivation to meet our needs. And these needs can be fundamental things that we need to live, or they could be wants and desires. Things we'd like to have.

Stuart: Now you're probably aware of Abraham Maslow and his famous pyramid of human needs. He theorized that motivation is a result of a person's attempt at fulfilling five broad categories of needs, spanning from our most basic biological needs to our social needs, and to the need to become our own individual selves.

Seena: At the base of the pyramid are all of the physiological needs that are necessary for survival. According to Maslow, once our very basic needs are met, we seek security and safety, and then there is the need to be loved and to have a sense of belonging, followed by the need to have self-worth and confidence in our abilities. At the top of the pyramid is self-actualization, achieving one's full potential. And it can only be realized when the needs lower on the pyramid have been met most of the time.

Stuart: Another way to look at motivation is to consider that we are driven by extrinsic and intrinsic forces. Extrinsic factors are the rewards and sometimes punishments from other people. Things like praise. Good grades. A positive evaluation at work. The promise of a raise. Or we could be motivated by avoiding physical pain or shame.

Conversely, intrinsic motivation is generated from our values and beliefs. We're motivated to do those things we think are inherently desirable, not because others tell us we should. Indeed, we might be internally motivated to do something that others disapprove.

Our motivations are often a mix. Typically we're driven by a combination of extrinsic and intrinsic factors. And these factors can change over time.

Seena: Coming from the Latin word, intersecus, which means from within, intrinsic motivation is by nature, hard to influence from the outside. Intrinsic motivation is associated with greater enjoyment, a sense of purpose. Our greatest personal growth is often intrinsically motivated. Positive emotions like curiosity and passion are strong intrinsic motivators.

Stuart: So, as I said, extrinsic motivation is driven by forces outside the individual, by the prospect of a reward, bestowed for good behavior, or the desire to avoid punishment for bad behavior. And while rewards and punishments work, the motivation they generate can be quite fleeting. Once a potential reward or threat is gone, we often revert to following our intrinsic wants, needs, and desires.

Seena: Activities that are intrinsically motivated are inherently satisfying. We are fueled by personal interests, like pursuing hobbies, learning new skills, or engaging in creative endeavors. Intrinsic motivation often leads to more sustained and intense action.

So, how can you cultivate your internal motivation, especially when you're faced with tasks you don't feel motivated to do? Well as an overachiever, I like to get things done. Here's something you can experiment with. Create a "done list" rather than a to-do list. To drive up your internal motivation, send yourself an email at the end of the day with a list of the things you accomplished. This can reinforce your identity as a finisher. Someone who finishes what they start. Title your message:

"Things I Finished"

and then save it as a working draft and add all the things you've accomplished, no matter how small, to this list throughout the day. And then use your send later function in your email client and have this message scheduled to arrive in your inbox the next workday in the morning.

Stuart: Here's another way to increase your motivation. Just get started. Don't overthink it. Don't think about the finish line. Don't think about how challenging or difficult it will be to complete the task. Just get started. That's all that's required. Mel Robbins calls this "The Five Second Rule". Just the act of starting is motivating and it propels us forward.

Once we start, we're more likely to continue, whether that's writing that report, going for a walk, making that nutritious lunch, or calling a friend in need. All you really need to do is get started. That's it.

Seena: Here's another strategy. Think, WOOP! It's a motivational strategy I often share with clients. WOOP stands for

wish,

outcome,

obstacle,

and plan.

While this framework helps take a wish and turn it into a specific concrete outcome, it also focuses our attention on the obstacles in the way. It involves combining mental-contrasting a type of self-regulation, a strategy, with an if-then contingency plan, and it asks us the key question: What are the obstacles, the things within you, that might prevent you from achieving the desired outcome? Through this process, you might set more realistic goals, break down tasks into smaller steps, and seek support from a mentor or coach. Be ready for an alternative plan to put into an action. A plan B. A plan C. Maybe even a Plan Z.

Stuart: And here's one last experiment you can try. Surround yourself with supportive messages and music. Set an intention for the day and write it down. Post uplifting messages around your workspace and home, and listen to music that inspires and motivates you. These can boost your spirits, generate positive energy, make you feel more powerful, and help you build that intrinsic motivation.

Seena: Remember to appreciate the journey. You can feel fulfilled regardless of the outcome. Be motivated by creativity and learning rather than a reward.

Stuart: Aliquots & Experiments is produced by yours truly, Stuart Haines.

Seena: And Seena Haines. You can find more resources, meditation, yoga, and reflective essays on our website, Wellbeing Elixir. And the Yoga Apothecary YouTube channel.

Stuart: And if you're not already a member, please sign up at:

wellbeingelixir.org

and join our community of practice where we explore the ingredients for a vibrant, happy life.

Seena: And if you found today's episode helpful. Please be sure to rate us and pass it along to a friend. Namaste,

Stuart: Namaste.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wellbeingelixir.substack.com

In our latest Aliquot & Experiment, we explain how to be more self-compassionate.

Transcript:

Seena L Haines: Hey there, it's Seena

Stuart T Haines: And I'm Stuart.

Seena L Haines: Welcome to the Wellbeing Elixir.

Stuart T Haines: In today's Aliquot & Experiment, we're gonna be talking about self-compassion.

Seena L Haines: You may be wondering, so what's an aliquot? An aliquot is something taken from a larger hole. It's a small sample.

Stuart T Haines: And we have an experiment that you can try at home.

Seena L Haines: One of the ingredients to living a vibrant and happy life is to be a good friend to yourself. Many of us, particularly those who are high achievers, people who constantly strive to be the best, personally and professionally, can be really hard on themselves. If things don't turn out just as we hoped. We don't live up to our own high expectations. Let some people down.

We often talk to ourselves in very hurtful ways.

Stuart T Haines: Now, it's not uncommon for people to believe that we need to be hard on ourselves. That if we fail or mess up, we shouldn't be condoning or accepting these disappointments. We need to be a harsh judge in our heads, to set us straight, to motivate us, to get us back on track. We just can't let ourselves off the hook.

Seena L Haines: But research tells us that harmful self-talk and self-bullying do not lead to better performance. In fact, the opposite is true. It often leads to self-blame, diminishes our self-confidence, and is associated with depression and other mental health concerns. So, instead of being a harsh judge, we need to be more self-compassionate.

Stuart T Haines: Now, according to Kristen Neff, who is considered among the leading researchers in this field, self-compassion can be enhanced through kindness in self-talk, by recognizing our common humanity, and by observing our emotions in a non-judgmental way.

Seena L Haines: To cultivate kinder self-talk. Try to be your own best friend. What would you say to a friend who made a mistake? Maybe they didn't get the job they were hoping for, but they recently failed an exam. I'm sure you wouldn't use hurtful words or make a statement like:

"You're such a loser."

But sadly, that's what many of us do to ourselves with our own harsh self-talk. Instead, be gentle, softer. Recognize that the experience of failing is painful, and instead of getting angry with yourself, use a soothing, reassuring tone.

Stuart T Haines: Now, one of the things that helps me be more kind to myself is to recognize that we all have failings and shortcomings. We all are imperfect. And we all suffer losses. Whatever struggles I might be experiencing, well, they're not new in this world. It's not something that's happening to me alone. To fail, to struggle, to mess up. That's a universal human experience.

Seena L Haines: And lastly, we could learn to be more self-compassionate by being more aware of our thoughts and emotions. This is where mindfulness can be so helpful. Instead of labeling ourself as a

"loser",

or "I'm no good",

or "I am a bad person."

We can learn to step in to being more of an observer, to see the situation for what it truly is, with more openness and clarity, and to acknowledge our negative thoughts without exaggeration or suppression.

Our goal is to adopt a receptive state of mind, recognizing when negative thoughts emerge. And simply observing them in a nonjudgmental manner.

Stuart T Haines: So how can we strengthen our ability to be self-compassionate? Well, here are a few things you can experiment with to grow self-kindness when you're under pressure in everyday situations.

Seena L Haines: First, try to imagine a time when a close friend admitted to you that they were struggling in some way. Think about how you responded — what you said and the tone of your voice. Now, visualize talking to yourself with the same kindness when you're struggling.

Stuart T Haines: Second, remind yourself that everyone struggles. That everyone messes up. This is a universal experience. You're not condoning anything. And you're not being complacent. Gently challenge yourself to do better.

Seena L Haines: And you can try to find the silver lining by asking yourself: What is the important lesson you are learning in this situation? How can you learn and grow from the experience? Use these feelings of disappointment to respond in a constructive way.

Stuart T Haines: Self-compassion is learning how to talk to yourself in positive ways when you fail. It's not about giving up or giving yourself permission to behave the same way in the future. It's about being warm and supportive so that you can become a better person.

Seena L Haines: And finally, one way to become more compassionate to yourself and others is to engage in a loving-kindness meditation. You can check out our guided meditations on our website, which includes a loving-kindness meditation. Remember, building your mindfulness muscle can help you become more aware of your thoughts, to simply observe them, and let them go.

Stuart T Haines: Aliquots and Experiments is produced by yours truly, Stuart Haines.

Seena L Haines: Seena Haines. You can find more resources, yoga, and reflective essays on our website the Wellbeing Elixir.

As well as the Yoga Apothecary YouTube channel.

Stuart T Haines: And if you're not already a member, please sign-up at wellbeingelixir.org and join our community of practice where we explore the ingredients for a vibrant, happy life.

Seena L Haines: And if you found today's episode helpful, please be sure to rate us, leave a comment, and pass it along to a friend. Namaste.

Stuart T Haines: Namaste.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wellbeingelixir.substack.com

In our latest Aliquots & Experiments, we explain how to perform brief grounding exercises to regain your focus and instill a sense of calm.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wellbeingelixir.substack.com