When you’re grieving, the last thing you need to be doing is planning a service. Pre-planning allows you to make only two decisions when death occurs: what day and what time the service will be held. Everything else can be arranged in advance, giving you the space to honor your loved one while processing your grief.
We are Sue Ryan and Nancy Treaster, and we recently spoke with Greg Cannon, who has more than 45 years of experience in the funeral profession, including as a funeral director. Greg shared his expertise on planning ahead for a loved one’s service, offering eight essential tips that can make all the difference during a difficult time.
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Additional Resources Mentioned
End of Life Service Worksheet here
Tip 1: Choose a Funeral Home
Select a funeral home that will meet your needs. This choice may be based on location, previous experience with them, or their reputation.
Tip 2: Decide on Burial or Cremation
This fundamental decision shapes many subsequent choices.
If choosing burial, consider:
Cemetery location If the person is married, reserving an adjoining space for the spouse Whether traditional burial or green burial options are preferred.
Whether the cremation will happen before or after the service. What will be done with the cremated remains afterward.
In both cases, you’ll need to decide what clothing the person will wear. Greg advises bringing a complete set of clothing, including undergarments and outerwear. Shoes are optional and often difficult to put on, but can be included if they’re meaningful.
Tip 3: Decide on the Type of Service
Funeral services have evolved beyond the traditional.
Traditional Service (for either burial or cremation)
Direct Cremation or Direct Burial
The location for the service could be:
A funeral home A place of worship A location meaningful to the deceased
Tip 5: Prepare the Obituary
Rather than writing the complete obituary under time pressure, prepare by:
Compiling all necessary information ahead of time Creating a comprehensive list of family members to include Selecting a photo or photos to accompany the obituary.
Tip 6: Create a Notification Tree
Who needs to be notified of the death Who will notify whom Create a “notification tree” so you’re not responsible for contacting everyone.
Consider these elements and include your care receiver as much as possible:
Officiant: Choose the clergy or person who will lead the service Eulogies: Decide who will deliver them and provide guidance Music: Select meaningful songs or hymns Readings: Choose scripture, poetry, or other readings Personal touches: Include memorabilia, photos, or items that represent the person’s life.
Consider alternatives to traditional floral arrangements:
Family quilts Meaningful objects (like golf clubs for an avid golfer) Photos.
Tip 8: Plan the Gatherings
Consider various types of gatherings:
Private family dinner before the service Reception after the service for all attendees Informal gathering at home with close family and friends.
