The term “widow” and “widower” is code. It stands for the level of personal disruption and hardship a death creates, as well as the measure of the bond and heartache. Yet there are those who have made commitments to one another without any state endorsed ceremony and license. The world of widows and widowers appears to them to be a gated community, walled by two pieces of paper – a wedding license and a death certificate. For many, it is their perception that this gated community keeps them out. Here, I explore the earliest forms of the word "widowed" and explore how most of our beliefs around the words are fairly recent developments and I make a case for expanding our vocabulary.