"God works in mysterious ways."

"Stop living in the past."

"Everything happens for a reason."

At least you … At least they… (fill in the blank).

These are some of the cliches that people hear from others when they're grieving the loss of a loved one, through death.

I've surveyed a lot of what is out there online in terms of handholds and support for grieving people when they're encountering family, friends, acquaintances, ministers even, who are saying these things to them. And there is some decent material out there - but so far to this moment - I have not seen anything that's going to actually handle this kind of conversation. So that's why I feel like it's worth my time to document this for you.

This podcast is a little extemporaneous today and it was based on a conversation I had with an acquaintance of mine. Death is all around us, but we are often face-blind and tone-deaf to it. If you engage with it when it is "at large" - my theory is that when it visits you close in that you are more prepared for it's arrival. Let me know what you think.

This podcast episode is one in the series I am calling Conversations With Wisdom. This series is where I pay a fictional visit to various sages and wise ancestors. I imagine a sit down conversation between myself and a poet, artist, writer, great thinker - and I focus on death, grief and impermanence. I use their writings or work as an anchor for this imaginative conversation. This is a device I am using as a means of discussing death, grief, impermanence and culture. I personally have found strength by going to wisdom literature, poets, artists, creatives and spiritual leaders – the musicians, writers, philosophers, mystics - and nature itself - to help me know where I might be located in life's impermanent mystery. We count on someone like Emily Dickinson to tell us that “dying is the wild night and the new road.” We count on Van Gogh's Wheat Field with Crows to help us see the possible landscape we may be encountering. And I hope you will join me to see what wisdom we can encounter here.

CONVERSATIONS  WITH WISDOM - TALKING WITH RAINER MARIA RILKE ABOUT THE NEED OF PRAISE INSIDE OUR GRIEF

To meet with Rainer Maria Rilke, I would be traveling to sit with him in a bitterly cold Château de Muzot in Switzerland in the mid-1920’s.

In Season 1 Episode 2, Kim shares the first three experiences she had with death, all before the age of 10. This is part of the “getting to know me” series so you know us well.

Alive and Mortal Mission: We gather online as a new kind of community to seed a new culture of people who can fully express both deep understanding of death, grief and hope. "Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world." - Rumi

Find us:

aliveandmortal.org Alive and Mortal - a Grief and Healing Community on Facebook

Become a patron!

www.patreon.com/aliveandmortal

www.ko-fi.com/aliveandmortal

A monthly Patreon donation of $2 or more makes you a supporter of the podcast and gets you more access to a private Alive and Mortal Podcast Discussion Group on Facebook and an extra podcast every month.

Podcast music -

Little Things in Life by Tim Week

Their Story, Them Seeing by Puddle of Infinity

The Bluest Star by The 126ers

Thank you all musicians for your lovely and generous work.

In Season 1 Episode 1, Kim shares an experience one evening durning the first winter after her life partner died and she lost visitation rights to her three children. This is part of the “getting to know me” series so you know us well.

Alive and Mortal Mission: We gather online as a new kind of community to seed a new culture of people who can fully express both deep understanding of death, grief and hope. "Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world." - Rumi

Find us:

aliveandmortal.org Alive and Mortal - a Grief and Healing Community on Facebook

Become a patron!

www.patreon.com/aliveandmortal

www.ko-fi.com/aliveandmortal

A monthly Patreon donation of $2 or more makes you a supporter of the podcast and gets you more access to a private Alive and Mortal Podcast Discussion Group on Facebook and an extra podcast every month.

Podcast music -

Little Things in Life by Tim Week

Their Story, Them Seeing by Puddle of Infinity

The Bluest Star by The 126ers

Thank you all musicians for your lovely and generous work.

Those of us that discuss death and grief frequently - we observe that the dominant western culture is often treacherous when death and grief occurs. After thousands of conversations with terminal and grieving people, I see the patterns and wish to gently but persistently call them out here. To me, this is a matter of social justice for the health of humankind. 

The denial of death and grief is a formidable force and it may be tugging on you right now. Stay with me here, if you can. I offer analysis and ideas around desired cultural shifts in the treatment of the dying and the grieving here. Thank you for listening.

The term “widow” and “widower” is code. It stands for the level of personal disruption and hardship a death creates, as well as the measure of the bond and heartache. Yet there are those who have made commitments to one another without any state endorsed ceremony and license. The world of widows and widowers appears to them to be a gated community, walled by two pieces of paper – a wedding license and a death certificate. For many, it is their perception that this gated community keeps them out. Here, I explore the later forms of the word "widowed" and explore how most of our beliefs around the words are fairly recent developments and I make a case for expanding our vocabulary.

The term “widow” and “widower” is code. It stands for the level of personal disruption and hardship a death creates, as well as the measure of the bond and heartache. Yet there are those who have made commitments to one another without any state endorsed ceremony and license. The world of widows and widowers appears to them to be a gated community, walled by two pieces of paper – a wedding license and a death certificate. For many, it is their perception that this gated community keeps them out. Here, I explore the earliest forms of the word "widowed" and explore how most of our beliefs around the words are fairly recent developments and I make a case for expanding our vocabulary.

This is one of my homilies for a memorial service for a young man who died, leaving a 9 year-old daughter behind.