Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy

The Wilderness Within (Part 1): Trauma, Attachment, and Hope with Jess Vangsnes

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Show Notes
Summary

In Part 1, Tanja and guest Jess Vangsnes unpack the “wilderness” season as a trauma-informed journey. They explore how early experiences shape our bodies and beliefs, how those patterns resurface in marriage and parenting, and the role of secure attachment in healing. Jess shares gentle, practical first steps—like a morning practice of truth-based statements—to begin rewiring long-standing responses.

In This Episode
  • Deuteronomy 8:2 as a guide to the purpose of wilderness seasons
  • What “wilderness” looks like in modern life (triggers, uncertainty, protective responses)
  • How trauma impacts the whole family system—including adoption stories and “felt safety”
  • The four skills of secure attachment: give care, receive care, negotiate needs, know your voice matters
  • Why dysregulation can feel like “something else took over” (and why that makes sense neurologically)
  • A compassionate reframe for shame after triggers
  • First steps for healing: noticing patterns, naming limiting beliefs, and a simple morning practice to anchor truth
    • Practical Takeaways
    • Start with “Where am I now?” Write what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing in recurring hard moments.
    • Identify the “but…” statements (your hidden limiting beliefs) and craft brief, truth-based counters for morning prayer/meditation (e.g., “My voice matters; I can share my truth with confidence.”).
    • Look for an empathetic witness—counselor, coach, or trusted mentor—who can sit with your story and model regulation.
    • Remember: progress is usually slow and steady; repetition plus emotion helps rewire beliefs.

      • Scripture Mentioned
      • Deuteronomy 8:2 — God leads us in the wilderness to humble and test what’s in our hearts.
        • About Our Guest

        Jess Vangsnes is an Enneagram and attachment relationship coach who helps individuals and couples understand stuck patterns from a faith-based, trauma-informed perspective.
        Website & resources: Transforming Us (assessments and guides available under Resources).

        Mentioned Concepts
        • “Felt safety” and why safety must be experienced, not just stated
        • Survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, fawn
        • Evidence journaling God’s goodness and small wins (introduced here; expanded in Part 2)
          • Resources:

          Discover more about Jess’s coaching and resources at her website transformingus.org.

          Follow on socials…

          YouTube: https://youtube.com/@transformingus?si=uyB15vIOZg-AOowK

          Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching

          Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196

           

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          Next Up (Part 2 Preview)

          We’ll personalize Scripture for prayer, talk about overcoming negativity bias with “beauty hunting,” and outline simple practices that build soft, flexible resilience in daily life.

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          Marriage, Mayhem & MercyBy Tanja Rouintree, Christian Family Coach