Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy

By Tanja Rouintree, Christian Family Coach

Because Faithful Doesn’t Mean Flawless. Real talk on marriage, parenting, and following Jesus when family life gets messy. Hope, help, and humor for the faithful in the fray.... more

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FAQs about Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy:

How many episodes does Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy have?

The podcast currently has 6 episodes available.

Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy episodes:

November 09, 2025The Wilderness Within (Part 2): Rewiring the Heart with Scripture, Beauty, and Practice
Summary
In this continuation of “The Wilderness Within,” Tanja and Jess unpack the how of healing. They discuss the role of Scripture in renewing the mind, the importance of daily repetition, and how curiosity, beauty, and gratitude can help rewire trauma-based thinking. Jess introduces practices such as personalized Scripture reading, morning truth statements, and keeping an evidence journal to track God’s goodness.
The conversation ends with a message of hope—God is always doing a new thing, even in the wilderness.
In This Episode
Using Scripture to rewire the brain and ground the heart in truth
Why you don’t have to “clean yourself up” to come before God
How to personalize Scripture for prayer and healing
The power of repetition, emotion, and daily morning practices
What it means to keep an Evidence Journal of God’s faithfulness
“Beauty hunting” as a spiritual practice for trauma recovery
How practicing new responses rewires old habits
Finding hope when you can’t yet feel God’s presence

Practical Takeaways
Personalize God’s Word: Replace “you” with “me” or insert family names when praying Scripture to help it reach the heart.
Morning Moments: Right after waking, pray or read truth statements while your mind is most receptive.
Keep an Evidence Journal: Record moments of grace, answered prayers, and progress—proof of God’s goodness in daily life.

Beauty Hunt: Set aside time to notice beauty—a walk, a song, a sunset—as a way to retrain your mind toward awe instead of fear.
Practice the New: Healing takes repetition; small, consistent steps create lasting change.
Scripture Mentioned
Philippians 1:6 – “He who began a good work in you will complete it.”
Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Isaiah 43:19 – “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”
Resources:
Discover more about Jess’s coaching and resources at her website transformingus.org.
Follow on socials…
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@transformingus?si=uyB15vIOZg-AOowK
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196

Explore the growing resource library at faithfulfamiliycoaching.com:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter, “Messy Families, Faithful God.
Browse blog articles, or become a member of the Faithful Family Community.
About Our Guest
Jess Vangsnes is an Enneagram and attachment relationship coach who helps individuals and couples uncover patterns rooted in trauma and rebuild secure, faith-centered relationships.
Visit transformingus.org for free assessments and resources, including Seven Skills to Shift.
Next Episode
Up next on Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy, we’ll move from the wilderness to gratitude. Tanja sits down with Henry Nwaneri to talk about the story of the ten lepers—and the one who came back grateful. Together they explore how gratitude re-orients the heart toward God’s mercy, restores perspective, and brings healing to our relationships and faith journey.
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25min
November 02, 2025The Wilderness Within (Part 1): Trauma, Attachment, and Hope with Jess Vangsnes
Show Notes
Summary
In Part 1, Tanja and guest Jess Vangsnes unpack the “wilderness” season as a trauma-informed journey. They explore how early experiences shape our bodies and beliefs, how those patterns resurface in marriage and parenting, and the role of secure attachment in healing. Jess shares gentle, practical first steps—like a morning practice of truth-based statements—to begin rewiring long-standing responses.
In This Episode
Deuteronomy 8:2 as a guide to the purpose of wilderness seasons
What “wilderness” looks like in modern life (triggers, uncertainty, protective responses)
How trauma impacts the whole family system—including adoption stories and “felt safety”
The four skills of secure attachment: give care, receive care, negotiate needs, know your voice matters
Why dysregulation can feel like “something else took over” (and why that makes sense neurologically)
A compassionate reframe for shame after triggers
First steps for healing: noticing patterns, naming limiting beliefs, and a simple morning practice to anchor truth
Practical Takeaways
Start with “Where am I now?” Write what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing in recurring hard moments.
Identify the “but…” statements (your hidden limiting beliefs) and craft brief, truth-based counters for morning prayer/meditation (e.g., “My voice matters; I can share my truth with confidence.”).
Look for an empathetic witness—counselor, coach, or trusted mentor—who can sit with your story and model regulation.
Remember: progress is usually slow and steady; repetition plus emotion helps rewire beliefs.

Scripture Mentioned
Deuteronomy 8:2 — God leads us in the wilderness to humble and test what’s in our hearts.
About Our Guest
Jess Vangsnes is an Enneagram and attachment relationship coach who helps individuals and couples understand stuck patterns from a faith-based, trauma-informed perspective.
Website & resources: Transforming Us (assessments and guides available under Resources).
Mentioned Concepts
“Felt safety” and why safety must be experienced, not just stated
Survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, fawn
Evidence journaling God’s goodness and small wins (introduced here; expanded in Part 2)
Resources:
Discover more about Jess’s coaching and resources at her website transformingus.org.
Follow on socials…
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@transformingus?si=uyB15vIOZg-AOowK
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196

Explore the growing resource library at faithfulfamiliycoaching.com:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter, “Messy Families, Faithful God.
Browse blog articles, or become a member of the Faithful Family Community.

Next Up (Part 2 Preview)
We’ll personalize Scripture for prayer, talk about overcoming negativity bias with “beauty hunting,” and outline simple practices that build soft, flexible resilience in daily life.
...more
26min
October 26, 2025Mercy, Not Sacrifice — Covenant, Identity, and Real-World Marriage
Mercy, Not Sacrifice — Covenant, Identity, and Real-World Marriage
Summary:
In Part 1, Chosen in Unfaithfulness: The Story Behind God’s Relentless Love, Tanja and marriage and family therapist Paul Highfill explored what Hosea’s story reveals about discernment, covenant love, and God’s faithfulness in the face of human failure.
In this continuation, they turn to the deeper questions of identity and mercy—what it means to live as children of God in a broken world and how that truth reshapes how we understand marriage, divorce, and restoration. Paul shares candidly about his own journey through loss and renewal, and together they reflect on how God’s mercy meets us in the middle of our mess.
Highlights:
The difference between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of self
Understanding identity in Christ as the foundation for healthy relationships
Why God’s desire for mercy changes how we view marriage, divorce, and restoration
What covenant means in a temporary, broken world
Encouragement for those struggling with shame or spiritual exhaustion
Scripture References:
Hosea 6:6; Matthew 9:13; Matthew 19:3–9; 1 Corinthians 7; Psalm 34:18
Guest Bio:
Paul Highfill is a marriage and family therapist who has spent decades walking with parents, couples, and youth through trauma and relational struggle. As a husband and father, he combines professional insight with deep reliance on the Holy Spirit to guide healing and transformation.
Connect with Paul:
🌐 transformingpresence.org
📧 [email protected]
Connect with Tanja:
🌐 faithfulfamilycoaching.com
Join the Faithful Families All-Access Community for group coaching, biblical guidance, and practical tools for marriage and family life.
...more
23min
October 19, 2025Chosen in Unfaithfulness — The Story Behind God’s Relentless Love
Summary:
The story of Hosea and Gomer is one of the most difficult pictures of God’s love in Scripture. But it’s also one of the most misunderstood. In this episode, Tanja and marriage and family therapist Paul Highfill unpack what Hosea’s obedience reveals about covenant love, discernment, and faithfulness in marriage. They talk about the misuse of Hosea’s story as a “command to stay no matter what,” the importance of repentance over rescue, and the practical wisdom of balancing faith, emotion, and thought when choosing a spouse.
Highlights:
What Hosea’s story actually teaches about God’s love and covenant
Why rushing into marriage—or becoming sexually involved too soon—clouds judgment
The connection between clear thinking, obedience, and emotional faithfulness How feelings serve as “indicator lights” that point us toward deeper truth
The difference between godly discernment and avoidance disguised as peace
Scripture References:
Hosea 1–4; Hosea 6:6; James 1:19; Matthew 6:33; Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 6:18–20
Guest Bio:
Paul Highfill is a marriage and family therapist with two decades of experience coaching, counseling, and teaching parents, couples, and youth who have walked through deep trauma and relational loss. He has served birth parents separated from their children, couples in crisis, and children and teens facing challenges far beyond their years. A husband and father of two, Paul brings both professional insight and personal humility to his work, emphasizing patience and complete reliance on the Holy Spirit to guide true healing—trusting God’s plan for help over his own.
Connect with Paul:
🌐 transformingpresence.org
📧 [email protected]
Connect with Tanja:
🌐 faithfulfamilycoaching.com
Join the Faithful Families All-Access Community for live group coaching, biblical tools, and marriage resources.
Safety Note: If you’re in an unsafe situation or facing abuse, please use the safety resources linked below. You don’t have to walk alone.
DomesticShelters.org
thehotline.org
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21min
October 05, 2025 Staying When It’s Hard: A Real Conversation About Marriage, Mental Illness, and Mercy – Part 2
Guests: Tanja Rouintree and Kevin Rouintree
Episode Description: Tanja and Kevin reflect on their 39 years of marriage, sharing how faith and growth have shaped their ability to navigate conflict and communication. They discuss the role of personal development, the importance of understanding each other, and lessons learned from their journey together.
Want more than a podcast episode? Get weekly encouragement in your inbox with my free newsletter. https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/offers/grWPdKCU
Step into real change with Faithful Families All-Access: $57/month for daily live group coaching, a full course library, and a Christ-centered community walking this journey with you. https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/faithful-communities

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24min
September 20, 2025 Staying When It’s Hard: A Real Conversation About Marriage, Mental Illness, and Mercy (Part 1)
In this first episode of Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy, Kevin and I sit down to talk about what nearly broke us—and what ultimately held us together. We open up about our early years, my undiagnosed complex PTSD, and how Kevin’s faithfulness helped carry us through the confusion, conflict, and emotional chaos. We also talk about the power of remembering, why we stayed (even when it felt impossible), and how our faith—and love for our children—kept pulling us back from the edge. Topics we cover: What it’s like to live with mental illness in marriage Why remembering can be a spiritual discipline Parenting through hardship Faith vs. legalism—and how our views of God shifted What we’ve learned about grace, healing, and emotional survival This episode isn’t polished—it’s real. And if you’ve ever felt like you were the problem in your marriage, this one’s for you.
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22min

FAQs about Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy:

How many episodes does Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy have?

The podcast currently has 6 episodes available.