Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy

In this continuation of “The Wilderness Within,” Tanja and Jess unpack the how of healing. They discuss the role of Scripture in renewing the mind, the importance of daily repetition, and how curiosity, beauty, and gratitude can help rewire trauma-based thinking. Jess introduces practices such as personalized Scripture reading, morning truth statements, and keeping an evidence journal to track God’s goodness.

The conversation ends with a message of hope—God is always doing a new thing, even in the wilderness.

Resources:

Discover more about Jess’s coaching and resources at her website transformingus.org.

Follow on socials…

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@transformingus?si=uyB15vIOZg-AOowK

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196

Explore the growing resource library at faithfulfamiliycoaching.com:

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Browse blog articles, or become a member of the Faithful Family Community.

Jess Vangsnes is an Enneagram and attachment relationship coach who helps individuals and couples uncover patterns rooted in trauma and rebuild secure, faith-centered relationships.
Visit transformingus.org for free assessments and resources, including Seven Skills to Shift.

Up next on Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy, we’ll move from the wilderness to gratitude. Tanja sits down with Henry Nwaneri to talk about the story of the ten lepers—and the one who came back grateful. Together they explore how gratitude re-orients the heart toward God’s mercy, restores perspective, and brings healing to our relationships and faith journey.

In Part 1, Tanja and guest Jess Vangsnes unpack the “wilderness” season as a trauma-informed journey. They explore how early experiences shape our bodies and beliefs, how those patterns resurface in marriage and parenting, and the role of secure attachment in healing. Jess shares gentle, practical first steps—like a morning practice of truth-based statements—to begin rewiring long-standing responses.

Jess Vangsnes is an Enneagram and attachment relationship coach who helps individuals and couples understand stuck patterns from a faith-based, trauma-informed perspective.
Website & resources: Transforming Us (assessments and guides available under Resources).

Discover more about Jess’s coaching and resources at her website transformingus.org.

Follow on socials…

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@transformingus?si=uyB15vIOZg-AOowK

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196

Explore the growing resource library at faithfulfamiliycoaching.com:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter, “Messy Families, Faithful God.

Browse blog articles, or become a member of the Faithful Family Community.

We’ll personalize Scripture for prayer, talk about overcoming negativity bias with “beauty hunting,” and outline simple practices that build soft, flexible resilience in daily life.

Summary:
In Part 1, Chosen in Unfaithfulness: The Story Behind God’s Relentless Love, Tanja and marriage and family therapist Paul Highfill explored what Hosea’s story reveals about discernment, covenant love, and God’s faithfulness in the face of human failure.

In this continuation, they turn to the deeper questions of identity and mercy—what it means to live as children of God in a broken world and how that truth reshapes how we understand marriage, divorce, and restoration. Paul shares candidly about his own journey through loss and renewal, and together they reflect on how God’s mercy meets us in the middle of our mess.

Highlights:

Scripture References:
Hosea 6:6; Matthew 9:13; Matthew 19:3–9; 1 Corinthians 7; Psalm 34:18

Guest Bio:
Paul Highfill is a marriage and family therapist who has spent decades walking with parents, couples, and youth through trauma and relational struggle. As a husband and father, he combines professional insight with deep reliance on the Holy Spirit to guide healing and transformation.

Connect with Paul:
🌐 transformingpresence.org
📧 [email protected]

Connect with Tanja:
🌐 faithfulfamilycoaching.com
Join the Faithful Families All-Access Community for group coaching, biblical guidance, and practical tools for marriage and family life.

Summary:

The story of Hosea and Gomer is one of the most difficult pictures of God’s love in Scripture. But it’s also one of the most misunderstood. In this episode, Tanja and marriage and family therapist Paul Highfill unpack what Hosea’s obedience reveals about covenant love, discernment, and faithfulness in marriage. They talk about the misuse of Hosea’s story as a “command to stay no matter what,” the importance of repentance over rescue, and the practical wisdom of balancing faith, emotion, and thought when choosing a spouse.

Highlights:

Scripture References:

Hosea 1–4; Hosea 6:6; James 1:19; Matthew 6:33; Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 6:18–20

Guest Bio:

Paul Highfill is a marriage and family therapist with two decades of experience coaching, counseling, and teaching parents, couples, and youth who have walked through deep trauma and relational loss. He has served birth parents separated from their children, couples in crisis, and children and teens facing challenges far beyond their years. A husband and father of two, Paul brings both professional insight and personal humility to his work, emphasizing patience and complete reliance on the Holy Spirit to guide true healing—trusting God’s plan for help over his own.

Connect with Paul:

🌐 transformingpresence.org

📧 [email protected]

Connect with Tanja:

🌐 faithfulfamilycoaching.com

Join the Faithful Families All-Access Community for live group coaching, biblical tools, and marriage resources.

Safety Note: If you’re in an unsafe situation or facing abuse, please use the safety resources linked below. You don’t have to walk alone.

Guests: Tanja Rouintree and Kevin Rouintree

Episode Description: Tanja and Kevin reflect on their 39 years of marriage, sharing how faith and growth have shaped their ability to navigate conflict and communication. They discuss the role of personal development, the importance of understanding each other, and lessons learned from their journey together.

Want more than a podcast episode? Get weekly encouragement in your inbox with my free newsletter. https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/offers/grWPdKCU

Step into real change with Faithful Families All-Access: $57/month for daily live group coaching, a full course library, and a Christ-centered community walking this journey with you. https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/faithful-communities

In this first episode of Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy, Kevin and I sit down to talk about what nearly broke us—and what ultimately held us together. We open up about our early years, my undiagnosed complex PTSD, and how Kevin’s faithfulness helped carry us through the confusion, conflict, and emotional chaos. We also talk about the power of remembering, why we stayed (even when it felt impossible), and how our faith—and love for our children—kept pulling us back from the edge. Topics we cover: What it’s like to live with mental illness in marriage Why remembering can be a spiritual discipline Parenting through hardship Faith vs. legalism—and how our views of God shifted What we’ve learned about grace, healing, and emotional survival This episode isn’t polished—it’s real. And if you’ve ever felt like you were the problem in your marriage, this one’s for you.