Welcome to another edition of Wisdom & Wealth. This past week I’ve started thinking about nostalgia for the past, present or future. The catalyst for this was a sign my wife got me for my home office which reads: “These are the Good Old Days”. Don’t get me wrong I agree with the statement. But something about the way it is commonly understood or communicated in practice gives me pause. So today I’m going to walk through some of what I think are common misconceptions of both sides of this nostalgic coin as it applies to our financial lives. Spoiler alert, there won’t be much math mentioned in today’s edition. Those of you heading for the exits… I respect your decision and standards!
Future – I’ll be able to enjoy life when…
I’ll start with what I’ll call nostalgia for the future. If I’m off base someone just tell me, but I think we as a society run into this trap quite often. It goes like this. One day, in the not-so-distant future, we will have enough money, time, prestige or whatever, and will be content. One of my favorite Keith Urban songs is coincidentally about this very thing. One day, we all probably will have more money, time or opportunity. Some day we may have an easier or less stressful life. However, I’m given pause by the idea that life will be “more enjoyable” then. Using retirement as an example, I’ve heard this quite a bit over the years. It goes something like this: Our goal is to stop working so that we can enjoy life and travel. Adventure is something that awaits when enough money is obtained etc.
If I may, I worry that the mental habits which lead one to believe that the “good life” is somewhere in the future may be permanently reinforcing. When properly understood, every day is an adventure and a gift. I don’t care who you are. The people you meet, the problems you get to solve, the opportunities you get to invest in someone else, ARE the great adventure. If I may pick on my own generation for a minute, the adventure probably isn’t “grammable”. It’s a story and it takes too long to explain via social media. More likely than not, it requires a story at the dinner table. The community you have at this very moment, the friendships via work, church, school etc is a source of wealth which you won’t value until you no longer have them. You don’t enjoy relationships more because you have more money. Rather you enjoy relationships when you are all working towards a common goal. The next, position, role, company, deal, or sale will not magically make us contented enough to enjoy the present. We have to choose it.
Past – we have missed our window. Good things are gone.
The next one is nostalgia. If you don’t think someone my age is susceptible to this, just start scrolling social media and see what people write about the 80’s and 90’s. It is moments like this which I remember that the time period I just referenced was just like when my parents tried to explain the 1960’s to me! But there is this sentiment amongst some that the good days are behind us and that if we’d really been paying attention, we would have paid more attention and enjoyed things more. I hear this all the time from well-meaning people a few decades down the road of life. They will smile and say “don’t blink” it goes fast. They are primarily referring to kids and their development and yes, I do agree they grow quickly, but why do I inevitably feel “guilt” when I hear this phrase. I used to think this was indicative that I was in fact missing something and not being present enough or investing enough time with my kids etc. Then I realized it wasn’t me. It was an admission of guilt of the messenger. You’ll hear this from a planning or investment perspective occasionally too. Life was “simple back then”. No, I don’t want to go back to the days before there was “excel”. I really don’t want to go back to finding the stock prices in the newspaper. And I most assuredly don’t want to go back to paying someone to place individual trades. Life that we have lived is a blessing, but it shouldn’t undercut the blessing, calling and meaning of the present.
Tyranny of the Present
So, this one is rough on me. Mainly because I have young kids whose ages and stages seem to change in milliseconds. I would consider myself a pretty involved Dad. And there are still phases which go by very quickly. But I see this trend where somehow if you are not overscheduled, outside of work hours and if every weekend hour isn’t planned out…you are somehow not a committed parent or grandparent. It makes me wonder if we have lost the value of boredom in the life of a child. It can be great for creativity. But I’ve discovered that the tyranny of the present can often be a stand in for “keeping up with the Jone’s Activities. I feel no pressure whatsoever to keep up with the schedule and or activities of anyone else. What I do feel pressure for is developing the talents, curiosities and capacities of those entrusted in my care. But if I’m being honest, I didn’t find those answers personally in activities, rather I found them by working alongside those I admired and asking questions.
What I am asking for is not that everyone slow down or simply that everyone “find contentment”. Although, I will say it is a rewarding drug. What I am advocating for is that we as individuals make our plans according to our personal goals and the various seasons we have been given. Just as I don’t believe we should all feel the same pressure to be financially independent at the same age, take the same vacations, be on the same travel ball teams, I also don’t think we should undervalue the relationships and experiences we are investing in today. An example recently which came to me was a client asking about investing in a specific experience this summer for their family. They were basically asking if it was okay to tweak the financial plan ever so slightly and if that tweak was going to put them off track. Of course it wasn’t!
I use this example because I think it paints a good picture of holding all of life’s priorities in tension. So when I seek to help clients, my prayer, isn’t that they reach a number or an age so much as a possess a sense of awareness that allows them to invest in the right people and experiences which make their life full, meaningful and fulfilling. When I think of my kids even, I don’t see some bucket-list experiences, but I do want them to become whole. To see the world as it is and to fully recognize their place in it. I hope the people I serve enjoy fruitful work and investment which fuels the relationships which bring them meaning.
So these are the good old days. Tomorrow they will remain so, and a year from now also. The growth we experience along the way will be meaningful, fun, rewarding and fruitful. But the people I admire most, never look back too long, because they are always constantly preparing for what is next.
I’ll leave things there for now. Please reach out with questions as they come up and always remember that I am wishing you and your family continued Truth, Beauty and Goodness ahead.
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