The Wise Mind Happy Hour

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We're having a baby...anyone else with us?

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Trying harder is not always the answer, especially when “trying” is really just digging. Welcome to one of our favorite Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) ideas: the Person In A Hole metaphor. If you have ever thrown yourself at anxiety, grief, shame, or relationship tension with every coping tool you can find and somehow ended up feeling worse, this conversation puts clear language to what is happening and what to do next.

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If your default setting is “sorry to bother you,” this one is for you. We’re back from our break with plenty of life updates and laughs, but the core of the conversation gets practical fast: how to protect your self-respect when you’re asking for something, setting a boundary, or saying no.

We close out our three-part DBT interpersonal effectiveness series by focusing on self-respect effectiveness through the FAST skill (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): "F" (be fair,) "A" (no apologies), "S" (stick to values) and "T" (be truthful.)

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We'll be back next week with a FULLY ORIGINAL EPISODE!

In the meantime, we hope to offset your boredom with a well-timed rerun of our classic episode about BOREDOM (and the surprising value that can come from embracing it.)

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In honor of Halloween (and the fact that our schedules have been ESPECIALLY SPOOKY lately) we are airing a re-run of this WISE MIND classic.

Values...what even are they? We all talk about values, but do we really understand them? Values are an elusive beast. More abstract than goals, but ultimately at the core of our essence. On this EXTREMELY SPOOKY EPISODE, we talk about how to untangle our own values from those we've been taught, what we'd want people to say at our 80th birthdays, and whether or not it's wise to scare ourselves...BOO!

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Welcome to Part 2 of our DBT "interpersonal effectiveness" series." Today we focus on the GIVE skill for healthier communication and relationship repair: be Gentle, act Interested, Validate, and use an Easy Manner. (And "watch that 'tude.") 😉 We break down what each part looks like in practice, how to stay in a hard conversation without escalating, and why validation is not the same thing as agreement.

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WHAT IS EMDR? Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. But...WHAT??? Don't worry, it'll all make more sense soon. EMDR-trained clinician Kelly Kilgallon, LCSW (and her NON-THERAPIST husband Josh Bayer) delve into the mysterious waters of EMDR therapy and how it helps “unstick” traumatic memories that still carry emotional charge in the present. If you’re curious about EMDR, want a clearer picture of what it feels like, or you’re wondering whether your experience “counts,” just hit play.

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No, DEAR MAN is not a feminist manifesto. It's a DBT tour de force. Designed for interpersonal effectiveness and developed by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan, its primary goal is "objective effectiveness"—helping you ask for what you need, say "no" to unwanted requests, and navigate conflict while keeping people on your side. Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce (DEAR) all while being Mindful, Appearing Confident, and remaining open to Negotiating (MAN.)

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A tenured professor, an open marriage with rules that suddenly don’t work, and a campus Title IX scandal that makes everyone pick a side. We just watched Netflix’s Vladimir (starring Rachel Weisz, Leo Woodall and John Slattery) and we couldn’t stop talking about it. Beneath the darkly playful humor is a surprisingly sharp look at what desire does to your mind, your body, and your sense of self.

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Your mind can be brilliant and still be wrong, especially when you’re hungry, tired, anxious, or feeling rejected. Let's "get serious" about the thought patterns that quietly run so many of our worst days: magnification and minimization, catastrophizing, overgeneralization, magical thinking, personalization, mind reading, fortune telling, emotional reasoning, disqualifying the positive, should statements, and all-or-nothing thinking. These thoughts can feel so convincing but can be protective, and a trauma-informed perspective can explain where they came from without letting them drive the car forever. 

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