What does it really mean to be mentally healthy?

In this conversation, I sit down with mental health advocate Gabe Howard, of the well-known Inside Mental Health and Inside Bipolar podcasts, to explore one of the biggest questions facing our culture today: How should we understand mental illness?

Gabe shares his deeply personal story of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder after waking up in a psychiatric hospital at 26 years old. Together, we talk about what that diagnosis meant to him, how it shaped his identity, and why hope—not hopelessness—became the turning point in his recovery.

Along the way, we wrestle with some difficult questions:

• What is the difference between mental health and mental illness?

• Are diagnoses permanent identities, or can people genuinely heal and grow?

• Why are terms like OCD, ADHD, anxiety, and trauma used so casually today?

• What happens when our beliefs about ourselves become disconnected from reality?

• How do childhood experiences shape the stories we tell ourselves as adults?

As a therapist, I also offer a different lens than diagnosis alone. Rather than beginning with symptoms, I ask, "Tell me everything." I believe understanding a person's story often reveals far more than simply naming a disorder.

We discuss:

• The difference between diagnosis and case conceptualization

• Why context matters in understanding suffering

• How shame distorts our thinking

• The role of attachment, identity, and early family dynamics

• Why memory can become fragmented when we're living in survival mode

• The importance of telling our stories honestly—and having someone who is willing to listen

Whether you agree with every perspective we discuss or not, my hope is that this conversation invites you to think more deeply about mental health, healing, and what it means to become more fully human.

If this episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to subscribe, share it with someone who might benefit, and join the conversation in the comments.

A recent Wall Street Journal article about adults cutting off their parents has reignited a conversation that's happening everywhere—in therapy offices, on social media, and around family dinner tables. So when is going no contact the right decision, and when might it actually keep us from growing?

In this episode, I explore the difference between abuse, toxicity, hurt, and disappointment—and why those distinctions matter. I share why I've recommended estrangement only twice in fourteen years as a therapist, how I define abuse, and why I believe our culture is losing important nuance when everything becomes "abuse" or "trauma."

I also talk about something deeply personal: the mistakes I made in my own family relationships after years of therapy. I expected the people around me to grow with me, and when they didn't, I became frustrated and resentful. What ultimately changed my life wasn't getting everyone else to heal—it was learning to grieve the relationships I wished I had, forgive what could never be repaid, and accept people for who they truly were.

If you're wrestling with whether to distance yourself from a parent, if you're a parent whose child has cut off contact, or if you're simply trying to navigate complicated family relationships with wisdom and grace, I hope this conversation gives you a framework that is both compassionate and grounded in reality.

Because healing isn't about creating a perfect family.

It's about learning to live truthfully, setting healthy boundaries where they're needed, and growing into the kind of person who can face reality without losing hope.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why "if" and "when" are two very different questions.
• The difference between abuse, toxicity, hurt, and unmet emotional needs.
• When no contact is appropriate—and when it may not be.
• Why forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
• How grief often becomes the path to acceptance.
• Why emotional maturity means growing in compassion, humility, and reality—not simply expecting everyone else to change.

As always, my hope is to help you face reality, embrace humanity, and find freedom in truth.

For a deeper take on how to heal a family system, listen to "How to Heal a Family": https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-vanessa-londino-podcast/id1555914519?i=1000660044672

Most people think therapy is about reducing anxiety, managing depression, or learning better coping skills. Those things matter—but they're only the beginning.

In this episode, I walk through the four levels of healing that I believe every person should understand. From symptom relief and emotional regulation to personality reorganization and the restoration of personhood, I explain how healing deepens over time and why every stage serves a purpose.

I'll help you identify where you are in your own journey, what growth looks like at each level, and how to know whether your current therapeutic work is helping you move forward. Along the way, I share personal stories from my own healing, discuss the importance of secure attachment, explain why some therapists are equipped for deeper work than others, and describe why I believe the highest aim of therapy is not simply symptom management—but the restoration of the human person.

Whether you're currently in therapy, considering it, or simply interested in understanding yourself more deeply, I hope this conversation gives you both a roadmap and hope.

In this episode we discuss:

• The four levels of healing and how they build on one another

• Why symptom relief is only the beginning

• Emotional regulation, boundaries, and changing the way we think

• How trauma shapes personality—and how personality can change

• Secure attachment and what it actually feels like

• Why deep healing requires patience, trust, and skilled guidance

• The difference between changing your behavior and restoring your personhood

• Why I believe the goal of therapy is to help us become fully human

As always, healing begins by facing reality and embracing our humanity.

Follow Vanessa: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/

Follow the show: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/

Why do some regrets stay with us for years while others seem to fade? Why do guilt and shame continue to shape the way we see ourselves long after the moment has passed?

In this episode, I explore why survival often changes us, how the strategies that once protected us can become our identity, and what it actually takes to make peace with our past.

Freedom doesn't come from denying what happened, excusing ourselves, or pretending we're over it. It comes from facing reality honestly while embracing our humanity.

Together, we'll explore the difference between guilt and shame, why they're often confused, and how learning to separate our actions from our identity creates space for responsibility, compassion, forgiveness, and lasting freedom.

If you've ever wondered whether your worst moments define you—or if you're carrying guilt or shame you can't seem to put down—this episode offers a practical way to begin making peace with your past.

In this episode:

The difference between guilt and shame

Healthy shame versus toxic shame

How childhood survival strategies become lifelong habits

Why your coping mechanisms are not your identity

How to make peace with your past without denying it

Why facing reality and embracing our humanity leads to freedom

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/

Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/

Send us an email: [email protected]

What if anxiety and depression aren't always the problem—but symptoms of something deeper?

In this conversation, I sit down with psychotherapist and founder of The Collective, Courtney Grimes, LCSW, to explore a dimension of healing that our mental health system often overlooks: social health.

We talk about why so many people make tremendous progress in therapy, only to "face plant" when they return to their everyday lives. Healing isn't just about understanding yourself—it's about learning how to thrive in relationships, families, workplaces, and communities that don't revolve around you.

Together, we explore:

• Why loneliness may be one of the biggest drivers of anxiety and depression.

• The difference between mental health and social health.

• Why therapy should prepare us for real life—not just the therapy room.

• How to build resilience without living in an echo chamber.

• Why disagreement isn't the same thing as danger.

• The growing problem of emotional cutoffs, polarization, and tribal thinking.

• How healthy boundaries allow us to stay connected without losing ourselves.

• Why true resilience requires agency, adaptability, and the courage to engage with people who see the world differently.

If you've ever wondered why healing sometimes feels incomplete, this episode offers a compelling answer: we don't just heal as individuals—we heal as members of a community.

The work of being human isn't simply becoming healthier ourselves. It's learning how to be healthy with other people.

Have a show idea? Send us an email! [email protected]

What if better mental health has less to do with controlling life and more to do with encountering reality?

After returning from Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks, I realized this wasn’t just a vacation—it was an education. The wilderness exposed habits I carry every day: chasing experiences, avoiding fear, relying on quick answers, and comparing reality to expectations. Along the way, nature became one of my greatest teachers.

In this episode, I share four unexpected lessons from the American West that changed how I think about courage, anxiety, presence, and the way we navigate life:

• Borrow courage when fear isn't telling you the truth.
• Stop chasing experiences and start encountering reality.
• Learn to read a trustworthy map instead of depending on someone else's GPS.
• Stop comparing life to the pictures and experience it for yourself.

We also explore why social media fuels anxiety, how efficiency can become an emotional escape, what Yellowstone taught me about worldview, and why true mental health requires orienting ourselves to reality—not fighting it.

Sometimes the greatest lessons don't come from a therapist's office. Sometimes they come from mountains, rivers, silence... and a moose at a boat dock.

In this episode, we'll tackle:

• Why fear isn't always reality
• The difference between tourists and travelers
• How chasing experiences robs us of presence
• What Yellowstone taught me about anxiety and comparison
• Why your worldview is the "map" you live by
• How nature points us toward humility, truth, and God
• Why mental health begins by orienting ourselves to reality

If this episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a fresh perspective on what it means to live well.

You've been to therapy.

You've read the books.

You've tried to "work on yourself."

So why are you still stuck?

In this episode of The Work of Being Human, I break down the psychology of healing through a fictional client named "Scott."

Together, we'll explore:

✓ Original wounds
✓ Negative belief systems
✓ Coping mechanisms
✓ Defense mechanisms
✓ People pleasing and self-abandonment
✓ Anxiety and emotional suppression
✓ How to uncover the real source of your suffering

This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered:

"Why do I keep doing this?"

The answer may not be in your symptoms.

It may be hidden in the story you've been living since childhood.

Therapy can help.

But understanding yourself changes everything.

If this episode resonates with you, subscribe and share it with someone who needs it.

TRUTH heals us.
REALITY grounds us.
And HUMANITY is where truth and reality meet.

This is The Work of Being Human.

Follow the show: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/

Want to request a topic? Email us at [email protected]

This episode starts with a simple question:

What exactly is a human being?

Not what are our symptoms. Not what's our diagnosis. Not what's our attachment style.

What are we?

The more time I spend in the field of psychology, the more I realize something important: psychology is very good at describing pain. It's somewhat capable of helping people heal. But when it comes to personhood—to human dignity, worth, identity, and why any of it matters—it gets strangely quiet.

So in this episode, I'm comparing two very different views of what it means to be human: modern psychology and Christianity.

One sees us primarily as biological, psychological, and social organisms.

The other says we're something much more.

We're going to talk about identity, consciousness, human nature, suffering, healing, and the question underneath all of it:

Why does a human being have dignity in the first place?

Because if therapy helps people reclaim their personhood—and I believe it does—then sooner or later we have to ask where personhood came from.

It's a little philosophical. It's a little theological. It's definitely psychological.

And if you're willing to think with me for an hour, I think you'll find the question is far more important than it first appears.

Write us a message about the podcast: https://www.vanessabentley.co/contact

This podcast is:

Produced: Jared Bentley and Madison Thompson

Music: Vanessa Bentley

Arrangement: Winston Philip

Trauma is one of the most misunderstood concepts in modern mental health.

In this episode, I challenge the idea that every painful experience is trauma and offer a clear, reality-based framework for understanding what trauma actually is, how it changes us, and what genuine healing requires.

Drawing parallels between physical injury and psychological injury, we'll explore why trauma is more than pain, disappointment, or hardship. Trauma creates damage. It alters how we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us.

You'll learn:

• What distinguishes trauma from normal suffering

• Why trauma changes our perception of reality

• The connection between trauma, shame, fear, and fragmentation

• Why healing requires expansion rather than avoidance

• Why wisdom is essential when rebuilding trust and relationships• The five stages of trauma recovery:

Stabilize

Name

Grieve

Integrate

Reconnect

I'll offer you a definition of trauma that sits at the center of the conversation:"Trauma is the forced contraction of human personhood under overwhelming conditions, which leads to fundamental changes in one's perception of reality."

Whether you're working through your own trauma, supporting someone who is, or simply trying to understand the human experience more deeply, this episode offers practical insight, compassion, and hope.

If this conversation resonates with you, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who may benefit.

Produced and Edited by Jared Bentley

Music by Vanessa Bentley

Arranged by Winston Philip

Recorded in Nashville, TN

Follow me on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/

Follow the show: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/

Send us an email on content you want to see: [email protected]