The YouSchool Podcast

Every now and then we bump into a leader in education who “gets it”. Well, at least from our point of view. Principal Josh Way is that guy. He understands how crucial it is for teachers and educators to build authentic relationships first—before getting to instruction. He also sees the importance for consistent, guided reflection. Adults need it, and students do, too. We hope you enjoy our latest episode, a quick conversation with a super busy guy. 

With 20 years of experience working in public schools, Dr. Josh Way has served as a teacher, administrator, researcher, and speaker. Currently, as a high school principal at Sage Creek High School in Carlsbad, California, he works to integrate research-based practices with a holistic approach to learning. Dr. Way also works with the National Council on Education and the Economy leading professional learning for site and district leaders on creating efficient and equitable learning systems. In addition to his work in schools, Dr. Way has over 25 years as a yoga/meditation practitioner and instructor. Josh believes in bringing a personal and integrative approach to leadership and professional learning. As a husband and father, he believes we all have the right to fulfill our highest potential at work and home. “You can’t change one without the other”

We worry these days about the mental health of teenagers, and rightly so. We look for interventions to share with them about ways to reduce the stress they feel. But, from Frankl’s perspective, perhaps we’re missing an essential element that every kid needs: a proper and necessary tension to make something meaningful from their lives. Kids need to hear the message that the world needs them to contribute. Their education isn’t a means to a personal end, like financial stability or self-actualization. Their education is an opportunity to gain relevant skills and perspectives that can be utilized to contribute to solving real problems in the world. In other words: It’s Not About You.

What does it mean to act your age?  There are certain milestones that we expect- like being able to do your own laundry, or schools have in place- like starting middle school or getting your high school diploma.  There are milestones of becoming an adult- like learning to drive or buying your first house.  

Certainly we all expect these, and help our kids learn and move toward them.

But what about milestones to leading a meaningful life?  

What kind of things can we expect or look for to help our kids, or ourselves, know that we are leading a meaningful or at least working toward one?

This is the very purpose of YouSchool.  We are looking to help you and your kids build a meaningful life, so listen here to see how that all starts.

And, yes, there’s a book if you’re interested.  You can find it on Amazon- Critical Foundations: 30 Questions Everyone Must Answer to Build a Meaningful Life

Why Thoughtful Conversations Matter for Your Teen's Future Navigating the Professional World: While it might seem like eons away, your teenager's future career hinges on their ability to converse thoughtfully. Whether they're interviewing for their dream job or networking at a conference, knowing how to engage in meaningful discussions will set them apart. As adults, they'll be expected to articulate their ideas, ask insightful questions, and form connections – skills that can only be honed through practice. Building Meaningful Relationships: Fast forward to adulthood, and your teen will be mingling at gatherings, meeting potential partners, and forming friendships beyond the classroom. The art of thoughtful conversation is the secret ingredient for creating deep and genuine connections. Engaging in discussions fosters understanding, empathy, and a sense of belonging – all of which are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. So, how do we prepare our teens for a future filled with purposeful dialogue? The Importance of Adult Exposure and Uncomfortable Conversations

I don’t know about you, but when I try to have a conversation with someone, and they answer with one-word answers and an irritated tone of voice, I change tactics. I stop talking. I’m not getting paid to try to pry out information like an interrogation. Sometimes, if I’m feeling irritable and can’t get my kids to talk, I get irritated. I might snap back quickly, like, “Geez, I pick you up from school, give you money for lunch, bend over backward to get you on time, then the least you can do is answer a couple of questions.” Mostly, I feel rejected when I can’t get my kids to respond to me. Not too dissimilar from how I might feel if I was trying to talk to a friend or colleague and they shut me out. I feel ashamed for caring so much, awkward about my interaction, and generally humiliated. Can you relate? That’s what this episode is all about. Asking better questions so you can have better conversations.

Going to back to school brings a mixture of anticipation, excitement, and perhaps a little dread. Anxiety is normal; there’s so much that’s beyond a kid’s control. We have a worksheet you can share with your kids to help guide them to think about how they can make this new school year their best ever. theyouschool.com/blog/best-year-ever

Some students are self-directed, motivated learners who are engaged with their academics, their friends, and their involvement in sports or clubs. Many students, though, are not. They go through the motions. They struggle to find motivation. They feel like life is happening to them, like they're a character in someone else's story. They feel like even if they tried to be more engaged, their path is already predicted by other forces or circumstances. Feeling hopeless is a miserable experience. Whether you’re feeling hopeless about your relationship status, friendships, career path, or your waistline, most people would say it’s the worst experience of being a human. The good news is that hope is like a muscle- it can be exercised and strengthened. You’re not born with a fixed amount of hope. It’s not given out in limited quantities, and it doesn’t evaporate over time. Although some people are born with a more optimistic outlook than others, anyone can become a hopeful person. According to the Snyder Hope Theory, hope is not a fixed constraint but rather a dynamic that can be cultivated in anyone. There are two parts to pay attention to: pathways and agency. Hope pathways are about seeing multiple pathways to achieve your desired future. In other words, believing deep down that your goal is possible and achievable. Hope agency is about seeing yourself as a critical piece and driver towards your desired future. In other words, believing that you have the power and ability to make the steps and changes necessary. It’s saying to yourself, “I can do it—I have what it takes.” When it comes to cultivating hope, Snyder’s theory creates the foundation for proper goal setting. It’s one thing to ask people to come up with things they want in life, but too often they’re left as wishful thinking and lack any real benefit. To help a student cultivate hope, guide them to not only describe the type of future they want as well as the different possible paths to get there. Ask them to name the specific activities they can engage in to make progress- breaking down the steps as much as you can. When they get stuck, help them brainstorm and then ask them to commit to which steps they'll take and by when. People with high hope, though, respond differently to setbacks and challenges. They understand roadblocks as a part of the process, not the end of the story. So, when it comes to working with kids, we can lead them to think through what they want, what they will do to get what they want, and alternative routes to getting what they want. Not only will they be clearer about their future, but they will see themselves as key actors in the story that’s unfolding, strengthening their motivation and resolve along the way. Students with higher levels of hope are more resilient, make better choices, are self-motivated, are more effective problem solvers, do better academically, and are less likely to engage in risky behaviors like substance use. * For more on the science of hope, check out the book Hope Rising: How the Science of Hope Can Change Your Life available on Amazon.

If you got to choose for your kid whether they were intelligent, talented, or resilient, what would you prioritize?

As parents of teenagers, we often find ourselves marveling at our children's talents and abilities. Whether it's their musical prowess, academic achievements, or athletic skills, we can't help but take pride in their innate gifts. However, important research by psychologist Angela Duckworth has shed light on a fascinating concept: grit, not talent, is a better predictor of long-term success.

Talent may be the starting point, but it's grit that keeps the engine running. Grit, as Duckworth defines it, is the combination of passion and perseverance toward long-term goals. While talent might open doors initially, the determination to overcome challenges, setbacks, and failures ultimately propels people to succeed.

Think of it this way: talent might get you in the door, but it's grit that carries you through the journey.

As parents, we play a crucial role in nurturing grit in our teenagers. Here's a simple yet effective way to build resilience and foster grit in our kids:

Tune in to this episode…

Your kid might come up with their own list of role models, but we’ve learned over the past decade how important it is to guide them to reflect on who they look up to and why. Now is a great time to bring it up to your kids (or students). Ask them who they want to be like when they get older. Ask them who has a lifestyle they admire. Ask them which characters on shows, movies, or novels they feel inspired by. And don’t forget to share yours with them, too, and introduce them to your role models. Chances are, they wouldn’t think about them if it wasn’t for you.

One critical skill we all need is to understand ourselves, and understand particularly our own capacity.  This is something that we can grow in ourselves, and teach to our kids.  This concept can also be described as our “window of tolerance”, and we all know what it looks like when we’re outside of that window.  On one side, we tend to over react, and on the other we freeze.  But there are skills we can use and model for our kids to help them recognize when we approach the edge of that window or recover from going outside of it.

Becoming self aware about your window of tolerance is one criical life skill that everybody can grow in, and we’re tlooking at some of the basics of that in this episode.

Key resources mentioned: 

Stephen W. Porges, PhD - Polyvagal Theory

Try Softer by by Aundi Kolber https://www.amazon.com/Try-Softer-Approach-Mode-Connection/dp/1496439651