As I have written before, while I was single I did some dumb things and I did some smart things. Today I want to tell a little more of my story. Let me tell you about some of the things I got right as a single person.

It is not that I want or deserve your applause or admiration. It is not that I want to minimize the things I got wrong. I just hope you can learn a little something from what I share today.

Community

Human beings are designed to be part of a group. We have this persistent mythology of the lone wolf, but it is just that myth. People thrive in a tribe. There is safety in numbers. There is also camaraderie, accountability, and a host of other benefits.

Something I got very right while I was single was that once I had healed up enough after my divorce I started hanging around with a group of singles. They were mostly from my church and a few other nearby churches. The group leaders were a very solid married couple. The female leader had been through a divorce and spent many years as a single person. We could relate to her and she could relate to us.

A Healthy Community

I think it is important to note that this was a group organized by and under the authority of my church. Being I belong to a healthy thriving church and the leaders were a top-quality couple, the group was very helpful to a lot of people. Not all singles groups are created equal. I have also experienced some not so great singles groups. A lot of them lack solid teaching and guidance.

It seems like many such groups devolve into a forum for complaining about the opposite sex or single life in general. They do not provide the teaching necessary for helping single people thrive. And, many singles groups are either unwelcoming to new people or the members pounce on them like hyenas on fresh meat.

But, if you can find a good stable, healthy, helpful group to be a part of, it can make all the difference in your life as a single person. It did for me. So, if you want to do singleness right, make an effort to be part of a community.

Other Communities

That is not to say that your time should always be spent among single people. Another community I was a part of was my church. Like I said earlier, I belong to a strong, healthy, thriving church. The married couples there were also a great blessing to me.

But, singles groups and churches are not your only options. Being a part of any healthy, thriving group of like-minded people is helpful. It could be a civic group, a group centered around a favorite hobby, or any group united by something you enjoy or believe strongly about. The important thing is to be a part of a healthy, vibrant community.

Generosity

Not all the problems in singles groups are because of the group or the leaders.  One of the biggest problems with these groups is that people attend them for selfish reasons. Instead of becoming a part of a group for the right reasons, they only hang around if there is someone there they are interested in. Or, they only hang around if they get to be the center of attention. Their motivation is selfish. It is all about them.

Early on, I realized that as messed up as my divorce had left me, there were people there that I could help. It feels good to help other people. And, on the odd chance that someone you might be interested in should show up one night, know this – generosity and helpfulness is very attractive.

If they see you being nice and being helpful to everyone there, not just the attractive or successful ones, your value goes up in their eyes. They will see your generosity and maturity and be attracted to you. Meanwhile, those who give their attention only to the most attractive will get ignored by or turne...