Just Get Over It

How many times have people told you to just get over it? As I wrote two weeks ago, I got over a lot of my issues as a single person. But of course, there are some things I just never got over.

First off, I would like to tell everyone telling everyone else to get over it, to get over it. There are no instant cures for this stuff. Some things take more than a simple admonishment to get over it to get over it.

Things I Never Got Over

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog post about the things I did right while I was single. In that post, I said I would write later about the dumb things I did while I was single. Toward that end, this week I want to admit to a few things I never quite got over while I was single. On some of them I did make some progress, but I never completely got over them.

Physical Touch

I have always been a touchy-feely type of person. One of the things I missed the most after my divorce was kissing, hugging, and just touching in general. A bed can be a great big empty place when you sleep in it alone night after night, year after year, with no one else in it to kiss, cuddle with, or otherwise touch.

I tried various things. An extra pillow to hug on helped some. In fact, I know of quite a few singles who bought those huge body pillows just for that purpose. They all told me that it helped – at least to some degree.

Something I couldn’t try, because of my apartment, was having a pet. Owning, and more specifically petting a dog has proven health benefits. Just like when you touch a person, it measurably lowers your heart rate, lowers your blood pressure, decreases your stress hormones, increases your relaxation hormones, and decreases your risk of cardiovascular disease. 

But, both of these things can only help so much. Petting your dog is good for you and the dog, but it’s not quite the same as holding your spouse. I never got over that desire to have someone next to me. I think for most of us this may be an innate need.

Jealousy

I hate to admit it, but I never got over being jealous. Every time someone got married or even engaged, as happy as I was for them, I still felt jealous. If it was a woman I knew, I would think “Aw man! That’s one less option for me.” If it was a man I knew, I would always wonder if maybe God loved him a little more than He loved me.

Please don’t get me wrong. I was genuinely happy for them, but I was still jealous. I knew better. It wasn’t helpful or right. But, honestly, I was still jealous. This was especially true when it was someone who had not been single very long, the people I wrote about last week who make it look easy.

The only advice I have here is to love the people around you and be happy for them. And, never give up hope that if you really desire to get married you, more likely than not, will eventually get your turn.

If you have any advice on getting over jealousy, please share t it the comment section.

Sex

Where do I even begin with this one? I have written about my struggles with my sex drive in several posts. Be sure check out a few of these. The thing is that sex is something we are all hardwired to seek after. And for those of us who were married then became single, there is a huge void in our life. Something important that we really enjoyed is now missing.

So yeh, all the years I was single again I never completely got over missing sex. But, and this is an important but, I never let that urge drive me to marry too quickly or get into a sexual