Okay, before you start typing that caustic “you’re a sexist and you don’t know what you’re talking about” comment, hear me out. These are generalizations. Yes. Not all women do these things. Yes. Some men do these things.

And yes, there are also things single men do that single women hate. I covered some of those in last week’s post.

Okay, now that we’ve got that out the way, let’s proceed with these things single women* do that single men hate.

*By single women, I mean a large percentage of the single female population. This should not be construed as meaning every single woman, and of course, this does not refer to you, I’m sure you would never do these things.

Assume Guys Understand What You Mean

I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this, but sometimes it seems like men and women don’t speak the same language. Therapist and author John Gray noticed this. In fact, he wrote a pretty good book about it, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”.

There seem to be inherent differences in the way men and women see the world, think, and communicate. Even in my marriage, with my wife who I love dearly, with both of us striving to communicate clearly and listen to and understand each other, we still miscommunicate more often than we’d like.

It’s even harder when you are single and don’t have that long history together to help you understand each other. So ladies, keep that in mind when you text, speak to, message, or otherwise communicate with a guy.

Don’t use code words and phrases that your girl friends readily understand. Don’t use references from romcoms that guys probably haven’t seen. And, even when a guy nods his head and smiles, realize that most of the little nuances you packed into what you just said went right over his head.

If you really want to make sure we understand something, say it in one or two succinct, direct sentences without nuance or embellishment. Spell it out clearly.

And, if you really want to understand us, remember, we usually just say what’s on our mind. Most of the time, what we say is pretty much what we mean. Don’t try to read a whole lot into it. Just take it at face value. When a guy tells you “You look nice today”, it’s almost always just a compliment. It’s very rarely a backhanded shot at how you looked yesterday.

Assume Guys Understand What You Feel

In general, most women are very in touch with their feelings. In general, most men are not. You know how you feel. We don’t. We don’t know what we’re feeling and we certainly don’t know what you’re feeling. We just don’t usually think in those terms.

One of the cruelest games women play with men is the “if you really cared you would know _____” game. Men hate that game. We can’t win.

A good husband can make significant progress in learning to understand how his wife feels. It doesn’t come naturally, but we can, through diligent effort gain some rudimentary grasp of your emotional complexities.

A single man? Unless a guy grew up with sisters, it’s very likely going to take a long time for him to get even the slightest glimpse into what you are feeling and why. So, here again, spell it out clearly for him.