Think Like A Lady Podcast

On this episode of our podcast we sit down with Carley Deardorff, an international communications strategist. Carley grew up in a small town in Texas in a majority white community. Post 9/11 she had no exposure to Muslims and her only source was the media that vilified Muslims. The impression that Islam is a patriarchal religion, where women have no rights, the tendency to conflate local cultures with the religion itself and the unforgiving attitudes towards Muslim societies in which “Radical Islam” is the default and “the moderate Muslim” is the alternative... when neither exist. 

Carley discusses the minimal exposure she had with Muslims growing up. And not befriending one until she was in her master’s program. However, she had unlearned much of the propaganda well before then. Coming to the conclusion on her own that most Muslim women don’t feel oppressed and the definition of freedom simply means the choice of a woman to wear whatever she wants. She came to the conclusion that what she thinks freedom looks like for a woman looks different from what freedom may look like for a Muslim woman who covers. Her self realization of who Muslims are reinforces the fact that it does not require a token Muslim friend for a person to come to the conclusion that Muslims, particularly Muslim women are regular everyday people.

Due couldn't join us for this episode but will be back with us next week!

Dua and Afroze talk about how the burden of a dignified society is always placed on the woman’s shoulders, be it in the west or the east. The notion that the west looks at Muslim countries and views the culture in which women covering is the norm somehow suggests that muslim societies are oppressive and immoral, we see the east on the opposite end of the spectrum; maintaining the notion that women being exposed in the west are too indignified and immoral. However, we see the standards of the f***boy culture existing across all societies. Attitudes on sex being very unforgiving towards women, be it in America or in the Middle East. Not only do we see this double standard on a social level, but in the bedroom as well. 

Let’s face it, for women, there is no winning. The night of marriage, the expectations often placed on a woman who has chosen to be modest all her life is that she lose the timidness and discomfort and do as her husband pleases. On the flipside, we discuss the instance of a fully formed woman who has been married before in which she is ridiculed in the bedroom for knowing exactly what she wants and being confident. There are no expectations for men. Women are not afforded the same neutrality or dismissive attitude towards the sexual excursions that men from all societies engage in.

A great poet by the name of @Sara.Bawany puts it perfectly: the doubling down of a clean Muslim image for so many men, and the playboy tactics they use behind closed doors. 

You can buy the book “(w)holehearted: a collection of poetry and prose” on Amazon, which spent weeks as a #1 bestseller in the category of South Asian Poetry. Having additionally won the Daybreak Press Award for “Best Poetry Book”, this five-star rated collection of poetry and prose will have you relating to the author’s experiences and outlook on life at a depth uncharted.

On this episode of our podcast we will be discussing the WOMAN’s perspective of hijab. An outlook you will never get from a man. Which is why we believe men shouldn’t have an opinion about hijab. They should simply listen.

Hijab is a journey but we would be lying if we said it didn’t have its difficulties. Often times putting on the hijab means signing an unspoken contract for a set of expectations that are unrealistic for almost every person. It means being put on a pedestal much higher than a woman who doesn’t wear hijab... and miles higher than any man. 

Our hosts, Dua and Afroze, both bring their outlook on hijab to the table. Afroze is a hijab wearing woman, she wears hijab to the office, to the grocery store and yes, even in swimming pools. Dua is just as much of a devout Muslim as Afoze who does not wear hijab but grapples with it. Just as there is a certain amount of mental strength in putting on hijab... believe it or not, there’s also a mental strength required in taking it off. Neither are easy decisions for a woman. 

We discuss the in-between limbo that many hijab wearing women feel where they’re too afraid of social backlash from their own communities  in taking it off, in which they begin to feel disingenuous to themselves because they start to feel that they’re wearing it for the public. We discuss the burden of the pedestal that Muslim society puts on hijab wearing women in which many women profess that it is often their own communities and not necessarily western society that can make hijab a heavy burden to carry. Join us as we offer a perspective from both hijabi and non-hijabi wearing women.

Zara Abid was a Pakistani model who perished on May 22nd 2020 in an air crash on Pakistan flight PK8303. While many religious leaders came to a consensus that everyone on that flight was a shaheed (a martyr or person who dies an honorable death in which they are thought to have been granted heaven upon death); sexism showed its true colors when many in the media and on social media claimed that Zara was an exception because of her career choice in modeling and acting... which they deemed immoral. 

In episode 3, we plan to dissect this sort of sexism and re-take Zara’s narrative and honor her in the way she deserves. What many don’t know is that Zara wasn’t the immoral and Godless woman that some portrayed her out to be. She was a determined woman who had a close relationship with God. She was the eldest of 3 siblings and when her father passed away in 2018, she stepped foot in her father’s shoes and fought hard to make ends meet for her family. Indeed she found success and uplifted her entire family as she became the sole breadwinner. She rose to stardom in a very short amount of time. She moved her family into a better home and supported her mom, her two younger brothers and even her aunts and uncles and other extended family members. 

In a dominantly male society, she re-defined her family dynamic as she became the pillar of her family clan, showing us that women can do what fathers do. What if this was a male model? Would he have received the same response? Sexism even in death is unconscionable. Zara was a powerhouse of a woman and we will always remember for the phenomenal woman she was. 

May she Rest In Peace. Ameen. 
1992-2020. 

May all the Shaheeds from Flight PK8303 be granted the highest ranks in Jannah. Ameen.

Last week we distributed an anonymous survey inquiring about the experiences of our followers involving sexual assault and abuse in Islamic spaces. In this episode we intend on addressing some very taboo topics that are often shoved underneath the rug. We’ll be doing some analysis on trafficking that occurs in Islamic spaces like hajj/umrah and reading the responses of our anonymous responders to our survey. We will be including some great resources for victims of sexual assault and abuse in our podcast episode. 

We would like to commend the bravery of all of our responders. Also, we would like to issue an advisory for the episode as much of the content can be triggering and troublesome to some. Among reading the experiences of our responders, some of the content may include vulgarity and foul language. We advise proceeding to listen with discretion. 

Thank you @naveedmnajam for the wisdom and being an ally 😊

Our podcast will be available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher and Podcast Addict. We will be obtaining licenses for more podcasting platforms including Pandora, iHeart Radio, Amazon Audible and more. 

Our very own Dua will be sharing her experiences of having married an emotionally abusive spouse. She discusses that divorce isn’t easy but your happiness matters more. Our motto is simple “If you have to stop being all of who you are to be half of a couple, the price is too high”.

We explore the intricacies of divorce. A stigma that many women live with, but we’re here to offer hope. We’re here to remind you that your worth in society is not compromised by having a divorce (or two) under your belt. Quite the opposite really. And we explain why divorce may not necessarily be a bad thing.

As times are changing, divorce rates have gone up in Muslim societies. There has been a cultural shift for women to no longer put up with domestic abuse as education and career advancement has become more accessible to millennial women. A recent generational focus on mental health and women getting married later in life as a result of their educational and career endeavours has given women more leverage to leave marriages that they couldn’t have otherwise. According to a study by the Cambridge University Press: Married Women's Economic Independence and Divorce in the Nineteenth- and Early-Twentieth-Century United States, “labor market opportunities explain divorce rates throughout US history. Attitudinal changes could have produced both higher labor force participation and marital instability, these changes are likely a function of economic development: As women engaged more with the labor”

So what’s our point? A woman’s independence, happiness and freewill should never be compromised at the expense of her marriage. The price is simply too high.

A healthy society does not have too low of a divorce rate or too high of a divorce rate. Rather it is assessed by a different metric; one of the most important measures of a society is how it treats its women.

We invite any women who have been subject to emotional and physical abuse in their marriage or past marriage(s) looking for a voice onto our platform.  We offer the respect to keep you anonymous if you wish.

Our launch is near! We’ll be releasing our first episode this Thursday so stay tuned! Our very own Dua will be sharing her experiences of having married an emotionally abusive spouse. She discusses that divorce isn’t easy but your happiness matters more. Our motto is simple “If you have to stop being all of who you are to be half of a couple, the price is too high”.

We explore the intricacies of divorce. A stigma that many women live with, but we’re here to offer hope. We’re here to remind you that your worth in society is not compromised by having a divorce (or two) under your belt. Quite the opposite really. And we explain why divorce may not necessarily be a bad thing.

As times are changing, divorce rates have gone up in Muslim societies. There has been a cultural shift for women to no longer put up with domestic abuse as education and career advancement has become more accessible to millennial women. A recent generational focus on mental health and women getting married later in life as a result of their educational and career endeavours has given women more leverage to leave marriages that they couldn’t have otherwise. According to a study by the Cambridge University Press: Married Women's Economic Independence and Divorce in the Nineteenth- and Early-Twentieth-Century United States, “labor market opportunities explain divorce rates throughout US history. Attitudinal changes could have produced both higher labor force participation and marital instability, these changes are likely a function of economic development: As women engaged more with the labor”

So what’s our point? A woman’s independence, happiness and freewill should never be compromised at the expense of her marriage. The price is simply too high.

A healthy society does not have too low of a divorce rate or too high of a divorce rate. Rather it is assessed by a different metric; one of the most important measures of a society is how it treats its women.

We invite any women who have been subject to emotional and physical abuse in their marriage or past marriage(s) looking for a voice onto our platform.  We offer the respect to keep you anonymous if you wish.