I did not have on my radar at all becoming an actress again. In fact, when I gave up that dream at 17 years old, it felt clear I didn't have it in me to be a great performer. Now that I look back, I see, barely an adult, I made that decision with the weight of the world on me - three jobs, no time, hardly any parental support. I couldn't see it possible to compete against studying actors who had all the time to memorize scenes. I turned my back on acting, and got into the movies as a producer.
For decades I employed actors but never once in my brain did I let that acting dream re-emerge. It was buried so deep. It wasn't for me. Just for them.
As I built Delicious Life with little acts of self-kindness for myself, I opened up space to hear intuitive downloads that were informed by my self-love. My inner knowing returned to a place of organic trust, and I started to be open to new ideas of how to live my life. Rather than pressing forward ambitiously all the time to prove to the world I could be self-supporting, a great mom, a fantastic business owner, I let in the quiet voices that whispered "what if you acted again?"
Around that time, I was led to a woman who had come from the Tony Robbins camp. She knew with Delicious Life I wanted to be a more commanding speaker, for my events and on bigger stages inspiring women. She said the Meisner Method had changed her life, and while she was not acting, she had excelled in her field because she found her voice and confidence. I was sold. I signed up for six weeks, but received gifts in ways I never expected.
I loved acting. I was told I was good at it. Because I was doing it at mid-life already going through so many hardships and evolutions of who I was, I was willing to submerge myself in the work. I wasn't sensitive to critique. I was grateful for people to push me to expand my skills.
My life changed completely. I left one era, and entered another.
I had been spending a lot of my time wanting to get out of Los Angeles. Of course, I can still have that plan, and do. We can have lots of ideas and big visions when we are open to our dreams getting bigger. But I also want to take the time I have remaining here to lean into the opportunity to land an audition on a tv show or a film. To act in a play. To give back to that 17 year old what she was forced (or felt forced) to give up.
I can have plans to live in other parts of the world, while still exploring what is opening up for me.
You can do the same in your life. Don't fear when you go for one plan, another one opens. What if you could live a life with "Yes and..." versus constricting and over-serving others dreams all the time.
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