This Is How We Care

Imagine there are two paths ahead of us: one, a lonely future, and the other, a relational one. Which would you choose? In this conversation with David Jay— activist, community builder, and author of the book “Relationality”—we examine what’s been contributing to the “loneliness epidemic” and how we can steer towards a “relational future” instead. 

We discuss:

• How his experience as an asexual man helped him imagine a world beyond romantic relationships— and what that can offer to all of us 
• David’s experience of starting and being in a three-parent family 
• What “relational agency” is and why this is a key part of David’s vision for the world 
• How we create the “relational containers” we need — aka spaces that facilitate connection 
• The difference between being “socially isolated” vs. “lonely”
• How to deepen commitment with others beyond just romantic relationships 
• A vision for masculinity that addresses the epidemic of male loneliness we are currently seeing
• How “transactionality” has become embedded into our society and it’s impacts on relationship and the political landscape 
• How we might measure “relationality” and invest in those skillsets, despite it being a difficult metric to measure
• What we can learn from social movements around building relationship and creating change

For anyone who is concerned with the loneliness epidemic — whether you’ve experienced loneliness yourself, or sees the impact on the world around you — this episode is for you.

Resources & Links 

• Get a copy of David’s book Relationality: How Moving from Transactional to Transformational Relationships Can Reshape Our Lonely World
• Learn more about David’s work with organizations at Relationality Lab
• Get “How to Make Friends As An Adult” — a free worksheet that breaks down five components to cultivating friendship and includes journaling prompts for each section
• Sign up for the newsletter to get updated when the “Moon School” guide is released 

To stay in touch:

• Follow This Is How We Care on Instagram
• Subscribe to This Is How We Care on YouTube
• Send an email to Emily at [email protected]
• Check out other episodes at www.thisishowwecare.com

Emily Race-Newmark sits down with N. Oumou Sylla — creator of “Radical Mental Health First Aid”, an anti-carceral, consent-centered approach to responding to mental health crisis — to explore what it looks like when an entire community becomes fluent in care.

Moving away from the concept of “communal care” and into the practical, we explore real-life scenarios and challenges that can come up, including:

• How to respond to a mental health crisis unfolding in front of you with a stranger
• Navigating the nuance between when we feel “at capacity” and when it’s actually something else  
• How we might move away from the “commodification of hospitality” back towards the village as our birthright
• Why cycles of burnout are commonplace for caregivers and change-makers and what we can do about it
• An expanded, accessible definition for “collective care” to welcome those who feel most comfortable inside of a culture of “individualism”
• The limitations within the current model of 1:1 therapy and self-care
• The behaviors and skills we can model for our children to instill a culture of care into future generations  

If you long for a culture where care isn’t something you have to pay for, schedule, or outsource, this is an episode for you.  

Resources & Links

• Follow Oumou on instagram at @connectwithoumou, sign up for her Newsletter, and support her on Patreon
• Check out Oumou’s website https://www.connectwithoumou.com/ to access Radical Mental Health First Aide and other resources in her shop 
• Access the “Revillaging Path”: a free resource to help you build your village as a new parent 
• Follow @revillagingmama on instagram or sign up for the newsletter to hear when the parent council guide is released

To stay in touch:

• Follow This Is How We Care on Instagram
• Subscribe to This Is How We Care on YouTube
• Send an email to Emily at [email protected]
• Check out other episodes at www.thisishowwecare.com

Emily sits down with Dr. Sophie Brock to unpack the deep social forces that shape motherhood, getting to the root of why so many mothers today experience "mom guilt", "feeling trapped", and "undervalued" in their motherhood identity. Sophie shares some of the key frameworks that shape her motherhood studies work, in an offering to understand and ultimately liberate mothers from the ways in which society and culture are limiting their experience. This is a powerful conversation for mothers to listen to — but really, for all of us, regardless of whether we've been personally initiated by motherhood or not — as the cultural constructs we discuss today impact the water we *all* are swimming in.

Have a listen to explore:

How do we as caregivers “prepare” for the polycrisis we find ourselves in today? In this conversation, Emily Race-Newmark sits down with Kailea Loften (co-author, Compassion in Crisis: Building Disaster Resilient Communities) and Summer Starr (educator, advocate, and contributor to the book) to explore what it looks like to meet the polycrisis — while moving beyond individualistic "prepper" culture and reorienting instead toward community, contentment, and sovereignty as the foundation for true preparedness.

In this conversation, we explore:

If you find yourself uneasy or uncertain by the times we are currently in, this conversation will leave you with some new perspectives and resources to ground into, to feel less anxious and more prepared: especially as a caregiver responsible for raising the future generations. 

Most parents want to protect their children but feel unsure where to begin the conversation around body safety, boundaries, and prevention. In this conversation, Emily sits down with Victoria Barendsen — a psychologist specializing in childhood sexual abuse prevention — to explore an accessible approach for normalizing body safety in everyday moments starting from birth.

In this conversation you will learn:

This episode underscores why neglecting these conversations can leave children vulnerable, while embracing these tools creates a ripple effect—building trust, resilience, and safety within your family and community.

Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, or educator, this is crucial knowledge to shape a future where children’s bodies and voices are honored.

Resources & Links

To stay in touch:

In this conversation, Emily sits down with Jenny Odell — artist and author of "Saving Time" and "How to Do Nothing" — to explore the importance of reclaiming our attention and time in a digital age. We explore how "learning" is becoming a lost art (and what to do about that),  

experience and the role of technology in shaping our lives. From years of observation, research and her own study, Jenny brings a world-changing perspective to how we find our freedom from the forces that pull to commodify and measure every minute and relationship in our lives.

In this episode, we discuss:

Resources & Links

Bring this conversation into practice:

To stay in touch:

In this episode of This Is How We Care, I’m joined by Diane Alisa, author of "A Love Letter to Suburbia: How to Restore the American Village", for a conversation that names what SO many families feel, but haven’t had language for.

We explore how suburbia, car dependence, and zoning laws have shaped our experience of motherhood, fatherhood, childhood, community, and care itself.

If you’ve ever wondered why:

• Parenting feels isolating

• Community feels hard to access

• Children no longer roam and elders live alone

• The “stay-at-home vs working parent” debate feels impossible


This episode holds the answers. We talk about:

• Why suburbia quietly dismantled the village
(and our experience of trust and community)
• How car-centric design impacts family life and mental health

• The loss of shared wealth, skills, and multigenerational living

• Why zoning laws matter more than we think

• And how neighbors—not corporations or politicians—are the key to rebuilding community 

To connect with Diane Alisa:

• Check out her website - https://dianealisa.carrd.co/
• Buy her book - https://shop.ingramspark.com/b/084?params=DzokccGrMt2slF5KQFCXsDMDM5wVCTuLCmYrttV9FmX 
• Follow her on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/diane_alisa

For mentorship, coaching and strategic support as you create community in your life, work with Emily (the Revillaging Mama):

• Apply for the 4-Month 1:1 Mentorship program, "Revillage Your Life" - www.revillagingmama.com/offers
• Online community of other "Revillagers" at The Third Space - www.revillagingmama.com/offers#thethirdspace 

Stay Connected:

• This is How We Care on instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thisishowwecare
• Revillaging Mama on instagram - https://www.instagram.com/revillagingmama
• This is How We Care on Substack -  https://thisishowwecare.substack.com/
• Revillaging Mama on Substack -  https://substack.com/@emilycares
• Send Emily an email at [email protected]

In this episode of This Is How We Care, we sit down with developmental psychologist and author Dr. Darcia Narvaez to explore what children—and humanity—truly need to thrive.

Drawing from neuroscience, anthropology, Indigenous wisdom, and decades of research, Dr. Narvaez introduces the concept of the Evolved Nest: the caregiving system humans evolved with for 99% of our history—and how far modern culture has drifted from it.

Together, Emily and Darcia unpack how early “undercare” shapes everything from individual anxiety to collective violence, how capitalism and colonization disrupted our natural caregiving systems, and what it looks like to return—without shame—to a more connected, communal, and life-affirming way of raising children.

This conversation weaves together science, spirituality, grief, and hope, offering practical, everyday ways to begin re-nesting ourselves, our families, and our communities—starting now.

This episode covers:

• What the Evolved Nest actually is (and why babyhood matters so much)
• How “undercare” shapes adult disconnection, greed, and burnout
• The role of touch, play, breastfeeding, and communal caregiving
• Why nature connection and music are essential to human regulation
• How the “Wetiko” mindset took hold—and how we heal it
• Why children (and adults) need to be welcomed, not given "independence training"
• How to begin rebuilding village even inside modern life

This episode is an invitation to remember who we are, what we need, and the kind of world our children are asking us to build.

To Connect with Dr. Narvaez: 

• Website: https://nestedworld.org/
• Become a "Nesting Ambassador": https://nestedworld.org/nesting-ambassadors/
• Read "Restoring the Kinship Worldview"
• Read "The Evolved Nest"

To Work with Emily — the Revillaging Mama: 

• Revillage Your Life – A 4-month mentorship container to transform your experience from "isolated" to "supported", bringing to life much of what Darcia speaks about in the importance of community and village
• The Third Space – A community of revillagers bringing the village to life through practice, prayer and play
• The Village Upgrade – A quick upgrade to align your precious resources of time, energy & money with the village you are calling in
• BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL to explore the next layer of support for your revillaging journey

In this conversation with ceremonialist, teen mentor, and soul-centric educator Johannah Reimer, we explore how to bring back the village-held rites of passage that our girls—and all young people—deserve.

Johannah and Emily dive into the developmental arc from childhood to adolescence, the spiritual and biological transitions young girls move through, and the deep cultural poverty created by the loss of elders, ceremony, and shared responsibility. Together, they illuminate a path toward reclaiming ancestral wisdom, building ritual in everyday life, supporting girls through their first blood with reverence, and cultivating the council, community, and belonging every young person is wired for.

This episode covers:

• What rites of passage actually are (and why they matter more than ever)
• How girls experience the shift into maidenhood—and what support they truly need
• The three stages of an initiation + where modern culture gets stuck
• Why adolescence is spiritually and psychologically tender, and why peers alone cannot guide each other
• How council practice builds emotional resilience, listening skills, and community-mindedness
• The danger of raising adults who never move past the adolescent ego
• How to reconnect with your own ancestry to craft culturally-rooted ritual without appropriation
• Simple ways aunties, uncles, elders, and childfree adults can step into village roles
• A practical “next step” anyone can take to begin weaving a more connected culture for youth

To Connect with Johannah: 

• Website: https://wakefulnature.com
• Rekindling the Hearth Series (Seasonal Family Rituals): https://wakefulnature.com/rekindle
• Girls’ Rites of Passage Mentorship & Facilitator Training: https://wakefulnature.com/training

To Work with Emily — the Revillaging Mama: 

• The Third Space – A community of revillagers bringing the village to life through practice, prayer and play
• Revillage Your Life – A 4-month mentorship container to transform your experience from "isolated" to "supported"
• The Village Upgrade – A quick upgrade to align your precious resources of time, energy & money with the village you are calling in 
• BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL to explore the next layer of support for your revillaging journey

In this conversation, Emily Race-Newmark and Kazu Haga explore the themes of nonviolence, community healing, and the importance of conflict as a regenerative force. They discuss the necessity of grief rituals for collective healing, the experience of living in an intentional community, and the various types and levels of conflict. Kazu emphasizes the significance of storytelling and listening in fostering compassion, as well as the need for collective spaces for grief and healing. The discussion also touches on rethinking accountability in the context of violence and the importance of emotional regulation in managing conflict.

FOR CONTINUED PRACTICE:

• Check out Kazu's Fierce Vulnerability Kinship Lab: a 3 month intensive and other offerings on his website 
• Read Healing Resistance and Fierce Vulnerability by Kazu Haga
• Join The Third Space! An online community for revillagers who are putting to practice what we learn on this show, together. In November we are exploring Relational Conflict. 

TO STAY CONNECTED:

• Subscribe to This Is How We Care on Substack for full transcript here.
• Video version of this episode is over at YouTube.
• Follow @ThisIsHowWeCare and @RevillagingMama on Instagram
• Follow @KazuHaga on Instagram and Substack Letters to Beloved Community

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 The Journey to Healing and Social Change

06:17 Collective Trauma and Grief Rituals

08:46 Nonviolent Direct Action and Healing Relationships

11:35 Integrating Trauma into Activism

14:02 Creating Safe Spaces for Racial Healing

16:54 The Role of Community in Conflict Resolution

19:26 Understanding Conflict Types

22:26 Practicing Nonviolence in Daily Life

28:03 Practicing Nonviolence: Building New Defaults

30:17 Vision for Future Generations: A World of Belonging

32:33 Understanding Conflict: The Role of Storytelling

36:22 Tools for Emotional Regulation and Healing

39:53 Creating Safe Spaces for Grief and Healing

42:00 Facilitating Difficult Conversations: Skills and Structures

45:58 Rethinking Accountability: From Punishment to Healing

49:35 Navigating Conflict: Understanding Levels and Responses

52:03 Conflict Journaling: A Practice for Reflection