This is the Long Version

00:00:00 Introduction.

In which I acknowledge the gap between episodes and address the challenge of starting something up again, versus starting something fresh. Also, I weave in some stuff about the importance of micro-conversations, an anonymous favourite person of mine, and the difference between being first and being best.

Also, I talk about the challenge of being an Artist, which means having enough singular confidence to believe that what you have benefits the world in ways that can be difficult to measure, and the challenge of being a Parent or Teacher, which means having enough humility to believe that you must pass along the very best of your knowledge, skills, experience, and character to those who will likely surpass you - if you do your job well.

00:10:50 Micro-musings

These are partially-formed thoughts and ideas about life. Here is a sampling below:

If you’re on a really tight budget, then one idea that sometimes works is to buy a house on top of a mountain, and then spend a couple years carefully cultivating a strong relationship with a neighbor who has a flatbed truck and ramp, and when the moment seems right, you ask her if she’d be willing to load your car up every evening on the way up the mountain so you don’t have to pay for gas, and then the next morning you coast down in neutral, and then voila, evening rolls around and you’re all set and your gas bill is way better. Cycle continues. Tip: have your neighbor sign a contract committing to the plan for at least seven years. Win-win: you save money and she has a good friend for life. Or seven years.

I was thinking of inventing a reversible plate that you only have to wash half as many times. But then people would expect me to do the same thing with bowls, and that would super stress me out cause that’s like the holy grail of reversible dishes.

Many young children are scared of the dark, and sometimes it can be helpful to remind them that there’s nothing to be scared of, as long as there’s no giant hairy monsters with horns outside the window waiting for the right opportunity to attack, which is fairly improbable but not impossible given the work being done in cross-species gene manipulation, and this is a great intro into talking about statistics and probability, which a lot of kids seem to find helpful in talking about before bedtime. Also, I’m writing a collection of fairy tales, if anybody’s interested in purchasing for their children.

Everybody thinks submarines are so dumb, but to me they’re honestly like the spaceships of the ocean.

If you ever get concerned about all the molehills running rampant in your yard, then just stop, take a deep breath, and think about all the chemicals in the air that you probably just inhaled. Those are probably a bigger deal than molehills.

If you’re riding your bicycle, naked, and it’s super foggy out, then be really careful.

If your child asks if they can have ice cream before bedtime and you don’t want them to, a good compromise is to tell them that one of you will be eating ice cream after they go to bed, and that way they can practice being happy when good things happen to other people, which is a valuable lesson to learn, and way better than a big bowl of ice cream like the one you’re going to have. So the reality is that the kid wins that round. But at least you have ice cream.

If you’re on a tight budget and think it would be cheaper to amputate a foot so you could start buying just one sock at a time, then good for you for thinking creatively! You never know if something is a good idea until you try it.

A lot of people think it would be cool to have transparent pipes that ran along the interior walls so you could see the beauty of modern plumbing in action, but to be honest, I partially disagree.

I bet whoever invented the monocle is like a patron saint in the elderly cyclops community.

I have to agree with everyone: ostriches really are the tubas of the bird world.

Everyone thinks that mugs should have two handles, but personally I think one is sufficient most of the time.

It’s really sad to think of all the stories and books that could have been written if we had invented another letter of the alphabet.

00:28:58 The End.

00:00:00 Introduction.

I re-introduce myself after a month-long absence.

00:01:03 “We Say Hello, and Also Goodbye”

The importance of greeting properly and being excited at seeing people.

00:05:48 ”Forgot”

Forgetting gets such a bad rap. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, especially in the context of how we form, archive, and revisit long-term memories. We can’t control which memories (of us) others will make and remember someday. Also, I namecheck Malcolm Gladwell and refer to one of my favourite parts of the brain : the ventral medial prefrontal cortex.

00:12:09 “When we decide when we talk about what to decide”

I decided long before having kids that I would never hit children. Including my own children, and committing to not justifying the doing so with euphemisms that sound responsible, authoritative, important, and effective (hint: hitting a kid in the name of discipline or punishment is none of those things). It’s important to think beforehand, before the frustrating moments arise and the tough times leave you floundering, it’s important, so important, to think and plan ahead of how you’re going to deal with a child when things are bleak and you’re looking for easy solutions.

Please: leave some things off the table.

00:13:40 “Poetry (the mistakes we catch in the dark of a tuck-in)”

I talk poetry with our three-year old in bed. We finally decide on one to recite and talk about, and then he corrects the giant mistake I make…although it’s a different one than I think it is. Fascinating.

00:18:51 “Is Santa Claus really real? (a Christmas Eve story in which I go shopping with my dad in an elf hat, and I am the good guy in the story)”

The title should give you a good idea. Also, the story is buried within the story, sort of like a holiday-Inception deal. It’s a morality tale of sorts, it’s true-ish, and we all end up in the hospital.

00:36:00 The End.

The election is almost here. I tell a couple stories about conversations with various strangers and people about race, politics, and reasons why Donald Trump should probably not be reelected.

Some of it may be humorous and illuminating. Other portions may be ponderous and rambling. And other portions may simply sound like the final attempts of someone thoughtfully trying to help just one more person vote in next week’s election. Also, my one-year is sleeping on my back for most of the episode, until he wakes up and joins the conversation. Also, I briefly refer to that one guy from the New Testament that had a lot of great ideas about people and relationships. Jesus was his name.

I cover three big topics in this episode, amidst discussing my dad at several different points. The big three are 1) a mini-biography of Socrates, 2) theories and thoughts on Earth’s origins and the challenges of reconciling reason and faith, science and religion, and 3) my Ten Commandments of Homeschooling (or any kind of schooling).

Also, I just turned 44. Happy birthdays accepted!

Thanks for listening!

00:00:00 Introduction

I talk about turning 44 this month, and more importantly, my dad and his infectious joy in baking cookies. I continue talking about him and The Sound of Music and Enola Holmes. Two of his favourites.

I then transition from my dad and the lessons I’ve learned from him about embracing paradox to Socrates and his role in Western thought and philosophy.

00:06:20 Ten short snippets on Socrates

A short bio of the Athenian thinker Socrates and my interpretation of his thoughts on living life.

00:22:20 Origins of the universe

It seems like a good episode to tackle the tiny question of how the universe - or at least Earth - came to be. I resolve nothing, but offer up my thoughts on ripping off Socrates and acknowledging what we don’t know. This is probably where I’m in a no man’s land between the worlds of religion, spirituality, and belief on one side and science, evidence, and reason on the other. Enjoy, chuckle, laugh at, laugh with, hit me up with questions or thoughts you have.

Toward the end, we talk a little about expansionism and the Doppler effect.

00:32:05 Ten Commandments of (Home)schooling (and Life)

Exactly what it sounds like, as thought and written by me.

Thanks for listening, and thank you to Jeremy M. Long, as always, for helping out with the mix!

Until next, love y’all.

Joseph.

A conversation with musician, comic, web personality, and cultural philosopher Lanessa Long. Oh, and she's my sister. We discuss a variety of topics, including swimming, fears, art, and COVID. Also, we dance and banter around a bunch of other half-finished meanderings about being an aunt, politics, film, books, and other items that interest us. Lanessa is an artist who blends up music and comedy into sometimes interwoven, sometimes separate genres via stand-up, film, and sketch improv.

Also, she is a magnificent and and magical human being whose presence, even virtual and remote, may fill with you a thoughtful energy and renewed interest in living a unique and imaginative life.

This episode clocks in at 37 minutes and 57 seconds.

00:00:00 Introduction.
I acknowledge that I used ice cream in my coffee and say some nice things about Costco. In particular, I note how inexpensive cashews are right now.

00:01:20 Christopher Nolan
I refer to the upcoming film Tenet and how I’ve already received an invite to see it. I also passive-aggressively remind everyone that my birthday is coming up.

00:02:10 Crocodiles and hurricanes.
The movie Crawl, which I watched by myself on a recent Saturday night as people slumbered all around. Giant predatorial alligators amidst a Miami hurricane and a girl trying to rescue her dad? I’m in.

00:02:50 Science : Galaxies.
I sneak in a little bit of stuff about Galaxies and give some context for the size of our problems and challenges on earth. Also, I sneak in my not-so-secret desire to someday travel the Trans-Siberian Express.

00:05:50 Parenting, empathy, mask-deniers.
How to understand how others might view or feel things during this time. I talk about its importance (duh) and segue into my thoughts about how kindness, understanding, empathy, and unity as positive traits can also be used to stop progress and slow down change that is necessary. I talk about protests, riots, and the strange defense of those who refuse to acknowledge the benefits of wearing masks during this time.

00:13:40 The importance of having a shared framework for discussing language, facts, and sources.
The importance of having shared vocabulary, ideas, and news sources that we can agree on as a foundation for discussion.

00:19:10 Trickle-down leadership and mask-deniers.
What would have happened if 45 had led the way on mask-wearing early on?

00:20:30 The excitement of getting mail (thank you, U.S. Postal Service)
Mail used to be exciting. Let’s make the act of opening our mail great again. I go through a big stack of mail and have a surprise gift and letter. “Red Herrings & White Elephants.” Thank, you listener Allyson, for your wonderful letter and kind words.

24:00 Eleven Things I Want All My Students in the Whole Wide World to Remember Forever and Ever and Ever, and Never Forget, Ever.
Stuff I think every student, child, teacher, parent, and human being should use as a map for living life.

31:41:00 The End.

00:00:00 Introduction.
In which I reassure all that I will barely be speaking of politics, allude to some crazy adventures I’ve had in the last three weeks, and mention my all-in adoration for the book and Hulu series Normal People.

00:01:40 Tom Thumb.
A fairy tale, as imagined and re-interpreted by me. You have not heard this version before. Trust me. If you are a fan of Arthurian tales or a Grimm purist, then you may be initially delighted by, and then profoundly outraged by my heretical, yet necessary retelling of this tale. There is some dreadful violence, but a happy ending.

00:12:10 Mr. Kubrick and the inaccessibility of green olives amidst the coming ice age.
Musings on the creative process and the way in which we decide what to pursue and what to let go. I talk about olives, Radiohead and Kid A, and the importance of striking a balance between the accessible and the challenging; the familiar and the strange.

00:21:40 Science : the Moon.
I apologize, in quarter-heart fashion, for skipping over a section about the Moon. To be honest, it’s probably the least interesting segment of my Astronomy coverage so far, so if you’re thinking of skipping any section, then this would be the one. I do remind you, however, to wave hello to the Man on the Moon. It’s

00:26:45 Religion : Cain and Abel, reimagined.
I tell a brief tale of our son (four at the time), and his version of the Biblical tale of Cain and Abel. It’s a single sentence long, and involves a crocodile. If you’re going to skip any section of this podcast, don’t skip this.

00:28:20 History : the Black Plague.
I provide a super-fast overview of the worst pandemic in history : the Black Plague in the 1300s, and sneak in a tiny yet necessary bit of health advice as we battle through our current pandemic.

Hint: wear your masks when you’re out.

As always, thanks to Jeremy Long for his song and assistance with post-production.

Love y’all and thanks for listening.

— Joseph

This episode is about Black Lives Matter and our family’s relationship with what is happening. It is a statement of purpose and an attempt, as a dad, a Christian, an American citizen, and a human being, to present why I think it is important to involve our children in these conversations and not shy away from challenging dialogues and looking into places of our hearts and heads we don’t feel like looking. THERE IS PROFANITY. I do not apologize for its use in this episode. It will not be an ongoing trend. That’s your heads-up. Be well.

Thank you again to Jeremy Long for his assistance, to my family, and to those who choose the right times to listen and when to speak; when to stand, when to sit, and when to kneel.

We are janitor.

This episode, like the last, is a little different. I found myself in a Costco parking lot on a rainy afternoon, sitting in the car next to my brother Jonny, and realized we had some stuff we had to talk about. And a lot of arguing to get out of the way.

We speak of the world’s worst film (“The Mist”), privacy and location tracking, social media, and Jonny’s experience the last four months being a new dad. There’s a lot of arguing, bantering, and disagreeing, and in the end we hug. If you listen carefully, you can actually hear us hugging awkwardly in the front seat.

02:15
We talk about his least favorite movie of all time, The Mist, and he spoils the ending for everyone who’s listening.

04:00
We discuss Homeland and why I should feel morally justified in spoiling the ending for him.

Note: I do not spoil the ending for everyone listening.
Things get heated.

05:30
I begin the process of possibly apologizing for falsely accusing, possibly, of throwing Jonny under the bus regarding his cavalier attitude about privacy and location tracking.

I sort-of apologize, and he responds by digressing into Social Security Numbers. He ends up telling everyone my number, and I have to bleep him out.

I offer him an almond from the bag I just bought from Costco.

08:25
I segue to speaking about fatherhood and Jonny’s daughter.

After thinking extensively, he remembers that she is four months old. We then talk about his experience being a new dad.

15:45
Intermission

16:00
We talk about him being a photographer and get a couple free tips about shooting your kids. With a camera.

18:15
Somehow we start arguing about privacy and sharing on social platforms again. Jonny loses his temper with me again and begins accusing me of accusing him.

I defend myself, but end up losing, mostly due to his aggressive Socratic offense.

22:20
I say some nice words about him as a brother, media fellow, photographer, and all around decent human.

23:30
Back to privacy, parenting, and sharing on social media.

28:25
I get angry at him for being self-deprecating.

29:20
We wrap up, and Jonny remembers to thank The Netherlands again.

32:43
The End.

Thanks for listening!

Listen to Episode 001 of This is the Long Version

Listen to Episode 002 of This is the Long Version

Listen to Episode 003 of This is the Long Version

Listen to Episode 004 of This is the Long Version

Listen to Episode 005 of This is the Long Version

01:10 Literature”The Taming of the Shrew”

I talk about why you should read The Bard and then launch into my own gateway version of “The Taming of the Shrew,” along with extensive commentary and rantings throughout.

15:40 Science“Stars, pt. 2”
No black holes this week, but something super important for you to know about the sun. Spoiler alert: you really should start referring to the sun as “a medium-sized main sequence yellow dwarf star.” It’s just simpler that way.

21:10 ReligionJudaism, Ch. 6 “Rise of the United Kingdom”
We continue Judaism 101 with Chapter 6 and the arrival in the Promised Land, which is a bit anticlimactic, considered I casually inform you that the Twelve Tribes have changed command since Moses died. In broad brushstrokes, we fly through Saul, David, and Solomon. But don’t worry: I’ve got mini-biographies for them coming up.

23:30 Conversations“Ralph the Tech Kids talks 15 inches and $3 million”
I tell the story of a conversation I had in a coffee shop a few years ago with a kid in his 70s I call Ralph, and our dialog about technology and the state of real estate in California and Arizona. Somewhere in there I throw in a reference to hyperloops.

34:40 The creative process / art + culture”Cybernet and the secrecy of recipes”
I talk about my wife’s favourite art in the kitchen, and foray into thoughts on art, stealing, the creative process, Sabbath and rest, privacy, and various musings on how we choose to share with others. Somehow they’re all sort of tied together.

42:28 Wrapping things up
I remind you to go find Jeremy M. Long on the interwebs, and acknowledge my brother Jonny for letting me throw him under the bus in the previous segment (see: Cyberdyne)

Jeremy M. Long on SoundCloud

Thank you and see you next episode!

43:58 The End.