Sometimes growth doesn’t look like big, dramatic change; it looks like choosing not to be petty when you easily could be. This is a real moment where I caught my own reaction, sat with it, and then consciously chose a different response. Because emotional maturity isn’t about never having the thought that isn’t cute … it’s about what you do next.

The Thought I Didn’t Love Having

An old friend of mine got engaged a little white ago.

She told me through an Instagram “close friends” story.

And the funny thing is… the night before, I had been talking about how our friendship had kind of fizzled. No anger, no disagreements, just life happening as it does.

I met my now husband while living in London.He introduced me to his friends.Those friends got girlfriends.I became friends with the girlfriends.

It is a time I look back on fondly.

Then we moved to the U.S. and decided to get married because he needed a green card to stay and I needed my best friend.

The Moment That Stuck With Me

This particular friend was invited to our very impromptu wedding.

We gave them three weeks notice.

I expected a no.

And she responded exactly how you’d hope someone would:

Kind. Supportive. Happy for us.

She just couldn’t make it work on such short notice.

Totally fair.

But her boyfriend—one of my husband’s best friends growing up—had a different response:

“I don’t believe in marriage.”

Ouch.

I expected a no.

I didn’t expect… that.

But again, I’m reasonable.

I understood his past. I understood the why.

So I let it go.

Four Years Later…

They’re engaged.

And if I’m being honest?

My first reaction wasn’t pure joy.

It was a little… snarky.

Internally, of course.

I can be petty. I’ll call myself out every single time.

I mean—I’ve basically built a career on rewiring this exact pattern because it’s just not a great way to move through life and I recognize that.

So instead of pretending the thought didn’t happen…

I paid attention to it.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to notice your initial reaction and consciously choose how you respond instead of acting on impulse.

Research published by the National Institutes of Health shows that practicing emotional regulation strengthens activity in the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and self-control—while reducing reactivity in the amygdala.

In simple terms:

You can train yourself to pause, respond, instead of react.

if you think my life connections to the nervous system are funny, keep up to date bc this shit happens all the time!

How I Chose to Respond

1. I Made It About Reality, Not Ego

So I went back to my yoga teacher training. One of the first things you learn is to let go of your ego.

I asked myself:

How would I feel if I shared something deeply personal and someone ignored it?

I don’t have to guess.

It’s happened to me and that shit did not feel good.

So why would I recreate that experience for someone else?

It’s like pranks - I’ve never understood the ones that people do to make you feel dumb. The goal is to lift each other up people.

2. I Checked the Outcome

What does being snarky actually get me?

Do I win?

No.

There is no winning in quietly putting someone down in your own head.

There’s just… more negativity.

And I’m not interested in carrying that.

3. I Chose My Response

This is the part that matters most.

I chose to be excited for them.

Not because I had to.

But because I wanted to.

Because the truth is:

They’re not bad people.

What they said years ago didn’t come from a place of resentment toward me or my husband.

It came from where they were in life at that moment and the trauma they were holding from their family experiences.

I mean, my parents had an awful divorce and I still got married.

People are allowed to change. Actually, I hope that everyone shifts in their lift.

We all deserve that ability to grow.

The Rewiring Process

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Your first thought is often your conditioning.Your second thought is your choice.

Neuroscience research from Harvard Medical School suggests that repeated thought patterns strengthen neural pathways, meaning the more you choose a certain response, the more automatic it becomes over time.

That’s the rewiring.

Not perfection.

Just repetition.

This is the work I care about most—helping people understand their reactions so they can move through relationships, conversations, and life with more clarity and intention.

If you’re looking to bring this into your organization, your team, or your own life on a deeper level, this is exactly what I teach through my speaking and immersive experiences.

I’d love to work together.

Lots of love,

Tia

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