Send us Fan Mail

Where are they now?

We are back with Ben, Rachel, Diana, and Emma. And things have moved forward.

• One person got a job writing with an Oscar-winning writing team
• Someone else met a loving partner aligned with the qualities they were talking about on their episode
• Another person got a job in his chosen field after years of waffling. 
• Someone else overcame resistance in their creative life and start working on a project they are more excited about than they have been in a long time

If you've been curious about what happens AFTER a coaching session ends, this episode is for you. 

Your takeaways: 

- The value of inventory, the way it allows us to notice the quieter changes that often precede the big dramatic shifts in our lives. 

- The power of action! Action is what makes the difference, not over-analysis.

- Change can be closer than we think it is. 

- Showing up as ourselves in a networking situation is all that's needed to get the opportunities that are meant for us. 

- Baby steps count. They get your nervous system used to the new reality you're heading towards. 

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 8: Sam is starting a podcast and is curious about it monetizing it, but historically making money has felt “icky" to her as a person who has always had "enough" resources. Can we clear this up inside of her so she has more choice around whether to monetize the pod, or not?

Your takeaways: 

• It’s easy to want to fix inequality we see in the world through self-sacrifice or self-denial. But usually, denying our own privilege doesn't help others in the way we hope it will--even if it assuages guilt in the moment. Utilizing or leveraging privilege to help level the playing field is more recommended. A good Google search on this will share tons of ways you can make this happen!
• Everyone alive is equally deserving of resources and money, including you.
• One way to find freedom is to explore the difference between responsibility and over-responsibility. Who is actually responsible for inequality in the world?
• From there--how can we be a part of the solution without denying ourselves permission to experience impact and prosperity?
• Sometimes we have judgments about money, like having a lot of money would make us greedy, boring, dull, or unlikeable. Addressing these judgments and reframing them is a game-changer. 
• Greater success on our end can actually INCREASE our ability to make change in the world. How might this be the case for you?
• We don’t have to know ahead of time if something should be monetized in order to begin. We can simply start. And continue to ask Life “how can I serve here?” 

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 7: Alex makes a lot of money–but still struggles with money fear and scarcity, daily. How can he help himself live in more trust and enjoyment of what he works for?

Your takeaways: 

• Money anxiety can rob us of so much presence, peace, and freedom in our lives.
• If money anxiety is NOT linked to actual life circumstances, money anxiety generally doesn’t get better no matter how much money we make.
• If we don’t address the deeper insecurity around money, the goalposts can simply move. We find that no amount is enough to truly feel secure.
• Persistent money anxiety sometimes point to deeper, more unconscious feelings of not enoughness, or lack of safety in the world. If this sounds like you, where might these unconscious feelings be coming from?
• If you're feeling anxious right now, what are you assuming about your financial situation in the present or the future--that may not even be true?
• Life contains uncertainty. Focusing on your financial reality just for today is a powerful way to fight against the urge to control or be psychic about what the future will bring.
• Hiring a financial planner can be a powerful external world move to help us offload money anxiety. Creating a plan is a way of “coping ahead” for the uncertainty that life can bring.
• Pendulation is a somatic tool where we move from thoughts or sensations of distress to pleasant thoughts, images, or sensations to help our body detach from painful narratives.
• Money is not just for survival. It is also for fun, self-expression, and life enrichment. We are allowed to live beyond survival!

Content note: In this episode, I talk about my own history with money anxiety, including a long-standing catastrophic fear I’ve had around homelessness. I want to be really clear up front that I’m sharing this from a place of significant privilege — I’ve never been unhoused, and I am very far from that lived reality. 

I’m not sharing this to equate my fear with the very real experiences of people who are facing housing insecurity. I’m sharing it to explore how anxiety can latch onto worst-case scenarios, even when they’re unlikely.

And I also want to acknowledge that, in a world where many people are living this reality, hearing it talked about this way might feel uncomfortable or activating.

So please take care of yourself as you listen, and trust whatever comes up for you.

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 6: Quinn is struggling to stay regulated when life doesn’t match her expectations--and especially when she feels different than those around her. How can she learn to let go of the fantasy of sameness, so she can live with more satisfaction in the world?

Your takeaways: 

• Focusing on the dividing lines between us and others is often a coping strategy. If you are focusing a lot on difference–how might that be protecting you? How was that useful at some point in the past? How is it useful now?
• We often project parental roles onto authority figures in our lives and then can experience disappointment, pain, or self-criticism when we don’t receive the perfect attunement we are unconsciously hoping for from them.  
• Feeling the grief of unmet childhood needs is a huge way to move through painful projection and come back to yourself.
• Idealization can be a coping strategy. It allows us to chase the fantasy of perfect attunement and validation from others. But ultimately idealization hurts us more than it helps us–because perfect attunement is not available in any human relationship. 
• Real difference in relationships, although it can feel challenging, is actually additive. Others’ life experiences and perspectives enhance our own understanding of the world and can open doors to ideas, opportunities, and experiences we never have opened on our own. 
• If you are clinging tightly to past trauma as a part of your identity, getting curious about why it’s still holding on so tightly is extremely helpful. If you are past the point where owning the victimization is still helpful–what might it need from you to let go?  
• When we strengthen the validating inner parent within, we tend to feel less threatened by differences we notice “out there.”
• Saying “someone doesn’t get me” is a fast way out of the discomfort of relating. We don’t have to try to get value out of a program or a relationship if we can find dividing lines. But then we don’t grow or benefit from the opportunity in front of us. 
• Difference can feel alienating, but it can also feel special. If you’re feeling really attached to difference, investigate if there is an ego attachment to the specialness associated with it. 

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 5: Emma is a successful screenwriter in many ways–but the financial piece has so far eluded her. What needs to shift for her to be able to earn in her chosen field?

Your takeaways: 

• Money is not the only metric of success available to us. Are you taking in all the ways you are succeeding–outside of monetization? Under capitalism, it can be tempting to flatten everything into a money game. You can resist this. 
• There is nothing wrong with supporting yourself financially outside of your art. Often this is THE way that we are able to succeed artistically, by not asking it to provide for us fully. 
• If you want to understand the results you’re creating, look on the internal and external levels. What actions are you taking on the external level (i.e. in the outside world)? And on the inside: what beliefs, feelings, old patterns are operating? Are any of these in the way?
• We often aren’t putting out as much energy into our network as we think we are in terms of asking for work and opportunities. Be honest with yourself: how much are you asking? 
• Follow-up and care for our network is a part of our jobs. The more we can make this good news, the more opportunity we are going to have. 
• We don’t burden people when we ask them for support and help. If that story is living inside of you–take a look at why it might have been installed.  
• It is so much more uncomfortable to succeed, than to stay within our comfort zone and not live into your potential. Discomfort is a good sign that you are stretching towards the thing you want. 
• Creating an Ideal Scene is a great way to breathe life into a goal that you are working towards manifesting.
• Exploring your family legacy and history around money can be a great way to identify some of the thoughts and beliefs you may have inherited.  
• Imagine earning the amount of money you want to earn–do any negative feelings arise with that imaginary exercise? If so, those thoughts and feelings may be worth challenging. 

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 4: Diana has a history of being motivated in her career by experiencing chaos at home. Now that home life is on lock–can still show up in her professional world with integrity?

Your takeaways: 

• Facing some amount of inner resistance or avoidance in our lives is perfectly normal. Resistance is at its peak at the beginning of a task or right before the finish. 
• When a task is close to your soul’s curriculum or ultimate purpose, Resistance is at its absolute highest. Read The War of Art for more.  
• Resistance can show up as: forgetfulness, avoidance, fogging out, getting “bored,” deciding something “isn’t our thing anymore,” impatience, or paralysis.   
• Experiencing extreme or consistent Resistance in one area often has roots in the past. 
• Life doesn’t require 100% effort from us in every area in order for us to be successful. 
• Safety and comfort are different things. How can we learn to experience discomfort without assuming a lack of safety?
• The Enneagram is a personality test–it assigns a number from 1-9 for each person who takes the assessment. For Enneagram Type 4s, learning that their feelings don’t have to rule their life can be a huge breakthrough. 

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 3: Rachel has recovered from an extreme trauma, and the only place constriction is still present is in her relationship to money. Can she utilize neuroscience and positive association to start rewiring around money–and claim the wealth she sees for herself?

TW: Domestic Violence.

Your takeaways: 

• Trauma gets wired into the brain through the power of association. The brain can learn to associate even beautiful and positive things with threat–if there was a strong enough experience of harm connected to them.
• What gets us into PTSD is also what gets us back out: re-associating triggers with safety. 
• We can unlink old trauma-based associations and form new associations through trauma specific therapy and/or coaching. 
• Reassociating in small ways creates big impact over time. 
• Reassociation tools: Keeping a list of wins/positive associations, using the power of smiling and laughter, playing the "What if...?" game. 
• It's not our job to protect ourselves from ever experiencing trauma--our job is  to take care of our systems and their rehabilitation after trauma occurs. 

DV Resources: 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE

RAINN: Rainn.org, 800-656-HOPE 

Victim Assistance Program, Los Angeles: https://www.helplacrimevictims.org/

Domestic Violence Support Groups, these local organizations will have information: https://lacity.gov/residents/community-assistance/domestic-violence-resources 

Certificate in Domestic Violence Victim Advocacy: https://www.womensv.org/coercive-control-training-documenting-coercive-control 

EMDR: https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 2: Natascha thinks she may be playing out some patterns romantically that are preventing her chosen partner from coming into her life. Without falling into over-responsibility, how can she take greater responsibility for who she’s attracting? And how can she shift things to get more of what she wants? 

Your takeaways: 

• If we don’t yet have something we want, there are often underlying conscious or subconscious reasons why.
• To explore, ask yourself: if I had this thing I want–what might actually be scary or uncomfortable about that?
• Partnership asks us to confront our childhood patterns and wounding, and gives us the opportunity to heal those in real time through conflicts that occur. This is how conflict in romantic relationship can be great news IF we stay conscious. 
• It can serve tremendously to make a Red, Yellow, Green Light list about what you are looking for and not looking for romantically. 
• We don't have to be perfect to find the love and safety we want. 

Send us Fan Mail

Episode 1: Ben sees a lot of possible paths forward for himself, but overthinking has kept him in paralysis and taking action on none of them. Can we get him unstuck?

Your takeaways: 

• How to let go of perfectionism in decision making.
• Understanding the shit sandwich inherent in any career path.
• The way the Universe meets us at the point of Action. 
• That usually underneath our fear, doubt, and neuroses, we know what we actually want.
• The way our past identities and current stories can get in the way of what we really want to do.