This Was Always Me

Anthony Kavanagh speaks to Rich Clarke about the hidden cost of becoming Kavana - a 90s pop star forced to hide his sexuality in an industry where being openly gay felt impossible.

From knowing he was gay at 10 to creating a public persona that masked his truth, Anthony reflects on how years of secrecy and self-denial fed a spiral of anxiety, shame, and addiction.

This is a conversation about fame, identity, addiction, and the long journey back to self-acceptance.

Anthony’s memoir Pop Scars is out now.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

• Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

• A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Alcohol support

NHS Alcohol support

• Information about alcohol addiction & where to get support

• Website: nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support

Bestselling author Julie Cohen speaks to Rich Clarke about coming out as bisexual in her forties, after more than two decades of marriage and a lifetime of quiet questioning.

She reflects on growing up in small-town Maine without the language to understand her feelings, the imposter syndrome that shaped her early experiences of queerness, and how writing became a way to explore the truths she hadn’t yet spoken aloud.

Now living openly, Julie talks about the joy and relief of embracing her identity, and the freedom that came with finally being seen.

Her new thriller, Body Count, is out on 14th August.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

• Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

• A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Zarith speaks to Rich Clarke about surviving violence, secrecy, and state-sanctioned homophobia... and the long road to finding safety in the UK.

Raised in South East Asia, Zarith always knew he was different. But silence felt like the only option in a country where being gay was illegal and the AIDS crisis fuelled fear and stigma. At his elite Islamic boarding school, he was outed, assaulted, and blackmailed by fellow students. Even then, he hid the truth to protect himself and his family.

Years later, as a journalist, he exposed political corruption, putting himself in even greater danger. After a close friend and fellow gay journalist was kidnapped and killed, Zarith fled. He now calls the UK home, having rebuilt his life through the asylum system.... and finally, lives freely.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

• Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

• A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Al speaks to Rich Clarke about growing up feeling different. Not just because he was gay, but because he was half Chinese in a mostly white school, where he was bullied and made to feel like an outsider.

In the shadow of the AIDS crisis, with strict parents and no one to turn to, Al stayed silent. He chose what felt like the “normal” life: marriage, children, and hiding who he really was.

It wasn’t until his 40s, after the death of his mum and a mental health crisis, that Al found the courage to come out and begin again.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

• Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

• A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Josi Clay always knew she was different. But growing up in the 1950s, there were no words for how she felt - only the fear that telling anyone could destroy her future. So she stayed silent.

At 19, Josi joined the Met Police. For 47 years, she served as a respected officer rising through the ranks and hiding a truth that could have ended her career. By the time she was 60, she was living as a woman in every part of her life… except at work.

Josi speaks to Rich Clarke about identity, resilience, and what it means to finally be seen.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

•Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

•A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Norman Goodman knew he was different from a young age. But it was seen as a mental illness. He faced aversion therapy and electroconvulsive therapy to ‘cure’ his feelings. For decades, Norman hid his bisexuality, even from himself, and lived a life as a husband and nurse.

It wasn’t until after his wife Marilyn passed away that Norman found the courage to come out publicly. Now in a loving relationship, Norman shares how embracing his true self brought peace... and why telling his story matters for other older LGBTQ+ people still in the shadows.

Norman speaks with Rich Clarke about decades of silence, mental health struggles, and finally living openly.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

•Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

•A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Moud Goba speaks to Rich Clarke about her journey from silence to pride. Growing up in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe, she was taught that being gay was sinful, criminal, and impossible. She faced exorcism, was pushed into an arranged marriage, and eventually fled - leaving her home and family behind.

But her fight for freedom didn’t end in the UK. Seeking asylum meant proving her sexuality, living in poverty, and hiding once again... this time in plain sight.

Today, Moud is a mother, a leading LGBTQI+ activist, Chair of UK Black Pride, and National Director at Micro Rainbow - helping others build the safe, free life she once only dreamed of.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

•Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

•A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Sir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds have been together for 38 years, but kept their relationship hidden from the world until 2015 - the year they married.

Nick knew he was gay from university and accepted it, but as a Conservative MP, he felt he had to keep his personal life private to protect his career.

For decades, they lived together but kept up appearances - even owning separate properties and spending holidays apart to avoid suspicion.

In this honest and moving conversation with Rich Clarke, they reflect on the long years of secrecy, the toll it took, and the joy and relief of finally sharing their truth with the world.

This is a story of quiet love, public pressure, and finally, freedom.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

•Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

•A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Gail Rose spent decades believing she couldn’t be both gay and Christian.

After becoming a young mum and joining a church that preached same-sex attraction was wrong, Gail kept her true self hidden for years, fearing rejection from her faith and loved ones.

She speaks with Rich Clarke about living a ‘dual life’, the pain of being outed, and the turning point that made her want to keep going. Gail opens up about losing her place in church, the struggle to be accepted by her son, and how she finally found a community where she could belong.

Now 55, she’s happily married to her wife Tina and is an elder in the church that married them.

This is a story of faith, love, and finding peace after years of hiding.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

•Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

•A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org

Richard Martin joins Rich Clarke to share the story of a love that shaped his life.

At university, Richard fell deeply in love with another man. It was a relationship full of hope, but lived in secrecy at a time when being gay was illegal. When his partner returned to America, Richard stayed behind and tried to move on. Years later, they saw each other again, both married to women, and the meeting was painfully strange.

Richard went on to to live a life of marriage, children, and silence. But in his 60s, he finally came out.

This is a story of first love, quiet heartbreak, and finally becoming who you really are.

📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast

💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]

SUPPORT SERVICES

LGBTQ+ Support

Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline

• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.

• Phone: 0800 0119 100

• Website: switchboard.lgbt

Stonewall

• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.

• Website: stonewall.org.uk

Open Table Network

• Phone: 07501753618

• Website: opentable.lgbt

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Samaritans

• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.

• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

• Website: samaritans.org

Mind

• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

• Phone: 0300 123 3393

• Website: mind.org.uk

PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide

• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.

•Phone: 0800 068 41 41

• Website: papyrus-uk.org

Shout

•A free, confidential mental health text support service.

• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)

• Website: giveusashout.org