Genesis 47-50

The good news:  we are finishing Genesis!  The bad news:  it’s every bit as boring as it has been.  So Joseph is pretty much king of Egypt for no reason, and later Evita/Jacob/Israel dies and all of Egypt mourns him!  Right.

Genesis 43-46

Joseph continues a pointless charade;  meanwhile his brother Simeon has been held captive this whole time and no one seems to care; finally, we get a stirring and riveting recap of all of Jacob’s children, just like we all wanted.

Genesis 39-42

If you missed the part where god spelled out his commandments, you aren’t the only one; Joseph continues to prove his dim-wittedness; everyone displays an uncanny ability to tell meaningful dreams from the weird meaningless ones.

Genesis 35-38

Starts off pretty uneventful; more recounting of generations which couldn’t be more pointless or boring.  It picks up later though as Joseph and his colored coat first appear.  Joseph proves to be a real idiot.  Judah proves to be an immoral douche.

Genesis 32-34 When he’s not pointlessly naming things left and right, Jacob is busy getting busy with rent boys.  Just goes to show the many ways in which the bible inspires Republican congressmen.  Then things become much less funny.  Really.  The bible is horrible.

Genesis 28-31

If you see Canaan, tell him that yes we are still mad at him for all that nothing he did; follow your dreams was meant literally back then; Jacob is living a bad porn from the 70’s…. or is it a really great one…

Genesis 25-27

Sarah is dead and Abraham waits nearly 16 minutes to remarry; the venison obsessed Isaac gets himself kicked out of every town from here to Beersheba for just plain being too awesome.  Don’t ask him to tell own sons apart, though.

Genesis 21-24

Abraham is a murderous psychopath; God is a forgetful moron whose hobbies include asking questions he already knows the answer to, and putting people through bizarre tests of faith he already knows the results of.

Genesis 17-20

Genesis gets raunchy… you won’t even believe the kind of crap that happens in this episode.  Warning, the subject matter gets a little gruesome.  Ok you are warned.

Genesis 11-16

The bible takes a turn for the boring, but is revived by some good old fashioned polygamy.  Also, I misspoke and said validify instead of validate….  I’m still feeling embarrassed.