Thomas and the Bible

More adventures of Elijah, and then Ahab who is actually totally cool is obviously hated by the lord of dickery. What an asshole.

So now some boring kings fall into a pattern of coming into power, being corrupt, and being killed. Rinse. Repeat. And then we get introduced to Elijah who has the tiniest potential to be maybe somewhat interesting some day.

So Solomon has passed and now his boring kingdom has been boringly split up. Some boring people are going to argue over it, boringly. And then a weird story about some prophets. And god shows incredibly poor judgment.

Today we learn more about Solomon. He does almost nothing but collect a ton of gold, bang chicks and then dies. Wow, he's like the original gangster. Except that he didn't die as a result of foul play.. Still. Anyway he's the best king so far.

Today we get one chapter of totally boring construction tips, and then a chapter of a prayer. I feel like I had kind of a breakthrough in this one though. Tune in to find out what that was!

Alright so Solomon has become king, and now he has to do a bunch of boring things to set up his kingdom. EXCITING. It's hard to stop doing ironic capitalization. It's always funny. Or at least somewhat funny. Kinda chuckly. I'M NOT STOPPING.

Gavid is passing on, finally. It's time for someone to take over his fabulous reign! Who will it be? It's one of his two sons. KILLER CLIFFHANGER!!!!! You'll have to tune in to find out which one.

We've reached the end of David's reign of terror (I think). In this episode we see the gritty sequel to David and Goliath; 2 David 2 Goliath. It's more action packed and gives you everything the first one lacked.

As one rebellion is squashed, another one rises. That's what happens when you're a terrible king I guess. Guys, check out the live stream. It's lots of fun.

Joab pulls a fast but totally obvious one on David to get him to invite Absalom back, but this proves to be a bad decision when Absalom totally ruins David's life and takes over his kingdom and stuff. Stupid Joab. Idiot.