THRIVE | Orchard Church

Night 3 - HOW WE DATE?

Dating With Wisdom

1. POINT 1 - DATE WITH PURPOSE, NOT JUST EMOTION

a. Our emotions are real, but they are NOT always reliable guides. Dating wisely means learning to slow down, think clearly, pray, and seek God's direction rather than allowing our feeling to make every decision.

b. "Your heart is a great passenger, but a terrible driver."

Principle 1: LET WISDOM LEAD YOUR RELATIONSHIP, NOT JUST YOUR FEELINGS.

c. "Don't let your emotions move faster than your wisdom."

Principle 2: DON'T RUSH WHAT GOD DESIGNED TO DEVELOP OVER TIME.

2. POINT 2 - DATE IN A WAY THAT HONORS CHRIST

a. This is how love must look, even before marriage.

b. The question is: "If Jesus were sitting next to you, would you treat the person you're dating differently?"

i. So then: "Here's the truth: Jesus is sitting with you."

Principle 3: TREAT EACH OTHER WITH HONOR, NOT AS A MEANS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.

c. God cares about how we conduct ourselves while in a relationship. Dating isn't outside our walk with Jesus.

d. Paul's concern is that our relationships would be marked by holiness and honor.

Principle 4: LET YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIP REFLECT CHRIST, NOT CULTURE.

3. THE FOUR PRINCIPLES

1. Let wisdom lead your relationship, not just your feelings. Proverbs 4:23

2. Don't rush what God designed to develop over time. Ecclesiastes 3:1

3. Treat each other with honor, not as a means to get what you want. Romans 12:10

4. Let your dating relationship reflect Christ, not culture. 1 Thessalonians 4:3–4

4. THE "HOW DO I DATE?" CHECKLIST

1. Am I dating because I'm lonely?

a. Or am I genuinely ready to love someone?

2. Am I rushing?

a. Have I given myself enough time to see their character?

3. Am I honoring Christ?

a. Would I be comfortable inviting Jesus into every part of this relationship?

4. Am I treating this person with dignity?

a. Am I serving them or using them?

Small Group Questions

1. What do you think is the difference between dating someone because you genuinely care about them and dating someone because you don't want to be alone?

2. What does it mean to "date with purpose" rather than simply dating because you have feelings for someone?

3. Why can physical attraction sometimes cause us to move faster than wisdom?

4. What does "Don't let your emotions move faster than your wisdom" mean in a dating relationship?

5. Why is it important to allow trusted friends, family, and godly mentors to speak into your relationship?

6. What does it look like to treat the person you're dating as someone who belongs to God?

7. What is the difference between asking, "What can I get from this relationship?" and "How can I honor this person?"

1. What does it mean to say, "Healthy dating is about discerning a future; unhealthy dating is about consuming the present"?

9. Why is selflessness so important in a relationship? What does it look like in real life?

10. Which statement challenges you the most: "Don't awaken what you're not ready to responsibly carry," or "If it's all about you, you're not ready for two"? Why?

Night 2 - WHO WE DATE?

Character Over Chemistry

BIG IDEA: Who you date matters because the person you date doesn't just affect your relationship status…they can influence the person you become.

POINT 1 - DATE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO LOVE

a. Paul is saying, "Because I love and honor Jesus, I will choose to treat you with humility, respect, patience, and love…even when I don't feel like it."

Principle 1: Reverence for Christ means I don't treat people according to what they can do for me…I treat them according to how Jesus calls me to treat them.

b. That's a radically different definition of love than our culture gives us.

i. Culture says: "Find someone who makes you happy."

ii. Jesus says: "Learn how to give yourself away."

Principle 2: Look for someone who knows how to love sacrificially.

POINT 2 - DATE SOMEONE WHO VALUES CHARACTER OVER APPEARANCE

c. Song of Songs doesn't end with: "Wow, she's really pretty."

iii. It moves toward commitment, intimacy, covenant, and marriage.

iv. The attraction is part of the story…It isn't the whole story.

Principle 3: Chemistry may get your attention, but character should earn your trust.

POINT 3 - DATE SOMEONE WHO IS MOVING IN THE SAME DIRECTION

d. Paul recognizes that singleness is a gift.

v. You don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to complete you.

vi. You don't need a relationship to have value.

vii. You don't need somebody else to make your life meaningful.

1. Jesus is enough.

Principle 4: Don't date someone you have to walk away from Jesus to keep.

Small Group Questions

(1) What stood out to you most from tonight's message, and why?

(2) What are some qualities students usually look for in someone they want to date?

(3) Why can chemistry or physical attraction sometimes cause us to overlook someone's character?

(4) What does it mean to "love like Jesus" in a dating relationship or friendship?

(5) How can you tell what someone's character is really like? What should you watch for?

(6) Which matters more in the long run: chemistry or character? Why?

(7) What does the statement "Don't date someone you have to walk away from Jesus to keep" mean to you?

(8) How can a relationship influence the person you are becoming—for better or worse?

(9) If you are praying for someone with qualities like patience, faithfulness, kindness, and strong character, are you becoming that kind of person yourself?

(10) What is one thing you could begin doing now to become the kind of person who is ready to love the way Jesus loves?

WHY WE DATE?

Dating With Purpose

BIG IDEA: Dating isn't about finding someone to complete you—it's about learning to follow Jesus and discerning whether you can build a Christ-centered future with someone.

1. GOD DESIGNED ROMANCE WITH A PURPOSE

Song of Songs 2:7 — "Do not stir up nor awaken love until the appropriate time."

• Attraction is a gift—but it is not a guide.
• Chemistry isn't character.
• Ask: "Would following Jesus with this person be good for both of us?"
• Dating should have a destination.
• Singleness → Marriage
• Ask: "Could we follow Jesus together for the rest of our lives?"

2. GOD CALLS US TO GUARD OUR HEART WHILE WE WAIT

Proverbs 4:23 — "Keep your heart with all diligence…"

• Don't let your feelings make decisions your wisdom hasn't made.
• Feelings are real—but they aren't always right.
• Ask: "Does this relationship make it easier or harder for me to follow Jesus?"
• Waiting is not wasting.
• God may be preparing you before He prepares a relationship.
• Don't rush God's timing.

🚦 REMEMBER THE LIGHTS

🟢 Green: Helps me follow Jesus 🟡 Yellow: Slow down and seek wisdom 🔴 Red: Pulls me away from Jesus or compromises my character

ONE THING TO REMEMBER

"Before you ask God for the right person, ask Him to make you the right person."

Key Scriptures: Genesis 2:18–25 • Song of Songs 2:7 • Proverbs 4:23 • 1 Corinthians 7:7–9 • Ephesians 5:25

(1) Why do you think most people start dating?

(2) What does it mean for dating to have a purpose?

(3) What's the difference between attraction and character?

(4) Why can it be difficult to see someone's character when you're really attracted to them?

(5) What do you think Song of Songs 2:7 means when it says, "Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases"?

(6) What are some practical ways a people can guard their heart?

(7) Why shouldn't we let our feelings make decisions that our wisdom hasn't made?

(8) How can you tell if a relationship is helping you follow Jesus or pulling you away from Him?

(9) Why do you think waiting can be difficult? What does it mean that "waiting is not wasting"?

(10) What does this statement mean to you: "Before you ask God for the right person, ask Him to make you the right person"?