My mom never really talked to me about my eating disorder when it was going on. Why not? What was happening for her? What was she thinking, feeling, wanting to say but not? Things get emotional when we explore my dirty little secret, and her role in it.

What do you do the first time you realize your kid is throwing up? What do you do when she lashes out at you for even bringing up how thin she’s gotten? I interview my father about his experience of my eating disorder, with no holds barred. Some interesting things come to light.

I’m running through valleys on my lunch break because it told me to. It stole my time. I’m isolating in the locker room because no one can know. It stole my friendships. It stole a lot of things from me. But it also offered me something I needed.

Watch this magic trick. I’m going to be so thin, everyone will love me. I’m going to eat so much, I’ll finally fill the black hole inside. The five main eating disorders are rabbits in a hat -- they’re not really about what you think they’re about.

It started off just with desserts. It started off just with swimming laps in the pool. Then people started to notice.

The one I didn’t want anyone to know. The one I fought so hard to protect. The one I thought I was successfully keeping from my partner... until I wasn’t.