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Tip For Resolving Conflict Ep.3
How to Fight Fair: Practical Tips for Resolving Relationship Conflict
In this episode of the Relationstitch podcast, licensed marriage and family therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie shift the focus from why couples fight to how they can resolve conflict effectively. They emphasize that healthy conflict resolution isn't about luck; it requires strategy, maturity, and a willingness to learn new skills.
They outline six key "Rules of Engagement" to help couples navigate disagreements without damaging their relationship:
- Check Yourself: Before starting a difficult conversation, assess your emotional state. Are you actually mad at your partner, or are you just stressed from a bad day at work? It is vital to regulate your emotions and come to the table calm, rather than reactive.
- Pick Your Battles: Not every irritation is worth a fight. Differentiate between meaningful issues and minor preferences (like how the dishwasher is loaded). Constant criticism over small things wears down a relationship.
- Watch Your Mouth: You are 100% responsible for the words you choose. Avoid name-calling and character assassination, which fuel contempt—the number one predictor of divorce. Also, remove the word "divorce" from your vocabulary during arguments; threatening the relationship destroys safety.
- Don't Stack Issues: Stick to one topic at a time. Bringing up past mistakes or laundry lists of grievances ("kitchen sinking") makes resolution impossible.
- Use "I" Statements: Instead of accusing your partner ("You are disrespectful"), focus on your own feelings ("I felt disrespected when..."). This reduces defensiveness and invites empathy.
- Don't Monopolize the Conversation: Conflict resolution is a dialogue, not a monologue. Give your partner space to speak without interrupting, and listen to understand rather than just listening to formulate your rebuttal.
The Takeaway: Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn't have to be destructive. By agreeing to these rules of engagement before a fight starts, couples can turn arguments into opportunities for better understanding and connection.
Watch the full discussion here: https://youtu.be/xt2UFbv6eqE?si=KUUziMfmqxVNjyLi
Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D
For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com
View all episodes
By Clyde Fraley, M.A., LMFT, NCCHow to Fight Fair: Practical Tips for Resolving Relationship Conflict
In this episode of the Relationstitch podcast, licensed marriage and family therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie shift the focus from why couples fight to how they can resolve conflict effectively. They emphasize that healthy conflict resolution isn't about luck; it requires strategy, maturity, and a willingness to learn new skills.
They outline six key "Rules of Engagement" to help couples navigate disagreements without damaging their relationship:
- Check Yourself: Before starting a difficult conversation, assess your emotional state. Are you actually mad at your partner, or are you just stressed from a bad day at work? It is vital to regulate your emotions and come to the table calm, rather than reactive.
- Pick Your Battles: Not every irritation is worth a fight. Differentiate between meaningful issues and minor preferences (like how the dishwasher is loaded). Constant criticism over small things wears down a relationship.
- Watch Your Mouth: You are 100% responsible for the words you choose. Avoid name-calling and character assassination, which fuel contempt—the number one predictor of divorce. Also, remove the word "divorce" from your vocabulary during arguments; threatening the relationship destroys safety.
- Don't Stack Issues: Stick to one topic at a time. Bringing up past mistakes or laundry lists of grievances ("kitchen sinking") makes resolution impossible.
- Use "I" Statements: Instead of accusing your partner ("You are disrespectful"), focus on your own feelings ("I felt disrespected when..."). This reduces defensiveness and invites empathy.
- Don't Monopolize the Conversation: Conflict resolution is a dialogue, not a monologue. Give your partner space to speak without interrupting, and listen to understand rather than just listening to formulate your rebuttal.
The Takeaway: Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn't have to be destructive. By agreeing to these rules of engagement before a fight starts, couples can turn arguments into opportunities for better understanding and connection.
Watch the full discussion here: https://youtu.be/xt2UFbv6eqE?si=KUUziMfmqxVNjyLi
Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D
For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com