this morning we took a psychedelic stumble (shoutout to UK Cheese 🧀) into tiptoes

a movie so catastrophically misjudged, it feels like a prank on both hollywood and the concept of good taste. we unpack the in’s and out’s of dwarves at the chinese buffet (yes, including plate strategy), pitch our new reality TV obsession little women: baltimore, ponder if a dead dwarf would be enough to fill a single vulture’s stomach, and try to wrap our melted brains around the fact that gary oldman plays a dwarf… by walking on his knees. that’s not a joke. that’s the movie.

what follows is a chaotic spiral into stunt casting, Peter Dinklage as a horny French marxist , and a script that feels like it was written immediately following a severe concussion.

buckle up. this one’s got short kings, long silences, and a truly cursed performance that no one asked for.

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